**
Over breakfast, another news announcements had aired. Another advertisement declaring your danger. And whilst you knew it was lies, a small part of you remembered all the terrible things you had done, what Kang Sun made you do, and you knew that no matter how far you could run, you would never truly be free. They wouldn't stop hunting you, and your survival put the members in danger.
Your thoughts were beginning to spiral and your eyes cloud over. Suddenly Tae turned the TV off. 'Ignore it Y/N.' You see him smile at you, so sweetly sensing your distress, before leaving to get ready for a meeting they had.
One by one the rest of them leaves you too, watching them go you feel strange.
You knew it was silly, but you wished nothing would change. You loved how everything was right now, having them all around you.
But unfortunately, no matter how great the days were, you were still having trouble at night.
You had begun to worry that you were a burden for them, a danger. You cared too much about the boys now. It isn't only about your own survival. For once your priority isn't your own safety.
What was causing all this paranoia?
...
Your nightmares.
Flashback
The bloody images dance in front of your eyes, again and again, on endless replay through the night. You dream of;
The night your family were murdered, when the faceless men shrouded head to toe in black rip your family away from you over and over again in your sleep, you never see their faces but their maniacal laughter echoes loud and oppressive, reminding you that you were weak, that you couldn't save them, you let it happen, it was your fault.
Kang Sun, his face that haunts you, the eyes that watched you always, how he said you were his daughter. Now his dark, whispered voice sounds through the nightmares, whispering that you are his, his family, his blood, you're evil, just like him, you hurt good people, you blackmailed them, threatened them, you were bad, and you were tainted.
Your worse nightmares re-live the nights where Hyun Shik played his evil games. In the dark he came and found you, your guards looked the other way as he dragged you towards him, smiling gleefully as whispered in your ear, time to play Y/N. Leaving you with burnt soles, red marks, bruises and scratches. These nightmares wake you up sobbing, rubbing your arms and shaking, checking your feet and your legs for the fresh wounds you expect to see, but finding only old scars, faded pink, glowing in the night, a final reminder from him that although it was only a nightmare- You will always carry his mark.
Now your nightmares include Jungkook. Jungkook and Kang Sun and you, helpless as you see the gun pressed to his temple so forcefully that it tears skin, and you can only watch as a single drop of blood drips from Jungkook's skin. You run but in your nightmare, you do not move, you cry and sob and throw yourself forward, towards Jungkook and... You do not move an inch. You can only watch every night as Jungkook's broken eyes stare at you in terror, as the gun sounds, and all you know for sure is that it is your fault, you did this, and you didn't save him.
Those were the worst nightmares.
**
Present
Yoongi had left the meeting early with a headache. Now, approaching the door he absentmindedly rummaged for his keys, mind lost in thoughts.
The comeback was stressful, it seemed lately everything he produced was slightly off- Only just, but it was frustrating to his trained ear.
He needed to talk to someone, and he thought maybe you could help. Lately, he was trying something new, he wanted his music to be raw, pure emotion in the beat, rhythm, lyrics and words. And it was hard, because that emotion had to come from somewhere, and he felt vulnerable laying his soul bare in his tracks.
But, oh he knew, that if he could make it work, it would be something else entirely, indescribable.
All he had to do was take the plunge and open his soul into the music, and if anyone knew about pure emotion and overcoming fear, it was you.
Turning the key in the lock and stepping through the door into the warm inside immediately his senses were alarmed, the air was thick and oppressive, the heating much too warm, the room was stifling and he had only stepped inside a moment ago.
Calling out your name your pained whimper is the only reply.
Faintly worried now Yoongi drops his bag and rushes into a worrying sight.
**
The sharp bang jolted you awake.
For a second you blink, still dazed from another nightmare you suffered through, the fading image of a bleeding Jungkook still haunting your eyes.
Then the light brings you to reality and you realise where you are, and oh thank god it was only a dream, but somehow you can't stop your limbs from shaking.
A worried Yoongi appears in your vision and you begin to calm down.
Out of everyone his calm demeanour and assured presence fit with your personality. At times you find yourself drawn to him. He has a strong aura, but it is completely different from that of any of the men you have ever known. His strength is calming and relaxing.
You're sure he's noticed you almost using him as a comforter. But he has never given you a reason to think he minds. Actually, you're sure he is almost affectionate to you.
Like a brother you never had.
'Y/N are you okay?'
Sighing you answer simply, 'I am now.'
'I know that's not true,' the look he gives you makes you giggle, definitely an older brother, he scolds your downplay of how you're feeling, and you realise you're sweating, only moments ago he must have witnessed your distressed sleep. So you don't insult him with a lie.
'I have always had nightmares, they torture my sleep from when I was young, and have never really gone away...'
'Wait, how did none of us know this?' Yoongi asks.
'Because I learnt quickly how to deal with them- I had to. To not react, lay still and silent, so no one could see my weakness whilst I slept.'
Yoongi looks at you patiently and you feel like you could tell him the world and he wouldn't judge a bit. So you continue.
'But lately they have been different, well the same, but only now... Jungkook is in them. It's him, standing right in the chaos of my life, danger everywhere, always different scenarios where I can't help- I stand useless, and sometimes there's a gun aimed at him and I have to watch- That's the worst.'
Yoongi holds you and you didn't realise you had begun to cry. The tremble in your body back again as sobs rack your chest. Hiccupping and wiping at your face you finish off pathetically, 'I just guess I'm more scared than I realised and I just keep thinking, what if one day one of you guys is in danger, and it is my fault?'
And what will you do when it's all your fault?
'What if they come for me Yoongi, or worse, what if they come for one of you?'
The storm of questions is cut off when Yoongi firmly grabs your shoulders and looks into your wide eyes.
'Y/N you can't keep fixating on 'what if's'. What you're worried about- About us. Stop. We are safe together, and we always have our security. The only fear we have is losing you. Jungkook could never let you go, you know that deep down I know you do.'
You sniff and slowly nod your head, he was right, your nightmare had put you on edge and had amplified your worst fears, but with Yoongi as the voice of reason, you had started to calm down.
'I'm safe here, we're all safe.'
'I promise you,' Yoongi breathes. 'It won't always be like this, Y/N. It will get better.'
'How Yoongi?' You hate to sound pathetic, but today you didn't care.
And then a gummy smile spreads across his face and the look he gives you is entirely crazy.
'I have a plan.'
**
A/N to all you lovelies...
Just some casual photos from the night that destroyed me. I can't believe it happened. And I can't believe now its all over. I wish I could do it all again. It was completely and utterly unreal- I can't even begin to describe. Photos can't capture the pure emotion in the arena, the whole night was intense, unforgettable, perfect and just everything I ever wished for and more.
To everyone else who has been lucky enough to go, I hope you all had amazing experiences like mine, I won't ever feel so intensely happy again any time soon like I did on Tuesday.
And to everyone who didn't go my heart goes out to you. just know your loves. BTS loves all their fans so much please don't forget you are absolutely treasured. Sending all the love out to every single person.
Love yourself. Speak yourself.