Kinarga ko si Jesper papunta sa kotse ni Chanyeol. Hindi parin siya tumitigil kakaiyak. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko sakanya. Hindi ko alam kung paano sasabihin sakanya... Pinagbuksan ako ni Chanyeol pintuan ng kotse niya. Umupo ako habang nakaupo si Jesper sa lap ko. I gave Chanyeol a look. At alam kong naintidihan naman niya na kailangan namin mag-usap ng anak ko.
Chanyeol gave me a smile bago tumalikod at naglakad palayo ng kotse.
Once he was out of earshot. I faced Jesper.
"Baby, listen to me." he sniffed at pinunasan ang sarili niyang luha.
"Alam mo naman siguro na love ka ng eomma diba?" he nodded. "And of course, love ka din ni Appa.." I said and I glanced at Chanyeol na nakatingin pala sa amin. He gave me a small smile bago umiwas ng tingin. Binalik ko ang atensyon ko kay Jesper.
"Why isn't he here with us?"
I sighed. Should I tell him?
"He's... He's busy honey."
"P-po?"
"Marami kasing ginagawa si Appa mo," ramdam ko na gusto ni Jesper na malaman ang lahat. But he's too young... He's too young to understand kung bakit hindi ko ipinakilala si Chanyeol sakanya... "He's working in a faraway land baby, kasi gusto ka niyang ibili ng maraming toys." I said with a smile. Dito napatingin si Jesper sakin at unti unti nang ngumingiti.
I can't tell him... Not now.. Hindi pa ako ready.. I'm sorry anak.
"Talaga po!? Kelan po siya babalik?" He asked. Excitement is written all over his face.
"Soon.. very soon anak." I said and hugged him.
"Excited na po ako! Sana po sa birthday ko bumalik na siya! Kasama ng maraming toys!" Jesper said. And hindi ko mapigilan na maisip.
Tama ba 'tong ginagawa ko?
I once again told a lie towards my child. I glanced at Chanyeol. He seemed to have a lot of thoughts. I lied, about him to my child. I lied to my child about him. Ayokong nakikitang nasasaktan si Jesper... I didn't know what else to tell him.
Kahit na maraming hindi magandang nangyari between us. In the end siya pa rin ang tatay ni Jesper and I didn't want him to be on Jesper's bad side..
That's the least I can do for Chanyeol as Jesper's father.
After calming Jesper down and managed to divert his attention from the topic ay sinabihan ko siyang mag behave sa back seat. I gave him my cellphone bago ko siya iniwan sa kotse ni Chanyeol. I sighed, bago ako naglakad papunta sa higanteng nilalang.
I saw him standing beside a tree at mukhang malalim ang iniisip nito.
"Hey," I said. I saw him look at me at umayos naman siya ng tayo before clearing his throat. Hindi ko alam pero kinakabahan ako sa mga susunod niyang sasabihin.
"How's Jesper?"
Napakagat ako sa labi ko. I hope na hindi siya magtanong kung ano ma ang pinag usapan namin..
"He's.. okay. I managed to calm him down." Tumango tango naman si Chanyeol. Nakakahiya. Akala ko may ginawa siya sa anak ko. "About earlier... I'm sorry Chanyeol. I'm sorry kasi sinigawan kita kanina. I was just--"
"Save it Baek." he said, humarap siya sakin at ngumiti. "I understand. I was a parent too. I understand what it feels kapag nakikitang umiiyak ang anak mo. Don't worry, it's okay. I completely understand why you acted that way with me." napahawak naman ako sa batok ko.
"Still.. I'm sorry." Nagui-guilty ako. I felt him tapping my head.
"It's fine." Sambit ni Chanyeol. "Do you want to go home?" he asked. Umiling naman ako. Ayoko pa umuwi. I still feel guilty for accusing him for something he didn't do. "Baek?"
"Wag muna tayo umuwi."
"Hm," He stared at me for a minute. BAKIT KA NAKATITIG. "Okay? Where do you want to go kung ayaw mo 'pang umuwi?" He asked. Hands on his pockets. Ngayon ko lang napansin na naka triple suit pala si Chanyeol, excluding the jacket. Saan kaya siya galing?
"How about I treat you to dinner?" nanlaki naman ang mga mata niya sa sinabi ko.
"Me?" sabay turo sa sarili niya. "Ililibre mo ako?" napangiti naman siya. "You don't need to do that, Baek. Besides-" napaatras naman ako bigla nang lumapit siya sakin at inilapit ang mukha niya. Omygosh. "I should be the one treating you. Remember? I asked you for another chance?"
Namula naman ako. NEMEN EH! Tinulak ko siya ng bahagya at natawa naman ito.
"Eh! Ililibre kita sa ayaw at sa guusto mo! Nagui-guilty pa rin ako!" I said bago tumakbo palayo sakanya at papunt sa kotse niya. Narinig ko pa ang tawa niya. Walang hiya! Bakit kasi bigla biglang nilalapit ang mukha!?
-
We ended up eating at Viva Polo. Sinalubong kami nila Jongin. Apparently they were going to have dinner. Kasama ang pamilya Oh. We decided to join them since andito nalang rin kami. Bakit hindi pa kami sumabay? When we arrived at Viva Polo ang pamilya Kim palang ang nandoon. Kyungsoo was there entertaining his kids, si Jongin naman ay may inaasikaso sa kitchen while Kyungsoo's eldest-- Taeoh was already munching on a chicken.
"Tito Baek!" He greeted. Napatawa naman ng malakas si Kyungsoo earning a stare from the customers. Even his twins looked at him.
"Omygod Kyungsoo! Anong tinuturo mo sa anak mo!" angil ko sakanya. Nakakaloka!
Taeoh called me Tito Baek!
TITO!
"What kind of friend are you!" grrr! Ang panget panget ng penguin na toh!
Tawa naman ng tawa si Kyungsoo kahit ang sama sama na ng tingin ko sakanya.
"Baek alam mo, this only proves na matalino ang anak ko." Inirapan ko siya. "Kasi alam niya ang difference ng Tito at Tita. HAHAHAHA" akmang hahampasin ko na siya pero pinigilan ako ni Chanyeol at umiling.
Kalma Baekhyun. Kalma. Bawal ang violence. May mga bata. Inirapan ko nalang si Kyungsoo na hindi pa rin tapos tumawa. Habang si Jesper naman ang umupo sa tapat ni Taeoh. Umupo naman si Chanyeol sa tabi ni Jesper at wala akong nagawa kung hindi umupo sa gitna ni Luhan at Chanyeol. Jusko ang layo ko sa anak ko. Lilipat na sana ako ng upuan ng tawagin ako ni Luhan.
"Baekhyun."
"Bakit?" tanong ko.
"Seth wants to say hi." Ngayon ko lang napansin na nakaupo si Seth sa lap niya. Napangiti naman ako dahil ang cute cute ni Seth, parang si Sehun lang. "Bb, say hi!"
Lalo akong nangiti nung nag-alangan siyang magsalita. Kaya naman inunahan ko na siya.
"Hi Seth!"
"H-hi..." He trailed off, omg!! "Kuya Baekhyun--" nawala naman ang ngiti ko at agad na binatukan si Luhan na tawa ng tawa. Kasabay nito ang muling pagtawa ni Kyungsoo sa tapat ko kaya sinipa ko siya sa ilalim ng lamesa.
"I hate you! Mga panget kayo!" Inis na sabi ko sakanila. I can't believe them! Ilalayo ko si Jesper sakanila!
Mga bad influence!
Doon ko lang napansin na pati si Chanyeol tumatawa. Ugh.
"Pati ba naman ikaw?" Taas kilay 'kong tanong. Nangiti naman siya sakin.
"I'm sorry, haha." He said. "Kuya, Tito, Uncle, kahit ano pa itawag nila sayo Baekhyun- it will never change the fact that you are beautiful." namula naman ako sa sinabi ni Chanyeol. Kaya napaiwas ako ng tingin and I saw Kyungsoo giving me a smirk and I felt Luhan nudging me from the side.
UGH! Binubully nila ako!
"Maganda talaga ang eomma ko!" sigaw ni Jesper at nag apir naman sila ni Chanyeol. I felt Luhan nudge me again. Inirapan ko lang siya.
"Ehep tama na yan!" Jongin said while being followed by the waiters. "Let us eat!" Food was served, I was about to exchange seats with Jongin kasi katabi niya si Jesper when Chanyeol told me to stay at siya na ang bahala kay Jesper. Wala na akong nagawa. Kaya naman nanatili nalang ako sa upuan ko.
Kukuha na sana ako ng fried chicken nang biglang tumayo si Taeoh at hinablot ang isnag plate ng fried chicken, na ikinagulat ko, at pati na rin nila Kyungsoo.
"Jongin yung anak mo! Napakapatay gutom! Ugh!" giit ni Kyungsoo, habang iinaagaw ang mga fried chicken. "Jongin!"
"By! Let him be."
"Anong let him be!? Alam mo kayong dalawang mag-ama nako!" Naiinis na sabi ni Kyungsoo. Natawa nalang ako kasi hindi mabatukan ni Kyungsoo si Jongin dahil nasa kabilang side siya.
"Du, wag mo akong pigilan, kailangan kong lumaki! Sabi ni Papa Jongin tatangkad ako kapag kumain ako ng maraming chicken!" sabi ni Taeo.
"Wag ka maniwala sa maitim mong tatay!" Kyungsoo argued.
"Harsh." natatawang bulong ni Luhan sa tabi ko habang pinapakain si Seth.
"Sehun, si Hanse gusto nung soup, please help him." saad ni Luhan.
"Dudu!"
"Taeoh wag matigas ang ulo,"
"Dudu huhuhu."
"By, ibigay mo na ang fried chicken-- okay okay!" natawa ako dahil ang under parin ni Jongin. HAHAHA.
"Huy ano ba kayo!" sigaw ni Luhan. Magsasalita pa sana siya pero hindi niya naituloy dahil nagulat kami sa biglang ikinilos ni Chanyeol. Nilagyan ni Chanyeol ang plate ko ng pagkain na ikinahinto ng lahat. "Uh-m-"
Napahinto din si Chanyeol at napatingin samin. "Why?"
Napaiwas ng tingin si Luhan. "W-wala, sabi ko kumain na tayo-- SEHUN ANO BA! BAKIT KAYO NAGLALARO NI HANSE DYAN NG PAGKAIN!?" Galit na sambit ni Luhan nang makita niyang pinaglalaruan ni Hanse at Sehun ang tinapay.
Hindi naman ako makapagsalita dahil omygosh, ano 'bang ginagawa mo Chanyeol?
Please stop...
-
"Chanyeol.. paki higa nalang si Jesper doon." I whispered while pointing at his bed and he did what I said. I watched him tuck him to sleep bago ko siya sinenyasan na sumunod sakin. I went to the kitchen at naghanda ng baso. "Dito ka muna, let's have some tea." sabi ko he nodded and sat on the stool by the kitchen island. I poured him some tea at iniabot yun sakanya.
"Thanks." lumapit naman ako at tumabi sakanya. Wala naman sigurong masamang tumabi sakanya diba?
"Chanyeol..." I began. He immediately looked at me. Namula naman ako. "Yung kanina--"
"Shh." he smiled. "I told you Baek. It's okay. Don't worry. Naiintindihan kita." i teared my gaze from him at ihinilamos ang mukha ko sa kamay ko.
"No.. It's just that-- I'm sorry. It was wrong to snap at you Chanyeol. Please let me apologize." sabi ko habang ang mukha ko ay nasa mga kamay ko pa din.
Hindi ko naman sinasadya. I just.. don't want to see my son crying and he's there akala ko..
"Baek." naramdaman 'kong hinila niya ng dahan dahan yung mga kamay ko paalis sa mukha ko kaya wala akong nagawa kung hindi tumingin sakanya. "Okay, I accept your apology." sabi niya sakin habang hawak ang dalawang kamay ko. He smiled warmly.
His warm smile... I missed that.
"I'm sorry." sambit ko while staring right into his own eyes. His left hand went to my cheek, his thumb caressing it lightly and I didn't event nudge it away.
"It's okay, Baek. I'm okay." I smiled, his hand is warm. Naalala ko nung pinapatahan niya ako. His hands and fingers automatically brush away the tears. Those were the times.
Chanyeol's hand was still caressing my cheek while I stared into his eyes. Yung mga mata niya it was sending me warm and loving signals. I can see it in his eyes. Chanyeol was smiling at me warmly, he looked so beautiful. I stared at his eyes his perfect nose and his lips. Those plump pink lips na dati lagi kong kinakagat. I want to do that again.
Omg ang landi naman.
"Baek?" he gave me a questioning look. I don't know what I was thinking before, I only know that a minute before we were only staring at each other, tapos ngayon we're already kissing.
Yes. I kissed him full on the lips. He seemed shock. Dahil bago ko ipikit ang mga mata ko I saw him wide eyed. Nagulat siya sa ginawa ko. Ako din naman. But there was something that triggered me na sinasabing halikan ko siya... So I did.
As I closed my eyes I felt his arm encircled my waist and his other hand on my nape. Pulling me closer. His lips were warm. Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa tea? Pero ang alam ko every bit of Chanyeol is warm. That is what I clearly remember.
Chanyeol pulled me closer as I placed my arms around his neck. We were practically nibbling at each other's lips bago niya kinagat ang lowerlip ko. I gasped and I felt his tongue inside my cavern. His tongue was gracefully locating every bit of me. It felt nice-- hot even. I pulled him closer before breaking the kiss. I kept my eyes closed and my forehead pressed against his as we catch our breaths.
I was about to open my eyes when I felt his against mine again. "Oh, Chanyeol." i said in between our kisses. Chanyeol's lips were nice, I don't mind his lips being with mine everyday.
"Baek," I pulled him closer. I felt him hoist me up on the kitchen counter. His hands roaming around lower back sending me shivers. I ruffled his hair as he licked my lower lip. It felt nice. Chanyeol's lips were the best.
I tilted my head to the other side to let him have a better access. Chanyeol tasted like mint. Dahil ba ito sa tea na iniinom namin kanina? "Chanyeol." the loud smacking of our lips can be heard inside the kitchen. My hands slowly went down onto unbuttoning his dress shirt. His lips not leaving mine.
I hope this would never end.
I felt Chanyeol's hands unbuckle my pants sending all the blood to the south. His lips went from my own onto my neck. Sucking onto lightly. "Uhh, Chan--" I pulled him closer. Naramdaman ko na naman ang malilikot niyang kamay sa lower back ko. Slipping inside my underwear. I moaned. I felt his lips nibbling my ears.
"Baek, I love you." he whispered and that's when I pushed him away. Baekhyun gaga ka! What did you do!?
"Chanyeol, I'm sorry." I said, lips trembling as I went down from the counter to buckle my pants. Shit, Baekhyun what are you even doing!?
Bakit mo hinalikan si Chanyeol. "Baekhyun--" I glared at him. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko. Why did I kiss him when I don't even want him in my life anymore?
Fuck! Byun Baekhyun! What did you just do!?
"Why didn't you stop me, Chanyeol?" naiinis kong sabi. He should've stopped me! He knew! Alam naman niyang makikipag-divorce ako sakanya but why!?
"Why would I?" he said. Nakakunot noo niyang tanong. "Why would I stop the man i love from kissing me?" He's angry. I can feel it.
What the fuck Baekhyun. Why did you do it?
"Kahit na!" I blurted out. He shouldn't have kissed me back... I know being angry at him is unreasonable when in fact that it was me who initiated it. "You should've stopped me!" I said, I earned a chuckle from him.
"If you didn't want me to kiss you back, then why did you kiss me in the first place, Baekhyun?" he asked, eyes red. "Sabihin mo sakin Baekhyun. Why did you kiss me? Tama ba ang iniisip ko?"
I laughed. "What? What are you thinking Chanyeol, na mahal pa rin kita? Na I won't push through with the divorce?"
He crossed his arms and looked at me. "Isn't that the reason why you kissed me?" tinawanan ko siya.
Of course not!
"That's absurd thinking Chanyeol!" Tinitigan ko siya, sana hindi ko nalang ginawa because I can see everything in his eyes.. "I don't want to be with you anymore, ayoko na. That kiss... that was nothing Chanyeol. Wag 'kang mag-isip ng kung anu ano." I said and looked away. Ayokong makita yung expression niya. I don't want to see it. "Chanyeol... Just leave."
"Really?" I did not answer. Tangina Baekhyun it's all your fault! "The kiss... Wala lang yun? It was just you, wanting to satisfy the need of kissing someone?" Bakit kasi ang landi landi mo! I heard him chuckle dryly. "I guess you really don't want to be with me anymore?" I... I..
"Silence means yes right?" I stared at the ground. I don't want to look at his face.
"I should just give up am I right?" I... did not answer. Hindi ako sumagot until he decided to leave. Fuck. Before he closed the door I heard him say something.
"Send me a copy of the divorce papers tomorrow, Baekhyun." Napatingin ako agad sakanya. His back facing me. "I'll do what you want."
"I'll let you go." he said right after he closed the door.