Trigger Warning: Panic Attack.
***
"What was it you said about loose ends?"
"Your dad's gang is still around," Alex explains, and the sentence sends chills down Geoff's spine. He knows what it means. More chills invade when he realizes that he can't go without Awsten like that again.
"We can do recon if you want us to-" Patty begins, and Geoff immediately nods. He'd felt Awsten tense up at the mention of the gang, and all he wants is for Alex and Patty to find out if they're safe or not.
Alex nods and both he and Patty stand. "We'll go get started on that. It may be nothing to worry about, seeing as the gang stayed dormant after the first round, but we just need to be sure," Alex explains. Geoff nods again.
"See you guys later, we'll be in touch," Patty says as he leads Alex off of the porch. Alex sends back an easygoing wave. This isn't really a hassle for him- he does this type of thing for a living, and so do the other boys.
Awsten, however, does not. As soon as he hears Patty's 'we'll be in touch,' his tummy drops.
He has nothing against these boys, but what if they call Geoff in the middle of the night again? What if Geoff leaves with them again? He won't be able to handle it, especially with his new-found knowledge of what Geoff has been up to.
He can't take it- Patty's goodbye was so open-ended. What if the gang does something this time? They apparently didn't do anything the first time this happened, but Awsten wasn't even aware there was a gang the first time. His knowledge of that mission all those years ago is limited- all he was focused on was Geoff's dad being successfully put away. After hearing that he had been, he didn't pay much attention to anything else.
The boys were only sixteen when that happened, and now here they are, 5 years later, dealing with the same shit again. This time is different, though- Geoff is way more involved.
As soon as the Mustang backs out of the driveway and disappears down the road, Awsten removes his head from Geoff's shoulder. The brunet tries to grab his hand, but he misses.
The purple-haired boy quickly slips through the screen door and quietly climbs up the stairs. He's in his room with the door locked before Geoff even gets through the screen door. Otto looks at him, confused, and Geoff shrugs.
He follows Awsten's path up the stairs with Otto at his heels, and silently approaches the light green door. Otto hangs back at the top of the stairs while Geoff lightly knocks.
No answer.
Geoff looks at Otto with an 'I don't know what to do' face, and Otto mouths, "talk. Ask him what's wrong."
Geoff nods and turns his eyes back to the door. The pale jade paint is getting more ominous by the second. He knocks again before speaking. "Awsie? What's goin' on?"
"Go away!"
Geoff eyes widen at the voice, and Otto drifts closer. Awsten's voice doesn't sound mad like Geoff had expected- it sounds scared. His voice is high pitched and panicked.
Otto recognizes the tone and takes over for a moment. "Aws, come on, open the door. Everything's alright, bud."
"No, it's not!"
Geoff stands by, clueless, as Otto tries the doorknob. Just as they both had already suspected, it's locked.
"What's happening?" Geoff whispers to his curly-haired friend.
"He's gonna have a panic attack if we can't get in there and calm him down. He started gettin' them really bad after..." Otto explains, and Geoff understands. He feels guilt claw at his chest from the inside. The talons scrape and try their best to break through. His sudden absence caused Awsten's anxiety to get worse.
"Why is everything not alright, Awsten?" Otto asks through the door. His voice takes on a softer tone. Geoff can tell this isn't the first time this has happened.
"He's going to leave again!"
His voice is only getting worse. He's on the edge of an attack- Otto can tell.
"No I'm not, sweetheart. I promised, remember?" Geoff says, and the room beyond the green door stays silent for a moment.
Otto is about to go get a bobby pin when an almost unnoticeable click comes from the doorknob. Geoff glances down at it as if it had spoken to him, and he's supposed to reply. Otto nudges him after a moment, and he grasps the knob in answer. He opens the door slowly and Otto backs away, deciding to let Geoff do this.
Geoff enters the dimly lit room and sees Awsten sitting in the middle of the floor. He has his knees hugged to his chest and his forehead resting on them. He seems to be having slight trouble breathing, as he takes small, forced breaths.
Geoff carefully makes his way over to the smaller boy. He sits down beside him, facing him. Awsten doesn't dare to peek up at him, he's too busy trying to remember how to keep his grip.
Geoff doesn't know what to do. Awsten has always had anxiety, but attacks are extremely rare- at least, they used to be. Otto seemed a little too well versed in what he was doing before Awsten unlocked the door. Geoff notices slight vibrations coming from the boy curled up in front of him- he's shaking like a leaf.
"Little star, 'm not leaving you again- Even if problems with the gang arise, I won't. I'm here to stay," Geoff's gentle voice washes over Awsten.
The purple-haired boy tries to stop shaking. He tries to remember how to make his lungs work. He tries to not flinch when Geoff puts a comforting hand on his back. He seems to be failing at everything in the moment, though. Geoff's hand makes him jump slightly, which only makes him spiral more. His breathing starts getting more uncontrolled, and it feels like he's losing all grip on everything.
The room seems to fall away, and Awsten is lost- a floating speck that can't remember how to use it's own lungs in a massive empty space. All he can think about is Geoff. Geoff leaving. Geoff in danger. Geoff being caught by the man that had tormented him years ago. Geoff never coming home.
Geoff still doesn't know what to do. It's obvious that Awsten is getting worse, as his breathing is becoming sporadic. He removes his hand and leans closer to Awsten. It's obvious that his touch made things worse, so he makes sure that his forehead doesn't touch the side of Awsten's head as he starts whispering calmingly.
"I'm not leaving. I'm here now, sunshine. I promise, I won't disappear again. The boys will keep things under control with the gang. I'm right here, Awsie," he continues whispering sweet things into the purple-haired boy's ear until Awsten's breathing starts slowing down.
Maybe Geoff moves, or perhaps it's Awsten, but either way- Geoff's forehead comes to rest on the side of Awsten's head. Awsten, still trying to get his grip on reality back, leans into the touch. Geoff wraps his arms around the smaller boy and feels the aftershocks of his panic attack melt away.
They stay there on the floor for a while. Awsten eventually lifts his head up and leans it on Geoff's shoulder, and the taller boy pulls him closer. The purple-haired boy takes a deep breath, and lazily wraps his arms around Geoff's neck. Geoff reaches one arm under his knees, keeps the other arm around Awsten's back, and lifts him up.
It isn't easy to pick someone up while in a sitting position, but Geoff manages. He sits down on the bed, and Awsten stays in his lap. He looks tired, and Geoff figures his anxiety attack drained a lot of his energy.
Just then, Otto pops his head in. "Is he okay?"
Geoff nods and gazes back down at Awsten, who's eyes have fluttered closed. His eyelashes brush his cheekbones and his nose nudges Geoff's collarbone with every breath the taller boy takes.
He's beautiful.
...