I stepped off the plane and into the airport. I grabbed my bag and walked outside to where Josh had said he would meet me. I saw his car idling after searching the long line of other cars for a few minutes. He looked up from his phone when he saw me walking towards him. He got out. “Hey,” he said softly.
“Hi,” I replied. He looked at me, his gaze steady. If this were a movie, this would be where he lost control of his senses and kissed me passionately. People would stare and mothers would shield their children’s eyes.
But this wasn’t a movie. I was here for closure. I had decided on the plane that I would talk everything out with Josh, just so there weren’t any unresolved conflicts. Then, I would pack up everything and either go stay with my parents or Mollie until I found my own place.
He silently took my suitcase from me and put it in the trunk of the car. He opened the door for me, then got into the driver’s seat.
“How was your flight?” he asked.
“Fine, thanks.”
He paused for second. “Clara, I’m really sorry and-”
“Can we please wait until we get home to have this conversation?”
“Okay.”
“Thank you.”
The car ride was silent after that. When we got home, I wordlessly started up the stairs.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“I need to pack up the rest of my stuff.” Screw Mollie’s advice. Being around him was just too painful. I needed to leave. Right now.
“Clara!” He followed me upstairs. “Just talk to me, please.”
I started gathering the stuff of mine that had accumulated in guest bedroom over the week or so that I had been there. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Yes there is! I was wrong. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, you were wrong.”
He started pulling things out of the bag I was packing them into and putting them back in the drawers. He was unpacking faster than I could pack. “What can I do to fix this?”
“Stop unpacking my bag.”
He picked the bag up and dumped it out on the floor. “Don’t leave. We need to talk.”
“You’re being really immature right now.”
“So are you.”
“Don’t fight fire with fire.” I knelt down on the floor and began repacking the bag.
He knelt down next to me and grabbed my hands in his. “Just five minutes. That’s all I ask. I just want you to hear what I have to say, and then you can leave.”
“Fine.” I stood up and sat on the edge of the bed. I set a timer on my phone for five minutes. I showed it to him. “Five minutes.”
He knelt on the floor in front of me, taking my hands in his again. “Clara, I’m begging on my knees for you to stay.”
“Nice. How long did it take you to come up with that one?”
He ignored my comment. “What I did was wrong, and I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have lied to you. A relationship is all about trust and I betrayed that trust. I didn’t ever stop to think about how hard it was for you. I was drowning in self-pity and it was disgusting. I should have been there for you. You’ve been going through such a hard time lately and I chose to ignore that in favor of forcing you to sort your feelings out. I should have just left you alone to figure these things out by yourself, on your own time.
“There’s no excuse for lying to you. I was being selfish. I wanted you to love me and I hope you know that I would do anything to make you love me like you did before. There’s nothing I can do, though, and I have to accept that. I’m sorry about everything, Clara. I’m not asking for another chance, but I want you to forgive me. I can’t have everything end like this.
“You should know how amazing you are. You’re the best thing ever to happen to me and-”
The timer went off. I silenced it. “Go on,” I said, keeping my expression neutral.
“You’re the best thing ever to happen to me and I will always love you. You’re a goddess, Clara, a goddess. I haven’t even looked at another girl in the past three years. I was a mess when I met you. You don’t remember it, and that’s alright, but I do. You took me in. I was all broken up about a breakup with a girl I hadn’t even loved. I didn’t know what love was until I met you, Clare. I’m 10 times the man I was before I met you.
“Last week, when I you asked me how long I thought it took me to fall in love with someone, I was telling the truth. There was just something that clicked when I saw you for the first time after high school. At first I didn’t understand what I was feeling, then one day, I realized that you were the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I think we were babysitting your cousin’s kids together and you were holding the baby and you said, “Someday I want to have kids, but not until I’m with the right guy.” You looked right at me, probably without really realizing it. Something fell into place in my brain and I’ve been falling even more in love with you every day since.”
He helped me off of the bed. “I’m really, really sorry. I love you, Clara Marie Evans and I always will. If you ever change your mind, I’ll be right here, I promise…I’ll stop unpacking your things now. I can go get boxes and we can get your things from the other rooms. Just please, Clara, say something, anything.”
The smart part of my brain was telling me to accept his help and finish packing my things. I ignored that thought and tilted my head up so I could kiss him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, thankful that he was only a few inches taller than me. He looked at me with wide eyes. I pressed my lips to his. He reacted belatedly, putting his hands around my waist after a few seconds.
He pulled away after a moment, but still held me close. “You’re-you’re not mad anymore?”
“I love you, stupid, and love conquers all.” I went back to kissing him.
*
“You look nice,” Josh said.
I blushed and mumbled something unintelligible. We were waiting in the lobby of a restaurant. I was just wearing a black skirt with a blue top.
We were led to our table. He pulled out my chair for me before sitting in his.
“It was nice, um nice of you to ask me to dinner,” I said. I wanted to cringe at how awkward I was.
“No problem. I wanted to see you again. After- after last week.”
“I’m sorry about the spaghetti, I really am.”
“No worries. I figured we could try it again.” He flashed me a smile.
I returned the gesture. “I don’t really know why you want to.”
“You don’t get it, do you?”
I looked up, surprised at the edge to his tone. “What?”
“You’re amazing. You really are. You’re beautiful and nice and funny and you just don’t seem to realize what anyone could see in you. But, God, Clara. You’re absolutely everything I’ve been looking for.”
“But-but what about Mindy?”
“She’s nothing to me, anymore, and it’s not like she ever really was. You helped me realize that.”
“So…you like me?”
“Yes, stupid, I like you. I like like you.”
*
I woke up and saw Josh sitting on the bed next to me. “You alright, Clarie?”
“Yeah. Another memory.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Yeah, I guess so. We were on a date.”
Josh raised his eyebrows. “A date?”
“Mhm. We were at some restaurant and you told me that you were in love with me, basically.”
“I like like you. God, that was nervewracking.”
“Who was Mindy?”
“The girlfriend I had before you. We dated all throughout high school and then she broke up with me once she figured out that I wasn’t going to get some big paying job as a lawyer or doctor. I was so broken up over it. Then I saw you at our class reunion and you realized what a mess I was. It took a little while for me to figure out exactly how I felt about you but once I did it was like I saw a light or something biblical like that. You turned my life around. I started showering daily and everything again.”
I smiled. “And what was the spaghetti incident?”
Josh let out a laugh. “It was our first real date and we both ordered spaghetti and you got up to use the bathroom as the waiter was coming. You got your leg tangled with his and tripped the poor guy, sending spaghetti all over me. You were so embarrassed and I felt bad because I couldn’t stop laughing.”
I laughed and got up, gathering the sheets and pillows from where they were scattered across the room. Josh got up and helped me. Together, we remade the bed.
“No point in messing up a perfectly made bed,” Josh said.
For once, I was actually following his train of thought. “You make a good point.”
He seemed surprised that I was giving in so easily. He took my hand and pulled me towards his-excuse me, our- room. I slid into bed next to him. “No funny business, mister,” I mumbled as he kissed me.
“I’ve been told that I’m not very funny, anyway.”
“You’re not.”
“That was a joke!”
“My point exactly.”
He pouted. I kissed his nose, then snuggled closer to him. He put his arms around me and whispered, “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I mumbled. The words felt so foreign coming out of my mouth, yet at the same time, they felt like the most natural thing to say in the world. My memories might not have come back, but my feelings for Josh sure had.