As my eyes opened it was not with relief that realised I was seeing through jade eyes and not indigo ones. This was reality and there was no running from it.
I blinked. The ceiling above was a pasty white and could have belonged to anybody. As for the lampshade, it too could have belonged to anyone but I recognised the tea stain. As my head looked to the side it began to register with me where I was. I would know that second hand bedside table and those newly painted walls anywhere.
I grunted, trying to find my absent voice to call someone. Nothing happened. I screwed up my face in frustration. A good lot of use I’d be to myself if I were dying. I wriggled trying to get out of bed but realised someone was gripping my hand. Twisting myself to see what had hold of me, my heart fell.
Tom had his head bent down, his eyes closed. He was so still, almost like a statue. I grunted and spluttered again, hopping to grab his attention. Tom looked up, his eyes wet from tears. He was shaking.
“Hi,” I breathed running my thumb across the back of his hand. He drew away. Tom was on his feet.
“Let me get you some water.” I cringed as Tom choked on his words. He rushed from the room, leaving me alone. What more did I deserve? Still, why did Tom reject me? I propped myself up on my pillows and rubbed my eyes. I hoped I was being paranoid, though optimism wasn't my strong suit.
Tom reappeared with a glass of water and Mum and Ross in tow. Mum checked my temperature.
“She’s back up to normal temperature, that’s a good sign at least,” Mum said. I peered from her to Ross to Tom. It was like someone had told them I was dying. “I think we’ll keep her resting for now. I’ll come back and check on her in an hour or two,” she mumbled before rising off the bed and leaving. Was I contagious? Ross followed her out of the room but gestured he was only next door should I need him. I hoped not.
Tom returned to my bedside, cradling the glass of water in his hand. I sat myself back up to take the water from him but he denied me. He placed the glass between my lips and poured. I stared at him, willing him to look at me. Tom kept his eyes down cast, watching the water trickle through my parted lips. He did this in utter silence.
Once I’d finished he took away the glass and placed it on the bedside cabinet. I prepared to come out and question him but his sudden actions silenced me. He’d sat himself on the side of the bed and cast his attentions away. His shoulders were tensed and shrugged. I was in trouble.
“Tom, are you OK?” I whispered as I reached out to touch him. He shrugged me off. My hand was left hanging and I recoiled it nervously. This was not good.
Tom stuck his hand into his pocket. His aggression caused me to withdraw. I froze when the glimmering object emerged. He twisted and turned it in the light of the sunset.
“Pretty isn’t it?" I stared down at my covers, guilt tearing at me. I didn’t know what to say. “Well?” Tom pressed. The charms chimed as Tom shook it.
“It means nothing Tom.” I said. Who had told him the greatest giver of the gift? Or was he cunning enough to have determined it for himself? The amethyst sparkled more than any other charm egging Tom’s anger on. All he must have seen in it was the eyes of the boy I had told him was no more than a friend.
“So delicate, so expensive yet so disgusting,” Tom contemplated, dangling the bracelet from his fingers. “Bought with a two faced bastard's filthy money,” he sneered clenching his hand, the bracelet between his fingers and palm. He wouldn’t. He coiled his hand tighter.
“Please Tom, put it down,” I begged, placing my hand over his. Obediently, he unfurled his fingers and dropped the bracelet. I slid my hand in his, retrieved the bracelet and shrank backwards. I held my hand to my chest and waited.
“Why did you say it?” he seethed. My body stilled.
“What did I say?” I'd hesitated to reply, I knew what was coming. Tom’s grip tightened on the edge of my bed. I felt trapped. There was nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.
“You know perfectly well what you said.” Tom seemed to be trying extra hard not to explode with rage. I didn’t know what to say.
“I’m sorry Tom I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I confessed. His chest began rising and falling as his breathing became heavier.
“Him, you said his name!” he growled. What I said next was stupid, almost as stupid as this conversation.
“Who’s name?”
“What happened to you must have really mixed up your head. Either that or you’re playing games with me,” Tom hissed, turning to face me with fiery eyes. He hadn’t properly looked at me since I’d woken up and now I wished it had remained that way. “Kieran, you said Kieran! Do you need me to spell it out for you?” Tom said, spitting the words out like they were something wretched.
I couldn’t shuffle any further back without falling out of my bed. I swallowed hard. I wouldn’t let him scare me. Where I was sitting left me cornered, I had to move.
Someone had shifted my bed in order to allow seats either side – how convenient. I slipped out from beneath my covers and confronted him. I could feel the rage bubbling inside of me. How dare he talk to me in such a way, in my own home? I was his girlfriend, not a child to be yelled at.
“Who do you think you are?” I snapped, looking him dead set in the eye. He rose from the bed. We stood on opposite sides, eyes boring holes into one another. I could feel the venom pouring out of me, firing towards the boy who’d become demented.
“Well I’m certainly not Kieran,” he sneered looking at me, disgusted. If only he knew.
“No, no of course not, I think I’m getting you confused with Devon,” I hissed viciously. My unbroken hand clenched into a tight fist. Tom took a step back as if being punched. He deserved whatever I threw at him now, stupid, hypocritical git. A smirk spread across his face.
“I’d rather be Devon than Kieran. Devon seems to have had it pretty good. I mean he’s rich, handsome and he's been closer to you than anyone else, closer to you than even your precious Kieran.” Tom uttered as if Kieran's name was an ugly curse.
“Well right now I’d much rather it be Devon here than you. I don’t want you anywhere near me.” Tom didn’t even flinch. It angered me.
“Well I wouldn’t want a psychotic, suicidal maniac coming anywhere near me anyway.” That did hit a nerve, and a very big one at that. But while I retrieved the dagger from my back a feeling scarily familiar to me was mounting. How the feeling that was washing over me was sweet and possessive. So much so I lost the feeling in my legs and had to grab onto the bed post to stop myself from falling to my knees. Tom fazed out of his anger and rushed to help me. He placed his hand on my arm.
“Get off of me,” I ordered. My legs were shaking. I had never experienced such quiet fury. “I’m sorry about this, about saying Kieran’s name but you have crossed the line," I yelled. I couldn't stop my lip trembling. "This is my fault, I get that but don’t you dare use my past against me.” I took a threatening step forward. “Don’t use what I am, what I’ve done as a weapon because you don’t know. Who I am is not your shame.” Tom was lost and startled like he’d been a completely different person when he'd hurt me.
"If you can't trust me, know that I would never cheat or believe me when I say Kieran is only a friend then this won't work. I see that now." I could feel each tear fall as it choked me and the rush of false tiredness.
"We’re over Tom, now please leave," I said it coolly and slowly so there would be no misunderstanding between us. Tom tried to apologise, begging for me to reconsider. I couldn't even look at him. I was guilty too.
“Chris I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. Shock...shock...that’s what caused it, shock.” What he’d said was almost unforgivable. Did he expect me to fall into his apologetic arms with a click of his fingers? I was no fool. No one was allowed to toy with my emotions, no one.
“Tom, get out,” I repeated.
“Please, please don’t do this to me Chris. I’ve waited for you for longer than anyone. Don’t stop what’s only just begun. What we have is so precious and rare. Don’t...don’t let that go.” His voice was strained and pleading. I flinched.
“Leave Tom." The finality in my voice wasn’t getting through to him.
“Please...just please...I...” My surroundings were really starting to blur and light headedness was becoming more severe.
“Just go, please.” I would have shouted but I couldn’t find the energy. Tom searched my eyes for a hint of hesitation. When finding there wasn’t any he bowed his head and turned for the door. Tom paused, holding the door in his hand.
“This isn't over," he whispered, shutting the door behind him. My knees gave in leaving me on the floor. Needing to know it was safe to dream I gripped onto the bed till I heard the slam of the front door. Having heard it shut I crawled into my unmade bed and disappeared under the duvet. Under the covers I was hidden from the eyes of the world.
The call of Kieran's dreamland embraced me and I obeyed.
I strode up to Kieran, having already known he’d be there.
“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!” I screamed, my fists slamming heavily on his chest, my breaths ragged. I could feel my nose running but I didn’t stop hitting him to wipe it clean. I pounded my fists against him hard, as hard as I could but he didn’t stop me, he allowed me to hit him over and over.
“Stupid indigo eyed freak, why couldn’t you just leave me alone! Why, why, why?” I wept. He didn’t utter a malicious word but, when I had finally tired, he enveloped me in his steadfast arms and I snivelled.
"I'm sorry," Kieran said.
“I hate you,” I replied.
“I know, I know.” He pulled me closer. I breathed him in and forgot about crying or being mad. He was my friend.
That night I slept in Kieran’s arms and felt safe from the murderous glares of a once friend and confidant. With Kieran I felt at peace, even just for a little while and that was all that mattered.
I can tell you something, I would not like to be Chris right now. So it was a short lived relationship with Tom but can you really blame Chris? I hope you aren't too angry with me. Please don't say it is so!
Thank you so much for reading. Commenting, conversing and voting makes me smile.
Bekah x