Chapter 24
Axel POV
Reluctantly I pull away from the gorgeous girl in my arms, already missing her warm lips. Pressing my forehead to hers I know she sees my pained face, it is blatantly obvious that I don't want to pull away. Instead, I want to carry her to my room, want to finish what we started, want to finally get a taste of her, get to feel her naked flesh.
I sigh loudly before pulling he head back to get a better look at her smiling face. She thinks it's funny how badly I want to lock us upstairs, that it's funny I have a permanent hard-on when it involves her.
"I gotta tell Jax that our dad is coming," I mumbled trying to distract myself from temptation.
Her smile drops and she runs her hands up and down my chest soothingly, unaware that she is like a Siren and I am so willing to get trapped by her. I already am.
"I know," she pauses, "What do you think he will say?"
I shrug my tired shoulders, "Who knows they barely talked before. It was always me dealing with dad while Jax and mom get to ignore the problems," I explain distracting myself with some strands of her hair. Twirling it around my finger and watching it drop back down pin straight.
Suddenly we hear a door snap open and then another slam shut. My head snaps in the direction of the hallway that has Hazel and Jax's rooms. Quickly, with Blaze right behind me, I make my way over just in time to see Jax bursting out of his room shouting, "Hazel!" Before opening her bedroom door and standing in the door frame watching something.
Slowly he enters the room and I can hear the soft sounds of crying. Knowing what is going to happen I grab Blaze before she can barge into her room and ruin whatever talking they need to have.
"Let me go," Blaze hisses, but I shake my head.
"No, they need this," I insist.
"No, my best friend in crying I need to help her!" She says a little louder, but I slap my hand across her mouth.
"Trust me," I breath out and watch as her eye bulge at my actions before mumbling some insult into my hand then nodding and I couldn't help but to smile as she did so. I kissed her nose and slowly we both creep closer to the room.
"I can't do this now Hazel!" Jax shouts trying to hold her but Hazel wipes away a few tears and shakes off his hands.
"Why not? What more do we have to lose? Look at Blaze and Axel, they have everything fighting against them, but they are still trying!" she snaps angrily and I wince knowing that Hazel angry means Hazel doesn't hold back. She throws the truth at you, even if you are not ready to hear it.
I feel Blaze squeeze my hand that is still holding her close, and I smile. We do have everything against us, but as long as I have her, I don't care.
"Hazel," he says with sternness I've never heard before.
My brother never was stern with my mother or my father or even me. He was the silent type and only put in just enough effort to pass through life, I could never tell what he wanted or what he was told to want. He was caring and a good friend but when it came to his own life... it was like he didn't want to get hurt so he kept everything that could mean something to him at arm's length.
I blame our father, who would break things and people right in front of us. Jax never wanted to do that, he never wanted to be that. So, he ran from that side of himself.
"I'm done Jax, I'm done running from this," Hazel says back pulling me from my own memories.
"We aren't running, we are waiting," Jax insists and I catch a hint of desperation- of a plead. He is almost begging Hazel not to tip the scale.
"Well, I'm fucking done waiting!" She shouts at him throwing her hands up while sharing a sad smile.
Then she pauses a moment, "but if you're not then..." her voice is quieter now and her eyes have dropped to the furniture around her.
"Then what?" He asks in a deadly deep voice. I hear Blaze quietly gasp sharing my surprise at him. Since when did Jax talk like this, feel and express this much emotion.
"Then maybe we should just stop this. Before someone gets hurt," She says softly, and a pained look contorts my brother's face.
"Is it that easy for you?" He hisses in such a low voice I barely caught the words.
"What?" Hazel asks confused.
"Is it that easy for you to walk away from us? From me?" he asks louder this time and steps closer to her. Hazel doesn't step back but she rolls her eyes.
"You're not listening," She says sounding annoyed.
"Because it's not for me Hazel! I could never walk away from you, from us. I-" He stops himself and Hazel takes a step closer placing her hands on his arms and he responds automatically by placing his hands on her hips.
"You what, Jax?" Hazel whispers looking into up at him as Jax's eyes bounce around her face as if memorizing it.
"Tell me you won't walk away," He says dodging the question and Hazel is not pleased with it.
"You what, Jax?" she repeats almost sounding like she is holding on by a strand, she needs more. She has needed more from him for a while.
"Never mind."
His voice cuts through her and I again have to hold Blaze back as she almost goes running in there ready to kick my brother's ass.
While holding Blaze back we watch Hazel's face fall and she steps back from him, Jax allows the movement letting his hands fall from her waist. He's an idiot.
"I'm done," She says confidently, and I watch as Jax's face then falls and I just wish they would be honest with each other. These mind games are only hurting them. The constant miscommunication is driving me up a wall and I am not even in the damn relationship.
"Hazel," he begins almost taking a step forward, but she stops him.
"Done," she repeats and before he can say anything else, she runs out of the room right passed us not even bothering to scold us for eavesdropping.
Jax quickly turns to the door to go after her but Blaze blocks his way, crossing her arms over her chest she glares daggers at him. Jax's eyes widen in surprise to see us standing by the door, but before he can get a word in Blaze is ready to rip him a new one.
"YOU... You..." Blaze shakes her head, "I am so tired of seeing you break her heart."
With that Blaze takes off after Hazel leaving me to watch my brother stare at the empty stop Blaze once stood.
"You're an idiot."
Jax cuts his eyes towards me in a harsh glare, "Shut the fuck up."
I shrug my shoulders leaning against the door frame, "Just thought I would tell you that you're are fucking up the best thing that has ever happened to you," I continue casually.
"You don't know what you're talking about," He snaps back.
I resist the urge to roll my eye, "The fuck I don't, we saw and heard the whole damn thing."
"That doesn't mean you know anything. You saw one fight!" he argues, and I know he is in pain because in all the years we have lived together without mom this is the first time he has raised his voice at me.
"Then explain it to me," I say calmly sticking my hands in my pocket as Jax sinks down onto a chair in the room.
I watch as a tried hand runs down his face and he sighs, "What are you scared of? Why are you running away?" I ask him after he still doesn't answer me.
"Because!" He pauses and lowers his voice, "What if we don't work out?"
"What?" I ask moving from my spot at the door and coming to sit across from him on some tall footstool.
He groans and continues, "What if she realizes I'm not what she wants. She will start dating other people and I can't bare to see her with a different guy and what if she brings guys home?"
"She can do that right now if she wanted to! So that's the difference between that and this!?" I ask getting frustrated with him.
His eye snaps towards me and I see the fierce glare that tells me just how serious this is, "Because if I got to fucking have her, I know I will never be able to let go!" He snaps, his face turning beat red with anger.
Silence. What do I say to that when I know what that scared feeling is like.
"If we really gave it a shot, she will undoubtedly have me wrapped around her finger even more than she already does. I will fall so damn hard that there will be a fucking earthquake. But then what," I am frozen when I hear my brother's voice crack, "What if she stops loving me? I can't do that. I can't make it through that."
"Jax she won't stop but even if she does...," I pause and look at the floor. I'm not sure how to do this, girl talk with him, "well, everyone has a first love."
"No," He stays firmly and I glance up from the floor to look at him, "she isn't my first love. She would be my only. She is all I have ever loved, and if I get to have her. There would never be anyone to compare to her," again he pauses, "honestly, even if I don't have her there is still no one that compares."
I decide to try a new approach, "You can't be so defeated before even starting the game. It sets you up for failure." Something coach drilled into us.
He looks at me for a moment, studying me, "How'd you do it?"
"Do what?"
"How'd you tell Blaze? I mean knowing how much she runs away, how did you just tell her without any worries? What if she left you and you can't forget about her? What if she was gone when you woke up one morning? How could you still tell her you want to be with her knowing there was no guaranty of tomorrow," he rambles and obviously, Hazel's comment about us bothered him more than he let on.
I let myself slowly open up to him, he needs to hear this, "Because that day she was here. She was in front of me and she was in arms reach and I couldn't help it. I just had to tell her. Plus, if she did leave at least she knew I would be waiting for her," I confess.
My brother snorts, "That's the most mushy ass shit I have ever heard you say."
I reach over and slap the back of his head, "I'm in love you dumb fuck, of course, I'd say that. I don't give a rat's ass what you think because you can't even tell Hazel. Your opinion doesn't count," I shoot back, and he tenses.
"Fuck off," he groans again, "What do I do?"
I stare at him dumbfounded, "What do you mean? Go get her you little shit," I snap.
Rolling his eyes, he gets up, "Let's just hope your girlfriend doesn't kill me."
"Let's just hope Hazel is dumb enough to still be with you after all you put her through," I counter, and he points a finger at me almost like a warning. I just grin.
"Best of luck."