~Conner~
The ride to Tom and Jerry's house was uneventful, filled with awkward silence and sympathetic glances from my mother.
I all but dived out of the car as soon as she pulled up to their house, desperate to escape from my mom's overwhelming pity.
But the real problems didn't happen until I knocked on the front door.
"C-man!" Jerry opened the door with a wide grin. I smiled back apologetically, and he nodded in understanding. "Let me guess, you need a place to crash for a bit? Well you've come to the right place, my hopeless friend!"
"Thanks man." We fist-bumped, then made our way to the living room, Jerry shutting the door behind me.
Tom was lying on the sofa in the pitch dark room, very much resembling a zombie. He groaned when his twin turned on the lights, covering his eyes and shying away from the brightness.
"Jerry." He whined pitifully. "Why do you hate meeeee?"
In response, Jerry only rolled his eyes. He turned to me, meeting my surprised expression. "He's still hungover from last night." He explained.
My eyebrows shot up. "Seriously? That was almost 24 hours ago."
The more human-like of the brothers nodded his head and gestured to his brother on the couch. "Behold, my beloved golden boy of a brother." He said, his voice laced with sarcasm.
"Shut up." Tom muttered into his arm, before rolling over and burying his face in the couch cushions.
Jerry sighed, and turned back to me. "So, anyways-"
"Tom? Jerry?" He was interrupted as his mother walked in from the kitchen, adorning an apron and a wide smile. "Oh hello there Conner! It's so lovely to see you!"
"Thank you. It's nice to see you too, Mrs.Carson." I smiled ruefully in return. She beamed at me with her open, oblivious expression, and I couldn't help but grimace.
The twins' mom was nice enough. The only problem was, she was too nice.
Before meeting the radiant blond before me, I would never have thought that being kind could ever be a hindrance. But add such kindness to an oblivious and far too trusting personality, and being nice is practically digging your own grave.
Mrs.Carson was klutzy, overenthusiastic, and completely incapable of 'reading the mood'. Jerry once told me that she actually won the lottery, but then gave away her winning ticket to a guy who claimed that it was actually his that he had lost, and the man at the convenience store had picked up and resold it. I completely believed him.
"Jerrbear," She went on adoringly to her son. "Would you be a dear and go to the grocery store?"
Jerry blinked. "Right now?"
She nodded vigorously. "Yupp!"
Her son blinked again, and turned to look outside at the darkening sky. "But it's like, 10 o'clock."
She rolled her eyes playfully, flicking a few blond strands over her shoulder. "Of course it is, silly! A coworker of mine told me that night is actually when all of the best products are sold!"
Jerry furrowed his eyebrows, and looked like he dreaded asking his next question. "How much did you pay this coworker for this, oh so helpful advice?"
His mother beamed back effortlessly, unfazed. "Only 20 dollars! It was so nice of him too, because-"
"Mom." Jerry groaned, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "How many times have I told you not to trust those jerks?"
Mrs.Carson didn't even so much as frown, let alone drop her joyful smile. "Jerrbear, my coworkers are my friends, of course I can trust them! I don't know why you get so worked up over such silly things!"
Both of her sons sighed, as if this was not a new occurrence for them. I had a feeling that if she hadn't been lucky enough to meet Jerry's father, she might have very well ended up on the streets. She meant well, but her obliviousness made her easy to take advantage of.
"Any-hoo, just make sure you get some yummy food!" She cheered, clapping her hands and bouncing up and down. "And take your brother, Jerrbear. He looks like he could use some cheering up!"
~
"What next?" Jerry asked, hands crossed leisurely behind his head as he kept pace with me behind the shopping cart.
I looked down at the list again. "Uhhh, I think it says lemonaise."
Tom stopped the cart, and we nearly stumbled into him. "Lemonaise? What the hell is lemonaise?"
"I think it might be like, a lemony mayonnaise or something." I suggested, returning my focus back to the list.
"That has to be the dumbest product I've ever heard of! And in what isle exactly, is the damn lemonaise in then?" Jerry growled. "The condiment isle, or the produce section? Gahh!"
Tom sighed and rubbed at his temples, before going back to warily pushing the cart. The grocery store was pretty much empty, aside from the occasional late night shopper or employee.
"Found it!" Jerry cheered, when we eventually came across the lemonaise. "Damn, I guess it does exist!" He tossed it carelessly into our cart. "Next!"
"Ummm..." I hesitated. "Should I be concerned that the next thing on the list is grape honey?"
"Grape honey?" Jerry echoed in disbelief. "That sounds horrendous."
"Is it just me, or are the groceries on that list getting stranger and stranger?" Tom inquired, resting his head on his arms as he slouched over the cart handle.
When we finally reached the isle where they shelved the honey, we had to search for a while to find the right kind. It was frightening to see the types of other honey products they had in stock.
"There!" I rushed forward to the grape honey, but paused when I saw the different kinds. "Which one should I get?"
Jerry snorted. "What am I, a fucking beekeeper? Just grab the squeezey kind."
I sighed, and reached for the right bottle. But just as I was about to grab it, another hand bumped into mine.
"Huh?" I looked up in confusion, wondering if there was actually someone trying to buy grape honey.
I looked up to meet the equally surprised gaze of a man. Well, technically he was a man. But in reality, he was built more like Godzilla. He towered over me with meaty muscles that could crush buildings, and a terrifying scowl that made children cry.
His eyes widened in recognition. "It's you!" His eyes narrowed into angry slits, and I flinched when he started to crack his knuckles.
"Uhhhh, hello again." I responded weakly, abandoning the grape honey and stepping back from him.
"Heya Greg!" Jerry jumped in cheerily, slinging an arm over my shoulder casually. "How have you been? I see your nose is still broken."
"It's George." He barked, his glower darkening as he focused on Jerry. I didn't blame him, Jerry just had that effect on people. "And don't worry, I'll definitely pay you back for my nose."
"Excuse me, what's going on?" Tom glanced curiously between the hulk of a man and his twin, looking concerned.
"There's two of you bastards?!" George growled, just noticing Tom.
"Oh that's right!" Jerry turned to his brother, ignoring the outburst from George. "You had already passed out before all of the fun happened!"
Tom held up his hands in surrender and stepped back. "You know on second thought, I don't think I want to know."
"It was great dude, you should've been there! Man, I wish Sam were here right now-" I stared at Jerry incredulously, wondering if he had a death wish or if he had just always been this stupid.
"Shut up!" George yelled angrily, before snapping his fingers.
All of the sudden, three more giant men walked over to stand by Godzilla/George. They chuckled and eyed us with amusement, also cracking their knuckles. I resisted the urge to warn them of their impending arthritis. I doubted they would care.
"Picking a fight with me last night, was probably the biggest mistake of your life." He went on with a cruel smirk. "Now how about we go for a little ride?"
I gulped. We are so dead.
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Done!
Tell me what you think!