Grey's POV
Classes have been tough as we approach our midterms and finals. Thank god we're so close to Thanksgiving and Christmas break. Wait, the first one without Patrick. I didn't even think about that.
Everything has been such a whirlwind. It's wild.
Now...question is, where am I going to apply for college.
Until it dawned on me. College applications are days away! Fuck, fuck, shit, goddammit, Grey Andriana Carson!
I fling myself off my bed and begin my research. What's my major? What's my minor? Where do I want to go? Study abroad? I just don't know anymore. I'm screwed.
My phone buzzes, notifying me of a text message. I take a look at the screen and I see Kevin's name on the screen. I turn it off. Now is not the time to get distracted.
I exhaled slowly and researched more. I had applied early for Yale. Yale was a top choice for a few years. I mean, duh, it's freaking Yale. I applied to Biomedical Engineering. I also did like bio and that stuff was fun. Should I apply through only majors like that? I run my hands through my hair, but even that was short lived, as my hair tangled around my ring. "Dammit!" I yank it out with a small clump of hair.
I sigh and drop my head. "Are you ignoring me now?"
"Kevin, I have a lot on my mind."
He takes his seat in front of me so I can't do anything but acknowledge him. "College applications?"
"YES!"
"Dude, you know you're going to get into every university you want right?"
"I want Yale but it's Yale, that's like impossible."
"What did you say that first soccer practice? What was your IQ again?"
"160 but that doesn't matter."
"A rock has more luck and intelligence as me!" Kevin leans back in his chair. "I don't think I can even go to college. Even with FAFSA and scholarships, I'll probably have to pay for it and there's no way I can. Even community college at this point is a long shot. I don't know where to even begin but all I know is that I need to move out. I can't keep living in your house and I definitely can't live at home."
I sigh, feeling selfish with everything that I have and what I'm gifted with. "What about Theo? I still really haven't even met him."
"I don't think I can live with him. He's been off the grid since I went to the hospital. I don't think he even realized I was gone that weekend," his voice drifted off into thought. My eyes on him weary. I give him a hug, knowing I can't do much otherwise.
"You know, I have an idea. Do what you can scholarship wise then let me know okay?"
He rasied an eyebrow quizically. "What are you scheming now?"
I waived my hand dismissively, "Don't worry about it! None of your concern."
He continued to eye me as we talked about the future options we might have. It's been nice being able to take my mind off of everything. Especially the Caster stuff.
The classes roll by today oddly fast. I get an incoming text from Will and check it immediately.
How are you doing now? I hope you're doing better. I spent a lot of money on that trip for you. Should be worth it!!!
I reply back with a chuckle. I am doing better. thank you so much for your concern.
I heard something happened to some kids in your grade.
I bit my lip. I'm still in shock. What are the odds that another terrible drunk driving crash killed seniors in less than a year? It sent a chill down my spine just thinking about it; along with memories of my own crash. I squeeze my eyes shut shaking my head, trying to erase them.
Yeah, I know about it. I responded and pocketed my phone before he could respond, not bothering to acknowledge him. I begin the walk to the soccer field. The temperatures have already dropped drastically in Maine these last few weeks and visiting New Jersey made that very clear.
I notice all the boys beginning their drills. We're already in regionals - who would have thought. Their efforts are clear as day. Yeah, I yell at them here and there but nothing in comparison to before. Definitely a lot less complaining too. "How are you boys doing?" A few just simply shrugged, but the boys that sat with me those first few days of school are now gone, Tristan included. I couldn't help my heart aching, knowing what they're all going through losing a friend. "Were taking it easy today. I know we're going to have our regionals matches soon, but this is a tough time for everyone. I should know the most. If you don't want to stay, you don't have to."
The boys would glance at each other and mumble. A few stepped off the field and just went to the bleachers to talk, others stayed. The ones on the field I knew were like me, the ones that needed every possible distraction to help them grieve. And the least I could do for them is to give them that.
Out of those boys, I was shocked to see Tyler there. Him being both close to Jackson and Tristan, I would think he would be staying out today too. Until I looked into his eyes a bit deeper and saw them struggling. That's right, they're just like me.
~~~
I stare at my phone wondering what I should do. The screen black, only reflecting to my face. I knew what I had to do. I went through my contacts to call Tristan. He hadn't answered my previous texts so it has begun to worry me. The dial tone ominous in my ear until it suddenly ends. "Tristan?"
I hear the tiniest sniffle trying to be masked. "Hey Grey.."
"How are you and the guys doing?"
There was a pause before responding, "As good as one could expect."
"Trust me, I understand." I look up from my lap to Tristan's cozy home, a driveway once full now laid barren. "Would I be able to help at all? I have somethings to drop off."
"Wait, are you here right now?" I hear rustling and load footsteps pounding down stairs, until I see his face in the window. His, "oh my god" was audible through the phone and house.
I lean off of the truck with a massive bag, still hidden inside. I watch as Tristan bursts through the door, dashing across the street to where I stood, and crashing into me into a bear hug, almost knocking the both of us back into the side of the car. My face heats up instantly as I'm pressed against him but I force thoughts out of my head. His hand is pressed against the back of my head, keeping me from looking directly up at him as he spoke. "What are you doing here?"
"I told you, I wanna help the best I can." I manage to push myself out from his grasp just enough to look at his bloodshot eyes. I recognized it immediately.
"Grey, you don't have to-"
"Oh I know I don't have to but I want to." I look down at him still holding my waist and as I was about to speak again, he quickly pulls away not meeting my eyes, his cheeks getting visibly pinker.
"Sorry."
"You won't be apologizing." I open the door and grab the bag from the passenger seat.
"Geez, okay let's go inside. It's too cold for this," he grabs arm and we dart back inside, where it was definitely much warmer. I look at him finally analyzing his attire and my eyes widen. He ran outside barefoot, in shorts, and just a paper thin tank top when it's late November.
"Dumbass! You're essentially naked and you ran outside? Why would you do that?!"
He looks down at himself, "Well, I am definitely not naked at least. I feel like I would've gotten a much different reaction if I ran out like that."
"Oh yeah you would have!" He laughs, I can tell it was the first time in awhile. I put the bag on the kitchen counter as I take a seat on the barstool.
"Shall I open whatever it is while your eyes bore into my skull?"
"Yep."
"Perfect," he leans over and starts to open the inside. He pulls out a massive pumpkin bag filled with candies, chips, and anything else sugary. He shakes his head, "Oh my-"
"Just keep going!"
Tristan puts the bucket aside going in deeper finding two hoodies and comfy socks. His eyes meet mine, looking like they're about to cry again. "You have too good of a heart, you know that right?"
I stretch out my arms again, "You want another hug?" He just nods and we embrace, mutually understanding each other. "I don't want to over stay my welcome if you and your family have plans."
"No, please, can you stay?" His swollen eyes beg me more than his words ever could.
"Yes, I can stay."
He squeezed me tighter, muttering quietly in my ear. "Thank you so much. It means more than you realize."
I smile pressed into him. "I'm always here for you. You've been there for me."
"It's crazy how I've only really known you for a few months and now you're such a huge part of my life."
"It is a bit crazy huh?"
We stayed like that for sometime before he decided to break into his goodies. I watch him grab the hoodies inspecting which one to wear. One hoodie was a deep navy blue, super thick, and had a Champion logo on the sleeve. The other actually held was a pure white crew neck with a large "Calvin Klein" print over the front of it. Tristan stood tapping his feet, pondering his options. He had me pick one for him to wear. Both flatter him well, but I decided on the Champion one so he could use the pockets.
Tristan and I were in the living room for some time, trying to keep our minds buzzing, watching comedy and drama shows. I didn't realize the time until his parents walked in. My head whips back to look at his family. His dad had the most stereotypical suburban dad. His blonde hair began so turn grey, yet all of his wrinkle were warped around his mouth and eyes. I could tell instantly that he was the jokester and probably where Tristan got all of his dad jokes from. His mother mainly had worry lines framing her face. Understandably with having a son like him. You could tell she decided to embrace age young, her pin-straight hair stopped at the middle of her back, and was dyed a platinum blonde or silver. You couldn't even get a good gauge on what color it was with the light. I felt inferior being around them.
"Tristan," his dad's voice boomed from the front hall. "Who's truck is he-" he paused finally noticing my head peering over the couch. "Oh I'm sorry to startle you hun! Tristan I didn't know you were having someone over."
He nervously laughed, "Yeah, uh she kinda surprised me too. I had meant to text you but I lost track of time."
His mom migrated to the kitchen, picking up some of the goodies I had brought him. Our eyes met and I nervously grinned. "I just hope you didn't spoil your appetite. Are you staying for dinner..?"
"I'm Grey. It's nice to meet you," I finally stood up going to her. "I don't want to impose on anything if you had plans."
"Grey is a very unique name. And don't worry about that, I could tell you're a sweet kid helping out Tris. Please stay, we're not big dinner planners anyway but I'm sure we can whip something up!" His dad shook my hand nodding to his wife, then face palmed himself. "Oh gosh I didn't even introduce myself! I'm Robert and my wife Monique."
"It's a pleasure to meet you both," my nervous subside with Robert's cheerful nature. Until Tristan puts a hand on my shoulder.
"Grey knew Jackson too, she's actually the soccer team manager working with coach all the time."
Robert grins, "So you're getting him ready for college athletics?"
"Daad," Tristan groans. "I don't know what I'm doing, I'm probably not going to even get into a school like that."
I raise an eyebrow. "You seriously don't think you can? Look at how you play! Anyone can see your talent. Don't sell yourself short."
"That's wise coming from you," he mocks playfully. I glare back at response.
I focus to his mom, Monique and approach her instead, "Can I help at all with dinner? Or anything else to help prep with that?"
Visibly surprised by my offer, her demeanor softens slightly. "I'd actually appreciate that a lot. Could you cut up some potatoes?" She lifts up a bag of mini ones. "You don't have any dietary restrictions or preferences, do you?"
I shake both my hands in unison when I speak. "Oh no, I pretty much eat anything." She sighs relieved.
His mom and I prep dinner, nothing crazy but I miss the idea of home cooked meals, helping out my own mother. My thoughts slip through my lips to Monique and her shoulders drop. "Oh your the Carsons' daughter, aren't you? I knew I recognized the name Grey."
"I am," I exhale deeply.
"I'm sorry about your brother as well. It's sweet of you helping out Tristan with this situation that's unfortunately all too familiar to you."
"It is, but I suppose it's beginning to feel a bit better. Probably not around the holidays but we'll cross that bridge when we get there."
"Have you talked to your parents at all about your feelings? How maybe you all can find a way to heal with this?"
I shrug, washing my hands of the rosemary and oil on the potatoes, prepping to put the sheet pan in the oven. "I have months ago. I'm sure they were still in shock but they waived it off. Mentioning I should speak to a therapist. Though I'm sure they didn't even do the same."
She puts her hands on mine, squeezing them lightly. "Losing a child is something no parent can ever fathom experiencing. Though your parents might be knowledgable doctors and surgeons, they're human. They might have someone at work they talk to. Or they might still be processing it when you're not around. They could just be trying to act strong for you."
I look into her piercing gray eyes, squeezing her hands back. "Yeah, that's true. Thank you."
She gently smiles, "Of course. Would you like a hug?"
"That would be great actually." We embrace. Something I haven't gotten from my own mom since the funeral. My eyes water just enough but I manage to wipe them away as we separate.
Tristan and his dad join us in the large kitchen, sitting at the counter. His dad excited for the idea of dinner asks, "What did you muster up for us?"
Monique slaps his hand with a towel. Robert yelps and snatches his arm away. "You won't be finding out until it's done! You didn't help with prep so why should I inform you?"
From behind us, Tristan chimes in. "Potatoes, green beans, and chicken." Both Monique and I turn to see him with the oven door still in his hand. Tristan's face glows and he mutters "fuck" before his mom spins the same hand towel in the air, allowing it to wrap around itself, before whipping it at him. He cries out and the men scurry away defeated. Grabbing only the table settings to contribute. Better late than never.
Once dinner was served, we sat at the rustic kitchen table, with the very poor place settings from Robert and Tristan. I sit on one side, across from Robert, Tristan joins me on my left. Monique served everyone, not letting me help any more than I already had. Moments like this flashed through my mind, with Patrick and my family sitting at our own table. Now it's cold and lonely. I don't even eat there anymore since then. Why would I? The kitchen is the heart of the home yet ours feels bare.
Robert takes out an envelope, handing it to Tristan. "The wake is going to be this Friday and will be open to everyone, funeral will be private."
Tristan nods, taking the notification. "Thanks."
I rub Tristan's right hand, acknowledging his pain and emotions. He smiles genuinely at the gesture.
I turn away blushing, noticing Robert eyeing us both with a grin. "Are you two dating? Tristan how could you not tell me."
Tristan stammers, "W-we're not dating! We're just friends right now."
"Right now?" his dad chuckles.
We both sit awkwardly, that is until Monique takes Robert's plate of food. "Moni! What are you doing?"
She shakes her head, "You are in a very childish mood this evening."
He drops his eyes, "Sorry kids. Don't mean to make fun."
She rolls her eyes giving it back to him. "So much for being a 50 year old adult."
"Men never age!"
"That much is clear."
"Hey." Tristan whispers. I respond with a quizzical tilt waiting for him to continue. "After dinner, I want to show you something."
Before I can question further, he begins cutting into his food and eating. I follow suit while his parents playfully mock each other for the remainder of the night.
Robert takes our clear plates bringing them into the kitchen. Tristan tugs my shirt nodding his head towards the back porch. We get up from the table, walking outside and closing the sliding door behind us.
"Wow I am so sorry for them," he finally manages to say.
"Oh gosh, I love them. Don't apologize. They remind me of what parents should be like."
He frowns, "I'm sorry for your situation too."
I dismissively waive my hand, "Don't be. That's out of our control."
"If you need anything, please let me know."
We both lean over the railing on the back porch staring at the sky. I don't even notice him getting closer to me, placing his hand over mine. I don't pull away, but we stay like that for sometime, admiring the sky and that moment.
~~~
I'm back! Quite sometime but I'm looking forward to continuing Grey's story!