I laid there for what felt like hours. Tears were still escaping my eyes every now and then.
What is the right way to react on something like this? Being rational and thinking about our relation or being alone for a while? Or maybe talking?
I didn't knew and I was quite sure he didn't knew it either. Did it really happened just once or did they kiss multiple times? Did he really pushed her away or was he lying?
He trusted me when I said I pulled my hand away from Stefan. But this was different. This was different because they kissed and we didn't.
My mind was flushed with a lot of thoughts. Thinking about breaking up to working it out, it all came trough my mind. I sat up straight as I tried to gather my thoughts. I got up and walked towards the big window that offered a beautiful view on the garden.
'Megan, can we talk about this?' A faint voice came from the other side of the door. I turned around looking at the door.
'There's nothing to talk about.' I murmured. The door opened and there he stood, still as perfect as always.
'Stop this act.' I rolled my eyes while crossing my arms in front of my chest.
'Ney, there's really nothing to talk about right now. What do you want me to say? Thank you for cheating?' I hissed while another tear escaped the corner of my eye. His gaze never left my face while I walked to our closet.
He eyed every move I made. 'Can you please leave? I want to get changed.' I bit on my lip as I gazed over to him for a second. He turned around. 'Can I sleep with you?' I bit on my lip. 'I think I'll sleep in my old room..' He didn't say anything so I assumed he was okay with that.
When I was changed he turned back around. His eyes were full of guilt.
'Let me explain the whole evening, please.' I swallowed as I sat down on the bed again. 'Ney, I don't know if I want to know..' He sat down next to me. 'I owe you this.' He softly said and he was right.
'Jamie, that's her name.' I bit on my lip while looking down at my hands which were folded in my lap. 'Go on.' I whispered.
'She was clearly showing interest in me and I knew I had to stay out of her way, but I failed. I failed so miserably.' He softly said and I look at him. His eyes were a little teary and I swallowed. I reached out to grab his hand but pulled my hand back. I closed my eyes for a second while he continued.
'We were dancing, it was fun. We had an amazing time, until she came by. She was okay, she wasn't as beautiful as you.' But she was beautiful enough to kiss her.
'She said something and I couldn't hear her so when I leant in, she understood me wrong.
Instead of repeating, she kissed me. I didn't knew how to react but then I pulled away. I was flushed with guilt. I was sure there were pictures of it and that it was a matter of time before they came to notice.' I looked up to see a tear strolling down his cheek. I gently wiped it away.
'I didn't dare to tell you. We were just a couple for a week and.. The thought of losing you makes me afraid, I couldn't handle to lose you.' He murmured while grabbing my hand.
'I trust you. I need you to trust me. You need to tell me when something like this happens. I can't promise that I won't leave you if something like that happens.. You know that.' I whispered. 'But I can try. I know how intimidating people can be and the pictures are just taken on the wrong time, they should've said that you pulled away.' He swallowed. 'So .. Are you sleeping with me here or are you still going to sleep in the other room?' I shrugged. 'I don't know, Ney. It's .. I need some time. I need to think about it, okay?' He nodded. 'Okay.' I pressed a kiss on his cheek and got up after that. I grabbed my pillow and walked to the door.
'Goodnight.' I softly said before closing the door behind me.
I walked in to my room and looked around.
'It's been a while..' I mumbled while letting me fall against the mattress. I smiled while closing my eyes. Memories came to mind as I drifted of to sleep.
I rudely woke up by my phone ringing next to me. 'Hello?' I answered in a groggy voice. 'Megan, how are you?' Rafa's soft voice brought back the memories from a few hours ago. 'I'm fine, we're fine .. I think.' I swallowed as I sat up straight while leaning my back against the wall. 'Ney is really upset, I called him a while ago ..' I softly bit on my lip as I close my eyes. 'Rafa, they kissed .. He pulled away, but they still did.' I whispered. 'I know, Meg. And nothing that he says will change that. Nothing that I say will change the fact that it happened. But you have to understand that she was all over him and-' 'I know, he told me. He told me about it. It's just the fact that he never told me. The fact that I needed to find out from the newspaper and my best friends!' I bit on my lip to silence myself while realizing he was probably asleep in the room next to mine. I got up and paced up and down in the room.
'Rafa, how can I trust him after this?' I swallowed while putting an arm around my stomach.
'I don't know, Megan. I know that he loves you and that you love him. You'll work it out. I'm sure about that.' I sighed while closing the curtains.
'Rafa, I don't know if we can work this out.'
There was a moment of silence between us. 'What?'
'I don't know if I can do this anymore.'
'You're not going to give up, right?'
'You're calling this giving up?' I hissed.
'No, Megan-'
'Stop it, Rafa. God, I don't know what I need to think anymore!' I groaned while hitting the wall.
'You need to stay calm, I think.'
'I am calm.'
'Meg, don't do anything stupid.' I bit on my lip, knowing what she was referred.
'I won't, I won't.' I murmured as I sighed for the umpteenth time that night.
After the call I didn't fall asleep anymore. I couldn't.
I should trust him, but did I after everything? Did I still trust him like I did earlier tonight?
Did I still trust him enough to be with him?
I didn't know.
Should I go or should I stay?
Was it true what I said earlier tonight? I would never leave him, I trust him.
No, it wasn't true anymore, not at the moment
Because after what happened, I knew I needed space.
'You said you'd never leave me.' He whispered while I stuffed another shirt in the bag. 'It's .. temporary.' I softly said. 'Temporary turns into permanently.' I swallowed. 'I can't stay, Ney. I just can't. If I did the same to you, than-' He got closer to me, causing me to backing me up against the wall. 'I already told you.' He whispered. 'Don't leave me.' I shook my head. 'I need to wrap my head around this.' He took a step back. 'You really don't trust me anymore?' I shrugged. 'I don't know.. Kissing, cheating..' I trailed of, not even bothering to finish my sentence. I shrugged once again.
'You should've stayed away from her. You knew, you told me.. And I needed to find out about if from the newspaper, from my best friends, from your sister!' I yelled. I bit on my lip to silence myself as I grabbed my bag. 'I'll call you tomorrow or so.'
'Where are you staying?' I bit on my lip. I hadn't thought about that yet.
'I don't know. I'll let you know.' I jogged down the stairs with my bag resting on my shoulder.
*Do what is right. Not what is easy.*
Leaving isn't easy, but it's the right thing to do now.