I broke off from Hailey and Rowan to find Brandon.
I pulled my phone out.
'I wanna talk I'm by the side of the school'
Sent.
I shoved my phone away and leaned against the building.
I found myself worried about Elisia.
He could be hurting her.
She could already be dead.
I barely know her.
If I remember right, Ash was dating Elisia before I got sent away.
I haven't seen him around since I've been back.
I felt eyes on me and looked around to see some people staring a little longer than normal.
I covered my exposed skin.
I feel so revealed.
Maybe this shirt wasn't a good choice.
"Hey. Woah." Brandon turned a corner and I stood up straight.
He looked me over and finally met my eyes.
A huge goofy grin covered his face.
I nearly smiled back.
I was flattered for a moment and then I remembered what I have to say to him.
"Hey. Listen, last year I was not myself. I didn't even remember kissing you until last night. It was a huge mistake. I don't know if you thought maybe I liked you or that we would be something but we aren't. We can't be. Not now. I'm sorry Brandon but it is what it is."
I blurted it all out.
His eyes were big and he looked lost.
He cleared his throat.
"I thought you might not even remember the kiss, but I do. I know you may see me as an ass with no feelings but-" he paused.
"But I have them. Can I take you to a movie sometime? Now that you're sober I'd like to know the real you?" He asked me out.
Though it was sweet, right now, I can't.
With everything going on it just isn't smart.
"Brandon, I can't." I said quickly.
I could see his stomach drop.
"Why?" He asked in a small voice.
I can't be involved with someone right now.
I'm being stalked.
It's too much.
"I just can't. Now isn't a good time." I said walking past him.
"Wait!" he grabbed my arm and pulled me back to him.
I felt my air leave my lungs as my chest collided with his.
I looked at his hand roughly holding my wrist.
He let me go and I pulled my arm to me.
I didn't expect that.
I stepped back putting room between us.
What if he's the person I really hurt last summer?
I can't even imagine Brandon hurting someone, but what if he did?
"I can't get into it right now Brandon. I just can't. Please just stop."
I walked away.
This time he let me.
🐵👨🏻
I was sitting in math.
I felt eyes on me all day.
That may be my own fault though.
"Hey, Maddie, right?"
I turned to see a boy I don't really recognize.
"Why?" I asked back.
"I was just wondering what drug got you that body?" He asked.
I heard snickering from across the class and looked too see some kids watching.
They clearly put him up to this.
"Excuse me?" I asked.
The guy chuckled and looked at my chest.
"Rehab right? I hear you were a drinker but aren't drinkers usually fat and gross?" He asked biting his lip.
"Fuck off." I spat.
I turned back front.
"Did you hear about Brandon this morning? Apparently he pissed his pants last summer?" I heard a girl gossip.
I listened closer without making it obvious.
"No way! How did I not know that?" Her friend asked her.
"No idea. That freak Rowan called him out this morning in the hall. I was there."
I turned back to face front.
Suddenly my phone went off.
I pulled it out to see a text from Rowan.
'Elisia had a second account. Check it out'
She sent me a link.
I clicked it.
Fireeestarteeer.
I looked at the videos and pictures.
This is insane.
The way her parents died and this?
Is this just a coincidence?
Surely she didn't burn her own house down?
Is this what Monkeyman wanted us to know?
My phone buzzed.
'When the bell rings meet us in the lot'
Rowan.
🐵👨🏻
The bell rang and I shot up.
"Hey listen. About those jokes, my friends dared me. I'm sorry. My name's Henry."
The kid who asked about my drug problem stepped in front of me.
Henry.
"Your friends are assholes." I shot.
He smiled.
"It was just a silly dare. You wanna eat lunch with us? You seem chill." He offered.
Any other day, maybe I would have.
"No. I'm good. Thanks." I said walking past him and out towards the lot.
"Fire starter?" I asked as I approached them.
"There's more. Hailey got a burn teddy bear in her locker. Check this out."
Rowan pulled up a video on Elisia's second channel of her burning a bear.
"That bear I'm guessing?" I asked.
Hailey nodded.
"I think we have to go to where she is in this video." Rowan commented.
I looked at the video to see the building behind her.
"We're going to Brie's. She can find it for us." Rowan added.
"I can't. I have a chem test. I can't miss it." Hailey said.
I could see she felt like shit right after saying it.
"Okay. You two stay here. Let me know if either of you get anything from Monkeyman. I'll go." Rowan said nodding.
"Okay." Hailey and I agreed.
🐵👨🏻
I was sitting in English class.
I'm not sure how Rowan is gonna explain this all to her sister, but we need to know where that place is.
Elisia could be there.
My mind kept wandering back to Brandon.
I even found myself looking over at him during class a few times.
He hasn't caught me yet.
I feel like shit because I know Elisia could be extremely hurt or dead, but I can't get Brandon out of my head.
If Jensen were awake would Brandon even tell me he likes me?
Apparently he's liked me for a while.
From what I remember about last year, which isn't much, he seems to have liked me then too.
He liked drinking, partying me.
If he knew the first thing about the real me, he'd laugh at me.
I mean, I'm damaged goods. I know that.
"Let's read silently for about twenty minutes then talk about the book." Ms.Dawson's voice snapped me back into class.
I saw her handing out a new book for us to read.
Great.
New book means new assignments.
"After we read a little, we can end the class by making our first journal entry." She added.
Right. I forgot.
She told us when we all first got here that we will start making Dailey entries in a journal for a daily grade.
I sighed.
"Hey. Maddie. You look great." Nikki complimented me.
I looked up at her.
She was two rows away from me but didn't seem to mind talking over the other kids.
I nodded not saying anything.
I noticed Brandon listening to the conversation.
I met his eyes and quickly looked back at my desk.
I felt my face heating up.
"There's a party at my house this weekend. Sean said he'll text you the details since I lost your number after you got sent off. You're totally invited. I know I've been a bitch to you lately, but I remember us being close before. Maybe we can be friends again."
Nikki rambled.
I looked at her and narrowed my eyes.
"We weren't close before. I wasn't close with anyone before. Thanks but no thanks. Just because you realize I look better than you thought I did doesn't mean you can make friends with me and we'll be cool. You're an asshole, you've always been an asshole. If it wasn't for Jensen I wouldn't even know you." I spat.
She looked shocked.
"A simple no would work. You may look good but you're still a freak. You were so much more fun when you were loaded." She grumbled and turned away from me.
"Fuck you." I spat.
"Ladies. Read. Silently." Ms. Dawson warned Nikki and I.
I looked down at my book and began reading.
I felt eyes on me still.
I expected to see Nikki glaring at me but when I looked up she was reading.
I looked over to see Brandon with his eyes still on me.
I looked down breaking eye contact first.
I felt my stomach twist.
Why does he confuse me so much?