I froze in shock, my brain not processing what was happening. All I knew was that this didn't feel right, and I didn't want this.
"What the hell, Elliot?"
He pulled away from the kiss, but didn't answer.
"I'm married. You're married!"
"To men who don't give a damn about us!"
"Thomas-"
"If Thomas cared about you at all, he wouldn't have run after Joan like that."
"He does, but-"
"Stop being so naive, Alex! He doesn't give a fuck about you!"
His eyes were hard, the Elliot that I knew and loved nowhere to be found in his face. His arms held me tightly, and even though I thought I'd never say this, I was starting to feel afraid of him. Elliot was much stronger than me if it came right down to it.
"Let go of me." My voice was calm and unnaturally even.
"No."
"I said let go of me." I could feel my anger mounting, and pushed hard on his chest.
"Alex-"
"Stop this! Look I'm sorry that you had to marry Jasper. I really am. I'm sorry that you are here by yourself, and I'm sure it's hard, but this isn't going to help anything."
His eyes blazed with anger, and he let go of me, hands curling into fists at his sides.
"Everyone is sorry. Everyone wishes it could have been avoided. You're all so fucking sympathetic, but I'm the only one who has to face the reality of it!"
"What else do you want me to say? I'm not going to kiss you so you can forget. I'm sorry, but I don't like you like that. I'm your friend, Elliot."
"I don't want you to say anything. For one minute, I just want to feel like I'm not completely helpless. I'm tired of having no control over what happens to me."
"So, you'd rather I felt like that?"
He blinked, some of the anger draining from his face. He took a step forward, but I backed up quickly. Guilt flooded his eyes, and he opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment in time, I really didn't want to hear.
"I know you're lonely, but you can't just take that out on me."
"Why do you keep saying that? I'm not lonely."
"Because you are! Look at you! It's been two weeks and you're already trying to get me to kiss you."
"I'm not lonely!" He shouted, and I flinched at the anger in his voice. "You honestly think he leaves me alone? You can't be that naive!"
"Elliot—"
"I just want to go home." His eyes filled with tears. "But guess what. This is my home." He gestured around him at the cold living room.
"And I live in constant fear. A fear you could never understand. I dread every single night. You can't imagine my relief when he let me stay here by myself this weekend."
I didn't know what to say. He looked so miserably, so unlike how he used to look that I wanted to wrap my arms around him and try to comfort him. But after what just happened, I didn't what to do. I just stood there, one hand on the doorknob, debating whether or not to leave.
"Elliot, I'm so sorry."
"There it is again! Sorry really doesn't help!"
"What do you want from me then?"
"Just let me forget for a little while that no one cares."
"I care."
"Then why won't you let me kiss you?" He has stepped forward again, until he was only a foot away from me. My chances of getting out were pretty slight.
"Because I don't care for you like that."
"So?"
"So I won't be your distraction. I'm sorry, but I'm married to Thomas, and I like him, okay?"
"What about Joan?"
"What about her? What about Alan?"
His eyes filled with pain, and he slammed his hands onto the door on either side of my head. I flinched, and tried to move away, but my back was already pressed against the door.
"How dare you bring him up!"
"Because you love him! What the hell am I supposed to say to him if I let you kiss me, or whatever else you are thinking."
"You know what? I don't think I'll ever see Alan again. So I don't give a damn about what you say to him."
"Yes you will! Stop acting like this. You're scaring me, Elliot."
He instantly dropped his hands, stumbling back as if in shock of his own actions. All the anger had died, and his eyes were filled only with regret.
"Alex, I—"
"Save it. I really don't want to hear."
I finally turned the doorknob, hurrying blindly out of the room. I felt tears in my eyes, and looked around me in confusion. Nothing looked familiar, and I didn't know where to turn. But I had to get away. Anything was better than that room.
So I took a turn, and started walking as fast as I could. I ran in to several people, but I didn't stop to apologize. I didn't want to talk to anyone, needing to be alone to process everything that had just happened.
Finally, I made it out into what appeared to me some sort of back garden. There was no one in sight. Huge trees lined the brick walls that surrounded the garden, and I sat down beneath one near the back. Leaning against it, I tried to calm my breathing.
I'd never been so frightened in my life, and this was Elliot. Elliot. My friend. Probably the most gentle guy you would ever meet.
I wasn't running because he kissed me. I could handle that. But it was the raw anger. The side of him that I'd never seen, and it frightened me.
And of course, the fact that Thomas ran out to find Joan didn't really help my emotional state at this point in time.
I don't think I've really cried in a long time, but sitting under that sheltering tree, in that secluded back garden, I finally let it all out. I didn't even hear the footsteps, or notice that I was no longer alone.
In fact, I didn't even know there was someone else there until I felt someone's arms wrap around me. I started, instantly trying to get out of whoever's embrace was holding me.
"Hey, calm down. It's just me."
And just the sound of his voice was enough to calm my fears. I relaxed instantly, and buried my head in his neck. He didn't speak for a while, just letting me hold onto him and cry.
"Alex, I only went out to talk to her. Nothing else."
"I'm not crying because of you. Not everything revolves around you."
"Then why are you crying?"
"Maybe I just enjoy crying." I wasn't about to explain it all to him.
"There is always that." His hand rubbed circles on my back, comforting me even when I wouldn't explain.
"You don't have to tell me."
I nodded, as we sat in silence a few moments longer. My tears had finally died down, and I was starting to feel bad about crying in his shirt.
"Thomas."
"Yeah?"
"I want to go home."
"We just got here, Alex."
"I know that, but I really want to go home. I don't like it here."
I sat up, and looked him in he eyes. He looked conflicted, but nodded in understanding.
"Neither do I. We did come here for Eva's birthday, but if you really want to go, we can."
"Really?"
"Yeah. There's no point in staying if we both don't want to be here. But what about Elliot? Isn't he why you came here?"
"Believe me, Elliot will understand."