A/N: Hello! Sorry for the late update. I had a hard time writing this chapter because the emotions and flow I had in mind at first didn't really translate clearly, so I had to pause for a while until my mind was working again, especially since this is the much-awaited meeting of Pha and Yo.
This is a long one but I didn't split it into two parts anymore to keep the emotions intact throughout the chapter. Hope you enjoy!
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Phana POV
My eyes meet the eyes I've been wanting to stare into forever. They're beautiful and full of emotions. I can see love, worry, longing, anger, frustration and despair in them. Wait! Why is he feeling that way? Isn't he happy to see me? I'm really happy to see him... and hug him. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks. Why was I suffering alone again? Because I don't want him to get the disease, too. So what is he doing here? He cannot be here! All the torturous pain I went through will be for naught at the very last minute if he stays here a second longer. I'm supposed to die in peace tomorrow, assured that I kept him safe and entrusted him to good people. But now, everything I worked so hard for, all those suffering will go to waste. Baby, why are you so stubborn?
Human instinct surges through my body as anger and panic start to build up. After all the hardship and loneliness I tried my best to endure, how can he just barge in and render my efforts in vain? No!
"Get out! I don't want you here!" I yell, trying to make it sound full of hatred.
To my surprise, my baby ignores my fit and continues to approach me, determination burning in his eyes. With every step he takes, my heart drowns with the love I've held on to with my life. As he closes our distance, my resolve to keep him away slowly, but surely evaporates.
"Yo! Get away from me..." I continue to yell, but with less force and more panic. He continues moving towards my bed, completely ignoring my words. "Please," I already plead.
He's so close. I could almost hold him. My heart is beating like crazy. My mind is going crazy.
He reaches out a hand, but I restrain myself with the last ounce of self-control and reason in me. "I said... I don't want you here," I manage to mutter, but sounding so unsure. It came out like I was trying to convince him, instead of commanding him. Scratch that, it's more like I was trying to convince myself, while holding back the tears that are threatening to fall.
His hand is so close, it's almost touching me. I give in to my heart's desire. The last remaining resolve I had left me. My wall broke. My mind shut down and my body is now run by my heart. I'm anticipating the warmth of his touch that I missed. His soft hand that will caress my face and take away all the uneasiness and pain I feel. I can finally feel his...
SLAP!
I wince and look at Yo in shock. Confusion plastered on my face, unable to comprehend just yet what happened. My hand slowly moves to that part of my cheek. Then it dawns on me how stupid I was to think he would comfort me instead. Maybe because that's what I longed for, so that's what I chose to believe. What the hell was I thinking? Surely, Yo hates me. I broke his heart and left him hanging. He must be so angry. It adds to the pain I'm feeling, but I can accept that. There's no one to blame but me anyway. They're right about me, I really am full of myself for expecting, no, wanting him to hold me lovingly after everything he's been through because of me, after all the pain I caused him.
What a way to go, with the person you protected standing in front of you, putting himself at risk, rendering all your suffering and efforts in vain. And to top it all off, he's fuming mad and hates me to death. I can't possibly ask for forgiveness now. My mind once again overtakes my heart after it was overpowered and held to the ground helplessly by my emotions at the sight of my Wayo earlier. Now, I can think a little clearer again. I still have a mission - get him out of here and protect him from the virus for as long as my breath allows. My eyes well up at the thought that we would part this way, and before they start to fall, I blink them away and put on my cold, stoic face.
I muster all my courage and strength to say, "get out, Yo." I didn't yell this time, but the false sternness of my voice should be enough to scare him away. Hopefully, he doesn't see through the facade and believes it.
SLAP!
Again, I flinch at the touch of his hand. They weren't the loving and caring touch I'm used to. They're full of anger and frustration and hurt. I could feel my heart stinging more than my cheek. My feelings hurt more than my face. I look at him defeated and resigned, the fake coldness long gone. I still need to get him out of here though. I still need to keep him safe despite his hatred towards me. After all, this is all my fault.
I open my mouth again, but before I could utter another word, my breath stops, my heart explodes, my soul flies, my mind breaks and my body freezes as he quickly removes his surgical mask and hurls himself to me, throwing his arms around my neck, half of his body dangling from the bed. He cries.
"Stupid! You stupid, stupid guy!" he says while crying. "I hate you so much."
Still in shock, I swear I could've died in fear when he rubbed his cheek on mine. Skin to skin contact. This is dangerous. But I can't seem to think and move. My mind is blank. My heart is in overdrive.
"Please, don't push me away anymore," he begs in between sobs. I can't take this anymore. I can't hold the tears any longer. One silent drop was followed by another, then another. I sit motionless, with my love hugging me so tightly. This is what I feared, but this is also what I yearned for. This is what I avoided, but this is also what I've been wishing for. My mind tries to salvage the last tiny piece of resolve I have to continue my mission and see it through. To see to it that Wayo, the boy I love with all my heart, the boy I'm willing to give up everything for is safe from the disease, is safe from me. "Yo~," I start, this time gently, like how I talk to him before fate played with us.
"I thought we're partners, P'Pha?" he interupts me. As soon as he let those words escape his mouth in his strained and pained voice, my emotions came crashing on me in full force. My mind short-circuited and my body was taken over by my heart, drowning in guilt and love. Yes, we are indeed partners.
Throwing caution to the wind, my arms snake around him and pull him closer for the hug I so desperately longed for. I'm being selfish. I know I'm putting him at risk. I have no more excuse. I don't want anymore excuse. I want him... only him. I'm sorry, my Wayo.
"I'm s-sorry," I cry to him as I tighten my embrace. "I'm so sorry, baby. P is stupid. P is selfish. Your boyfriend is useless," I tell him, feeling guilty for giving in to my heart's desire and putting him in danger. "I missed you so much. Don't ever think that I don't love you, but you have to go. You might get infected," I try to coax him. I told him what I've always wanted to say after the break up - that I love him. I hugged him just like how I've always wanted to when I was alone in the hotel. I said sorry like how I should have for breaking his heart. This is enough for me. I'm at the end of my life, he's still at the beginning, I need to let him go so he can live.
He pulls away from the hug, wipes my tears then presses his lips on mine. His lips lingered on mine for a few seconds, making me feel all his love for me. "P is not stupid. P is selfless. My boyfriend is a hero," he tells me softly, looking sincerely in my eyes.
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Wayo POV
"I-I'm still your bo-boyfriend?" he asks. His eyes are full of longing and hope. His tone full of disbelief and regret. He's confused. My P'Pha is torn between what he wants and what he needs to do. He's undecided if he should send me away to keep me safe or accept my presence to help ease his suffering.
"I know now, P'Pha. I know everything now," I tell him softly. "You don't have to hide anything from me anymore."
He bursts into tears again and sobs. "P is sorry, Yo. P is so sorry." I've never seen him breakdown like this. He looks so vulnerable and fragile, so lost and unsure, so sad and tormented. He doesn't look anywhere close to how he was before. I used to see him as godly and perfect, especially with his confidence, nonchalance towards others and the way he treats me. That's why it pains me so much to see him like this. This proves he's also human and mortal. He also needs love, care, attention and assurance, which he so generously showered me with when he was healthy, and even now that he is sick. He never failed to make me feel important and loved. He always puts me first before himself. I feel a little guilty for getting so used to them, that I might have slightly taken them for granted. Sure, I appreciate his show of affection, but I've never really put much thought on how much effort he exerted to make me feel those. Now, this is my time to show him my love. It's my time to exert effort. It's my chance to give back.
"I'm not angry. I understand, P'Pha," I say, holding his hands, reassuring him. "I would have done the same if I were you." He stops sobbing and looks at me with a bit of relief. "But try to put yourself in my place. What would you feel if I kept the truth from you?" I ask him.
"I would've hated it. I would hate not being able to take care of you," he answers, avoiding my eyes.
"I hate what you did, P'Pha. You robbed me of my chance to be there for you when you needed me most," I explain to him.
"Because I don't want you to waste your time on a dying person like me. You could spend it doing something better in your life," he tells me sadly. "That's why I tried so hard to stay away from you even... even if it was killing me more than this disease. Im sorry," he says guiltily, looking down.
"You're wrong, P'Pha," I tell him as I hold his cheek to look at me. "I would be wasting my time doing other things because there's nothing better and more important for me than taking care of you. Do you know why?" He looks at me expectantly. "Because you, P'Pha, are the best for me," I tell him wholeheartedly. He begins to silently shed tears again, remembering my very first confession letter to him, which he so safely kept in his wallet, and whispers, "always and forever."
"But I'm also thankful because you were so selfless to sacrifice your feelings, to sacrifice yourself in exchange for my safety," I add as I wipe his tears away.
"It's because I love you~" he looks straight into my eyes "~so much."
"I know, P'Pha, and I love you, too, so, please, let me be here for you na," I ask of him. I can see him debating with himself in his eyes. "You've suffered enough on your own. Let me share it with you," I say trying to convince him.
"Aren't you afraid?" he begins to speak again. "You might get infected. You might end up just like me. Aren't you scared to d-die?"
"P'Pha, it's true I'm scared of death, maybe because I don't know what's waiting for me after that," I admit. "But my love for you is greater than my fear," I tell him honestly. "So, please, let me take care of you," I coax him, caressing his cheek.
"Sorry for being selfish," he says under his breath, almost inaudible, but I caught it, before hugging me again. I felt his head nod in agreement, and my shirt getting wet from his tears. I want time to stop. I want to remain like this. I want to stay in his arms. I missed him so much. I cry again. We cry in silence in each other's embrace, savoring the overwhelming love we share.
We spent hours talking about what happened to each of us when we were apart, and we couldn't help but feel guilty and remorseful. He feels guilty for putting me through so much sadness and hurting my feelings. I feel guilty for not being strong and wise enough to find out the truth sooner and be with him when he was suffering alone. I couldn't possibly be angry at him. I was hurting because he left me, and that's it, just because of that. It's child's play compared to what he was going through. His suffering was four times worse than mine; he was suffering because we weren't together; he was suffering because of the disease; he was suffering because he left and hurt me; and he was suffering because he was alone. Tears kept flowing as we talked, not only from us, but from the other people in the room as well. P'Pha's parents and cousin were quietly listening to us, along with my dad in the seating area. Each wiping their tears every now and then.
Silence fills the room. It was a comfortable silence. After we've caught up with each other's lives, there seemed to be nothing left to talk about, but still a whole lot more to feel. P'Pha and I remain silent in each other's embrace. I am lying beside him in bed, snuggled closely to his chest... just like how we used to be on regular nights in my room. He is fumbling with my hair, and would every now and then tell me he loves me and other sweet nothings.
I am looking around the room and finally notice the paintings and my pictures. My eyes linger on a specific painting hanging on the wall in front of my boyfriend's bed, placed directly on his line of sight that it's impossible to miss when you're in the bed. It's a painting of P'Pha holding both my hands. We're both dressed formally in white, facing and smiling widely at each other. Our background is a beautiful temple, with doves flying in the sky. I think hard, but don't remember that we've ever done that. An idea on what the painting could represent crosses my mind. I liked it and I will see to it that it is realized.
I hear P'Pha take a deep breath before getting my attention. "Love?"
I look up to meet his eyes and see happiness and contentment in them. Now, I'm afraid.
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Phana POV
I'm happy. I don't think I could be happier, especially after experiencing hell alive. And now, I've finally let go. I'm being selfish, I know, but I didn't think about it anymore. I just followed my heart and gave zero fucks to everything else. Now, I have my Wayo by my side, loving me. I have my parents here as well, and have reconciled with them. I have my cousin, too. I even have my future father-in-law here with me, or at least that's what I thought I'd get to call him someday. But I guess, I won't get to see that day through anymore. My bestfriends aren't here, but I know they're in good hands. All in all, I just feel happy. I feel complete, contented.
All good things must come to an end though. Regardless of the sudden turn of events, and even while I'm on a love high, I can't escape the fact that the disease is eating me up alive. My body is still burning constantly. I went blind for a couple of minutes earlier, without anyone realizing it. I tried my best to remain calm and act like nothing happened. I didn't want to scare N'Yo. As soon as my vision returned, I looked at him again, etching his every detail in my mind. I know it's coming soon. This is the calm before the storm. I know there is an impending series of worse episodes. I don't know how I can tell, maybe because the disease has gone quiet for a while, like it's preparing for its last and worst attack, or maybe because my love high temporarily displaced the physical pain I'm feeling, or maybe both. I don't know, but I do know that they're all starting to come back. I even started losing control over the lower half of my body about an hour ago until I could no longer feel it. I still have a few things I want to tell my baby, so I have to act now before the disease takes its toll on my body.
I take a deep breath and muster all my courage. "Love?" I sweetly call for my boyfriend, looking down to meet his eyes.
He seems scared. Maybe he already knows what I'm about to tell him. Well, he told me earlier that he knows everything because they've spoken to Dr. Prachaya. Either way, I still have to tell him myself. It has to come from me.
"P has something to tell you," I continue.
"Wha-what is it?" he asks as his eyes well up.
Yes, he definitely knows. "Yo can stay here until tonight with P, but you have to go home. Okay?" As much as I would want him to be there for me tomorrow morning, I can't put him through that. It would be torture on his part to have to see me go through the procedure. Yes, I'm still undergoing euthanasia tomorrow. Despite my Wayo showing up, my decision hasn't changed. Thinking about it, my fate is still the same, the only difference is it would now be a happy ending. Nevertheless, it's still an ending.
"P'Pha~" he begins as his tears start to fall, but I cut him off before he can continue. "Shh. Baby, can you do this for P? I don't want you to see me like that."
"N-no. No!" he yells, shaking his head stubbornly. My baby is such a brat, a lovely brat. "Please. How can I? How can I let you? I can't, P'Pha. Please," his tone softens, pleading to me, as tears stream down his face.
"It'll be okay, baby. Don't be scared," I soothe him.
"Why... why? You already pushed me away once," he questions me. "You said you missed me. You said you love me. But why are you still doing it?" My heart is breaking seeing and hearing my Wayo cry, all because of me again.
"Listen to me, love. I'm sorry for pushing you away before. My way may not have been the best, but I did it with you and your future in mind," I explain to him. "I didn't want you to throw everything away and waste your time on me, and most of all, I didn't want you to get infected." I can't help but tear up as well as I say, "I know it was stupid, but, please, don't doubt my love for you." It really hurts to hear him question my love for him.
"I'm sorry, P'Pha. I didn't mean to doubt you," he says guiltily. "I just... I just can't lose you. Please, don't go on with it," he begs. I look in his eyes that are filled with tears, sorrow and pain.
I'm about to give in to his pleas, but I stop myself. I have to be firm this time. If he sends me to the procedure tomorrow, I'm sure he won't be able to forgive himself afterwards. He will blame himself and it will take longer for him to move on.
"Love, it's the only way. Even if I don't go through with it tomorrow, it's still happening and soon," I tell him honestly. "I'm still gonna die."
"You're gi-giving up?" he asks in between sobs. "Please, P'Pha, please f-fight. Fight for us. Fight for... fight for me..." he trails off, unable to continue speaking as his crying takes over.
He said the words that I could never refuse. It's like he knows exactly what to say to change my mind. How can I not fight for him when he asks me to? I may have given up on myself, I may have given up on life, but never on him. I will endure this pain for Yo. We've suffered enough apart. I'm still in tremendous pain, but at least I can still be with him a little longer. I will hold out until my body gives up on me.
I cup his chin and make him look at me. I wipe his tears, look in his eyes and nod once before giving a soft smile. "I will... for you."
He cries harder and buries his face in my chest. "Th-thank y-you. I lo-love you," he whispers in sobs. I hug him tightly and caress his hair. With my eyes closed, cherishing the moment and the feel of his body against mine, I whisper, "anything for you, love."
I open my eyes and see my mother rushing out the door calling for Dr. Prachaya. I guess N'Yo isn't the only one relieved about my decision to not go on with the procedure tomorrow. I look at the seating area and see P'Jena nod at me with a smile of approval. My dad is in tears but giving me a proud look. Yo's dad is looking at me, his eyes filled with gratitude. Maybe he's thankful that I granted Yo's wish, even if it meant more and worse physical torture for me.
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Wayo POV
I can't stop the tears. I've been crying for so long now. I'm holding P'Pha's hand in mine, staring at his sleeping face. He looks different. I've seen his sleeping face a thousand times before, but this one is missing something that I can't put a finger on. He still looks handsome, yes. He will always look handsome to me, but his face is scrunched up. He looks in pain, like he's barely holding up. Tears would every now and then flow out from his eyes. He's suffering even in his sleep. It's like the life has been sucked out of him. Even while asleep, his upper body would sometimes jerk. Blood would then come out from almost every exit it can find. I tried wiping it clean, but he flinches at the touch. Once, I tried changing his hospital gown, but I wasn't able to finish because I wept after lifting the blanket. I couldn't believe what I saw. His skin on his lower half is almost black in color. His once perfectly toned legs are now skinny to the bone. I could actually see the contours of the bones from his skin, like it's... like it's starting to decompose. It's like he's already half... half de... half dead. The lower half at least.
It's Tuesday noon now. I haven't left this room since Sunday. I couldn't bear to be away from him even for a second. I will stay with him while... while he's still here with me.
He called off the procedure that was scheduled yesterday morning. But he has been sleeping most of the time since Sunday afternoon, after I pleaded with him to fight for me. He has had numerous episodes since then and I couldn't bear to watch him like that. It was my first time to see an attack, and I asked myself how he could possibly hold up. He's only awake for a couple of hours a day since he's sedated most of the time for two days now. I can see that he's trying his best to stay conscious for as long as he can, and I know he's doing it for me; because he wants to savor the moment we're together, because he wants to keep his promise to fight for me.
"Ai'Yo, you have to eat. Come na," Ming tells me as he puts his hand on my shoulder. I just shake my head no. I haven't left P'Pha's bedside, and I won't start now. What if... what if he slips away when I let go of his hand? No. I wipe my tears and try to stay strong for him. For us.
Ming, P'Kit, P'Beam and P'Forth have been here since yesterday. Ming got worried that I didn't attend class Monday and wasn't replying to his messages, so he called my dad. My dad told them what happened and they all came rushing. P'Kit and P'Beam were very emotional when they saw P'Pha. They were blaming themselves and feeling guilty because they were on the same medical mission, but only P'Pha got the virus. Once P'Pha was awake, the three of them talked. They just reminisced their past misadventures. P'Pha thanked them for pulling him to the right direction in life, and most of all, for supporting our relationship. He made them promise to take care of me after all these. I couldn't stand to hear him entrust me to them, like he's saying his final words, so I locked myself in the bathroom and cried my eyes out. When I got out, he was making Ming and P'Forth promise to take care of me and his bestfriends.
"N'Yo, come na. Ai'Pha wouldn't like it if you starve yourself like this," P'Kit tells me, trying to hold back his tears on the last part. His words got me. P'Pha is fighting very hard for us, for me. I should fight, too. He wants to make me happy by granting my wish of not going through euthanasia, so I could also at least make him happy by not neglecting my health that he tried so hard to protect. I nod my head and start to stand, releasing my grip from his hand.
"Nnnnggghhhhhhh!" I freeze as I hear P'Pha cry out in pain in his sleep. I feel something on my fingers. Skin. My fingers have strips of loose skin on the tips. I look at his hand that I held. There are long marks that are bleeding, the skin on those lines have peeled off and they're on my fingers. I panic. P'Kit and P'Beam run to my side and immediately call the doctor upon seeing P'Pha's hand. I cry. I'm so useless and weak. All I can do is cry. I couldn't even help my boyfriend. I couldn't ease his pain. Ming takes me by the shoulder and turns me to him before hugging me. I breakdown. I've seen attacks and I cry every time, but this is on a whole other level. He's being skinned alive at the touch. At my touch! I couldn't even imagine how painful it is.
"This is a new symptom," I hear Dr. Prachaya explain to the others, while I'm just staring at P'Pha. "There are no records of this and I believe it's because no past patient has ever reached this stage."
"You mean they all di..., uhm, went sooner?" Uncle asks. "Yes. Because Phana is the only patient who lasted this long," Dr. Prachaya answers. "Most died naturally, while some opted out before even reaching this stage. Frankly speaking, I don't know how he lasted this long," he adds.
I feel gazes on me. I feel 7 pairs of eyes looking at me. I couldn't help but feel guilty and selfish. I look at them - Ming, P'Kit, P'Beam, P'Forth, P'Jena, Auntie and Uncle - before looking down and saying, "sorry. Sorry, I'm so selfish."
I know I'm selfish. I know P'Pha is suffering. I know why he wanted euthanasia. I know why he cancelled the procedure. I know why he's still trying to hold out. But I just can't bring myself to accept that he's dying and soon. I want to spend more time with him. I want him to stay with me. How can I go on without him? He is my air. He is my heart. He is my reason. He is my essence. He is my life and if he goes, it's like taking away my life, too.
It's night time and the others are asleep. Some went home and will come back tomorrow. I stay awake at P'Pha's bedside, staring at him, but afraid to touch him. Dr. Prachaya told us that the peeling of the skin could just be another form of attack, and he could have had it while asleep. So when he's not having an episode, his skin won't peel off at the touch. But still, I'm afraid that I could hurt him just by touching him. It's better to keep my hands to myself this time.
My boyfriend stirs. "P'Pha?" I ask if he's awake. His eyes slowly open and his head turns my direction. "Hey, love," he says weakly.
"How are you feeling, P'Pha? Where does it hurt?" I ask him. I know my questions are useless since he's hurting everywhere and obviously, he's not feeling okay, but I don't know what else to say. I have this extreme guilt eating me up inside, but at the same time, selfishness of keeping him alive for my sake, disregarding his pain.
"I'm fine, N'Yo," he tells me unconvincingly. "How was your day? Did you eat?" he asks me. Stop it. Please. I should be the one taking care of him, but here he is, still putting me first before himself. I love this guy so much. But sadly, I don't deserve him. He's too good for me.
"Hey, why aren't you answering?" he follows up. "Are you mad at P because P slept too long?" he asks me with a sorrowful expression. "P is sorry. I couldn't spend enough time with you. I tried staying awake, but it's~"
"No. No, P. Yo is not mad," I cut him off before he goes on blaming himself. How could he blame himself? He's done more than enough for me already. "Yo is just mesmerized by P's handsomeness."
P'Pha smiles. I stare at his smile for a while as I tattoo it in my mind. I want to remember that smile forever. But there's something weird. He is looking at my direction but not in my eyes like he usually does. I wave my hand in front of his eyes and he doesn't move an inch. I quietly move to the other side of the bed, but he doesn't follow my direction this time. Can't he see me? Has he gone blind?
"P?" He was startled a little before turning his head my way. "Can't you see me?"
"Don't panic, baby. This is just temporary. I've had this before," he tells me, trying to calm me down. My breath hitches at his answer. He's had that before but only for a few minutes, never this long.
"I lo-love you, P'Pha," I tell him sincerely as my eyes well up. 'If you really love him, you wouldn't let him suffer like this,' I thought to myself. 'Stop being selfish. If P'Pha can be selfless for you, then you should be selfless for him, too.' Tears show up in my eyes again.
"I love you, too, Yo, but why are you crying?" he asks me. I shake my head no and when I look at him again, he's looking directly in my eyes. "Can you see me now, P?" I ask him.
"You're as beautiful as ever," he tells me as he nods his head yes. I want to hug him and feel his touch but I'm afraid I might hurt him. He reaches out a hand to me and I hesitantly hold him. He tries to pull me in for a hug but he doesn't have the strength like he used to anymore. "Won't you hug P?" he asks me smiling.
"Yo might hurt you, P," I warn him. "No, you won't, baby. Come, lie beside your boyfriend." Boyfriend. I like the sound of that.
I lie beside him and my gaze again lands on the painting in front of the bed. It's really eye-catching and placed perfectly in view from the bed, like it's the first thing he wants to see when he wakes up, and the last when the time comes. It's the same painting of us dressed formally, a temple in the background, while holding hands and looking at each other. I didn't notice the details before, but now I do and see our hands wearing identical rings. A thought has been running through my mind ever since I saw it earlier. Boyfriend sounds really nice, but I know a word that would sound so much better.
We stay snuggled in silence for a while, feeling each other's love, before I start to speak. "P, can you be honest with me?"
"Yes, of course," he replies.
"How can you stand the pain?" I ask him. "I know it really hurts."
"It really hurts, I couldn't even begin to tell you how much. But it's worth it because you're here with me," he answers me wholeheartedly. "I promised you, didn't I? That I would fight for you," he adds. "I know you'll get hurt if I don't try, and hurting you is a hundred times more painful than this disease," he says, playing with my hair. "I'd do anything for you, love."
"I love you, P'Pha," I tell him as I start to cry.
"Shh. Don't cry, please," he comforts me.
"If only I could take the pain from you, I would've done it already, but I can't. I'm sorry," I continue, feeling useless. 'I can't take his pain from him, but I can make it stop,' I sorrowfully thought.
"Don't say that. Nothing would hurt me more," my boyfriend tells me. "It's better this way - me instead of you." I can't think of anything to say to that. I just continue sobbing.
"I'm actually still thankful," he adds. I look up at him curiously. He looks at me and holds my cheek, wiping the tears. "Because I didn't forget you. One of my greatest fears when this started was that I'd lose my memory and forget you. Forget us," he tells me smiling.
How can he still smile? "I'm glad I didn't. But I'm still scared. What if I forget you later? Tomorrow? I'm scared to get to that point," P'Pha tells me.
"Do you want to..." I can't finish my question because of the crying. "Do y-you want to... to re-rest already?"
He looks at me, eyes full of concern as he continues wiping my tears. "Will you be okay?" he asks me.
"I don... I don't know," I whisper in heavy sobs.
"Shhh, listen to me. I want you to promise me something," P'Pha cooes me. "When the time comes, I want you to be sad. I want you to cry and mourn for me~"
"Of course, P~" I interrupt him.
"P is not done. Listen to P, okay?" he says, quickly cutting me off. I nod my head yes.
"P wants you to cry as much as you want. But, when the flowers stop coming, P wants you to smile, be thankful that we met and loved, then get back up on your feet and live. Understand?" What is he talking about? I don't understand. What flowers? I gasp!
"Yo-you're the flower sender," I whisper in disbelief. I look at him and he nods at me smiling.
"P'Pha!" I cry harder and bury my face in his chest. It was him all along. I really don't deserve him. He was always so thoughtful, but I didn't realize it was up to this extent. I was always in his thoughts. I started receiving the flowers the day after the break up. Even then, even while he was suffering from breaking up with me and from finding out about his illness, he still put me first. He was always there with me. He never once abandoned me.
"Promise me, baby. Please, promise P," he asks of me.
How can I turn him down? He has done so much for me, this is the least I can do. I have made up my mind. It hurts and I don't know if I'll regret it, but I need to stop being selfish. I need to think about him and what he needs. I need to put him first before myself. Now, it's my turn to show how much I love him, because sometimes, love means learning to let go.
"I promise."
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A/N: We're so close to the end. Please don't give up on my story. Haha! I know it's really sad and some might even not want to read anymore, but all I can say is I'm a diehard PhaYo fan and I like happy endings. 😉
This chapter finally revealed who the flower sender is. It was mentioned in chapter 5 (Gifts) and chapter 10 (The Visit). I also dropped a hint about Pha thinking of sending flowers in chapter 14 (Undoing), where he said he wants to try to bring back Yo's smile in his own little way and won't stop even after he's long gone. This flower sender plot is actually one of my favorite parts of the story. 😁
Thank you and hope you enjoyed reading! Please vote of you did. ❤