빠드두
It's been weeks since their last dance practice.
Days since they last saw each other, but only hours since Jimin was released from the hospital.
June was there when they released him. A doctor was there too – an older man, with a strange limp and weird accent. Without intentions, she overheard their conversation. They talked about a rehab center, somewhere outside the Gangbuk district and how it'd be a good idea for Jimin to visit it.
Only then June wished to have covered her ears when waiting for Jimin to pack his things. Because ignorance was much easier than having to bring up this matter in a conversation hours later or on a day after. Knowing Jimin, he would be silent about it.
After pulling the zipper of his backpack, Jimin thanked the doctor with a bow and rushed outside without a word on his mind – silent, just like always.
Even now, when everyone's voices rose up in the dance studio, the only missing one was Jimin's.
''Sis, you'll have to pay attention to the background music. Let that last part, the very small but present change of pitch in the melody be the guide for your appearance.'' But somehow, as soon as Hoseok started aggressively skipping through the scenes written on piles of paper in his hands, it all went back to normal.
''Namjoon, as the Duke arriving in the palace, you're going to stand here next to me and follow my lead when Jimin does the spin after the first wish comes true.''
Though normal meant for things to go back to how they used to be – smooth, consistent and no trouble lurking behind a corner.
Sadly, they were all out of it today. Boyoung was struggling to do spins without stumbling afterwards, Namjoon couldn't find his left shoe and Jimin wasn't even there, mentally so to speak. All of his focus was on a small camera his hands held.
To put it short, no one was paying attention. As if Hoseok's words were made without a structure of any kind at that moment. ''Hello? Is anyone even listening to me? I feel like I'm talking to a damn wall here.''
Feeling angry in the midst of it all, Hoseok still tried his best to stay calm.
''Hyung, calm down. We haven't even put our shoes yet.'' Namjoon opposed.
The rest of the crowd chuckled when the next thing they all can hear is a loud and sharp inhale through Hoseok's teeth, his head shaking along in annoyance. ''As if your shoes would somehow improve your performance.''
And they all laughed a bit louder, except for Namjoon who's standing still, powerless to say anything back because Hoseok was older than him – he couldn't disrespect his hyung.
Jimin, on the other hand, was younger by one year and 24 days and acted so, when he shoved the camera in Namjoon's face to capture a memorable moment that would usually be on a polaroid.
''So hyung'', Jimin started enthusiastically, camera set to record, ''if you had the chance, if the moon somehow granted you three wishes, what would you wish for?''
''First of all, I would wish for this voice to disappear, second I would-'' His words got cut off by the proximity of Jimin's camera, ''I would wish for this camera to go away.'' So he nudged him slightly, trying to move Jimin away from his face.
But Jimin didn't make a move regardless, holding his laughter in. ''And third?''
''Third,'' Namjoon stopped, bringing his index finger up in the air as if to think of what else to say, ''I would wish for you to disappear.''
That's what it took for Jimin's laughter to break through, and being the person to laugh at almost everything, from boring dad jokes to short viral videos of cats flooding the internet, Jimin couldn't hide it. His other hand was covering his face, his whole body almost curling in a small ball of joy.
''Yoongi hyung, what would your wishes be?'' When moving away from Namjoon, Jimin shoved the camera to his other friend's face. ''Is one of them not to be the only one without an important role in this play?''
Yoongi said nothing.
''But being a rock isn't that bad. You just have to breathe, sleep and basically exists. It's not different from what you're already doing every day.''
However, Yoongi stood up now, dusting off his costume and mumbling to his breath. ''What was that? Did you guys hear anything?''
''Maybe it was the wind?'' Boyoung joined in, the edges of her white dress carried by the movements of her feet.
So Jimin does it again.
The whole body laughter, which is only a second stage of the four existing stages. The first one being his normal laughter, one where he either covers his mouth to hide his giggles or his eyes crinkle up.
The third stage of his laugh would be leaning to the closest person to cling onto them for balance. And fourth is the stage where he is on the floor, choking on his own fits of chuckles.
It'd be easy if Jimin had stages to his personality, but in reality, his personality was more like a switch that turned on the light and turned it off again. He was confident, yet insecure. He dances on his feet like a feather yet falls off chairs and is the clumsiest man ever. He loves everyone but has the hardest of times loving himself.
People would think that he's an attention seeker, and he is, not in a bad way because he craves and loves getting compliments but is somehow still humble so that every time his friends mention him as a great dancer, he doesn't even hesitate to correct them and bring the spotlight to shine back on Hoseok.
Even now, as he's laughing, he's being contradictory – giggly and happy for others while hiding all his problems that could probably fit the whole alphabet.
And all June could do was watch, just like she'd been doing since the first day they met.
Then she looked away, trying to steer her attention back to the pointe shoes in her hands. But the laugh – Jimin's laugh, made it all so much more difficult.
''Ack, I'm going to murder all of you in your sleep. But before I do that, let me interview a person who's nicer than all of you in here.''
She wasn't expecting this at all.
June wasn't expecting Jimin to stand in front of her now, out of them all.
''Now,'' He started, pressing his lips after a gulp that was almost loud enough for June to hear. ''Tell me June-ah, how are you getting ready for your role in the play?''
Her breath hitched for a second before she could find her voice again. ''Well,'' now staring at her shoes, she tried to avoid, not the camera, but the very face behind it. ''I'm molding my new pointe shoes.''
''And how do you do that?'' Jimin's voice was softer now, more curious.
''There's a lot of that goes into this, actually. Every dancer tries to make their shoes a part of them, so they try to mold them to their feet as best as they can since they have them on from morning up until the late hours at night.''
Her body, dressed in a night-black dress, was relaxed and she was breathing in slow breaths.
''After sewing them, to support your ankle in the way that's most comfortable, you're going to smush the box. The box is where your toes go, and it's typically pretty tough...'' And she softly hit the ground.
Tap, tap, tap. The shoes made the sound that echoed around.
''...with new shoes, this is done to get them more malleable. That way it'll be easier for both you and your feet to move.'' She said as she stood up.
And Jimin wasn't looking through the camera anymore.
He was looking at her.
''With my heel pressing against the box, they're gonna pop.'' She said.
And they do, for some reason, the tiny noise made everything go silent. As if every young heart stopped beating just for a moment.
''Now I'm going to bend the whole shoe.'' Fingers tied around the shoe, she pressed against it with her whole body on the ground again, thinking that the stronger she pushes, the faster she'll forget everything that happened, from Taehyung being gone to Jimin ending up in the hospital.
Because they never talked about it.
They never spoke a word about it, Jimin and June that is.
And when the shoe finally bent, it almost felt like a relief of some sorts. ''Haven't done this since I was in ballet school. And that was a long time ago.'' Her shy laugh was the attempt to hide the amateur mistakes, even though Jimin couldn't see them. Not when his eyes were fixated on her instead of the shoes in her hands.
''You need to bang them.'' Another voice was heard and Boyoung came in sight. ''The shoes. You need to bang them on the wall.'' She explained again, reaching out her pale hand. ''If you'll let me.''
As June does so, the camera moved to Boyoung and she hit with the shoe against the wall repeatedly. Loud and sharp the sound was, leaving small traces against the old wall. ''There'', said Bo. ''Now, they won't be a distraction. They won't be loud anymore. ''
Seconds later, June mumbled a small thank you and looked back at Jimin, but before she could say anything, Boyoung does it first. ''I'm used to seeing you taking polaroids, but since when did you start filming?''
Jimin stared through her for a long time. Then he said, "I've been practicing.''
''Oh'', Hoseok was still battling the amount of papers in his hands. ''Is that what you've been doing for the last few days then?"
But Jimin couldn't peel his eyes away from Boyoung, or whatever there was standing behind her.
''No, not really.''
''Where have you been then? I haven't seen you in the studio for three weeks, at least.''
And the façade Jimin wished to have lasted longer slowly broke down like dominos as all was still.
June wasn't looking at him anymore. She didn't need to, because they both knew what happened a few hours ago. But the others didn't know that. The hospital, the drugs, Jungkook's accident he caused – they didn't know any of it because Jimin didn't want them to. And maybe it was better that way.
So June lied, "He went back to Busan, to visit his brother and mom.''
And they believed it. Since it was the only thing left for them to believe in.
Soon, Jimin shut the camera off, unable to decide if he was happy, sad or something else. Regardless of it all, the corners of his lips stretched into a small smile, one that took way too much energy for him to do.
''Ah, speaking of family'', Yoongi's raspy voice sounded like a saving. ''My whole family wants to come. Even Junki. And mom insisted to bring my girlfriend Soma as well. Now I'm absolutely terrified of seeing them in first rows.''
''Why?'' Namjoon's dimples made an appearance.
''Have you not met my mother? That woman basically told all the neighbors that her son is Daegu's most famous actor. She even hung a picture of me in our restaurant.''
A slight wrinkle formed between Boyoung's eyebrows. ''So you're worried that your number one fan, the old lady from across the street, will end up being completely heartbroken to find out that you never really were a part of her favorite drama?''
''Shut up.'' Yoongi sneered over his shoulder.
''What about you, June?'' Hoseok sat down, finally leaving the pile of papers aside. ''Will your family come to see you perform?''
June shrugged. ''Mama said she has a night shift and will need the car that day, so I doubt the rest of the family will be up for a late night bus ride anyway.''
''What about that friend of yours?'' It was Namjoon's turn to speak, but something inside June wished it wasn't. ''Taeyong or Tae-Taehyung, isn't it?''
June played with her fingers to let the seconds pass by as if the exact action will erase his question for a while. For whatever reason, she could feel everything – the beating of her heart, how her glands breathed out a sweat, even the steady ground beneath her feet.
She could feel everything. Everything except for the minutes that still have to pass by.
If only they could've gone by faster.
''He moved towns.''
Startled, her head jerked, eyes looking up at the person whose voice belonged to.
''Just a few days ago Taehyung moved to Gwangju for his college application.'' At that moment, Jimin lied for her as best as he could, as if showing just how pas de deux works – it takes not more than two.
And even though she watched him dance every single night, knowing his every move. The only thing she didn't know is that he knew.
Jimin knew it all.