CHAPTER FOURTEEN: THE HARDCORE GAY EROTIC ADVENTURES OF FANDANGO DE CLOUD
*Editor's Note - Ya done screwed up big time kid. Ditch the whole chapter and write somethin' my wife an her buncha sex starved middle aged broad friends can jill off ta without pukin up in their mouths! Honestly, what is the obsession with this gay barman character?
*Writer's Reply - Fandango De Cloud is one of my finest creations - his wisdom and homilies guide and encourage characters like Minx and Sebastian, to realize the ultimate fulfillment of their innermost spiritual questing, almost on a Jungian transformative level. Plus his sado-masochistic bondage relationship with his boyfriend, Peurto Rican flamboyant drag queen Juan 'Hetty' Hernandez Dela Vega appeals to the expansive homosexual market that we need so we can get almost every demographic in the masturbatory readership spectrum.
*Editor's Reply - Shut the fuck up wit yer college words, ya cheap hack. Bandwagon Publishing is a family firm guided by pinciples of good ol fashioned moralistic entertainment. Get back to straight sex with plenty of lezzers thrown in.
*Writer's Reply - It's this kind of hetro-normative censorship that is killing romance literature today. There's only 24 hours until this week's chapter deadline and I absolutely one thousand percent refuse to change a single word.
*Editor's Reply - Then yer fired and the ghost writer takes over an the company keeps your $2,000,000 advance cut from the book n film deal we just signed with a major studios
*Writer's Reply - Uh ... naturally I want to continue the fruitful relationship with Bandwagon and am prepared to compromise to a degree and ... well I do have a roughed out Kinkarella scene.
*Editor's Reply - Plenty a fuckin n suckin - nuthin gay. An don't forget ta delete the old chapter title.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN: THE SEXOIDS FROM THE PLANET HORNIUS
Sebastian looked out upon the crowd - the cream of New York's literati were gathered for his latest reading. The champagne was flowing and old friends and supporters like Bernie Sanders, Minx Von Tease and New York Times columnist and literary critic, David Orr were gathered to give their support.
'Champagne Mr Black?'
Sebastian gratefully accepted the glass from ... 'Fandango, what are you doing here?'
The wise and esteemed barman, who looked a bit like a dark haired version of Sasha Baron Cohen character, Bruno, gave a pout lipped smile of encouragement. 'I got a job for the evening here at the Literary Arts Centre.'
Sebastian sipped his drink, cleared his throat and began.
'Good evening Ladies, Gentlemen, Mr Mayor, President Obama ...as you know I have been working on a work of great literary importance. Today I present my second reading from ... Kinkarella and the Prince. As you'll no doubt remember, after the Prince and Kinkarella got together and liberated his world from the oppressive forces of the merciless Wang, they mounted an off planet expedition in order to find the lost origin and homeworld of Kinkarella. The story picks up some time later ...'
The man was blonde and beautiful, but there was something effette and feminine about his smooth hairless features - he was the polar opposite of the Prince, her lover. He seemed to have no bulge in the front trousal area where the Prince packed a monster veined purple headed love log of epic proportions.
'You are a slut,' stated the man, but his tone was bland and devoid of insult.
Nevertheless Kinkarella's firm and rounded melon like boobs strained out against her flimsy close hugging tight low cut, as she puffed herself out in indignation. 'I beg your pardon!?'
'You are pardoned,' replied the man without the seeming of humor. 'I too am a Slut.'
Kinkarella thought briefly of her three lesbian half sisters - Putana, who now commanded the Prince's flagship 'The Ram', Cummella who was missing, believed penetrated and of course there was Clitara, who had defected to the winged Amazons of Ruggh-Munchaaa. Compared to them this stranger was no slut.
'I see I have confused you,' the man blandly said with samey blandness that was blandly all too bland - put matter of factly his blandish blandishments were bland beyond blandery.
'I must explain,' he continued and then continued to explain by way of explanation. He explained - 'My world is the planet Sludd though our d's are silent but also t's so we refer to ourselves as Sluts. There are twelve tribes of Sludd, ranked from the biggest and most powerful of them all, the Nim-Phos, down to the Frih-jed. You are obviously a Nim-Pho and that makes you one of the biggest slutts of them all. You are known to me.'
'Known, how?' Kinkarella posed the question, fully expecting an answer to the question she had posed, in order to solicit an answer to the question she had asked, to get an answer ... to the question.
'I am Yoo-Nuch the untouched, of the Uuni, a close cousin tribe to the Peeni, who we envy. Each mating cycle men of the Peeni take the ripest of our women and return them full of belly nine months later. In this way we perpetuate our tribe, for you see, the Uuni men must remain chaste as we are the carriers of the way of Sludd. All knowledge resides in our non sexed craniums and legend has it that should a Uuni achieve climax, we will fall to savagery and all will be lost. Other legends say the opposite. But now I must answer your question - in our race resides the breast knowledge and just by looking at the shape of your bazooms, I can see the blood line of the Queens of Fucktopia. Will you uncover so I may confirm my suspicions?;
Seeing no harm in this request, Kinkarella pulled her top over her shapely shoulders and let the man of the Uuni see her splendid tittage.
His bland expression remained unblanded. 'Yes, it is as I suspected, you are of the breast line. You must surely be the lost princess Kiii-nnca of Rella. You may cup my ball sac.'
Kinkarella gasped. 'I call myself Kinkarella because it is my name - the perverted old man who looked after me when our ship fell off course would oft-times touch my boobies as he masturbated and mutter 'Kinkarella,'
'A distortion of your birthing name,' confirmed Yoo-Nuch. 'Grasp my balls tighter.'
'But what of the legends? What if my stroking your balls causes them to contract and empty?'
'You need not fear my princess. For legend has it that the chosen one, she who will return, can fondle without fear. I must be fully aroused in order to test the veracity of your claim.'
'What claim? For twas you who told me that I was who I am.'
Yoo-Nuch dropped his trousers to reveal a micro penis, now standing at full attention. 'Suck it and then we shall see,' he commanded her.
As Kinkarella knelt and began tonguing his small but solid shaft, she suddenly heard a voice cry out to her.
'Princess, no!!!'
Startled, she turjned to see ... a second Yoo-Nuch!! Beside him was her friends and companions - The Prince had drawn his mighty sword and Count Otto Von Bootboy was rubbing his crotch. Their faithful pet Love Monkey was jumping up and down and squeezing the left boob of her very own maid, the lissome D'ree-Mayd Behtee and next to them stood her sisters - Putana, Clitara and Cumella.
Twas Clitara, recently returned from the Amazons who had found and brought back Cumella, that now cried out. 'Kinkarella, don't let him cum in your mouth! That's not the real Yoo-Nuch, but a shapeshifting Sexoid from Hornius.'
But it was too late! Kinkarella fell backwards, desperately trying to cough up the hot juices.
'Oh! What will happen to me!' she called out in a moment of frantic exposition. 'Will I die of poison spunk? Am I not really a Slut? Was all he said a lie.'
'No Kinkarella,' called out the real Yoo-Nuch. 'Devious are the Sexoids - when he took on my shape, he also took my knowledge and every word was true. You are indeed a Nim-Pho Slut, daughter to our Slut Queen.'
The Prince was attacking the Sexoid, who had reverted to its natural appearance as what looked like a six foot erect fleshy and pulsating cock with a large eyeball where it's pee slit should be.
Kinkarella felt herself turning blue. 'Will I die of this monster's semen?'
Yoo-Nuch bent down before her. 'No princess, there is a way. You must immediately have sex with someone.'
The Prince fell back and with one swift move revealed his battering ram dick, hard and ready to plunge those lovely depths that he had plowed so often before.
But Yoo-Nuch held up a hand. 'I am afraid not Prince. The poison will not be countered if Kinkarella sexs with one whom with she hath already lain. In truth, if such an act were to occur, you too would be doomed to the shriveled death of a dozen deaths. Within hours you shall both wither and die, her with sagging teats as if a balloon had all the air let out ... and you, that mighty trouser beast would shrink to a mere 16 inches.'
'Fuck her then Yoo-Nuch,' the Prince beseeched him. 'I beg and beseech you, fuck my girlfriend. Fuck her good.'
The man of the Uuni shook his head. 'No, the legends ... the risk is too great. I cannot be the one. Is there none here who have not copulated with Princess Kinkarella? A female can achieve the cure by licking her to orgasm.'
The maid blushed. 'Would that I could perform this service, but many times during the lonely nights, did I go down on my mistress as she did on me!'
The three lesbian sisters looked away, as if in shame and embarrassment.
'Alas for our girlish games,' lamented Putana.
'What of the monkey? I see even now it has a full chubbie. Could this beast be our salvation?'
But Love Monkey too, looked away, unable to fulfill this simple request of fucking the lovely blonde girl he so loved.
The Count drew himself up to his full height. 'Yoo-Nuch, though she has sucked me off at command of my friend and Prince, I have not to date inserted my penis into her vagina. Will I do? Am I able to make this most noble of sacrifices to save lovely Kinkarella?'
Yoo-Nuch considered. 'Yes ... yes by all the gods of Sludd!! But quickly, you have but minutes to copulate or Kinkarella will succumb and die.'
Von Bootboy nodded. 'Then I will require the fluffing skills of these good ladies, for I have ejaculated within the last half hour. Putana, Clitara, Cumella, Behtee, will you not lend me your tongues and together we shall save lovely Kinkarella! No ... not you Love Monkey!'
And sure enough with the stimulation of the red lips and warm tongues of the four buxom wenches, Count Otto Von Bootboy did indeed get it up and within the allotted time he had engaged in the act of love making and by his actions, did lovely Kinkarella live!
After that she was able to discover the true extent of her heritage, but in the confusion the Sexoid escaped and rejoined some two hundred more giant dicks of his race, who then allied themselves with the space tyrant Wang. The final battle was fast approaching!!
The end ... for now.
***
The room burst into rapturous applause and once again Sebastian Black's literary genius was feted by all of New York's elite and the critics gave him a great write up.
Bernie Sanders, was among the first to congratulate him. The former hopeful for POTUS had made his way across the room, taking and gulping down glass after glass of champagne while pinching the bottoms of giggling appreciative women like Germaine Greer, Nancy Pelosi, Ariana Huffington, Kim Kardashian, Selena Gomez and Prime Minister of New Zealand Jacinda Ardern.
After Bernie had called out 'Sup dawg?' and high fived Sebastian, the two old friends conversed merrily.
'Looks like everyone's here ... except that cute lil girl, what was her name? Anastasia ... no Alexandra.'
Sebastian looked alarmed. 'Miss Katsoff!!'
It was Sunday evening - he'd left her sitting with her hands flat down on his desk for several days!