Due to my light sleep, I can hear the breeze blow, I can sense the feather when it touches the ground, I wake up to the slightest sounds, and I hate that the slightest light flickers from outside my room I could wake up and my sleep would be ruined,
This time I woke up Because I felt someone come in, although the door didn't creak or make any noise I just felt the presence of someone,
What time is it? I looked at the clock hanging on the wall, I remember the time being 8:23 pm it was the last time I checked before falling asleep, I check again and it just turned 10 pm, so I didn't sleep much,
I didn't move from my spot, I slept in the semi middle of the double bed alone, the sheets were cold and I already heated my spot so no need to move around and ruin my warm spot,
I heard whoever it was locking the door, I also heard something being placed on the table,
The sheets were suddenly lifted letting in the cold air and ruining my warm spot,
Who am I kidding? It's probably Ivan,
I felt him sit on the bed and slowly slide in too, he wrapped his arms around me,
I clenched on my blanket waiting for whatever is yet to come,
"Baby" he whispered,
"I know you are awake",
I didn't answer, he tightened his grip around me and got closer, his body was pressed onto mine spooning me, he reached and locked his hand with mine,
It was then when I noticed the blood on his hands, the blood was fresh it stained my hand too, it stained the white sheet and it made me nervous, scared, my heart started beating faster, and remembering how someone was just brutally killed because of me made my eyes tear up,
I was at my weakest, I kept crying whenever something happens, why was I like this? I was never this weak in my life, I stand and fight, but to be honest, I'm afraid, and I'm completely scared, I don't want to fight him knowing what he has done,
I feel like once he loses his temper I'll probably end up like Sara, as much as I wanted to die instead of being here, at the same time I don't want to, I don't know what awaits me after death,
A little part of me kept burning and keeping me warm so that I continue fighting and get my life back, but at the same time I'm scared to fight and I've already given up, I'm scared of him and that's the truth,
I don't hate him, I don't love him, I'm just afraid of him
We are both so different, he can kill with a smile on his face while I can't even say no to a stranger,...I'm weak
"I can feel your heartbeat Hana" he whispered into my ear,
"Are you afraid of me or is it because I'm close to you?" I felt his hot breath on the back of my neck,
I was getting goosebumps all over my body,
"As much as I know its the first one I'd like to believe its the second option, but we can test that out" he kissed the back of my neck moving down to my shoulder,
I squeezed my eyes shut, and my heart was going crazy, I'm just scared yes I'm scared I knew it,
"Do you like me, Hana?" He smiled after noticing the change in my heartbeat,
No, I don't, but I'm supposed to be asleep,
He grabbed my shoulder turning me to him,
He got closer and kissed my cheek, only when came back in closer to kiss me again, I slowly opened my eyes he was hovering on top of me, with his eyes half-open.
His hair was a mess and there was blood splatter on his face, there was blood everywhere, he was covered in it,
He knew I was awake so what's the point of pretending? He wasn't surprised when I opened my eyes, he pressed his warm lips onto mine, it was a moment of warmth,
Unlike every other kiss he has given me, he didn't turn aggressive or force me into a deeper one, he kept it soft and sweet,
I closed my eyes for the first time of him ever kissing me, I didn't accept the kiss I just didn't fight him away,
I broke the kiss to breathe, he just keeps going what the hell? Does he even breathe?
He kissed again deeper, I didn't want this I just want to sleep,
He soon got on top of me not breaking the kiss, I waited for it to end but seems like he wanted something not to leave me,
"Kiss me back" he broke the kiss,
"I don't want to" I replied,
"I'm not asking you to, this is an order," he said as if I'd easily give in,
He smelled like whiskey, how did he even drink? Does he drink and murder people at the same time?
He kissed me again, I pushed him away
" get off of me you're drunk",
"I'm not drunk!" He yelled,
He pulled in closer, both of us were silent for a long time until he broke the silence,
"When you cry, my....my heart breaks" he brushed my hair with his hand,
"I want to kill everyone who makes you cry"
My eyes widened, and I paused for a good ten seconds...
"Then Ivan, Can you kill yourself?" I broke the silence,
I shouldn't have said that but it was the truth, he had made me cry so can he kill himself?
He smiled,
"Trust me, I've tried killing myself. you're not the only person who hates me"
I stared in shock, he tried to kill himself before?
"When I saw you and felt love for the first time, I felt the only emotion that I lacked, and it was the best emotion I've experienced, I promised myself to keep you just for myself, no matter how much blood I was going to spill, I'm never going to let go of you"
I didn't say anything, he's drunk, he probably doesn't know what he's talking about,
He leaned again kissing me softly, I kissed him back giving him what he wanted, he pulled away satisfied, he dropped laying beside me, so if I give him what he wants he will leave me?
It was not long when he got up on top of me again,
"More" he smiled, I kissed him again and pulled back,
"More," he said again, And I kissed him again,
"More," he said for the third time, I sighed and kissed him again,
"More", at this point, I got frustrated and turned my head to the left facing the door,
"One last time" he forced my lips on his with an aggressive kiss,
I expected it to be a peck, but I returned his kiss anyways, after a rough 40 seconds of switching from left to right,
He pulled away, what the hell, I just made out with a killer, good job Irene, this is your idea of finding an escape?
he collapsed on top of me, I waited for him to get up but I got no response,
"Ivan?"I called, but still, no response, did this bitch die?
"Ivan is you.."
"Shush" he covered my mouth,
"Let's stay like this for a minute" he held me tighter,
There is no way I can move with his weight over me, I pushed him lightly, I expected him to protest, but he was probably passed out by now, he just rolled over,
He lay beside me, I didn't know whether he'll wake up or not but I'm not sleeping next to him, I looked at the clock, and its 10:50,
I'm dead tired but where am I going? I didn't know but I held on to the choice of not sleeping next to him,
I removed the blanket and slowly slipped out,
He held my wrist half asleep and pulled me to him, "I told you to stay" he pulled me again with all his force and held onto my waist,
I had no choice but to slip back in, I turned away from him, but I could tell that he wasn't satisfied when he tried turning me to face him, he kept pulling my shoulder in weak force,
He was weak and he was fighting sleep, but he kept whining so I turned to him, his arm was under my head and my body pressed to his, he held me tighter, he was taller than me so, of course, I was pressed to his collar bone
His chin rested on my head,
"Hana.." he called me half asleep,
"Yes?" I answered,
"Your hair smells nice," he said in his subconscious state,
I didn't say anything, although both of our bodies under the blanket in my cold room were warm, I craved that warmth I didn't know why but I held him back I got closer and held him, and he grabbed the blanket and covered us both, he didn't cover his shoulders because that would've covered my head,
I was so warm, I didn't want him I just craved the warmth, I was just a cold child longing for warmth, I held on to my warmth,
It was not long till I closed my eyes and went to sleep, he did smell like whiskey but the closer you get to him the more you could smell his real scent,
I stared out of the window into the starry night, why was my room so cold? I didn't know but I loved this warmth so I closed my eyes hoping for the best, wishing myself sweet dreams,
<><><><><><><><><><>
The sunshine is too bright, I should've closed the curtains, I reached my arm waving it around and rubbing the sheets looking for Ivan, but he wasn't there with me,
I opened my eyes, but he wasn't there.
I woke up alone, I freaking hope he doesn't remember anything from yesterday, he was drunk anyways so he probably doesn't,
How am I gonna explain yesterday's thought? I slammed my face back on the pillow in frustration, what the hell!
The place was all bloody, his spot and the sheets, even I was covered in blood,
I freaked out and jumped out of the bed, how the hell did I forget about this!?
Suddenly the door opened and Maria came in,
She looked up to see me awake,
"Oh good morning honey" she greeted me with a smile, I came to wake you up,
"Good morning" I replied, but shouldn't she at least knock?
"I know what you're thinking, I should've knocked, but master just came down and told me that you were still asleep so I came to wake you up without startling you, it's bad to wake up suddenly" she smiled as she replaced the empty glass of water on the nightstand with a new full one,
I looked at the clock and it was 9 am, I was already used to waking up early in the morning, I used to do that for college,
"Did he just wake up?" I asked
"Around an hour ago" she answered me with the usual smile on her face,
I was disappointed how tired was I to not wake up when he moved? I didn't know and I didn't care,
"Go wash up" she handed me a towel and a toothbrush, after seeing me all bloody as if she's used to seeing blood every day,
"Yes thank you" I picked up the stuff and some underwear she got me and head to the bathroom, I knew where it was that's the only place I've fully memorized,
I got in the bathroom and instantly locked the door, I undressed and let my hair run free,
I looked at myself in the mirror my hair in a few months will reach my collarbone, I've always had short hair.
Thick short hair, I never let it grow I hated long hair, my hair always reaches my shoulder, it's shoulder-length hair, always been like that.
I don't know why I didn't like it growing, but it was growing and I don't think I can cut my hair any time in the future or at least in my days here,
My nails were getting longer too,
I usually liked keeping them not so short or long but long enough to show. but if I'm happy with a choice I've made it's probably getting my body hair permanently removed,
I'm an extremely hygienic person so I couldn't stand having body hair so I got it all permanently removed which kinda suits my situation, its only facial hair which is easy to deal with,
But what about my period? I'm sure Maria could help me with that, yeah.
Maria is the only woman who I've seen here beside Sara who met a tragic fate.
I wonder what her story is, what is she doing here? Maybe when I get closer to her I'll understand, Maria seems sweet and caring,
But again she is old enough to be my mother,
She is in her late 40s to early 50s.
But still what makes her so fine with working with the Mafia? Or dealing with serial killers in general?
I ignored all of my thoughts and let the hot water run and the steam fill the small room, I let myself soak in the warm water, how long has it been?
Four days, I haven't seen any horrors but, I'm no way in hell trusting Ivan, he could love me and kiss me all day but slap me or torture me when I refuse,
I kept thinking about what I said yesterday, am I really scared of him? Yes. I am scared of him I'm afraid to fight him or not let him kiss me, what would he do? I was tired of this all
I heard a knock on the door, I'm not opening that for shit, I didn't answer.
"Hana it's me Maria" I let out a sigh of relief,
"Yes I'll come in a second" I wrapped myself with the towel and opened the door for her, happy that it isn't Ivan
"I just came here to take your clothes" she forced herself in avoiding looking at me,
"You do the laundry every day?" I asked,
"Yes every day, because if you couldn't tell, Master's clothes get dirty pretty often" she gave me a sad smile,
She nodded and then left the room closing the door behind her, but why did she call me Hana too?
I hate that name I hate Hana, I don't want it, I'll always be Irene,
Maria like always rushed out, she avoids all my questions. it's always hard to ask her something, but I'll do everything to know her story.
I finished my shower, I dried myself, I looked everywhere for a blow dryer, it was nowhere I looked everywhere I opened every drawer,
One drawer particularly stood out, it had all sorts of first aid in it, it had cotton and medicine, I picked up some of the pills which were a lot, this is not a normal first aid, this drawer has dozen of pills,
Pills for anxiety, antidepressants, paracetamol, antibiotics, acetaminophen,
Benzodiazepine and everything, this all seemed odd, I looked over some of the expiration dates of the pills and some were already expired for two or three years,
Why would someone have stocks of pills in their house? Especially stocks benzodiazepines and paracetamol which are pills for sleep and headache,
The drawer probably had every medicine, even birth control which was also expired, this is all so weird, he has stocks of pills in the drawer but none of them are used, and he has pills for literally everything,
Was he planning on turning this bathroom into a damn pharmacy? But then it occurred to me, he told me that he was a doctor, so that's one.
He could have patients here at home? Why would I believe that he was a doctor anyways? He was probably lying...
I just put all the pills back in the drawer and sigh letting the frustration out of me, I looked around and I couldn't find my clothes,
Oh shit, didn't I get my underwear with me? Or did Maria take them thinking its dirty clothes, oh my god no, now I have to walk back to my room with only a towel on,
That sucked but I'm not staying in here forever, I opened the door only sticking my head out to check if someone was outside,
I looked left and right and the coast was clear, I lightly stepped out of the room closing the door behind me, I was dripping water and the towel wrapped around me did nothing to prevent that,
The windows open in the hallway let a cold breeze in that made me shiver,
I looked at my room's door which I was slowly approaching, I was safe no one will see me,
Or that's what I thought, the door on my left opened and of course, no one other than Ivan came out, he was holding a book and he didn't notice me until he looked up to see me,
At first, he was surprised but then that nasty smirk shaped his face,
"excuse me" I tried to play it chill and slip out of the whole thing,
I took only one step to have him hold me back and pin me to the wall lightly, here we fucking go again,
"What a nice surprise early in the morning" he smiled,
"Ivan let me go please I'm starting to get cold" I pulled out an excuse,
"Cold? I can warm you up if you want," he spoke so boldly doesn't he hold back from saying these things?
"I can warm myself up if you let me go to my room and dress myself up, did you think of that?" I mocked,
"So bold" he smiled, he looked down at my chest and bit his lower lip, I noticed him and put my hand on my chest covering it,
"Don't even think of it" I clenched on the towel,
"can't help it. I'm such a perverted man" he raised his head back then he lowered it staring into my eyes with a different expression, a serious blank expression,
"How long will you keep me waiting" he reached for my towel forcing it out of my hand,
"Until I fucking die" I regret nothing,
He pushed me into the wall with full force and held me back with my wrist,
"Don't act like you don't want this" he whispered into my ears,
"You enjoyed every second I spent with you last night"
So he remembers last night, I thought that he forgot...but it's probably just that part,
"I was only sca-...I was only nervous" shit, this is not what I wanted to say but if I say that I'm scared he'll take advantage of me,
"Then why did you kiss me back so passionately" his whisper turned into a chuckle,
"I-" I was speechless I didn't know what to say,
"Will you kiss me back again?" At this point, I felt his lips go down to my cheeks,
"No" I replied timidly lowering my head so that I was only looking at the floor, he lifted my head back up clenching my jaw, it did hurt and I knew I fucked up because I was scared again,
He only kissed my neck, slowly going down to my chest, his breath got heavier and I was too scared to move, when he is ever in this sort of situation he will get aggressive if I try to stop him,
I was dripping wet, my hair dripped on my shoulder, and I was cold but I clenched on my towel harder and squeezed my eyes shut,
My heart was beating faster, I was cold and afraid, I didn't want this, I let out a small whimper when his kiss turned into a bite,
What the fuck is he doing, he was sucking on that spot for too long, I let out a soft moan and pushed him away lightly, it was starting to hurt,
"Did I find your sweet spot?" he smiled,
He went on doing that again which was just confusing to me...what the hell is that feeling?!
As he kept going around not leaving any spot behind, I turned my head to the right where the stairs were,
He locked his hand with a mine causing me to grab it tighter whenever his bites started to hurt, I kept convincing myself that it all will all end soon, I was a mess, my hair was still dripping and he never stopped,
I opened my eyes to see a girl standing there, I was startled and embarrassed at the same time, "I-Ivan" I struggled to speak, he was doing something to me that I couldn't understand,
My voice sounded like moans as if I was asking for more,
"You like this" he whispered into my ear,
I saw the girl look around in awkwardness just before she could turn around and leave I pushed him away looking down embarrassed,
"Na...Nancy" Ivan called her,
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to Maria told me to call you" she rubbed her arm,
"Tell her ill be there in a second" he casually spoke to her as if it was all cool, he didn't look embarrassed or anything he looked super chill,
"Ok. I'm sorry if I interrupted you" her voice cracked,
"It's ok just leave" he ordered and she left without saying a word,
I looked at him he was breathing heavily his cheeks were red, and his white shirt was wet because of me,
He came back to me and ended it all with a soft passionate kiss,
"Thanks for this little session" he winked And left me running downstairs,
What the fuck.
Why am I feeling so lightheaded? My blood pressure went over the roof, am I aroused by this? Oh gosh no I'm just a bit scared, I can't believe how disgusting I am,
I facepalmed myself and went to my room,
I kept thinking about everything that had just happened, I'm freaking dumb I'm not aroused I'm just scared,
He is not a human Irene, you shouldn't ever feel turned on by that monster, but after all its all just a natural human body reaction,
I'm not attracted to him, it's just my body..being a body,
I dropped my towel to dress up, I looked at the mirror to notice a big hickey in that spot, not only one though but hickeys were scattered around my chest,
The biggest one has to be the one he called "sweet spot" it's on my left breast, right now all of them were red, but they will probably turn purple soon, its a bruise especially that he bit too,
I wore the usual black skirt with stockings, the garter belt again, I wore a brown floral balloon-sleeved blouse that went high to my neck hiding all the hickeys...
I did as Maria told me, adding in little makeup and letting my hair run free, after I blow-dried it, I sigh and sit on my bed for a while,
I know it might be surprising for my age, I'm twenty-three but to be honest, I'm still a Virgin, I went to an all-girls school, and in college, I was too busy studying and working to be able to support Alice and me financially,
Our parents live away in the countryside with my younger brother Joseph, Alice and I have been away from our parents our whole life, we rarely talk to them.
The reason is that Alice wanted to study abroad to pursue her dream of becoming a successful businesswoman, and after she came back she didn't live with us because my parents were still mad at her, when she decided to leave I didn't want her to be alone so I left with her,
I was seventeen and she was around twenty-four, she is seven years older than me. they were mad at me too because they wanted a traditional household, they wanted us to finish studying and get married but I didn't want to,
So after Alice and I left, we got a small apartment and she looked for a job, she finally found one and we were able to live and find a better house,
It was hard the first months and weeks but we got used to it, we were our own family disconnected from every relative, I never regretted leaving with her and disagreeing with my parents, she was my best friend and the only one who guided me and I was happy to go through everything with her, not letting her go through it alone,
When I met Kyle he was fine for the first two months of our relationship but then turned possessive and emotionally abusive,
I thought he could be the one who I'm finally comfortable with, but I was wrong.
I just couldn't be with someone who calls me a slut for talking to other guys while he completely knew that I was a Virgin.
What a shame, but...
Will Ivan be the one who takes my virginity?