September 4th, 2018
"Today I'm joined with a beautiful singer from up in Canada. And today we are going to be discussing her new album, 2017. Please join me in welcoming Merci Patrick to the stage." Ellen said, introducing me. I composed my self before smiling and walking out of stage. She stood up from her chair and gave me a hug as I pretty much waddled onto the stage. She offered me her hands as I sat down, helping me.
"So, you're new album is called 2017, why?" She asked crossing her leg.
"Well, it's pretty much based off of experience from the first half of 2017, and I think there's one or two songs from the second half of the year. I thought it was very fitting." I said smiling.
"Interesting. I'm correct in assuming, from the singles that you've released, that this album is kind of about the dark spots of a relationship?" She asked.
"You would be correct in assuming that." I said, crossing my ankles and sitting us some. "I was I a really bad place emotionally and romantically until about July of last year and I just drew from those feeling and experiences and wrote this album." I explained.
"And judging from the looks of it, things romantically are good now?" She said, looking at my baby bump.
"If they aren't, things are going to be real awkward in 15 weeks." I said laughing. "No, things are great now." I said smiling.
"So now, you guys have been calling the baby-?"
"We've been calling her Essie because we don't want anyone to know her name just yet."
"Is that because you haven't actually got a name yet? Because I actually have a list of names that I think will be perfect." She said reaching behind her chair and pulling out a notebook.
"No. We actually do have a name." I said laughing.
"Yeah well, these are better."
"I doubt it but let's take a look." I said taking the list from her. "Number one, Ellen." I read. I glanced up at her and rolled my eyes.
"I think it's a good name." She said.
"My grandma did too, that's why it's my moms name."
"See, an even better reason to name the baby that."
"I'll think about it. Number two, Red Peony." I said. "Question, how high were you when you wrote these?"
"Sober. Why?" She asked laughing.
"You know what, I think we'll just stick with the name we have. But I'll keep this list in mind for next time." I said laughing.
"Very well then, when we come back from break. We're going to have a special performance of Merci's new song, sirens."
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Merbearsings17: exploring LA before we have to leave for the BBMAs 💝
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Allycat22: should've taken me with you
>>> merbearsings17: should've not used your sick days to go to England 🤷🏼♀️
Shawnmendes: now would be a good time to tell you that she was looking at a box of puppies for sale.
>>>merbearsings17: now would be a good time to confess about not being allergic to dogs
"Mer's not going to be happy about that?" Shawn said on the phone with Andrew. I scrunched my face up turned to look at him. "Yeah I understand, bye man." He hung up the phone and turned to look at me.
"What's Mer not going to be happy about?" I asked, picking at my finger nail polish.
"We're sitting with Camila." He said, scratching the back of his neck.
"I'm sorry, I can't hear. It sounded like you said we were sitting with Camila tonight." I said, fake laughing.
"If it makes it any better, Taylor is going to be there too." He said biting his lip.
"Oh yeah, that makes it so much better." I said digging my fingernails into the inside of my arm.
"Mer, it's only three hours." He said, reaching over and grabbing my hand.
"It's fine. I'm an adult. I can do this." I said, more to myself than anyone in the cab.
"Andrew tried to move us, but he couldn't get us anywhere else without splitting us up."
"It's fine. Everything's fine." I said fake smiling.
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Everything was not fine. I didn't have to sit beside Camila, I was between Shawn and Taylor. But Camila was on the other side of Shawn and should would not shut up.
"When's the baby due? I want to come see you guys when it's born." She asked
"She." I said under my breath. Shawn turned and gave me a look, it was intimidating but hot if I do say so myself. I bit on my thumb to keep from saying anything.
"She's due the week before Christmas."
"That's so cute. Do you have a name yet?" Taylor asked.
"We do but we're keeping it to ourselves for now." Shawn said.
"That's understandable." Taylor said.
"Oh come on. We're all friends here, what's her name?" Camila said reaching over Shawn and tapping me on the arm. I looked down at the spot where she touched me and glared. Be the bigger person Merci, be the bigger person.
"Our families don't even know yet Camila." He said gently moving her arm from mine.
I took my phone out from my clutch and texted Ally.
Me: I need a list of reasons not to go to prison.
Ally🌻: what why??
Me: go look on the BBMAs insta story 🙄
Ally 🌻: OMG 😮 don't do anything I wouldn't. You don't want to give birth in prison. They don't have epidural.
Me: if she touches Shawn one more time or tries to feel Essie kick, imma slap her.
"Mer put your phone away," Shawn whispered in my ear. I scowled up at him. "Please?" I rolled my eyes and put my phone back in my bag.
"So, have you decided on if you're doing a natural birth yet or not?" Taylor asked. I nodded.
"Believe me, anything they offer I'm taking." I said laughing. She nodded and laughed with me.
"I feel like a natural birth is so much healthier though." Camila chimed in. I bit my lip to keep from saying some of the comments that popped into my head.
"Yeah, but I don't have a high pain tolerance." I said through my teeth.
"But what's a little bit of pain for a once in a lifetime experience?" She asked turning in her seat to look at me.
"I also think that modern medicine has advanced over the last few decades and that the drugs they use are safe for the baby." I said with a fake smile.
"I mean, but don't you want to remember it?" She said.
"It's an epidural, not chloroform. I'm pretty sure I'll remember it." I said, not caring about being nice, and looking to Shawn to see if he was going to stop the conversation.
"I'm just saying-" Camila started.
"Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to the 2018 Billboard Music Awards." The announcer said. I glared at Camila before turning back around in my seat and crossing my arms.
Shawn turned to put a hand on my lap and I shrugged him off.
"We've got an amazing show for you tonight. With performances by Kelly Clarkson..." the camera panned over everyone as he announced their names. I grabbed Shawn's hand and he looked at me. I nodded my head towards the camera and it guessing he understood what I mean. "Shawn Mendes and Khalid." By the time the camera panned to us, I had a fake smile on my face and my head was resting on Shawn's shoulder. I looked at the screen and Camila's face was priceless. He nose was flared as she tried to fake a smile. As soon as the camera went away I sat up and continued my glare.
I didn't let go of Shawn's hand though because I figured the camera would show at least half of him when they panned back over to Camila, and it did. When they were finished announcing, I let go of his hand and went back to crossing my arms.
I zoned out not even paying attention to what was happening on the stage, only clapping whenever everyone else clapped. I was trying to focus on breathing so I wouldn't reach over and rip out Camila fake extension, believe me it was very tempting.
"You need to calm down." Shawn whispered leaning in close to me, clapping to whatever was happening on the stage.
"I'm working on it." I said letting a breath out of my nose. He grabbed my hand and started rubbing circles with his thumb.
"We've only got an hour left, and then we are free to leave. We don't have to go to any of the after parties." He said. I nodded and kept trying to lower my heart rate.
"...I'm still kind of upset that I haven't received in invitation to their baby shower." Kelly said from the stage, the camera panned over to us and I faked laughed.
"Sorry." I mouthed into the camera, shrugging. The camera went back out to the crowd.
"I'm sure it just got lost in the mail." The crowd laughed again. "Anyway from the tv show...." and I tuned out again.
Before I knew it, Shawn was whisked backstage to get ready to perform and I was alone. I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees, making a cradle for my head. I covered my ears with my hands and looked down.
I felt a hand on my back and turned to see Taylor looking at me with concern.
"Is everything alright Mer?" She asked, rubbing circles on my back.
"Umm yeah." I said pausing. "I'm just not supposed to get like, really upset or angry about anything." I said in between deep breaths.
"Shit Mer, this all my fault. Is there anything I can do?" Camila said moving from her seat to sit in Shawn's. I shook my head no. She got up and I heard her walk off somewhere. She came back and squatted down in front of me with a glass of water. I took it from her and practically chugged it. I sat the glass back down and resumed the previous position I was in.
"Mer I really am sorry." Camila said, placing her hand above Taylor's on my back.
"It's fine you didn't know."
"Yeah, but I shouldn't have tried to argue with you. It's your body, and if you want to pump it full of drugs, that's your choice."
"Seriously Camila?" I heard Shawn ask. He was back already? Knowing that I missed his performance only made me more upset. "That's not helping, like at all."
Shawn squatted down in front of me, gently grabbing me by my wrists.
"Mer look at me." He said reaching his thumbs to run circles on my hands.
"You're okay babe. I'm right here with you. You're going to be okay. This is just one little upset. Alright?" I nodded and kept breathing. "The longer you're upset, the more it's going to hurt Essie so you've got to calm down. If not for me or you, for her. Do you think you can do that?"
"For Essie?" I asked, looking into his eyes. He smiled at me.
"Yes love, for little Essie." Shawn said kissing my forehead. I nodded and sat up, gently wiping my face so I wouldn't mess my make up anymore. He stayed in front of me for a few more seconds before going to sit back in his seat. I was still a little shaken up but I was getting there.
"And all good things must come to and end. We've saved the best, and most anticipated l, award for last." Kelly said into her microphone. "Your nominees for breakout artist are Khalid, Dua Lipa, Merci Patrick, and BTS." I crossed my fingers even though I knew I had a very slim chance of winning.
"And your 2018 Billboard Music Award Breakout artist is, drum roll please," She said opening the envelope. "Merci Patrick!"
I was confused when she yelled my name. Or was it shock? The camera panned over to us once again as Shawn stood up to help me out of my seat. He kissed both of my cheeks before he wrapped his arm under mine and we walked over to the stage. He helped me up the steps of the stage before running back to his seat. I sped waddle over to Kelly and gave her a hug.
"This is a complete shock! I really have no idea what to say. I want to say thank you to my manager Lilly! You're amazing and I would be a mess with out you! To my moms and siblings watching from home I love you so much thank you for supporting me. Ally I love you, thanks for everything. Shawn, I'm running out of time but know that I love you with all that I have, you're my best friend, my biggest fan, and the true love of my life. Thank you. And of course I wouldn't be here without you guys, the fans! Thank you for your constant support and love. I love you guys so so much, thank you again." I wiped my tears with my free hands as I was escorted back stage and back to my seat.
"I can't believe that just happened." I said when I got back to Shawn.
"You know Ally's going to be pissed that you called me your best friend." He said taking the award away from me.
"She'll live." I said smiling and kissing him.
Merbearsings17: what better way to release my album than to have it preceded by this bad boy 😭 my heart is so full and I'm so overwhelmed by the support of you guys. I love each and every single one of you. Thanks so much for this, I don't deserve this ♥️ 2017 drops tonight at midnight on iTunes and will be on shelves everywhere by Wednesday this week. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I anticipated you to. Thank you ❣️
Anyone else get second hand pisses when they write Something?
Also what do you think the baby's name is?