"Why are there so many lights on?"
"There actually aren't any lights on. You're just extremely hung over."
He blinked again, then closed his eyes tightly.
"Could you please stop yelling? I think I'm going to die if I hear your voice that loud again."
I gave him a look which he couldn't see. I whispered on purpose, knowing he'd have a horrible headache. But now wasn't the time to argue, so I let it slide.
"Sure. Is this better?"
His eyebrows furrowed, and he wrinkled his nose in disapproval.
"That's just as bad. Just don't talk anymore. Leave me here to die."
"Sounds good to me, but before I go, I brought you some pain killers for your headache."
He opened one eye the smallest bit to look over at me.
"You did? Wow, thanks."
"You're welcome. They are on the nightstand. I'll get them for you."
He managed to sit up while I got the pills out of the bottle, and handed him the glass of water and the pills. He drank them, then leaned his head back against the headboard, breathing deeply.
"I can't believe I did that again. I knew I was gonna wake up like this."
His voice was still thick with sleep, and his hair was a complete mess. I only bothered taking his shoes and suit jacket off last night. After what he told me, I didn't feel right taking off anything else. I couldn't imagine his reaction if he woke up to that.
"Raymond says I'm even more depressing then usual when I'm drunk, so what'd I do? Cry on your shoulder?"
He was still staring at the ceiling, his head probably hurting to badly to turn it towards me.
"Maybe a little."
He chuckled softly, then winced and help his head.
"Figures. What'd I talk about?"
The secret he had unknowingly told me last night weighed heavily on my conscious. How would he react to the fact that I knew his darkest secret?
"Nothing much."
My voice sounded strained and unnatural, even to me. He turned his head very slowly towards me, and looked at me long and hard.
"What does that mean?"
I swallowed nervously, the feeling that I had somehow done something wrong settling in my stomach. He would never have told me any of that while he was sober. I should have stopped him from talking. I should have—
"Please just tell me, Alex. Whatever it was, I said it, didn't I? It can't be that bad, right?"
He laughed nervously, and I tried to think of a way out of this. I didn't want to tell him what I knew. Didn't want to see him close up again and probably hate me.
"Really, it was nothing. I-I should go get breakfast, and—"
"Alex."
His voice was calm and level, almost too calm. I turned back around to face him. This one I was the one who couldn't meet his eyes.
"You-you talked a lot about wanting to go home."
He waited quietly for me to continue, and I sighed, rubbing my hands together nervously.
"And you talked about how you didn't feel safe here."
Without thinking about it, I had been stepping closer to him while I talked, until I was standing next to the bed where he sat.
"Because...well, because of what happened to you here when you were fourteen. You told me about that."
I words came out in a rush. I wanted to be free of them, free from the heavy feeling on my chest.
His sharp intake of breath brought my eyes from where they were staring at my hands, to look at his face. His eyes were wide in shock, his mouth slightly open. I waited for him to say something, anything to break the tension between us.
When the silence continued, I fidgeted nervously. What was he thinking? Why was he being so damn quiet?
"You must hate me now."
I don't know what I was expecting him to do or say. Maybe rant, or yell, or something, but this quiet defeat was completely unexpected.
"Why would I do that? There's no reason to hate you."
"You're just saying that because you're too polite to say what you actually think. I've never told anyone about that in my life, and I never meant to tell you. I must have been pretty drunk to have let all that slip."
"Thomas, I—"
"Please just leave."
His face twisted in an attempt to hold back the tears I could see in his eyes. I felt my own tears forming, but quickly blinked them back.
"I'll go, but not because I hate you. Because I think you need time alone."
His head was turned away from me, eyes cast down in shame.
"I'll be back soon, and we can leave when you are ready. Take as much time as you need."
He didn't answer, just sat there, waiting for me to leave so he could let out whatever bottled up emotions he wouldn't show to me. I knew he didn't want my comfort, but I couldn't just leave him sitting there like that.
I leaned down and gently kissed the top of his head. He didn't pull away or make any attempt to push me off. Instead, he sighed, and leaned back into the hand that I placed on the back of his head.
"And don't worry, I'm not telling anyone about this, and if you want, I won't ever bring it up."
I stepped back, and started heading towards the door. I had my hand in the doorknob when he finally spoke.
"Thank you, Alex."
I turned back to him, smiling brightly.
"You're welcome."
I closed the door softly behind me, careful to not make any loud noises. He must have a massive headache with all that he drank the day before.
"You scared the crap out of me!"
I turned quickly at the sound of Elliot's voice, and saw him standing there a few feet done the hall.
"I didn't see who you were at first, and thought I was done for."
"What are you doing?"
"Well, I wanted a minute to myself, and I am hungry, so I figured I head to the kitchen."
"I was going there, but if you want some time alone, I'll gladly go somewhere else."
By this time he had caught up with me, and he turned his head sideways to look at me.
"A minute to myself simply means a minute away from him. I would love it if you came to the kitchen with me."
"Then it's a date." I smiled at him, and he managed a very small one in return.
"So, how are you today?"
He looked ahead of us, eyes not really focused on anything in particular.
"You know, I'd rather not answer that question."
"Oh, right, sorry I asked."
"Well, how do you expect me to feel, Alex?"
His voice was harsh, so unlike any time I'd ever heard from Elliot that I flinched. He sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"I'm sorry, I'm taking my anger out on you when you've done nothing but help me through all of this."
"It's alright. Really. I understand." I smiled at him, and he nodded gratefully.
"I'm gonna miss you when you guys go. Knowing you were here is was one of the only things that got me through yesterday."
We had reached the kitchen, the sound of lots and pans banging together signifying that there were already people cooking in there.
I grabbed his arm before we entered, thinking about everything Thomas had said last night. For the first time it dawned on me just what that man Elliot was married was capable of. What depths he had already stooped too, and what he might still do.
Terror seized my heart, and realized just how lonely it was going to be for him. Just how much he was going to have to bear without having someone he could confide in.
"I'll miss you too, but even when I'm not here, I'm only a phone call away. You can call me anytime, tell me anything. I will always be there for you."
He looked up at me, and an understanding passed between us. Of course, he must already know what his husband was like, and he must have seen in my eyes that I at least had some idea.
"Thank you, Alex. I'm going to need that."
"I know. I'll be there no matter what."
I didn't realize then just how much I was promising to do for him, but even if I had known, I wouldn't take back what I said.