The day we came to from school, Ashton didn't hesitate to push me up against a wall.
"No, that was rude. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he rambled. I simply stood with my back against the wall, very confused.
"It's okay, I guess," I said.
Ashton groaned, and he pulled at his hair. "You have a lot of explaining to do, Lucas Hemmings!"
"I do?"
"Of course you do!" Ashton exclaimed. "How—how dare you leave me hanging like that?"
"Well," I started with a somewhat sarcastic tone, "you did have to patch things up with your boyfriend. Speaking of which, how'd that g—"
"No!" Ashton said, cutting me off. "You are not getting off topic. I believe you said you had a crush on Rylee Jacob?"
"I do. So?"
Ashton's mouth went agape. "So?!" he exclaimed. "So, why didn't you tell me? Oh, Luke, I'm so happy for you!"
"Why are you happy for me?" I asked seriously.
"Can't you see it?" Ashton exclaimed. He laughed to himself. "I know we're teenagers. We're young, not to mention hormonal. But there are studies that you meet your soul mate in between seventh and twelfth grade ninety percent of the time. Don't you see, Luke? This could be the woman you're going to marry and have kids with!" Ashton let out a dreamy sigh. "Love. It's a wonderful feeling."
"About that," I drawled out slowly.
Ashton stopped suddenly. "What is it?"
"I like Rylee a lot. I really do. It's just that I'm not sure if 'love' is the right term to describe my feelings."
Ashton frowned. "Do you want to fall in love, Luke?" he asked softly.
I paused. Ashton looked at me expectantly as I pondered on the question. I was infatuated with Rylee Jacob. I was undeniably attracted to her. But the more I thought about it, the more the infatuation seemed to fade. I am a firm believer of trusting my gut, and I finally have my answer.
As much as I liked her, I was sure that Rylee Jacob wasn't going to be the person I'm going to fall in love with.
I let out a sigh. "I'm not sure if Rylee is the right person to fall in love with," I murmured.
"Hey, it's okay, Luke," Ashton said with a small smile. "Sometimes you get that feeling of doubt. I'm not the one to tell you your future, Luke. Perhaps Rylee is the person you're destined to marry. Perhaps she isn't, and there's someone else. I can't tell you what's going to happen. I like to live in the moment, Luke, and maybe you're not sure if Rylee is the one for you. But maybe she is, and as doubtful as you are, there is still a possibility. You have to go after her."
I nodded. "I'm just confused," I told him. "I've never felt like this about someone before."
Ashton gave me a smile. "You'll figure it out, Luke. As for right now, I suppose I try figuring out if she likes you back!"
It was my turn to smile. "I'd really appreciate that."
✘✘✘
HOW DO YOU ASK OUT GIRLS YOU REALLY LIKE
idk fuck her in the bathroom stall that's what most high school kids are doing these days
BUT THAT'S NOT ASKING HER OUT
YOU'RE STRESSING OUT ABOUT ASKING RYLEE OUT AND THEREFORE STRESSING ME OUT CALM THE FUCK DOWN
I WILL NOT CALM THE FUCK DOWN
CALM
THE
FUCK
DOWN
NO
BUY HER FUCKING ROSES OR SOMETHING
ROSES ARE FUCKING EXPENSIVE I AIN'T BUYING THAT SHIT
THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO
JUST GET HER ALONE AND THEN KISS HER IDK
BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD MY FIRST KISS YET WHAT IF I DO IT WRONG
ha i haven't had my first kiss either forever alone high-five
*forever alone high-five*
BUT SERIOUSLY JUST ASK HER OUT RIGHT NOW
I'M IN PE AND WEARING AN UGLY UNIFORM I CAN'T ASK HER OUT LIKE THIS
DO IT
DO IT NOWWWWWW
*sings "now" by paramore*
I CAN'T ASK HER OUT NOW
DO ITTTTTTTT
I DON'T WANT TO
YOU'LL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
MAYBE I WON'T
I gasped to myself. I didn't mean to send that. I was nervous and anxious and feeling utterly confused. I don't want Calum to get the wrong idea. I don't want to give myself the wrong idea. I like Rylee, and that was final.
Maybe I don't like Rylee as much as I'm convinced I do, I thought to myself.
I shook my head. Shut up, Luke! You like her!
MAYBE YOU WILL
Much to my relief, Calum was still arguing with me.
I STILL DON'T WANT TO ASK HER OUT RIGHT NOW
DO YOU WANT HER TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR NOT, LUCAS?!
I DO!
THEN FUCKING ASK HER OUT, DOUCHEDICK!
I STILL DON'T WANNA
She's going to slip away from you, Luke.
Then maybe she isn't the one.
Do you really like her?
I do.
Do you love her?
I don't know.
I can't give you advice, Luke. You either do it, or you don't.
I let out a sigh, and I put my phone in my sweater pocket. I got up from the asphalt floor, and I started to walk. I knew exactly where I was going. I already saw them there. Ashton, James, Francesca, and Rylee. I was heading straight for them.
"Hey, Luke!" Ashton said. He automatically brought me into the group, and I stood there awkwardly smiling.
No one really seemed to acknowledge my presence, but I made eye contact with Rylee. I gave her a smile. She smiled back.
I didn't ask her out.
✘✘✘
5/5/14
Dear Calum,
We leave next week.
I don't know what I'd do without you call. Ever since I got you back, we've been talking practically every day. How will I ever go a week without contacting you?
I'll miss you too much, Calum.
My parents won't let me take my iPhone. Since it's a camp, I was hoping they'll have the slightest bit of connection so I can use 3G and talk to you, but they won't let me take it. They gave me the bullshit excuse that I'm better off not using my phone. They don't trust me. They KNOW they don't trust me, I know they don't trust me, YET THEY DECIDE TO FUCKING LIE TO ME.
I hate it. I hate them.
This letter went from sad to angry. I'm sorry.
Forever Yours,
Luke
✘✘✘
A week flew by before I knew it. I was waiting in front of the school at 7 am with my suitcase beside me. Liz and Andrew didn't even let me take my fucking iPod. What they didn't know is that I'm really fidgety, and listening to music helped calm me down. My legs were pouncing and my palms were sweaty. I flicked my head every once in a while because I felt like someone was watching me. I felt sick.
Liz helped me by getting my sleeping bag, and Elliot Tate just so happened to walk by.
"Luke, buddy!" Elliot called. I gave him a fake smile, just in front of Liz.
He stopped right next to me, and he flashed Liz a smile. "Hey, Mrs. Hemmings!"
"Hello," Liz said with a smile.
Elliot gasped beside me, and he started to run off. "Michael! Hey, Michael!" he called.
Liz looked at me. "Who is that kid? I've never heard about him."
"You don't need to know about him," I said through clenched teeth.
"He seems nice."
"He really isn't," I muttered.
"You've never mentioned him," Liz continued. "What's his name?"
"You really don't need to know," I told her.
Liz frowned, but she handed me my suitcase. She moved so that she was standing on the curb with me, and she held me tight.
"I'm going to miss you so much," she whispered. I didn't believe her. She'll be happy that I'm gone.
Liz pulled me down so that she could kiss my forehead. She took one last glance at me, and then she got into her car. Liz started the engine and rolled down the window.
"Have a great trip! I love you!"
I gave her a fake smile and waved. Liz rolled up the window and started making her way to work. I watched as her silver van drove further and further away from my school.
I was alone, and I the only thing I felt was the need to throw up.