July 2nd, 2018
"Hey guys. So today marks four months and as much as I hate to do this, I've been advised not to do anything to strenuous for the next five months. Which means no flying. I'm so so so very sorry for everyone who wanted to come out and see me at festivals, but I'm sure you'll have loads of fun with the rest of the line ups. Love you guys a bunch."
I ended the Snapchat and threw my phone on the bed, groaning. Shawn's been gone for a total of two hours and I'm bored out of my mind. I've cleaned the house, completely spotless, already and I've run out of things to do in the baby's room.
Ally's gone somewhere with Niall so I can't call her to go do something. The twins are at grandmas lake house for the week, and I don't have enough energy to keep up with the little ones. Moms are working, so that's also out.
"It's just you and me Essie." I said looking down at my stomach and rubbing it. Essie is what we've started calling her because we aren't telling people what her name is until she's born and it's just easier.
"What do you want to do today baby girl?" I asked deciding to get back up out of the bed and walk down the stairs.
"We can go to the mall and buy mommy more clothes to wear." I said, tugging on the band of my leggings that were barely hanging on at this point. I slid my shoes on after I decided that that was the plan for today.
"We could also go buy you more clothes, but daddy won't like that too much when he gets back." There was a tiny ping up against where my hand was resting in my stomach.
My eyes widened and I smiled. "Did you just kick mommy?" I asked. In response she, what I assumed was a kick, again.
"I'll take that as a yes. And I'll also take it as you want to buy more clothes for you, which I'm totally down for." I opened the door and walked out, locking it behind me before walking to my car.
I texted Shawn and told him to FaceTime me when he got a chance before climbing into my Jeep (which is getting considerably harder) and driving to the mall.
Merbearsings17: hi, I got bored because everyone's gone so I went shopping and bought way too much. But now I have clothes that actually fit 💝
View more comments
Shawnmendes: please tell me you didn't buy more clothes for Essie? 🤦🏻♂️
>>merbearsings17: I could, but I'd be lying if I did 🤷🏼♀️
Allycat21: look at me niece, getting all big and stuff 💝💝
>>merbearsings17: She does love her sugar (a lot of it)
"What's the damage?" Shawn asked when I answered his FaceTime.
"I didn't buy that much," I started, trying to hid the bags behind me.
"Mer, I can see the bags behind you." He said pointing at the screen.
"Most of thats for me." I said, mainly telling the truth. He raised and eyebrow at me.
"Okay, in my defense, she told me she wanted to go buy clothes for her." I said running a hand threw my hair.
"How? She doesn't have developed vocal chords yet love." Shawn asked, propping his phone up on the pillow beside him and laying down.
"Well I was thinking out loud, trying to figure out what to do today." He nodded so I would know he was listening.
"And when I suggested that we go shopping, she kicked me. How could I say no?" I said smiling.
"How did her kic- wait she kicked?" He said sitting back up, grinning from ear to ear. I bit my lip and nodded.
"I can't believe I missed her first kick." He said, and she kicked me again.
"I think she recognizes your voice." I said rubbing the spot where she kicked me.
"I'm getting on the next plane back." He said looking for something, probably his computer.
"Stop." I said laughing. "You know you can't do that."
"Like hell I can't." He said opening up his laptop.
"Babe, she'll still be in here kicking when you get back in two days." I said.
"I know that. I just want to be there."
"And thousands of people want you there. We can wait."
———————-
"Alright peanut, just one kick for auntie." Ally said as we were waiting at the airport for Shawn. Their flights got in on the same day, just two hour apart.
"I know it may seem all fun and games on your side of the equation, but on my side it hurts, so if you could maybe stop asking her to kick me." I said reading on my phone, not paying much attention to what was going on around me.
In response to hearing me talking, Essie kicked. I rolled my eye at her and Ally grinned.
"There's actually a human in you. That's so freaking cool."
"Because before now it wasn't obvious that I was growing a human."
"It is pretty obvious. Essie's gotten big." Shawn said coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my stomach, scaring the crap out of me.
"I really wish you would stop doing that." I said turning around and kissing him.
"So, What's Essie stand for?" Ally asked.
"Not telling Allyssa." I said breaking away from Shawn's face.
"Alright baby girl," Shawn said bending down to talk to my bump. "Are you going to kick for daddy?"
In response to his voice, she kicked repeatedly. I winced, but smiled at the expression on Shawn's face.
———————
"Dammit Essie, stop kicking me so hard." I whispered shooting up in the bed. She just kicked harder. "What do you want from me?"
I quietly got out of the bed, making sure not to wake up Shawn, and made my way down the stairs. I opened up the fridge and frowned, seeing nothing that I wanted.
I sighed before walking back up stairs and into the nursery. I sat down in the rocking chair, grabbing the blanket off the back.
"I don't know what you want from me baby." I said rubbing my stomach, tears falling down my face from the pain of her kicks.
"I know you don't mean it, but you're hurting mommy, a lot. And believe me, I'm glad you're growing and healthy, but mommy's really tired and she would really like to sleep right now." I wiped face on the blanket as I rocked back and forth.
I heard the door creak up so I looked up. "Did I wake you? I'm sorry." I said, halting the rocking.
"What's wrong love?" Shawn asked walking over to me.
"It hurts, and I know I shouldn't complain because some people can't or won't ever experience this, but it fucking hurts." I said inhaling as Essie kicked me once again.
"Alright, come back to bed. I've got an idea." He said, grabbing my hands and helping me up.
When we laid back down, Shawn laid closer to my stomach.
"What are you doing Shawn?" I asked.
"Just relax and try to sleep." He said whispering.
Shawn's POV
"Isn't she lovely
Isn't she wonderful
Isn't she precious
Less than one minute old
I never thought through love we'd be
Making one as lovely as she
But isn't she lovely made from love
Isn't she pretty
Truly the angel's best
Boy, I'm so happy
We have been heaven blessed
I can't believe what God has done
Through us he's given life to one
But isn't she lovely made from love
Isn't she lovely
Life and love are the same
Life is Aisha
The meaning of her name
Londie, it could have not been done
Without you who conceived the one
That's so very lovely made from love"
I looked up and Mer was fast asleep. I smiled before walking into the bathroom to get a warm rag to wipe the dry tears from her face.
I put the towel in the bin before grabbing my phone and walking down the stairs.
Me: we need to talk....
Ally 🌝:
Will I need to throw hands after this talk???
Me: I don't think so
Ally 🌝:
make it quick Mendes, I'm busy.
Me: I need that list we talked about (tell Niall I said hi)
Ally 🌝:
Wait, THE list?
He says hi.
Me: yes, THE list!
Ally 🌝:
Why didn't you just start with that, hold on.
📎see attachment
I saved the list and deleted the messages from my phone before walking back up stairs and getting back into the bed.
I fell asleep, nervous but also happy.
Dun dun duuuun.
I just want everyone to know that I am crying in the club (my apartment) right now.
What do you think the list is???