-Next Day-
(Month: May)
*TAEHYUNG'S POV ON*
The sky is filled with grey clouds and it seems like it's going to rain soon. The wind is blowing around making my hair move in different directions. I walk through this place with no living souls, only bodies resting beneath the soil. There are some splashes of colour next to the graves. The roses, tulips, daisies. There is so much diversity to look at. But the ones that caught my attention are the carnations. The ones that are in my hands right now. My mom and dad's favourite flowers, the ones that decorated their wedding party. The ones that express their love and forever bond.
I walk around and notice that some graves don't have flowers illuminating the souls to a colourful world, but then...I think that their families no longer care about them and already forgot them and it makes me sad. It makes me sad to know that some resting souls here, they probably only received flowers after they died. It's so sad but it's the truth. At least, they still receive flowers, imagine those how don't receive any. Wherever they are, they must feel sad and forgotten.
Only the sound of my footsteps, the sound of the birds chirping, the sound of the trees moving because of the wind and the sound of my sobs can be heard in this peaceful place. There it is...My father's tomb...
*H-Hi D-Dad, I-I miss..." Sobs escape my lips. "I-I miss you so much, it hurts." My eyes are hurting because I can't stop crying. "I-I'm so sorry for not spending too much time with you...I'm so sorry for not making you proud of me." oh my god, I miss my dad so much...
"I wish we could have spend more time together, but I understand that it wasn't possible. I know that you worked really hard to support me and mom and I get it that you couldn't do more. You shouldn't have done that to your body. Working for 18 hours is not good. I wish you could have realized it sooner." I place the carnations in front of my dad's grave and then sit down on the ground next to it.
"Dad, I know you wanted me to go to college, but now...it's not possible. I have to stay and help mom with all the debts and expenses. We have to help each other recover." I feel so much pain, my tears keep falling. "Everything is gonna be ok. I know that you will give us strength...wherever you are...you will always stay in my heart and mind wherever I go." I hold my knees close to my chest as my sobs are muffled by it.
"I love you so much and it hurts to know that I no longer will be able to see your face or hug you. I no longer will be able to stay awake till late so I could see you coming home. You don't know that but I stayed awake untill I heard your car parking outside and I peeked through the window to see your face because I knew you would be angry to see me awake so late at night."
"I brought you carnations, dad. I know they are your favourites even though you say flowers are for woman. I know you have a soft heart and that you like cheesy things and that you liked when I gave you those occasional hugs."
"Dad, I will visit you everyday. I will always stay by your side."
"I love you so much."
-One month later-
(Month: June)
High School Graduation Day
"Let's go sweetie. It's already 11 am and we have to be there at 11:10 am." My mom yells at me tapping her fingers on the door frame of our apartment front door.
"I'm ready, I'm ready..." I shout back leaving my room and running to her. We both leave the apartment and start walking to the school. Now that we moved to an apartment, the school is even closer. It's almost a 5 minute walk or less.
We arrive at the school and make our way to the field at the back of the school where the graduation ceremony is being held. As soon as I put my feet in the school's ground, only the sound of people talking loudly and greeting each other is heard and only people running around is seen. I still didn't see my hyungs, so I will keep looking around for them. I feel someone touching my shoulder and when I turn back..
"TAE TAE, here you are!!" Jin hyung yells and hugs me tightly.
"I'm so happy that you actually came." He hugs me even tighter leaving me with difficulty to breathe.
"H-Hyung, let me breathe!" He backs away from the hug and pinches my cheeks smiling widely.
"I only came because me and my mom don't work until 2 pm, you know that..." I roll my eyes and look around. The first thing that I notice is how everyone looks happy and satisfied with their lives. I look at my mom and she is smiling at me and Jin but I know that she is forcing that smile, that deep inside she is hurting and our situation is suffocating both of us. She is sad as well as me, but we can pretend for at least one day to be ok. I smile back at her and she smiles widely and pinches my cheek.
"I know Tae, but I'm so happy that you came. You dreamed about this day since we were little kids and you once told me that we would be together graduating and entering the same colle...The same time to do the speech." I know exactly what he was about to say. Jin scratches his neck and looks around, obviously nervous for what he almost said to me.
"Oh look. Yoongi is there...with a girl?" He frowns his brows and starts walking to him. "Let's go to him." Jin grabs my hand and starts dragging there.
"Mom.." I look back at her with a confused expression on my face.
"Go there. I will talk to my old friend. Let's meet each other later." She said smiling and turning around to find her friend.
"Oh Hello Yoongi, didn't see you here." Jin says throwing his arm around Yoongi's shoulders.
"We were together less than 10 minutes ago. You stupid!" Yoongi yanks his arm away and roll his eyes but when he sees me, he smiles widely and hugs me.
"Tae, you are here. You look pretty." He hugs me for some seconds and then backs away to look at me.
"I just put some clothes on and then the graduation clothes." I say smiling at him and poked his nose. I turned to my left and Jin looks speechless, mouth hanging open and looking at Yoongi and then at me and then at him and then at me for some seconds.
"Hyung, close your mouth. There's a lot of bugs here." He starts waving his hands in the air trying to free himself from the non-existent bugs which makes me laugh at his actions right now.
"How come he is so nice to you and even let's you poke his nose? He is so mean to me and doesn't even let me touch him that he pushes me away immediately." Jin pouts and crosses his arms making him look like a kid that wants a barbie but his parents won't gave him because it's for girls. How stupid is that...toys is for everyone, boy or girl. I wish I had a sister so I could play with her barbies. Seems quite fun.
"I don't know. Try asking him." I start laughing at Jin. He is so cute and funny at the same.
"Like he would answer me... That boy is lazy even to sleep." Yoongi slaps Jin's back and the glares at him.
"Won't you shut up?" Yoongi says. Jin slaps his arm and shows his tongue. "Such a kid you are. And you are the older one. How stupid is that." Yoongi scoffs.
"I'm gonna kill you bastard. I'm you hyung, respect me!" Jin starts talking loud and waving his hands in the air. How extra can this hyung be?
"Ok ok, let's calm down. Everyone is looking at us, so stop now." I say as I separate them and their intense stares.
"Whatever...He is a kid. I don't have time." Yoongi says rolling his eyes and turning around.
"You are so dead, you shithe-." Jin was cut off when the school's President starts talking on the mic.
"Good morning ladies and gentlemen. Today is finally the day all of you have been waiting for. Some want it to end so they can start a new chapter of their lives in college and some want it to end so they can find a job and do what they like. Which way, I want to congratulate all of you for your hard work and for being able to reach this day even though it may not have been easy for some of you. But the fact that you are all here is something to be proud of. I remember when I was in your position and thinking 'I finally made it. I made it even though my life will get harder in college.'. Being the child of a single father and having two siblings has it's troubles, but I was able to get through all of that and look at me now. I'm the President of Daegu's High School and I'm here telling you my story. So I hope those who are struggling and those who might struggle in the future. Always remember that everything may be difficult and may seem like it has no solution, but like almost everything in life. If we work hard and believe in yourselfs. Things will eventually work our way and change to better. So everyone clap your hands for these students and for their hard work. Good job everyone."
"We will call your names, so please pay attention. Thank you." One of the teachers says and the other teacher starts giving away the diplomas.
"Linda Young. Congratulations."
"Han Wang. Congratulations."
"Kim SeokJin. Congratulations." Jin starts dancing and jumping in the stage as soon as he puts his feet there. He waves to people and bows too. E-X-T-R-A
"Min Yoongi. Congratulations." Always with the same blank and serious face. I love that cute hyung.
She keeps calling names randomly. When will my name be called?
"Kim Taehyung. Congratulations." I walk to the stage and she hands me the diploma smiling at me. "Goob job young boy." She pats my back and I feel tears forming in the corners of my eyes. The reason why I'm about to cry? Well...My life this past month hasn't been not even a little bit easy.
We had to get out of the house because all the money we had saved was used for my dad's funeral and for some of his debts. There was no money left. It was even difficult for us to have a proper meal somedays. So two weeks later, we moved to an apartment next to my school. It has only two rooms and it's pretty cheap. It's not new, there is some walls that needs to be painted and fixed. Overall, the apartment is old but since we don't have money and time. We will have to live with it for a while.
My mom still has her two jobs and I started working on Starbucks again, but I found two other jobs. One is on a store of men's underwear on the mall next to where I live, and the other is on a bookstore. Those jobs are part-time and they don't pay too much. Also, making school and my jobs work together has been really hard. I run from job to school, and from school to job. But since I'm not going to college this year, even if my grades aren't that high. I can still do the exams next year, if it happens I can go to college. I still don't know. Right now, the only thing I want is to stabilize my life and get rid of the remaining debts which aren't that much. I will also try to save as much money as I can so who knows, maybe in one year or two I can go to college. It's still a dream for me...
Me and my mom have been visiting my dad's grave everyday even though we are always busy. We always manage to see him. I don't want him to feel like he was abandoned. I don't even want to think about it...I miss him so much.
Ohh and about...Jungkook. He really played with me and my feelings. I have called and messaged him more than a million times and he didn't respond once...NEVER!
I'm disappointed with myself for letting my guard down after all that happened with Sang Cheol. After suffering bullying and all those bad homophobic comments that I heard and still hear in school...How could I be so stupid and blind? To let someone enter in my life and give him my virginity and my first everything. How could he do this to me? How?? Wasn't I enough? I tried my best to be there for him and I never treated him badly. Always with love and kindness... How did this happen?
I bet he is so happy right now when I'm so heartbroken and hopeless...I-I just wanted an explanation from him...Just that. That way I could move on and try to feel better. But right now, it's impossible because I will never see him again and I will never know why he played with me and made me feel like shit...like I'm worthless. No, I'm really worthless...a piece of shit. That's what I am.
I guess that this is what's life about...Losing and learning.
"Kim Taehyung." The teacher called me. She has a confused expression in her face.
"Huh? Is something wrong?" I said not understand what is happening.
"You can leave the stage now. Why are you crying?" She asked concerned.
"Crying?" I touched my eyes and my fingers got wet. "Oh this must be from my allergies, you know." I smiled and rushed away to the stairs.
I guess this is where my life begins now. A new chapter of my life in which I will have to find myself and then pursue my dreams. Wish me good luck...
-Six months later-
(Month: December)
(Taehyung finished High School and only works now)
If there's one thing I learned after I returned from Hawaii is that...that happiness doesn't last forever. Life is not how we want it to be. There's no point in crying, it won't bring back people. Our hearts ache, our minds go wild with dangerous thoughts and our body gets tired and lifeless. Well, I try my best to forget how everything around me crumbles while I stand there holding back my tears thinking 'Just one more day on earth, everything is gonna be ok...someday.'. I don't even believe in myself. I don't love myself. I hate myself for being so stupid and blind, doing things out of mind and then end up...like-
"Taehyung, are you stupid?" Someone yells at me.
"Huh?"
"Are you stupid?"
"Why are you asking me that?" I frown not understanding what is happening.
"Well, I have been calling you for about 5 minutes and no response whatsoever." He said annoyed.
"What?? Are you serious? I'm so sorry!" Oh my God! I have been spacing out all this time? While on work?? I hope he doesn't tell boss this or I'm in danger.
"Of course, I'm serious. You are getting on my nerves. This is not the first time I caught you spacing out while on work. Seems like I need to have a talk with boss." He yells and smirks looking at me. How can he be so mean?
"N-No no! Please don't tell anything. I need this job!" I beg and bow down for him. He can't do that...
"Well, I won't say anything..." He smirks.
"Thank you so much." I bow again smiling.
"I'm not done talking yet." I frown at his words. What else will he say?
"I won't say anything if you do me a favour." He smirks. This is getting weird.
"Which favour?"
"I know you really need this job and that your life hasn't been easy either." He gets closer to me.
"How do you know that?" I frown.
"It doesn't matter. What matters is that you are such a cutie guy that needs love and a job too...so let's make each other feel good." Why is he getting closer to me? What is happening?
"What do you mean? Feel good?" His intentions are definitely not good...
"Ohh so innocent. I will have more fun now." He grabs my arm and caressing it.
"What are you doing? Get off of me!" I'm so scared right now. He holds my arm tight and starts dragging me to the restroom on the store.
"Be quiet! You don't want me to talk to the boss, do you?" He turns around and looks deep with my eyes smirking.
"N-No, please don't..." I look down at my feet as he drags me away.
"What will you do to me?" Somebody save me. I'm trying my best not to cry.
"It's more like what you will do to me." He locks the door of the bathroom after pushing me inside. He turns around and checks me from head to toe. "Get on your knees." He pushes me down violently.
"S-Stop. Don't touch me..." He keeps me down while I struggle to get away from his hold.
"Stay quiet." He slaps me and I stay quiet in shock. Why did I let him drag me here? What is wrong with me? How will I get away from him?
He starts unzipping his pants and he smirks seeing my shocked face. I look away and pray for all the gods to help me now.
"You will be a good boy and take care of my big problem down there." He says pointing at his dick. He takes it from his pants and boxers and puts it almost next to my face.
"W-What? I won't do that!" I try to stand up but he throws me to the ground and punches my face and then kicks me.
"Are you sure?" He pulls me to my knees again and starts pumping his cock right in front of me.
"I'm almost hard just by punching you and seeing your pretty face." He says smirking and doing nasty things in front of me. I have to get out of here. I need to think of a way...
"Almost here cutie. Wait a moment. Daddy will give you attention." He disgusts me deeply. He looks distracted while touching his cock, maybe this is my chance. Maybe I can use the thrash bin and throw it at him.
He closes his eyes while he touches himself. I crawl quietly to the thrash bin and grab it. It's metal so it will hurt. He opens his eyes again. "What the f-" I hit him with the thrash can with all the strength in my body. He collapses on the ground, growling as he rubs his head.
I start running to the door but he grabs my ankle making me fall.
"Ahh.." I hit my head on the ground and I start feeling a little dizzy but I push myself to stand up. Even though I'm dizzy, I walk in a zigzag line to the door and quickly open it.
"You Bastard, come here now!" He shouts at me but as soon as I open the door. I rush outside, grab my bag and start running away from there.
"I'm never going back there. I will find another job." Tears fall from my eyes down to my cheeks. What else could go wrong in my life?
"I hate my life."
[a/n] Hello everyone. I'm so sorry to only update I guess two weeks later, but I have been busy with college and other things. I promise to work hard and update maybe two times a week.
I hope you are all fine and remember LOVE YOURSELF and you are worth it. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I purple you all!! 💜💜
BTS in Time's magazine? I have no words at all 💜💜😦
I'm so proud of them!!