"stoke's cousin is kinda cute."
jahseh
stokeley was still acting weird.
the whole night, i would try to do something physical with him, and he would just push me away or give a stank look.
and by physical, i didn't mean i was trying to swallow his kids right there on jared's couch. i was only doing shit like laying my head on his shoulder or touching his arm, and he still freaked out about it.
man, straight men were fucking weird.
stoke has to know i like him, why else would he be acting all jumpy and weird around me when he hasn't before? let me remind you that we've seen each other naked before, but yet he was uncomfortable with me putting my head on his shoulder?
reason #278 why i don't go after straight niggas.
maybe i should just stop this shit before it gets even worse, and stokeley doesn't want to be my friend anymore.
later that night, it was time to figure out sleeping arrangements once again.
"jared, why don't you let jahseh sleep in your room?" stokeley suggested. there wasn't anywhere for me to sleep, since jared only had 2 bedrooms and a basement.
"are you sure he wants to stoke? you should ask him first," jared replied.
"no, no, i'm sure he'll be fine. i don't think he would mind if you cuddled him either, i know you love cuddling." stoke continued.
i didn't say anything, because i didn't feel like being difficult, but i wasn't stupid. i knew exactly what he was trying to do.
was he so disgusted with the knowledge that i had a crush on him that he had to pawn me off on his cousin? i didn't even think i was that bad about it... sure, i did try to sit in his lap earlier, but i didn't think he would be this dramatic about it.
i was hurt. hopefully i'll just keep my hands and my flirty remarks to myself for the rest of this trip and i'll be able to swallow my pride and forget this ever happened, and we can just go back to being friends. i just got too bold, that was all.
"jare it's fine," i cut in, my voice low as i picked with the strings on my shorts. "i'll sleep with you. if you're okay with that of course,"
jared smiled at me. "yeah, i'm okay with that. come with me."
he lead me to his bedroom, and i was trying my hardest not to show how sad i was about how stokeley was acting towards me, but my emotions showed clearly.
"jah, don't mind him," jared said as soon as we reached his bedroom. "he can be dumb as hell sometimes, don't let him ruin your mood."
"thanks," my voice was flat, but i really appreciated him trying to make me feel better, although his attempt didn't work.
"goodnight jahseh, sleep well." he said before shutting the light off.
"goodnight jare," i replied before gettibg in the bed and closing my eyes, trying not to think of stoke and trying to drift off to sleep.
50 minutes didn't even pass without me feeling extremely uncomfortable.
stoke was right, jared was a cuddler, and he was squeezing the life out of me like i was a life sized teddy bear or some shit.
i hoped he didn't try to rub his dick against my ass or something. that would probably make me vomit. no offense jare.
he was fully asleep, so he didn't realize that he was squeezing me so hard my eyeballs would probably pop out, but he still was.
i needed to get the fuck out of here.
i tried my best to wrestle my way out of jared's grip, and after a few minutes of struggling, i managed to get out of his arms. i then took a blanket from the bed and left the room.
the only problem is i had nowhere to sleep now. i could go in the basement with stoke, but that wouldn't be a good idea after today, he'd probably freak out that i'm being too gay with him, whatever.
i guess i could sleep on the couch with michael, but that nigga snores when he sleeps. he's my roommate and i already hate it on a regular basis.
and i would rather kill myself than sleep in the same room as omar and gazzy. i love them both, but i'm not tryna sleep on cum stained sheets, and i'm sure they aint tryna have me in there while they fucking anyway
so i took my blanket, walked to the bathroom, and i curled up on the bathroom floor and tried to sleep.
it was mad uncomfortable, sleeping on hard, cold tiles that has all kinds of bacteria on it, but it would only be for 1 night, and eventually, i did fall asleep.
it was about 4 am when i felt somebody tripping over me when trying to use the bathroom. i wasn't about to get a good night's sleep at all was i?
"sorry," i mumbled groggily as i tried to move out of the way.
"jahseh? what the fuck are you doing sleeping on the floor?"
it was michael, coming in here to take a piss.
"don't worry about me mikey, i'm fine," i sighed, not being very convincing with my words.
"jah, i know you. you out here sleeping on the bathroom floor, i know you been crying cuz your eyes are bloodshot, and you look sad as hell."
well damn, just read me then.
"i like stoke." i said in a monotone voice. everybody knew, so i might as well say what the reason is.
"yeah jah, i know," michael replied, "it's kinda obvious."
i rolled my eyes. i didn't wanna hear that. "yeah well, stoke don't like me back. he's straight mikey. i'm pretty sure he knows i like him so he's being all cold to me and acting like i don't exist and it hurts. i didn't want to be this obvious but now he knows and he's creeped out and i'm hurt."
tears started streaming down my face again as i told him this, i don't know why i was so hurt, but i was.
"i'm so sorry jah, i'm so sorry," he started rubbing my back to comfort me, "at least it's better than what happened to you in high school."
"i guess," i mumbled.
when i was in high school, i had a crush on one of my best friends, isaiah. i was still closeted, and i knew he was straight, so i never acted on it. one day, i got brave and decided to tell him that i liked him, and he lead me on and acted like he liked me too, and we "dated" in secret, except he was just leading me on the whole time to expose me later.
when i got back from christmas break, my nudes were circulating around the school, isaiah claimed i sent them to him out of nowhere and tried to get with him, leaving out the fact that i thought we were together the whole time. he outed me to the whole school and all of my friends turned on me after that.
all of my friends except stokeley.
that's why i had such a deep connection with him, he had my back even when everybody hated me. he even beat isaiah's lord farquad looking ass back in the day for doing that shit to me. i wouldn't say i got bullied because i fought back against everybody who tried me, but i was an outcast, and stokeley had my back during the whole thing.
and now, it seems like the same thing is happening with him. he would never expose me like isaiah's rat ass did, but look at how he's treating me now that he knows i like him.
history really does repeat itself.
"why don't you get off of the floor and go back to bed, i'll talk to you more in the morning," michael urged me.
"nah, i don't wanna sleep with jared," i insisted.
"i'll sleep with him then, and you can have the couch," michael offered. "stoke's cousin is kinda cute anyway...."
"but he looks like a knockoff stoke," i scrunched my face up in disgust.
"so? he's cute to me," michael shrugged.
well, if that's what he wants, then be my guest.
"yeah, alright. go ahead. y'all would be cute together anyway. sad and sadder," i responded.
michael playfully hit me in the shoulder. "shut up, i ain't that sad. you the one that's crying."
i shrugged. "touche."
me, i'll just try to keep my feelings in check so i don't lose stoke.