I wake up to voices downstairs. I just listen, those voices the only thing occupying my mind.
"He's got scratches on his arms that look like they might be self inflicted but then he's got these bruises on his wrists and I don't understand how he could have done those himself." Jenna says.
I'm confused for a second but then I remember last night. My stomach tightens and I suddenly wish I had never woken up.
"Were they like fresh bruises?" It's Vic.
"Yeah. They sure as hell weren't there before I left." Jenna sighs.
Their discussion makes me nervous. They can't find out. They just can't. I need to smile and go out there like I'm fine.
My body aches as I pull myself out of bed, although I'm not in nearly as much pain as I was last night.
I sneak out of Vic's old room and go down to my room. I notice an ache in my rear and thighs which causes me to limp. My whole body is in pain.
When I enter my room, I immediately feel sick as my eyes fall on my bed, the mess and the broken lamp on the floor.
I want to cry again but I conceal my emotions so I don't get caught out on my lies.
I take a deep breath and get changed into some comfortable clothes. I find my phone in all the mess and am nervous to see that I have two messages from an unknown number.
Unknown: Vic is on his way over. Be a good boy and throw on a smile for him. You know what will happen if you don't.
I feel sick to my stomach. If I fuck this up then he's going to hurt Vic and I cannot think of anything worse. I cannot fuck this up.
Unknown: last night was fun. I'll see you next week, Tuesday ;)
His words strike instant fear from within. What does he mean by that? He's going to do it again? What do I do?
I want to just break down in that moment but I need to go downstairs and throw on smile like Carter said.
I take a breath and stash my phone in my pocket before limping out of the room. I try to walk properly but the more weight I put on my leg, the more pain that shoots through me.
I give up and just hobble down the stairs. I find Vic and Jenna talking in the kitchen. They stop when they notice me.
"Hey Kells," Vic says softly.
I don't dare meet his eyes.
"Hey, good morning. I'm having breakfast. You want some breakfast? Some Captain Crunch?" I ask, stumbling over my words nervously.
"I'm okay, thanks Kells." Vic answers.
I can feel his eyes boring into me as I go over to the cabinet to get out some cereal, although I think if I eat I'm gonna be sick.
"How are you feeling today?" Jenna asks.
"Fine." I smile. "I'm good, I slept well."
"He seems fine, Jen." Vic whispers.
"He's faking it." Jenna sighs.
I get out the box of Captain Crunch and pour it into a bowl.
"Can I see your wrist for a second, Kell?" Vic asks and I gulp nervously.
"Why?"
"I want to buy you a bracelet. Show me your wrist." he demands.
"N-no." I stammer out.
He reaches forward and latches onto my arm before I can retract it. His fingers wrap around a bruise, making me cry out in pain. He takes my hand and releases his grip on me arm before pushing up my sleeve, revealing the scattered bruises across my skin. They're a dark purple and they're swollen. There's some raw wounds from where the belt cut into my skin and from where my fingernails scratched it away.
"Kellin," he gasps.
I yank my hand away and pull my sleeve back down.
"Kellin, what happened?" he asks sternly.
"Nothing! It was nothing!" I exclaim but immediately burst into tears.
Vic and Jenna fall silent and stare at me both worried and confused.
"Kellin, did you do this to yourself?" Vic whispers softly.
I stare into his caring eyes and suddenly remember how much he means to me, and how much it would kill me if he was ever in any pain. So I quickly swallow my emotions and throw on a smile.
"Sorry," I chuckle lightly as I wipe my eyes. "I don't know what's wrong with me. Probably stressed from work. I tripped down the stairs last night. I'm just really embarrassed about it."
Vic opens his mouth to speak but thankfully he's interrupted by my phone ringing. I pull it out of my pocket and answer it.
"Hey Kellin, can you come in in half an hour?" Jack says.
"Oh, yeah. I'll be there." I sigh exhausted.
I guess it gives me a chance to get away from Vic and Jenna's interrogation.
"Thank you." he chirps then he hangs up.
I put my phone and look back to Vic.
"I have to go to work." I smile.
I turn away and head for the stairs, having difficulty hiding my limp.
"Kellin, you can barely walk! You can't go to work!" Vic exclaims following me up the stairs, catching up quite easily.
"Vic I'm fine." I groan, heading down to my room.
"No, that is bullshit, you are not–"
He cuts himself off when we enter my room.
"Kellin, what happened?" he says softly.
"Nothing," I mumble going over to my drawers to find my work uniform.
"Kellin, your lamp is broken, there's shit everywhere." I glance around my room briefly but quickly focus back on what I was doing.
"I was looking for something." I huff.
I grab my clothes then turn back to him. He's staring at me seeming a little mad. But I would rather my best friend hate me than for him to get hurt.
"I need to change. Can you turn around?" I ask him quietly.
"We've been friends for ten years, you've never once been afraid to change in front of me." he grumbles as he turns around.
I sigh and turn away from him then pull my shirt over my head.
"Don't think I believe that bullshit lie either." he spits.
"So now you don't trust me?" I screech.
"Well you kind of lost your credibility after last night. How was work, Kellin?" he asks condescendingly.
I sigh shamefully.
Suddenly I feel fingertips on my shoulder.
"Kellin, what happened? You're fucking covered in bruises." he asks, not sounding angry anymore, just worried.
So much for turning around.
"I told you." I stammer out, slapping his hand away.
He sighs, disappointed then storms around of the room.
I forget about getting changed and just sit on my bed and put my head in my hands.
The mattress under me just reminds me of last night.
I shed a few tears but quickly straighten myself when there's a knock on the door.
"You're still here?" I mutter, looking at Vic who just seems sad as he holds an ice pack in his hands.
"I'm not going to ask anymore questions. I get it, we're obviously not as close as we used to be. I've barely seen you during these last few months. Maybe that's my fault, I don't know..." he trails off, looking down at his hands. "Anyway, you don't have to talk to me, but just let me look after you."
I smile sadly and nod. He comes and sits next to me on the bed then he places the ice pack on my wrist. It stops stinging for the first time since I was tied up.
"I'm sorry for bailing on your last night. Happy Birthday by the way." I sniff.
"It's not that you didn't come, it's that you lied to me. That really hurt." he sighs.
"I'm really sorry. I just didn't want to hurt your feelings." I mumble.
"I don't get it, Kells. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, you leave early on New Years, now my birthday. The holidays aren't fun without you there. I organise all this stuff, the dinners, the drinks, the parties, as an excuse to get you to come. And yet you don't. You've never been so distant with me before. Have I done something wrong?" he chokes out.
I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his cheek. Guilt pools in my stomach like acid.
"You've done nothing wrong, you could never do anything wrong." I whisper. "I've just been caught in my own head lately. I promise the next thing you invite me to, I'll go."
He smiles at that and kisses the top of my head.
"Why don't I give you a ride to work?" he suggests and I nod, beyond grateful. He's so sweet.
I finish getting changed then Vic takes my hand as we head down the stairs.
"Hey, what are you doing Tuesday? Maybe we could hang out." I ask hopefully as I remember Carter's text.
"Actually I'm going to visit my mom that day. Any other day would be perfect." Vic sighs.
My heart sinks.
"Oh, that's fine. I'll get back to you on that." I mumble sadly.
I need to figure out a way to prevent this from happening. I cannot do it again, I just can't.