~The next day~
"Philip, you wanna play soccer this season, right?" Alex asked his son as they all ate dinner.
"Yep. I'm done." Philip announced as he stood up and began to leave.
"Not so fast. You didn't eat your vegetables." Eliza said, stopping Philip's escape.
Philip groaned and said, "Do I have to?"
"I would listen to your mother unless you want to be known as Philip MachoNacho Hamilton." Alexander threatened.
As soon as Philip heard the infamous middle name he ran back to his seat. Icky green broccoli was the only thing left on his plate. Philip poked the broccoli with his fork in disgust. "Would you still make me eat it if I was allergic to green things?" Philip stalled.
"No, but fortunately you aren't allergic to green things." Eliza replied.
"It's not fortunate." Philip muttered under his breath. "What if I had lachanophobia?"
"What's lachanophobia?" Eliza asked.
"Irrational fear of vegetables." Philip answered proudly.
"Where did you learn that?" Alexander asked, joining the conversation again.
"The L section of the dictionary" Philip said.
"And why did you read the L section of the dictionary?" Eliza asked, puzzled.
Philip shrugged, "I really wanted to know more L words."
"Only L words?" Alex asked.
"Yep, L is my favorite letter." Philip said.
"Mine is A." Angelica said proudly.
"And why is that?" Eliza asked.
"Because we all have Ls in our names." Philip said sweetly.
"Because we all have As in our names, except Philip." Angelica said, while sticking her tongue out at Philip.
"Angelica! Be nice to your brother." Eliza scolded.
"Well, my imaginary pet hedgehog is named Oli and he doesn't have an A in his name." Philip fought back.
"He's not part of the family!" Angelica shouted.
"Inside voices." Eliza said but neither of the children were paying attention to her.
"Yes, he is!" Philip yelled.
"Then I kick him out of the family." Angelica said.
"You can't do that!"
"I just did!"
"Then I kick you out of the family and put Oli back in the family!" Philip yelled.
"Hey!" Alex shouted louder than both of them. "Ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind... or kicked out."
"Did you just quote Lilo & Stitch?" Eliza asked.
"Yes, but that doesn't matter the point is that no one can be kicked out of the family." Alex said. "Apologize to each other."
"Fine, I'm sorry Angelica for kicking you out of the family." Philip said reluctantly.
"I'm... not sorry for kicking that stupid imaginary hedgehog out of the family!" Angelica said running out of the room.
"That's it!" Philip said, jumping out of his seat and running after his sister.
"And neither of them ate their vegetables." Eliza said shaking her head.
~Later that night~
"Time for bed!" Eliza called from upstairs.
"Mama, I think I have lachanophobia." Philip said.
"Why are you afraid of vegetables?" Eliza said with concern leaking into her voice.
"Well, one time in second grade we watched Veggytales and it was terrifying. Now I hate vegetables because of it." Philip said.
"Aw, Philip!" Eliza said while hugging her son. "It's okay. Vegetables can't hurt you because they are inanimate objects."
"But I don't have to eat them now right? Because that would be terrifying." Philip asked, with a pout and puppy eyes.
"Of course not." Eliza said fiercely, squeezing Philip tighter. Philip smiled mischievously behind his mom's back.
"You should head to bed. I'll be in to say goodnight in a minute, okay?" Eliza said while pulling away from the hug and patting Philip on the head.
Eliza headed downstairs to her husband's office. "Alex?" she said while knocking gently on the open door.
"Yeah?" Alexander said, still continuing to type away at his computer.
"Philip just told me he is afraid of vegetables." Eliza said.
"What?" Alexander said, slamming his laptop closed.
"I know. I thought the imaginary hedgehog was a little weird but maybe it's just because he really wants a pet. But this is really weird. I mean kids aren't normally terrified of vegetables, right?" Eliza worried.
"Yeah, I don't think that's normal." Alex agreed, looking puzzled.
"Do you think we messed up? Are we bad parents?" Eliza said, pacing around the office. Alex got up and took Eliza's hands in his.
"Hey, hey. Eliza, it's okay. We are great parents, way better than mine ever were. Philip loves us and he's a great kid." Alex reassured his wife.
"You really think so?" Eliza asked, looking up at Alexander.
"Yes and you know what else I think?"
"What?"
"That our son is a manipulative genius." Alex declared.
"What?" Eliza said, shocked at the sudden turn in conversation.
"He's manipulating us, Eliza. He knows that if he says that he is scared of vegetables then he won't have to eat them anymore." Alexander explained.
"That sneaky little genius! He's just like his father." Eliza exclaimed. "What are we gonna do? Philip thinks he has us wrapped around his finger."
"I have a plan." Alex said with a cheeky grin.
~5 minutes later~
Eliza and Alex walked into Philip's room with serious expressions.
"What's wrong? You guys look sad." Philip asked with a frown from his bed.
"Philip, your mom and I have decided that since your afraid of vegetables, you need to face that fear." Alex said. "And, in order to face it we are sending you to a farm."
"WHAT!?" Philip asked, jumping up.
"We packed your bags for you." Eliza said, gesturing to a suitcase on the floor.
"No, wait please don't send me to a farm!" Philip begged. "I lied! I'm not afraid of vegetables. I just said that so I wouldn't have to eat vegetables. I don't wanna go to a farm! I'm sorry!" Philip said while running to his parents and hugging them.
"Aha! I knew it!" Alexander exclaimed.
"What? You knew all along?" Philip said, confused.
"Yeah but we thought we would teach you a lesson about lying." Eliza explained.
"So, you're not gonna send me to a farm?" Philip asked.
"No, of course not. We would never do that." Alex said ruffling Philip's hair.
"And you don't hate me for lying?"
"No, we could never hate you. Just don't lie unless it hurts someone's feelings." Eliza said.
"It wasn't very nice of you to lie to me to teach me about lying." Philip said, crossing his arms.
"Maybe we should have thought that through." Alexander laughed.
"How did our 8 year old son see that but not us?" Eliza said.
"I'm just that smart." Philip said cockily.
"Oh, yeah?" Alex asked while picking Philip up and tickling him.
"No! Put me down!" Philip said.
"Okay!" Alexander said as he dropped Philip on the bed.
Eliza laughed as she watched that play out. "Goodnight, Philip. Love you." Eliza said as she walked out the door.
"Night, Mama. Love you, too!"
"Guess what comes out tomorrow, Philip." Alex said as he tucked Philip in.
"What?" Philip said excitedly.
"The soccer teams for this season!" Alex said. He was probably more excited than Philip was.
"Oooooo, I wonder who will be on my team." Philip said.