—I see... —I said as I sat on one of the nearby tables and held my head with my hands.
My Ghost, the one who had been supporting me without asking anything in exchange, had been taken away while I was sleeping, all for my stupid hubris. I should've feel devastated, furious, or even just cry uncontrollably, but I didn't. All I could feel was numbness, and that's what was making me angrier, or at least I should feel that way. I deduced that Lapis' head was filtering my emotions and keeping me in control, something that I both cursed and thanked him for. If I had lost it, I might have impaled "Ghost" as I did to his outer layer so many years ago.
—How did it happen? —I asked.
—It... it wasn't your fault —was the reply of "Ghost".
I didn't wanted to ask for more details, as it was obvious it was still something painful for him. But he had told me enough with those words, Ghost probably felt in the same trap I did. They probably even used my former head to lure him. Rutile made a couple more test on me while I looked deep into a corner of the room, trying to not think too much. Both "Ghost" and Red Beryl had left us, the former to tell everyone that I wasn't sleeping anymore, and the later went to bring me some clothes, as I was still only using my sleeping robe.
To my surprise, when Red Beryl came back he was carrying the last clothes he had made for me, the ones that I used while holding the title of "leader", still in pristine conditions. I thanked him, as it should have been a lot of work to avoid it being damaged after all this time. The red cloth belt was missing, but I didn't mentioned it. I started putting it on, as I had grown accustomed to it even if I only wore it for some months, but I stopped halfway through.
—I don't think I should keep using this —I said.
—Huh? What is wrong? It must still fit you.
—It's not that, but this is what I used when I acted as the leader. It has been a hundred and two years since that...
—Nobody has used it —Rutile said—, and nobody has become our leader. We just... kept doing what you told us.
—Sometimes we even went to visit you and talk to you when we needed advice, even if you were still asleep it was somehow reassuring—Red Beryl admitted, a bit embarrassed.
I couldn't fully understand why they would seek me instead of Sensei. During those months before I lost my head, they keep insisting on sleeping near me, so I guess they became accustomed to rely on me. I think Jade once mentioned I was more approachable and easy to understand. My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of heels clicking against the floor with haste, until they stopped right behind me.
—Is it true that you are Phosphophyllite? —a familiar voice asked.
I turned around and looked at the person in front of me with wide eyes.
—Antarc... —I closed my eyes, smiled, and extended my eyes to my sides— Yes, it is truly me, come!
—With pleasure! —he said, and he punched me on the face, as I was expecting.
The impact threw me on the floor and made me spit some of my alloy, but it didn't even broke Lapis' skin. It also didn't broke Antarc's arm, which was what surprised me the most.
—You... held back a lot... —I said, getting on my feet.
—I have had more than a hundred years to cool my anger, but I still haven't forgotten that you let Sensei get hurt.
—Hahaha... —I badly imitated a laugh—, wait, is Sensei still...
—He is still damaged... —"Ghost" said. Unlike his outer layer, I had felt him coming back into the room.
—I want to see him.
Guided by Antarc and "Ghost", who apparently were a team now, I walked to what had been Sensei's meditation chamber and was now his resting place. He was placed in a platform on the center, and was surrounded by beautiful flowers either on the floor or hanging from the ceiling. "Ghost" told me that they had been making some progress on fixing him, but it was still not enough to revive him.
—It was you who keep all the flowers alive? —I asked, looking at Antarc.
—Of course, I want Sensei to have a nice view once he awakens.
—I'm sure we will be glad to see how much effort you did for his sake. I'm also a bit jealous you didn't put any flower on my room.
After spending a moment there holding Sensei's hand, I told them I was ready to meet the others. They had to point I was still not fully prepared, as my clothes were still all disheveled and loose. By the time I made myself presentable and went to the common hall, almost everyone was already there, looking at me with expectant eyes.
—It has been a long time since the last time I saw you all, and I can only blame myself for that —I said with a fake smile—, but let's forget about that and work together from now! With a new face, your beloved Phosphophyllite had returned, I hope you can accept me as your leader once more.
—You got to be kidding me —Bort growled. I was glad he was still here.
—Amazing! —Yellow and Dia exclaimed, the latter almost jumping over me.
I took a look at the crowd, and counted heads, just to be sure nobody else had been taken. Aside from the seven already mentioned, Benito, Eucci, Nepuchi, Zircon, Obsidian, Eighty Four, Thirty Three, Alexi, Sphene, Hemi and Melon were there. Goshe and Morga were there as well, but they looked somewhat different. Lastly, Jade was sitting on a wheelchair, but much more elaborated than the one we made for her a hundred and two years ago. Discounting Padpad, who probably was still sleeping in the infirmary, that was all of us. That was... all of us, right?
Plenty of my brothers came closer to me and started asking questions about my status, and I tried to answer them to my best capacity.
—You really look like Lapis, but it is still you, right? —Yellow asked.
—Of course it is me, who else would be this beautiful?
I saw "Ghost" mopping on a bench, saying that the precious images of the Lapis Lazuli he respected were vanishing before his eyes.
—Hmmm, are you having second thoughts about lending me Lapis' head?
—That was mostly my outer layer choice, but I didn't disagree with his reasoning. To be honest, I was half expecting Lapis to take over your body, but there is nothing we can do now.
I tried to smile reassuringly and held his hands.
—Listen, I might never live up to what Lapis was, but I'll do my best to be a worthy substitute.
—Do whatever you want... —he said pouting and looking away. Even if he wasn't my Ghost, he could still be cute as him sometimes.
I feel a shiver run through my back, a powerful presence I didn't recognize was approaching us. It was moving slowly, but it was already in the building, entering the room we were to be precise. I made a blade out of my alloy and jumped instinctively against it, stopping only when I saw the careless and tired face of the person in front of me. The smell of the coffee she was holding also brought memories that weren't mine.
—My my, so all this ruckus was because of you, Phos? It has been such a long time.
—Oh, I forgot to tell the witch about it —"Ghost" said with a deadpan tone and a sarcastic smile on his face.
—I'm not a witch, you pebble!!
—C-Caster? —I said, as memories started to flow back to me.
I held my head with my hands again. Without this person we had never survived the impact of the meteorite. She was our best option to end the Holy Grail War ritual and also to put a stop to the conflict between us and the Lunarians, as well as the one who was more equipped to fix Sensei. I started to feel guilty for having forgotten about her, but once again, my emotions were dulled. Then I started wondering who else I could be forgetting about. I had, after all, lost all of the memories I had on my head. Gears started spinning and grinding against each other inside of my mind, and I saw in a flash the figure of an archer dressed in red and black.
—Where is Shirou? —I turned to see everyone looking away from me, not wanting to tell me.
I started imagining everything that could have happened to him, it must have been something even worse than what happened to Ghost for them no not tell me. When Lancer and Rider were defeated, their bodies disappeared immediately, which was more likely what would happen to him and Caster if they were defeated. Was he...
Caster grabbed me from the shoulders and forced me to face her.
—He is not here, but he is fine —she told me, and I was able to breathe a little better. My hands were still shaking.
—W-where is he?
—He left us, 3 years after you went to sleep, going to look for his Admirabilis' friend.
—Livy... but that was 99 years ago, how do you know he is fine!
She took another sip of her coffee and told me to follow her. She guided me to the same hole in the ground where we hid from the meteorite, but now it looked just as another room of the school, with marble stairs, floor, and walls. The room had a lot of shelves with all sorts of weird things, mostly containers with liquids and mechanism that were only half built. There were several iterations of the glowing orbs, each with an unique design. To my surprise, and frustration, there was one more person there that I had forgotten, holding Shiro the dog in between his arms.
—Ah, good morning, Phosphophyllite —He said with a warm smile.
—...Ci-cinnabar?
She nodded, and got up to put a chair for me in front of the table she had been. In front of him were a lot of pages with text and weird symbols I didn't recognize entirely. The ones that looked somewhat familiar seemed to be related to alchemy, though. He kept working, almost not paying attention to me, while I looked at him dumbfounded. I was also shocked to see Shiro being so attached to someone else, and it was almost as if he didn't recognized me at first. Cinnabar noticed my interest and handed me the puppy, who struggled and tried to jump away until it seemed to recognize my smell or something. Then it returned to his old tactics of trying to lick my face. While we were doing that, Caster poured a cup of coffee for me from a very complicated looking mechanism, way too much engineering had gone into design it when it was basically just pouring hot water over grounded coffee beans. She also placed powdered cream and sugar on the table.
—Where did you even got the ingredients to do this?
—We found some plants that were relatives of the coffee and sugar canes, though they had changed a lot since humans went extinct. I had to do some genetic manipulation to get anything resembling what I needed. Making the cream was more complicated, as there really isn't any mammals on this island or anywhere near. I had to use the hydrogenated fat of a couple of vegetables and add some corn syrup. I'm not too convinced of the consistency, but it is good enough, I think.
I only understood the general idea, so I nodded politely before taking a sip of the dark liquid. It was definitely different from the memories I had inherited from Shirou, way too sweet but at the time a bit too much strong. It wasn't too bad, though, but it made me squirm a bit.
—So I take you recovered your magic?
—Not entirely yet, but I remembered some of it, and more importantly, I remembered the true name of my Noble Phantasm!
—The true name? Is that really important?
—Of course, for us our noble phantasm is our anchor to this world, and its name is the key to our true self. I'm the goddess of knowledge and progress, my noble phantasm's name is the proof of that. Growing some vegetables and doing a bit of genetic modification is nothing for me —she haughtily declared.
—And where are you growing all of that? The last time I peeked out, the island was covered in snow.
—Oh, we built a greenhouse, it is lovely. I'll take you to see it another day. However, we can leave that for another moment, I brought you to see this.
She placed a tiny candle on the table. The flame was burning, but the whole candle was inside of a glass bottle, with no entry for air.
—This flame will burn as long as Shero is alive, and its flame will point towards him and burn brighter the closer it is from him, so we could even use it to locate him. I made it with a tiny piece of him I asked him to leave behind. He said he would be back in a couple of months, but I already expected him to be late. He had spent a whole year trying to learn how to stop needing to breathe, even spending days under the water of the pool, but he always ended up "drowning". He finally decided to go walking over the frozen ocean instead, but I suspected that he will break the ice and fall into the ocean anyways, and he would be dragged by the currents. I... I had meant to go look for him, I really did, but I had been too busy, I couldn't just leave your people alone without any protection.
Her eyes started watering, which I found a bit peculiar. Unlike me due to my fluid alloy, everyone else shouldn't be able to produce tears. Nonetheless, I understood how she was feeling, and again felt a dimmed guilty about how my idiocy had affected her and Shirou. I wanted to calm her, but Cinnabar beat me to it, holding Caster hand. I jumped out of my chair and gasped, but I realized that Caster was more surprised by my outburst than by being touched by Cinnabar. I cooled my head and looked intently, noticing just then that the Mercury blobs that used to surround Cinnabar at all times were just gone. They must have noticed my expression, because after exchanging confused looks for a moment, they told me what had happened.
—It has been such a long time that I have almost forgotten about it —Cinnabar said with a smile—, Caster found a way to seal my mercury inside me, so now I can release it only when I want it. And even if I cover someone on accident, Caster is able to clean their shards entirely!
She sounded very happy.
—T-That's great —I said with a smile.
I was happy for her, but I couldn't avoid feeling like I was being left out. I had been the one who had tried to help Cinnabar from the start, after all. Then I started feeling guilty, as I had not done anything realistic to help her. It wasn't within my abilities to help her either, those words were not more than an egoistic wish to be the one Cinnabar would rely on. I could only thank Caster from the bottom of my heart for helping Cinnabar smile, so I did exactly that.
—It's the least I can do, after all I had become the guardian deity of all of you, haven't I? —she said with a bit of an ego boost, taking a sip of her coffee—, but this deity is a bit overworked, so I'm glad you came back.
—I'll do my best to take some weight out of your shoulders —I said—, but I'll have to ask you to give me some time before that...
—Huh? Are you planning on going back to sleep?
—No, it's not that —I said, looking at the candle in front of us—, I'll go for Shirou.
Caster looked me with wide eyes.
—No, no, that's too crazy. If you go under the frozen ocean you'll end up freezing, and if you try to walk over it, you will be blown apart by the winds without anything to cover yourself. I'll work on something, just give me some time.
—Ah, it's alright, I don't want to put more work over your shoulders... —I said, trying to diffuse the conversation—. That was just an impulsive idea, forget about it.
We talked about some other things, and she put me up to date with what had happened in those one hundred and two years I had been missing. The climate has been that of winter since the impact of the meteorite, with some years being warmer than others. The Lunarians had appeared less frequently than before, but more often than what we would expected on winter. The Goshe and Morga I had seen were not the same ones I knew, those had been stolen by the Lunarians. Finally she was about to tell me something about the assistants I assigned to her, when I started yawning. It wasn't because I was bored, the coffee was just losing its effect on me, but that prompted Caster to look over her shoulder to a clock on the wall.
—Oh dear, it is really that late? Cinna, why didn't you told me?
—Tell you about what? —Cinnabar said without looking away from his notes.
—Never mind, I forget you are a night owl... —Caster apologized but told me she had to get a few hours of sleep to remain somewhat sane. She told me she will be working on some way to get Shirou back, and that I was welcome to come to her room anytime—, the coffee machine is always on.
So I returned to my room, feeling the effect of the coffee losing its power more and more. I barely managed to get into my bed due to how tired I suddenly felt. After I closed my eyes, I found myself inside of my old head, and under the ocean. I was unable to move as my head was detached from the rest of me, until a figure came and lifted me, taking me back to the shore where the rest of my original body was. Once my head was in its place, I took a look at the person who had helped me.
She was small like a child made of a golden substance, with a face that looked somehow familiar.
—Hello, who are you? —I asked, but the girl didn't seem to understand me.
I looked around, trying to make sense of my current situation. I was on an island that looked like our island, but a lot smaller, and most of it was ankle deep under water. On the distance, emerging from the deep water I could see a pair of spike like those we had taken the Agate from to make my legs. On the other direction, there was a replica of our school, partially sunken and very damaged. And on the sky there were dark clouds with giant gears emerging from it. The girl made of gold extended her hand to me, and I held it and followed her, as she started to guide me towards our home.