"Hello?"
"You seriously don't have my number saved?"
"No, I do...I just...forgot to...put a name for the number."
"You saved my number and put no name on it?"
"Umm, yes? Yeah, that's what I did."
"So you're basically an idiot."
"Well, I wouldn't put it so strongly."
"You're just an idiot when it comes to technology. Or giving your husband a contact name."
"Yeah..." He didn't sound convinced.
"It's really easy. So after this phone call, you just-"
"I know how to save numbers in my contacts. You've just never called me, okay!"
"Defensive much? I was just trying to help you with your technical difficulties. Sometimes old people need some time to get used to this new technology."
"Oh, so now I'm old, am I?"
"I wouldn't quite say decrepit, but you're getting there. I believe 'one foot in the grave' is a term often used to describe people like you."
"Damn, this got real really fast."
"Thats what you get for not saving my number. Need some ice for that, or are you gonna be okay?"
"No, I'm good." He laughed. "What did you call about anyways?"
The conversation had flown so easily up to this point. I felt bad breaking it for what I was about to discuss, but that's why I had called. I wasn't going to chicken out now.
I leaned back against the headboard, and sighed.
"I just wanted to talk to you."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Why? What happened? Did Jasper bug you or something?" How he could guess surprised me, but him bringing up the subject helped to talk about it.
"Yeah, a little, I guess."
"What does that mean?" His tone was harsher than I expected. Maybe harsh is the wrong word. Anxious perhaps, or concerned. The type of concern that almost sounds angry.
"Well, it all started when Elliot asked me if he could stay in my room. Apparently he didn't want Jasper paying him a late visit, and I didn't blame the kid."
"Okay." I couldn't tell he was listening intently, so I continued.
"So naturally I let him stay. Well that pissed Jasper off, and he stormed in sometime the next morning acting like something was going on. I didn't like how he was talking to Elliot, so I gave him a piece of my mind."
"Of course you did."
"He didn't much like that, and retaliated by calling me your bitch."
I heard his quick intake of breath, and knew he was probably about as mad as I had been when he said that.
"All he did was get in my personal space, and act all high and mighty, so I really don't have anything to complain of. I just...it bugged me."
"The way he acted towards you?"
"That too I guess. The thing that bugged me the most was something he said...about you."
There was complete silence for a few seconds. I thought maybe the connection failed, but then I heard his intake of breath
"About me?" His voice was suddenly changed. It sounded strangely different than his usual, confident tone. "What did he say about me?"
"Well, he asked how you were."
"Of course he did, the arrogant bastard." He muttered, and I suddenly didn't know if it was the best idea to continue. "Well, what else?"
It was too late to play it off now. Well, here goes nothing.
"Then he asked if you were still denying something he tried to make you realize a long time ago. What was he talking about, Thomas?"
Again, a heavy silence fell between us. I could hear his breathing, suddenly uneven and ragged, as if he had been punched in the stomach.
"How dare he? How..." His voice trailed off, disbelief causing it to barely be above a whisper.
"Thomas, wha—"
"It's nothing." And with those two words, he had completely regained control of himself. "Nothing at all. I wouldn't think about it anymore if I were you."
"But I'm your husband! Of course I'm going to think about that. Why can't-"
"Because it's none of your damn business! Just because we are married doesn't mean I have to trust you!" He snapped suddenly, and I flinched at the raw anger in his voice. Never before had he yelled at me, and my heart clenched painfully, unwanted tears welled in the corners of my eyes.
I inwardly cursed my emotions, and struggled to get my voice under control.
"I-I see. Forgive me for asking." He sighed heavily into the phone, and I could picture him running a hand through his hair.
"I shouldn't have yelled. I'm sorry, Alex."
"It doesn't matter. What you said would have hurt no matter how you said it."
"I'm-"
"I get it. Not only will I never have your love, but your trust is also out of my reach."
"Please, its not like that." His voice was soft and weak, pleading with me to understand. It was so unlike his normal, confident voice. "I'm not saying we won't earn each others trust, but this...this is something I've never trusted anyone with."
I wanted so badly to know whatever there was to know, but part of me held back warily. Surely, there could be nothing good in this secret he carried.
"You have to understand that there are things you may never know about me. That's just how it is. Now, was there anything else, or is that what you were calling about?"
I frowned at the obvious dismissal, but knew there was nothing left to do or say.
"That's it."
"Alright, well, I'm glad you called, and try and keep away from him whenever possible. I'll...see you when you get back, then."
"Yeah, bye."
"Goodbye, Alex." He ended the call, and I stared at the screen in my hand for a while after. It went black, but I continued to stare. The conversation had gone so differently then I imagined.
Him telling me that I would never know things about him was basically a slap to the face. I wanted to knew everything there was about him, and I wanted him to know me, and yet...that could never be.
I ran a hand across my face, confused by the strength of the emotions I felt. How could I already care so deeply when he said he didn't trust me? Why was I so weak that I had already let myself fall for him completely?
——————
Sure enough, the week passed without event, and when we returned, Thomas acted like our conversation had never happened.
But no matter what he acted like, there was something different about Thomas then when I last saw him. He was quieter, more reserved, and to my surprise, he was jumpy. Slamming doors, or loud noises suddenly had him looking around before going back to what he was doing.
Was this all from that conversation? Had my mention of Jasper really done all this? That couldn't be possible. Something else must have happened while I was gone.
But that wasn't all. The first night that I was home, I woke up to the sound of Thomas moving around. I thought nothing of it at first, besides being annoyed that he woke me up, but the sound of him muttering under his breath caused me to turn and look at him.
To my surprise, he was still sleeping. It took my hall awake mind about three seconds to realize he was having a nightmare, and about five seconds to jump into action.
He slept on the opposite side of the bed as me, but I crossed our invisible barrier without a second thought. Surely this was an exception to the rule.
When I got to him, I noticed the sweat on his forehead, and the look of pain on his face. He was still muttering something unintelligible.
I shook his shoulder gently.
"Thomas. Thomas, wake up." His face darkened, and his arms came up to push me away.
Deciding that it wasn't helping to shake him, and getting slightly worried, I threw all caution to the wind, and brought my hand up to stroke his cheek.
"Thomas. Wake up, love." I spoke softly in his ear. I used my other hand to run through his dark hair, and after what seemed like forever, the worry and pain went from his face, replaced by a look of calm.
My heart fluttered when I felt his arm wrap around me, and the fact that I had pulled him from a nightmare into a peaceful sleep made me want to scream for joy. Even if only subconsciously, I had an effect on Thomas.
I looks down into his peaceful face, running my hand through his hair one last time. I placed a kiss on his cheek, and lay my head down on his gently rising chest.
I cherished that moment that I lay in his arms for a long time to come. I knew it wasn't something I could get used to.