The Crimson Guard (Chapters 1 - 5) by challoner
Reviewed by AmyMarieZ
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Overview: The Crimson Guard is a fantasy story following main character Fawn. Growing up an orphan and living on the streets, she's had to fend for herself using her magical ability to mimic the faces of others. After being taken in by Tawney, an old man trading on the black market, she gets herself into trouble attempting to steal protection charms from members of an elite family. Captured by the general of the military, Fawn is forced to choose between imprisonment and joining the military where her magical powers hold a significant value.
Structure: The story is written in the first person past tense. This structure works well because the story has one central main character that the plot revolves around. That said, the story seems to be largely plot focused so far (rather than character focused, although it does contain strong characterization) so it could also work well in third limited POV.
The story begins with Fawn presenting her current situation at the beginning of the first chapter. After a few paragraphs, the rest of the chapter becomes a flashback where she explains how she met Tawney. Chapter two picks up with her being dragged out of her daydreaming by Tawney. Since almost the entire first chapter is a flashback, I wonder if it might make sense for the very beginning to be omitted, and the first chapter to simply take place when Fawn was eleven, rather than it being her as a nineteen year old woman remembering the past. The next chapter could still pick up in the same place but it might be a bit more seamless. This is of course just an idea for consideration.
The chapters that follow set up the inciting incident of the story—Fawn getting caught robbing an elite family and forced to join the military. Although in some ways these chapters are primarily setup, the intense action, suspense, and characterization make them interesting and a thrill to read, pulling the reader into the story and getting them excited for what is to come.
Grammar: The grammar in The Crimson Guard is well done in general. The story has clearly been proofread and written with care. Grammatical mistakes never detract from the reading experience or lead to confusion while reading.
As I read, I noticed a few minor typos throughout the chapters, which I have pointed out inline.
The one persistent grammatical issue I noticed was frequent shifts from past to present tense. I was unsure if these shifts were intentional or errors. In some places it seemed that it was possible that the present tense statements could be the narrator referring to states that were continuous in the present telling of the story. However, regardless of if these shifts were intentional, many of them felt odd or out of place. My suggestion would be to keep the entire story in the past tense, unless there is a specific reason for having some statements in the present tense.
Pace: Overall, the pacing in the first five chapters of The Crimson Guard was fantastic. There were no points where the pace dragged or I became confused because things were happening too quickly. Additionally, every scene was easy to visualize. The balance of character action, dialog, and internal though/narration gave the scenes a feeling like they were happening at real time.
I thought the pacing between chapters three and five was particularly well done. The events of these chapters flowed together in a seamless way, yet each chapter ended with a dramatic cliffhanger that kept me eager to read on and find out more.
Character Development: The main character in this story is Fawn, a strong willed young woman with a good head on her shoulders. Her morals and values come across clearly through her actions, internal thoughts, narration, and the way she interacts with other characters. Fawn understands that there are injustices in the world where she lives. Poverty and homelessness are prevalent, meanwhile the upper class of elites live a life of extreme luxury. The disparity between the classes frustrates and infuriates Fawn, and she makes that known to the reader. She uses it as an excuse for stealing from them, and it seems that she doesn't view what she is doing as wrong, even though she acknowledges the fact that it is criminal.
There is only one character in the story that Fawn is attached to, and that is Tawney. When Fawn was eleven, Tawney took her in and made her his apprentice. I loved that the scene where Fawn first met Tawney was shown at the beginning of this chapter. Seeing how cautious and unsure Fawn was of the man when she first met him just makes their present day relationship seem even stronger. It was wonderful to see how close they had become, and how important they both were to each other.
Despite the fact that their relationship is so strong, both characters are also strong on their own. After reading the first five chapters, even though Fawn and Tawney are separated, I get the sense that both of them will be okay on their own. I am sure they will miss each other dearly, but they are such strong individuals I know they will pull through losing each other and move on with their lives. However, since they shared such a strong bond for eight years, they will always remain important to each other, should they meet again. When Fawn most leave, her one demand is that protection be granted to Tawney. This just cemented how important they are to one another.
As I was reading the chapters, I found myself wondering if Fawn had any other friends or acquaintances that were important to her from her life on the streets. It seems to me that perhaps she does not. However, it seems like she does care about other people as a whole, often giving to the homeless and "sharing" the wealth of the rich with the poor. I wondered if presenting memories of specific people she has helped, perhaps a young child or elderly person living on the streets, would bring this aspect of her character that much more to light. I wouldn't want to detract from her relationship with Tawney, but an attachment to specific events (or a specific event) rather than another person might add just a bit more depth to the story.
Description: After reading the first five chapters of this story, I have such a vivid idea of what the world looks like, which is fantastic! I can picture Tawney's shop with ease, and the streets and the mansion where the elite woman Jaeda lives.
My favorite descriptions in this story, however, where the descriptions of what Fawn looked like when she mimicked different people. Describing character appearances can be tricky, but since the shifts in Fawn's appearance are plot relevant and a magical ability, the descriptions come to life and hold so much interest. The precision of the descriptions made it easy for me to visualize each face she took on. Additionally, the creativity and tension in the descriptions made them exciting and engaging to read!
Plot: So far I love the plot of The Crimson Guard. Although the story of a young woman with magical powers in a war-torn fantasy world isn't the most original idea I have ever seen, it is one that I think works well. The details of the story are what set it apart from the others and bring it to life.
First, Fawn's power is one that is unique, interesting, and also a bit devious. Being able to take on the faces of others is a power I would normally expect a frightening villain to have. However, the fact that the hero of the story possesses this power twists it around a bit. I like the fact that so far, she has been taking advantage of her power and using it for her own gain. This lends realism to the story and humanizes the characters. They aren't wholly good, but they have good intentions and strong values.
As mentioned in the pacing section of this review, the plot progression in The Crimson Guard is expertly done. From the very first chapter, I found myself sucked into the world, characters, and plot. However, things really picked up when Fawn used her powers to sneak into the home of Jaeda, disguised as the elite woman, to steal protection charms. The high level of danger kept me on the edge of my seat. If Fawn slipped up once, she'd be caught. If Fawn did everything right but was unlucky, she'd be caught. And Fawn doesn't hide the fact that she's nervous about the task. Fawn's concern and nerves makes me as a reader even more worried, which just makes me want to read on more!
The stakes in these first five chapters are fantastic, and the action backs them up. I loved the chase scene where Fawn is discovered and has to flee from the mansion. Although I might have liked to see a bit more of a struggle before she got out of the building itself, the action once she hit the streets was on point. I speed through this part of the chapter, my heart pounding and eager to find out what would happen to Fawn. The plot has just the right amount of unpredictability. Right when I though Fawn had made it out without being caught, the soldiers and the General turn up and grab her!
I really liked the exchange between Fawn and the General once she is caught. She's clearly smart and knows how to read the situation. She's aware of the fact that the General wants something from her, because he doesn't just turn her in. She uses this knowledge to her advantage. My one concern with chapter five was that the explanation of Fawn's thought process was just a bit overdone. As a reader, I found myself thinking along with Fawn, so I didn't necessarily need her to explain her reason for everything she did and thought. I wondered if leaving out just a bit of the explanation might have added t the dramatic effect of the scene.
Summary: The Crimson Guard is a thrilling, edge-of-your-seat fantasy story. The realistic and strong willed main character, Fawn, drives the plot along and builds the tension. Right from the beginning, the story immerses the reader in a vividly developed war-torn world of magic. The characters, plot, and world leave a memorable and lasting impression, making this story one to check out for sure!