Dedicated to anuhhere for all her fist pumping:)
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The win today was great, but my performance in it was not. I still couldn’t believe Caleb Davis struck me out every damn time I stepped up to the plate. It was the first time I’ve ever played a game with no hits. It was also the first time I played a game without Lylah wearing my jersey and cheering me on from the bleachers.
When Leroy handed me my spare jersey, it was like he handed me my heart, the part of it that Lylah still held. As stupid and asinine as it sounds, I hoped she would keep it because she wanted to hold a piece of me with her, but I should’ve known after the pain I put her through that wasn’t going to happen. Mixed with the jumbled thoughts in my head was my conscience, and it would scream at me every day, constantly telling me what a fool I’d been to let Lylah go. I buried it, not wanting to face what I was realizing is the truth. It wouldn’t matter if I threw it out all together because I would still have to deal with my parents disapproving looks and disappointed attitudes.
I deserved it, the more I thought about what I’d done, the guiltier I felt, and Becca was right there to chase my guilt away. Every time I doubted my decision, she would reassure me…physically. That’s what happened the day Lylah found us in the janitor’s closet. I saw Lylah around school all week with a dazed look on her face. She wasn’t the normal happy go lucky Lylah I fell in love with, and I hated myself for taking that away from her. I was dreading Art, because it was yet another class I would have to sit through and feel the glares on my back from my friends, or former friends. Becca sensed I was down, and before I could stop her she pulled me into the closet.
It was dark and musty, but that didn’t stop her from dropping to her knees in front of me and unzipping my jeans. I was too surprised at first to stop her, but by the time I came to my senses, she was already fast at work. From that point on it felt too good to push her away. Lylah had never done that for me, we were intimate, but oral sex was never something she offered to do, and I would’ve felt like a jerk if I asked her to do it. Secretly, I always enjoyed it, something Becca knew well as she sucked for all she was worth. For the short while that Becca was fulfilling my physical needs, I was able to forget the guilt and pain I caused.
They returned ten fold when we stumbled out of the closet and came face to face with Lylah. I was still having a hard time erasing the look of pain and anger on her face, it haunted me. Then, when she called me an ass hole, I almost wanted to laugh. It was such a foreign word from her beautiful mouth, but it saddened me to know I forced her to think of me as one.
How did I let things change so fast? Even now, sitting in this room filled with kids my age drinking and laughing, I felt as if I was looking at it from outside my body. I used to love celebrating a win with a party after, but for some reason I didn’t today, and I refused to admit it was because I wasn’t here with the one I really wanted to be with. Or how hurt I was when I saw her with Caleb after the game.
Becca has been kissing on my neck and rubbing my thigh, urging me to take her upstairs to find a bedroom. We hadn’t had sex yet, other than orally, and she wanted us to do it tonight. Something kept holding me back, or more specifically someone. Lylah was the only girl I’d been intimate with besides Becca, and when I made love to her, that’s exactly what it was, love. I remembered my times with Becca as being passion filled and intense, two bodies driven mad for each other, which was great, but it only left my body satisfied, not my heart. I mentally slapped myself for these thoughts. Why the hell was I being so soft? Since when did a teenage guy like myself mumble bull shit about satisfying his heart. I should take the physical connection Becca was offering and run with it, using it to banish every last thought of Lylah from my mind.
Lylah and I were done, it was my fault entirely, but Lylah made the final decision. She broke up with me and made me the free man I was now. With that thought in mind, I turned to Becca and kissed her hard, letting my anger and frustration seep out of me. As things intensified, I knew we would have to find a room soon or this would become an orgy for sure.
Rising from the couch, I pulled Becca up with me and started to lead her out of the room, when a familiar laugh at the bar caught my attention. I stopped to look in that direction and almost collapsed at the sight before me. Lylah was there with Keri, they were taking shots and having what looked like a good time. That’s not what had my knees shaking though, it was the way Lylah looked. Her hair was pulled back from her beautiful face, and her cheeks were flushed from the burn of alcohol running through her system. I could only see her from the chest up, being she was behind the bar, but that was enough to have my body flare with desire. The way her outfit hugged her chest, it showed just how blessed she was in that area.
A certain part of my body was fired up and ready to go with just one look at her. Becca mistook my reaction to Lylah as being meant for her and roughly pulled me the rest of the way out of the game room and up the stairs. Still in a daze, I let her lead me and after checking a few rooms, found one that was empty. She threw me on the bed and straddled me, unbuttoning my shirt in record time. We kissed then, and for a minute I let myself get into it. I started to pull her top over her head while she reached for the button on my jeans. My hands stilled and I just looked at her in the dim light shinning from the window of the bedroom we were in. She was very beautiful, with her blonde hair and amethyst eyes, but as I stared at the face I knew I still loved, I realized my love for her wasn’t the same.
I should be fired up and ready to pound into her like no tomorrow, but the minute I left Lylah’s sight, that part of me was no longer interested. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I loved Becca, but I was in love with Lylah. The love I felt for Becca was an immature one based only on the physical. She reminded me of my past and the good times we had, but you couldn’t live your life in the past. Lylah was my future, the things we’ve done and shared meant ten times more because I wasn’t a young guy only after one thing anymore and could appreciate all that Lylah was and still is to me.
Why couldn’t I have realized this before I lost her.
“Blayne, what’s wrong?” Becca asked, her voice slurring a little. I hadn’t realized how drunk she was, but I guess I should have with the way she was practically humping me down stairs.
Grabbing her eager hands in mine, I stopped her, “I think we should stop. There are some things we need to talk about, but not here.”
Her face fell and she started to get mad, “This is about Lylah, isn’t it?”
Not wanting to deal with a mad drunk, and knowing she might not remember half the things I told her, I decided to hold off on our break up. At least until morning. “No, I just don’t think we should do this right now.”
“Why not, this is exactly the type of place we used to do it.” she grumbled, clumsily trying to pull from my grasp. Her words only solidified my decision. The more I remembered the way things were between us, the more I realized that what I might have felt for Becca wasn’t anywhere near what I felt for Lylah. I loved Becca as a good friend, but I lusted after her as a girlfriend allowing the lines to cross and become one in the same thing.
“I know, Becca, but it’s not the right place for us to do it now. Let’s just get dressed and head out and I promise we can talk about it tomorrow, when you’re sober.” I let her hands go and sat up, then helped her get off the bed.
I started buttoning up my shirt while she stumbled around mumbling that she was sober, then when we were presentable, I pulled her along behind me and went back down stairs. We started to push our way through the partiers when I passed by the game room and just about lost it.
Lylah was still at the bar, but she was no longer with Keri. She was locked lips to lips with the one guy I decided I hated the moment I caught him talking to her at the game. What the hell was he doing taking advantage of her drunken state? That’s the only reason I could see Lylah making out with him, at least that’s the only reason I wanted to believe. My body coiled, ready to strike out at him. All the blood in my body rushed to my head as the anger built, and before I could give it a second thought, I shouted what I was thinking, “Get the hell away from my girlfriend!”
The music suddenly stopped, and only the voice of my angel could be heard as she shouted back, “I’m not your girlfriend!”
I knew it was the truth, but I didn’t care at this point. I just wanted her away from him, so I reached for her hand with the intention of getting her to do just that. Which is why I wasn’t prepared for the blow to my face, courtesy of Caleb. I reacted fast, aiming a punch of my own, but he moved at the last minute and I only grazed his chin. He lunged for me, and we went crashing through chairs. We battled for the upper hand, Caleb getting it as he sat atop me. I could hear cheers around us, and Becca shouting out for someone to break it up. I had a feeling no one would unless Caleb needed them to. There weren’t very many, if any, fans of me in this room, and most likely half of the people here thought I was getting what I deserved.
That’s why I was surprised when Caleb’s weight was removed, and I was being helped up by…Leroy. “You should leave, Blayne, before Koa gives in and let’s Caleb loose on you again.”
My male pride wanted me to ignore him and rush at Caleb, but as my eyes searched the crowd for Lylah, I saw her eyes worriedly looking at someone, but it wasn’t me. My anger deflated, instead filling me with sadness. Becca grabbed my face then, checking my wounds. My eye was throbbing, I new it would be swollen shut by morning, my ribs were screaming in pain, and blood was dripping from my nose. “Come on, baby, let’s get you home.”
Bryce was escorting everyone out, but I risked one last glance at Lylah making a silent promise to myself that I would get her to look at me with concern again. I love her, and I wanted her back.