7k READS!! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH! I AM SO GLAD THAT I AM GETTING SUCH POSITIVE FEEDBACK ON THIS STORY. HOPE YOU ENJOY PART TWENTY SIX!!
XXWADAYAKNOW
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"I am going back to school this week"
"why? You had such a good week on the show last week." Austin tries to convince me to stay in LA
"I know, but I have not been in class in what seems like forever"
"When will you be back?"
Whenever I find that letter. "Next week" I smile. It takes me two seconds to repack my backpack.
"At least let me drive you"
"You have rehearsals" I point out. "I will see you in a week" I walk over to where Austin is and kiss him on the cheek.
"Stay" he grabs my arm.
"I cant" I laugh wriggling my arm free.
"then I am driving you" he decides.
"Austin-"
"I am driving you"
"Fine" I am actually kind of excited. "You sure?" I check.
"I am driving you" He repeats himself once more. He grabs his keys and my backpack for me before holding the door open for me.
"Dont drop that this time" I point to the backpack.
He rolls his eyes at me and I laugh. "After you" he gestures out the door. Normal girls would die to experience this kind of chivalry, but I on the other hand know he does it to make himself feel competent. Whatever floats his boat I guess.
We get in the car and begin the drive to the academy.
"Ana you are going to have to make your decision soon"
The words make my heart start racing.
"I have to-"
"Ya I know. I just-"
"Well what do you think about it?"
Shit. "Umm-" I nervously rack my brain. "I like the idea of it-" I test the waters to see how he will react. Why didnt I just tell him I didnt read it when I had the chance. Now I cant tell him. This is all my fault.
"But-" Austin prompts
"But I just-" I struggle
"I get it" he smiles
"You do?"
"yeah of course" he looks at me again.
"Well what do you think I should say?" I am somewhat pleased with my manipulation skills .
"I think you should say yes" he laughs "But I completely understand if-"
"Then yes" I interrupt him
"Are you serious?" he looks at me with excited eyes and swerves the car.
"Eyes on the road sparky"
"Sorry, I am just excited."
I laugh. "Well I mean if it is what you really want how could I say no?"
"Of course it is what I want, I wouldnt have asked you if it was not what I wanted" He smiles at me again. I ignore his smile and point to the road. He whips his head back around and looks out the front window. "Wait, let me get this straight, you took this long to decide because you thought I didnt mean it?"
"Sure" I smile.
"How could you think that?!"
I am now sure that 'sure' was the wrong answer. I shrug. I am probably better off without words.
"Well that is dumb"
I furrow my eyebrows. I do not like being described as 'dumb' no matter how, whatever it is that i supposedly did, is.
"Sorry" he apologizes.
I smile yet again, still keeping my mouth shut.
"You are being awfully quiet, now I am starting to believe that it is you that is not sure of what they want"
"Thats dumb" I quote him "This is what I want. I wouldnt have said it if it wasnt" I really need to find that letter. I am going to get myself into some actual trouble if we do not get to academy soon.
Luckily we are only about fifteen minutes out. In order to prevent anymore talking I turn on the radio and start signing obnoxiously loud to every song. I do not know hardly any of them so instead I improvise the words. Austin is laughing at me and saying things like "How could you not know this song?" It is almost like he doesnt know me at all. The station turns rap and I can no longer keep up with my improvisation skills so Austin takes advantage of the vocal pause. "You know this will probably embarrass you but-"
"Then dont say it"
"I am going to say it, I think-"
"Austin do not say it-"
"I-"
"la lalalalala" I plug my ears like a three year old
He patiently waits for me to stop.
"Youre not a bad singer" He quickly spits out.
"Ya I definitely wish you wouldnt have said that"
He laughs "Why?"
"Because now I can never sing in front of you again. I thought this was a safe zone but I guess" I joke.
"Youre ridiculous"
"Im ridiculous?!" I bust up laughing "Youre the one over there telling me that I have a surprisingly okay singing voice. I, sir, am not the ridiculous one"
"I am pretty sure you are" he rebuts.
To the next song on the radio I butcher every single note in order to try and make him take back what he said. He doesnt.
"we are here" Austin announces
" I can see that" I point out and laugh. "believe it or not I do know what my school looks like"
Austin unbuckles his seat belt and runs over to meet me outside my car door. He pushes me back into the car and kisses me. "What was that for?" I cannot help but smiling.
"I am just really glad you said yes"
"yes" I say with a smirk and he kisses me again. "yes" I try one more time and he kisses my forehead. I have to get back to LA because I do have to rehearse at some point today. I think I am also supposed to stop by the studio, but I am glad I came" He kisses me one more time before scampering around to the other side of the car, getting in and then driving away.
I am really confused, and start racking my brain for things I could have said yes to. I cant think straight. My best bet is just to read the letter. Maybe its- it couldnt be.
I run up to my room and start rummaging around, where did I put that hting. I get on my hands and knees, scowering the floor for that damn envelope.
"What are you looking for?" Jamie barges in "And where the hell have you been I feel like i havent seen you in months"
"Try weeks" I correct her and an envelope, have you sen one?"
"Oh ya, I threw it away"
"You what?!"
She laughs "Just kidding"
I scowl
"I put it on your desk"
"thanks"
I scurry over to my desk and spot the envelope. Phew. I quickly rip it open and accidentally rip the letter in half. It does not matter. I piece the scraps together and begin reading. I read about every other sentence looking for the answer to my question: What is the question?
It starts with 'Ana- I am really bad at writing letters so we will see hot this goes' like every good letter does. I laugh reading his spastic sentences. He cannot hide behind his charm with written words so his awkwardness pokes through quite clearly. It is really cute. I am enjoying what he has to say until I stumble upon 'the question'
"No No No No" I whisper.
'I was wondering, well I wanted to know, because I really enjoy spending time with you. That sounds weird but it is true. I am trying to ask you if maybe you would want to' it is all crossed out but I read it anyways 'I want you to come one tour with me. I know you have your senior year, and we wouldnt be leaving until SYTYCD season is over. I really would like very much for you to join me on tour, but if you cannot I understand. Just let me know. Let me know soon. Well as soon as you know. Let me know as soon as you know, obviously you wont be able to tell me any sooner than you know, but when you know let me know. I think you get the point. Either way I know you are going to make the right choice for you'
"No no no no! That is not the right choice for me!" I told Austin yes! No!!!!
What do I do, what do I do, I cannot do anything! I told him yes! I told him yes multiple times! Maybe it wouldnt be the end of the world. I love spending time with Austin but I am going to have a lot of people after my head if I just disappear. My school is set up so that by senior year you do not have to take any more academic classes, so by anyones academic standards I have already graduated high school. I couldnt. I wouldnt. I cannot put my life on hold so I can watch him enjoy his. That is not reality. I still need to figure out what to do with my life. I pick up my phone to dial for Austin but I immediately hang up. What am I thinking. I do not know what i am thinking, that is the real problem here. Instead I scroll through my contacts and settle on someone else.
"Hello?" The voice answers the phone
"oh" I didnt think he would actually answer "um"
"ana?"
"Yeah" I clear my throat "Hi Alex"
"whats up! I feel like I havent talked to you in forever."
"A couple of months" I correct him
"Right" i can hear him smile on the other side of the phone call "Whats up?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well you called me-" he starts
"right"
"Austin is on stage, I flew into La today, he is going to be on break in like fifteen minutes, do you want me to have him call you?"
"No"
"okay?" Alex seems confused.
"You know what never mind. Just do not tell Austin I called you"
"what? Ana what is going on?" He laughs "Wait is something wrong?" he gets serious
"No! no. nothing like that"
"Hey I heard you are coming on tour with us! That is going to be so much-"
"Yeah" I answer his question in order to cut him off "I can hardly believe its true" I explain honestly.
"Well I know Austin is excited to have you on the road- I mean with him on the road. Not like have you as in have you, as in just like in the bus ,maybe not even on the same bus who knows, do you get what I am saying? Because-"
"Yeah I get what you are saying Alex" I am embarrassed. I forget that Austin has real friends sometimes. He probably told Alex everything. I blush alone in my room at the thought. I tell Jamie some stuff, but nothing I wouldnt be comfortable with the whole world knowing if it happened to get out. SO basically I tell jamie nothing. I talk to Tyler a lot but he was a senior last year so he wont be around much anymore.
"Ana?" Alex makes sure that I am still on the other line
"yeah, sorry. Just dont tell Austin I called okay?" He is going to tell Austin, who am I kidding. It is worth a shot though I guess.
"Why?"
Ya, why Ana? "I just, I am, I want,"
"Ana, why did you call me?"
I can feel my mouth get dry.
there is a muffled voice in the background on ALex's side "Who are you talking to?" Alex replies "Pizza, want anything?" That is Austin's voice. I am relieved that Alex covered for me "Nah I am good" Austin responds. Alex refocuses his attention onto me. "Ana why did you call? You dont sound well, are you sure you are okay?"
"I cant go on tour" I blurt out
"What?" Alex responds
I start to panic and start explaining myself at one thousand words per second "I do not know what I was thinking, I told Austin I had read the letter but I hadnt read the letter so when he asked me, and keep in mind that this was like the seventh time he asked me I finally told him yes, I didnt know what he was talking about, so when I got home I found my letter and I opened it, and then I read it and then-" I breath "and then I saw the question. I feel so bad, I cant do it, I just cant, he was so happy, he is so happy, what am I supposed to do?"
"Sounds to me like you are just freaking out because you dont have much control over the situation"
"Its not part of the plan!"
"so change the plan!" Alex challenges"What did you think you were saying yes to? You mustve had soe ideas"
I stop to think about it. Alex silently waits patiently. "I thought I was saying yes to Austin" I say honestly. If I listened to my heart all of the time I would do just about anything for that boy.
"You said yes to Austin, and you still are. I think you are just scared, I am shocked it took you as long as it did to respond, the whole not reading the letter thing makes sense now though, but I never doubted for a second that you would say yes"
"And why is that?"
"Because it is what you want"
"You dont know what I want" I challenge
"Give me a single reason why you should stay?"
"Because-" I pause
Alex makes a buzzer noise "too long"
"I am not going" I assure him
"You need to stop listening to your head. Your head is rude"
"My head is right"
"See you on the road" Alex says a moment before hanging up, not giving me an opportunity to respond.
Jerk.
"Who was that on the phone? Austin?" Jamie sits on my bed.
"Alex" I grumble.
I join Jamie on the bed and bury my face in all of the pillows, letting out a brief but efficient scream.
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