It's back. ;D Okay, so first off, sorry, this hasn't been edited very well. I was really excited to upload. And Secondly, I'm sorry that it's so long but not much happens. Just, enjoy and comment? :D
"It's okay, it's okay, it's okay," I whispered to myself trying not to think of the drop from here to the floor.
I was begging for Dale to stop the RV to allow us to get off of the roof, being this high up while the RV is stationary is a different matter to when it's moving at least seventy miles per hour. Even when it's stopped it's too high for me to feel comfortable.
"Are you okay there, Emilia?" Tyreese asked, his voice carrying an underlying tone of anger; though I know it's not directed at me. He'd just had to break his daughter and her boyfriend apart before they did something really stupid, especially in the situation we were in.
"Will be so much better when we can get down." I replied.
With only the roof rack to hold onto I felt completely unsafe. Back at the estate I had complete faith that I had a chance of surviving up until I went upstairs to get Julie and Chris; now though I felt completely certain I was going to die a horrible death by flying off the edge of the RV roof but it was probably just my imagination playing up.
"We need to get far enough away from those walkers that there is little chance of them catching up to us, if we stop now they just might be able to do that." Rick said.
"I know." I mumble, closing my eyes.
Slowly the RV draws to a halt and I spring to my feet and shoot down the ladder. When my feet touch the floor I breathe a sigh of relief.
"Don't like heights then?" Rick chuckles.
"Whatever gave you that impression?" I reply.
Slowly everyone filed out of their respective vehicles to stretch their legs before continuing on. Someone grabbed my wrist and pulled me off to the side, presumably to where we couldn't be seen. I was spun around and a kiss planted firmly on my lips.
"Don't do that to me again." The redneck mumbled into the kiss.
"Oh, Mr. Dixon, I didn't know you cared," I smiled and he looked at me with a stern expression. His face showed the extent to which he was thinking about all that had happened over the past few weeks.
"I thought you were dead," He said barely above a whisper, scared for me to hear.
"How do you think I felt when I returned to the house to find everyone gone? Then when I found the group only to find you'd gone on a rampage?" I said back, with a little more spite than was intentional. He looked at the floor and chewed furiously at the skin on his thumb. Running my hands through my hair I spoke again. "I'm sorry; I was worried sick about you. I-" I paused, "I needed to clear my head."
He looked at me with understanding as he cupped my cheek in his hand and kissed me tenderly on the lips once more. "I couldn't live if you died." He said awkwardly before kissing me again, this time harder, our tongues entwining. He gently rested his forehead against mine and then turned and strolled back to camp, without waiting for me to catch up.
I stayed where I was. He'd just admitted that he cares about me. I stared after him, though he was long out of sight. Guilt clenched my gut; I only ever thought about Jack, he was my husband, after all. But I knew this was what he wanted, for me to move on, he'd told me that. So why was I finding it so hard to forget about him? To forget about everyone in my old life and just live for the future?
I sighed and sub-consciously put my hand up to my neck. I'd forgotten all about the necklace that hung around it, the little reminder of how this all began. I traced the primrose with my thumb and slowly unclasped the necklace. Holding it with one hand I squatted down and with the other dug a small hole in the dirt. I gently placed the necklace in it before covering it with dirt.
That was the last memory of my family; that was a family item belonging to the three members of my family that were there for me most. I couldn't do it, I couldn't bury them twice.
Quickly, I un-dug all of the dirt until I felt the chain tangle around my fingers. I dusted off the dirt from it and slowly put it back around my neck. I couldn't leave it here. Rising shakily to my feet I ran my hands over my face, covering my eyes. They're dead, Emilia, dead and gone. A voice in the back of my mind said. And I knew it all too well. Maybe I'd have a better chance of accepting it if Jack didn't make surprise appearances, but I need them. I need him.
I turn and follow in the footsteps Daryl walked only moments ago.
"Emilia, are you okay?" Lori asked, worry lined her face. She outstretched her arms and pulled me in for a hug, cupping the back of my head in her hand.
"I'm fine, I'm fine." I mumbled into her shoulder, she was a tall woman, and I could, in no way, match up to her height.
She held me at arm's length and examined me for any injuries. "When you went upstairs, I thought you were gone. I thought none of you would make it out alive." She said, tears brimming her eyes as she pulled me in for another hug. I wrapped my arms tentatively around her. "I was worried sick about you."
"Me, why?" I said before I could stop myself, showing all the insecurities I'd felt over the past few days.
"You're like the daughter I'd never had, I care about you." She said, smiling, "Now come and get some food. You haven't eaten much in days." She said truthfully. I hadn't even eaten breakfast that morning, heck, I don't remember the last time I ate anything.
Following behind Lori, I sat inside the RV next to Sophia and Carl who were playing Go fish with a pack of old cards. Billy and Ben were in the back being cared for by Carol. I don't know whether they had been told about their parent's deaths yet, but either way, they were orphans now and needed caring for. Carol seemed to me the best person for the job, but I knew that all of the members of camp would look out for them, myself included, because we were a family.
"Here, eat these. Then Tyreese wants to talk to you, but I told him to wait." Lori smiled, sitting next to her son across the table.
"Why does he want to talk to me?" I asked as I took the can of fruit and the fork from her.
"I don't know, something about what happened when you were looking for Daryl." She said, shrugging one of her skinny shoulders.
"Oh." Was all I could manage. I had no idea which aspect of the trip would be brought up, but a part of me said I didn't want to find out.
I put the first piece of the fruit into my mouth and the taste exploded on my tongue. It was sweet, maybe a little too sweet, but it tasted good.
Once I'd finished my stomach gurgled in satisfaction and I sighed. It felt good to finally have something in my stomach.
"You look better already." Lori smiled as Tyreese entered the RV.
"Rick said we're leaving in the morning, it's going to be dark soon." He said standing at the end of the table. He turned his head towards the bad at the other end of the RV and smiled at Carol. "Hey,"
"Hey," she replied with a small smile.
"Emilia, can I have a word?" He asked, turning his attention to me.
I nodded and followed him out of the RV. He led me to a fallen tree at the side of the road out of earshot from camp. Sitting down he gestured for me to do the same.
"Are you okay?" He asked unexpectedly.
"Yeah," I smiled, "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Well, you killed someone." He said.
"So did you," I replied.
"That's not the point, it's not the same."
"Why? Why is me killing someone and you killing someone not the same? It's still killing someone, it doesn't matter who does it."
"You haven't killed before!" He spat angrily, though it was more at himself than me.
"How do you know that?" I almost yelled back.
"You're not the type to have killed someone," He said softly, calming himself down, "You're too...sweet." He chose his words carefully.
I take a moment, trying to think of what to say before asking "Who did you kill, Tyreese?"
He looked up at me, and then at the sky, avoiding my gaze. "No one, it doesn't matter."
"Who did you kill?"
He looked at me once more, before looking at the ground. "There was this old man, used to sit outside the grocery store every day and said hello to anyone and everyone. Was the sweetest guy. When Julie, Chris and I ran out of food for the first time, we took a trek to the store. See if there was anything left, you know?" I nodded and gave him a sympathetic look as he continued, "There wasn't any sign of life, we figured it was safe so split up. It wasn't. The old man was holed up in there and if I'd been only two minutes later to get to Julie, he'd have raped her."
"I'm so sorry, that must have been awful!" I gasp, "You can't beat yourself up about it though, that man had changed, this world got to him. That isn't your fault."
"I'm not angry because I did it, I'm angry because I don't feel bad about doing it." He said, "Same with those men the other day, I don't feel bad about killing them either, they hurt Daryl and you, they were bad men."
"Exactly! That's just the way life is now, survival."
He smirked, "I guess Rick's rule of we don't kill the living has gone out of the window."
I laughed a little, "When the time comes, Rick too will realise his mistake in that rule."
Tyreese sighed, "I guess we best head back to camp."
"Probably."
"Okay, tonight the watches will be two hours long and in groups of two at a time. First will be Shane and T-dog, next will be Daryl and Glenn, third will be Andrea and Emilia and lastly will be Tyreese and I until morning." Rick says, "The rest of you get some sleep. We need to move early in the morning, find somewhere safe."
Without another word most people went to their respective tents. All except Shane, Rick and Dale. They appeared to be having some kind of heated discussion, and I knew it wasn't my place to join, but I wouldn't be getting much sleep either.
"Where do you expect to find this shelter you keep promising, Rick?" Shane said.
"You can't keep telling these people about shelter, about safety, if even you don't believe we'll find it." Dale added.
"I know, but hope is all we've got to live by right now, I can't take that away from them. These people have lost too much to lose hope also."
"The town," I said causing everyone to look round at me. "The town near the house was clear of walkers. They'd cleaned it out as and when people got sick, maybe there's somewhere like that, somewhere we can call our own."
"That's not a bad idea, but it could take too long. We need something as soon as, it's not safe to stay out in the open like this." Dale said, looking from me to Rick.
"We'll get on the road tomorrow, search for something, until then you need rest, Emilia." Rick said, pointing at me, "You're on watch in a few hours, get some sleep. And Shane, you need to get on watch."
"I won't get any sleep if I tried, besides, Becky and Daryl have claimed the pickup. All the other beds are full, I'll just stay up, get some sleep when we travel." I reply, sitting by the campfire which is mere embers so not to attract any unwanted attention.
I felt the log I was perched on shift slightly as a new weight was added to it. I looked to my left and saw Dale had sat down beside me. "Hey," I mumbled.
"Hello." He replied. Turning my attention back to the fire, I watched the colours change from deep red to bright yellow. "I wanted to talk to you, Emilia."
"Oh, yeah?" I said, raising my eyebrow.
"When you arrived, you were quickly viewed as a leader, then Shane arrived, and you lost that role to him, and he in turn lost that role to Rick."
"Yeah," I nodded, not sure where he was going with this.
"Both Shane and you appear to be struggling to find your place in this group, but are both desperate for a top spot, at the least." I looked at him. Some of what he was saying was right, I do want a place in this camp, but I don't want a top spot. That would require too much responsibility and people would expect me to know what's going on when most of the time I have no idea. "I wanted to say that you had your chance as leader, and failed, give Rick his time."
"Excuse me?" I said, shocked slightly that this is where the conversation ended up.
"If this group wanted you to remain as leader, they wouldn't have ever looked to Shane to make the decisions."
"Okay, Dale, I don't want to fall out. I'm trying as hard as I can to make friends in this group, and you coming out with things like this isn't helping."
"I don't want an argument. That is not my intention; I just needed to ask you to stop pushing to be top dog."
"That's where you're making a mistake. I have never wanted to be 'top dog'. When I arrived, if I didn't make the decisions, nobody would have. Most of the time you were all stood round like you didn't even know what had just happened. I stepped up to ensure my own safety as well as everyone else's. If you thought I wasn't doing a good job, you were more than welcome to take over, Dale. Right now, I have more than enough going through my mind without needing everyone else's problems too, I don't know how Rick manages, but he's more than welcome to the job."
"I didn't mean to offend you, it's not my place to do that, it's my concern that all of this fighting for the top is damaging our group. You were a good leader, for temporary situations, Rick is a more permanent leader." Dale said standing up.
"I guess you'll have this conversation with Shane?" I reply snippily.
"Perhaps, when the time is right." And with that he was gone.
I sighed and decided to think nothing more of what he'd said, he was wrong, after all.
"You're turn on watch," Daryl said.
"Okay, now going." I mumbled. Now that I had o be awake, I was feeling more sleepy than usual.
"Are you okay?" He asked, concern clearly showing on his face.
"Fine," I said, jumping up to a standing position and smiling widely to prove that I'm fine. "See you in the morning."
I picked up my pistol and walked past Daryl to climb to the roof of the RV. Andrea wasn't up here yet, so I just sat in the deck chair and began looking out. A set of binoculars were placed in the middle of the two chairs and there was also I rifle up here, just in case the pistols aren't enough.
"Hey," Andrea said softly, so not to scare me.
"Hi," I greeted back.
"Anything out there?"
"Not that I can see, you can take a look if you want." I replied, holding out the binoculars for her to take.
"I think you're right, looks like a quiet night."
"Doesn't mean we can relax though," I sigh.
"Too right it doesn't." She said and our conversation died out. "Okay, so, do you want to play truth?" Andrea said, breaking the silence.
"Huh?"
"Truth, you know? Like, truth or dare, but we're on watch, so I figured truth would be best." She said. I could hear the smile in her voice, though it was too dark to be able to see it.
"You mean just asking questions? Sure," I responded.
"Okay, so, how far have you been with a guy?"
"I had kids, Andrea," I chuckled.
"Oh right, I'm sorry, didn't mean to bring it up."
"It's fine, okay, so is it my turn?" I ask, still unsure of the game.
"Wait, we both need to answer the questions first then you can ask." She said, the excitement returning to her words, "Well, I'm not a virgin." She said simply.
"Did you do anything you regret, before all of this?"
"Yeah, I didn't spend enough time with Amy." Andrea took a breath in before continuing. "Her birthday was always like, a week long affair, and each time she'd phone all excited like, and I'd promise I'd come see her for her birthday, but I never did. It never went beyond that phone call." She wiped her eyes before looking at me, "How about you?"
"Yeah, a few things," My gaze grew distant as I remembered the period of time between Jack's death and now, all of the things I've done and come to regret. "I led Dylan on, I regret that." I said simply, and she accepted it, not asking anything else of me.
"Erm, I don't know." She paused, "Okay, who do you have a crush on, out of all the guys here?"
"Haha, well, erm, I guess I kind of have feelings for-"
"Don't tell me!" She cut me off, "Dixon."
"How did you know?" I gasped, "Is it obvious?"
"Well, yeah, pretty obvious in fact."
"Do you think he knows?" I whispered.
"Nah, he's too dense, he wouldn't know you loved him unless you'd said it to him at least ten times." She said sitting back in her seat as if this was all a game.
"Oh." I said, "Okay, your turn to answer."
"I guess Tyreese is nice, though it's clear he has a thing for Carol." I'd noticed that too, I'm glad I'm not the only one. "Erm, if I had to say someone I'd say Shane."
"What? Why?" I blurted, a little too quickly.
"Well, he's never done anything wrong by me, and he's strong enough to have my back when I need it. I guess I kind of consider him my friend." I nod, trying to see this side of Shane. Sure, he's okay but I never would consider him like that. Especially after all he's done.
"Okay, so I'll ask now." I said, "Err, okay, who do you feel you have the biggest connection with?"
"Like, friend wise?" I nod, "Hm, probably you. You understand what I went through with Amy, and though you never specifically said it, I always felt you were there for me. And, I mean, I haven't argued with you."
"As of yet," I laughed.
"You really think we'll argue? I think we're too much alike, except you may have a few more issues than I do." She pauses, presumably trying to think of what to say. The truth game we had going wasn't going to go any further, I knew that much. "How are you coping with that, by the way?"
"Which part?" I smile, trying to lighten the now heavy atmosphere.
"Alex and Dylan, I know you were close with them."
"Fine, I guess. I'm just more pissed off at how it had to happen." I say, "Anyway, I guess I should answer, erm, I don't know, I felt closest to Rebecca at first. Then when we got to the estate I felt alone, more alone than I've ever felt before."
"But you weren't alone." She replied softly.
"You don't understand, everyone has their place, but where do I fit in? I've lost everyone, and I hadn't made any other friendships since I'd arrived because I was too caught up in my own head."
"You had me, all the time."
"I know that now. Now that I'm trying to make friends." I said.
I looked at the watch left up here for the time, it was already the end of our watch, in fact, we'd done half an hour extra.
"I'll get Rick you get Tyreese?" Andrea nods and we head off watch to fetch the next two people.
So, what did you think? Enjoy it? Hate it? Comment/Vote/Fan <3