The night settled with James cuddling up to Renata, who had her back pressed into his chest as they slept in his bed. Whatever scent of her hair had been lingering in the air and on his pillow for the past couple of days, allowing him to fall into a relaxed state whenever he laid down. Due to the storm, Harry had wandered in at one point and rather than trying to squeeze his way into the adults, James watched in the dim lighting as his son lifted Renata's limp arm and placed it over him before going back to sleep. He probably assumed that he had managed to slip in undetected, which only brought a smile to James's face as he settled back in.
As Harry and Renata slept on, the storm outside finally seemed to be dying off with the promise of a lighter forecast for Harry's birthday, which is exactly what Renata had been praying for since the week before. However, while James didn't say anything, there was no telling how the weather would hold out because cloudy most of the time meant some form of rain, but he was hoping that it would hold out for as long as possible. It was a special day for Harry, turning three years old, and while Neville had turned three the day before, he would be celebrating his birthday with them as well.
He was glad to hear that things had been fixed with Augusta, although he wasn't very surprised that things were solved once Molly got involved. He remembered times where Fabian and Gideon used to joke around and claim that if their sister wasn't pregnant or looking after her children that she could have run the Order all by herself with her as the only member and still would have managed to bring down Voldemort. Or maybe it wasn't a joke at all, with her fiery nature, it could have very well been Gideon and Fabian telling the truth about their little sister.
But all that mattered was that Neville would be there because James knew how important that was, not only to Renata but to Harry as well. Over the course of the several months of Renata entering their lives, she had managed to set up two very strong friendships for Harry that had always presented themselves, but James didn't even think to take advantage of at the time when he was in mourning. However, Neville and Ron made Harry happy, reminding James of his Hogwarts days with Remus and Sirius. He would have said that they just needed a fourth member to complete their own take on the Marauders, but James didn't want to jinx them with such luck.
Despite how much time had passed and everything that had happened since that night, James still could not bring himself to forgive Peter. It didn't matter if Peter claimed to be scared into following Voldemort or betraying the Order, the damage he had caused for so many was unforgivable to James at the time. It was bad enough that he was the reason that Lily was dead, and Harry had been attacked while James had finally figured it out, but then Peter had attempted to try and turn things on Sirius. He had attempted to put all the blame on Sirius and tried to send him to Azkaban.
So, with James dead, Sirius in Azkaban, Remus would have been left alone with his condition, possibly shunned by the world for is lycanthropy, what would Peter have done after that?
James didn't want the answer to that, he really didn't want to think about it. Instead, he decided that he was there to bring in Harry's third birthday, that Sirius was a free man, and Remus found all the love and support he needed during the times where he needed it the most. And in many ways, James was given a second chance to correct his mistakes that he had made earlier in his life and work to make himself better, not perfect, but better.
Reaching a hand out in the darkness of the room, he came to play with Renata's hair as she slept as she had muttered something in her sleep before readjusting her head on the pillow. She seemed to quiet down as he continued to rub her head and he could hear the faint sound of Harry's snoring mixed with the sound of the light rain outside. He was just beginning to drift off, his hand movements becoming slower until they stopped completely. He could feel himself falling asleep until he suddenly felt someone playing with his hair.
Immediately, James found himself wide awake, questioning as to who the hell was touching him and as he turned around and reached for his wand, the dim lighting of the room revealed Lily, lying down next to him.
For several moments, James didn't know what to do as he remained perfectly still, his eyes growing wider with every passing second.
"Lily? Lily, what are you doing?" he questioned, moving away from her. "What are you doing here? Y-you're d-dead."
"I could ask you the same thing, James, "she replied softly, "what are you doing? Or rather, what are you letting her do?"
The lighting of the room seemed to become brighter in allowing James to follow Lily's gaze to look over his shoulder. Renata was facing him now, with Harry still in her arms as the two of them continued to sleep.
"You're letting her replace me," Lily told him, quickly earning a shake of his head, but she continued. "She's Harry's new mother, so you're replacing me? Was I not good enough for you, James? You let me die so some other woman could take over? Did you ever love me or were you just using me?"
"Lily, what are you talking about? No one is replacing you! And of course, I loved you, I still do, and I always will, but Renata- "
"Is better than me?"
"No, that's not what I was going to say!"
"But it's true, that's what you think. You see her as better than me! You see her as a better woman for you and you see her as a better mother! That's why you let her take over! She sleeps where I used to sleep-"
"You didn't sleep on that side-"
"She holds my son!"
James covered his ears as she began to yell at him and it only seemed to grow louder and louder with every passing second, to the point where he thought his ears were going to start bleeding. He kept begging her to stop, telling her that she had it all wrong, he didn't understand why she was upset. He thought that she would be happy that Harry found someone that cared, and he thought she would be happy that he found someone that cared for him as well.
But the Lily before him was what nightmares were all about.
This wasn't the Lily he knew, it was all his fears and insecurities manifesting themselves after he had been placed under such stress earlier when waiting for Renata to return. But, of course, James couldn't tell the difference while he slept, he could only take away that Lily's spirit was furious with him for how he was handling things. But it was just fear and stress that drove James' mind to think of the worse and leave him with nightmares that twisted his thoughts.
It was just the guilt of Lily missing out on Harry's birthday that drove his mind to turn against him, mixed with the earlier discussion of Augusta becoming upset with Neville calling Renata "Mummy."
He suddenly screamed for Lily to stop, hoping to drown out her voice, only to feel a and on his chest that he quickly slapped away.
"Ow!"
Opening his eyes, James immediately sat up, only to find Renata sitting up in bed with Harry in her lap as the two were both staring at him while she rubbed her hand.
"Did I hit you?" he asked her, quickly taking to looking around the room, only to see that Lily was gone. "It was just a...oh, but I..."
Turning back to Renata, he started apologising profusely for hitting her hand even though she told him that it wasn't a big deal and that she was fine. Harry was giving James an odd look too as he placed his hand over Renata's, perhaps attempting to offer his own comfort to her.
"You were having a nightmare or a night terror, James," Renata told him, "I'm not sure what about because I couldn't make out what you were saying, but you started yelling in your sleep. Normally, I wouldn't interfere, knowing that it can be dangerous, but you were covering your ears and such, I didn't know what else to do. You were frightening Harry. Are you alright?"
"Yeah," he said with a nod of his head, "I don't know what the nightmare was about, probably just a bad memory or something. I'm sorry and Harry..."
He reached out his arms to take Harry, so he could apologise to him, but Harry turned his head away and cuddled into Renata's side, leaving James to frown further.
"Don't take it personally, James, I just think he's confused, that's all," she said smoothing her hand over the top of Harry's hair. "He probably won't remember it by the morning. Would you like me to get the sleeping-draught for you?"
"No, that's alright," James said, "I can get it myself. You two should try and go back to sleep, we have a long and busy day ahead tomorrow."
Renata didn't seem fully convinced by what he said, but she wasn't willing to argue either. She gave a slight nod of her head and leaned back, allowing Harry to get comfortable first as his hands were latched on to the front of her pyjama shirt. Pushing himself out of bed, James could have easily summoned the sleeping-draught, but he felt the need to walk around and stay awake for a little bit to allow Renata and Harry to fall back asleep without disturbing them.
He wandered out to the kitchen where he grabbed the sleeping draught and sat down on the sofa to try and relax his mind. Knowing that it was his son's birthday, James couldn't allow anything to ruin Harry's day, it would be fair to him and it wouldn't be fair to Neville.
Thinking about what one of the Healers had told him about seeking therapy to discuss everything that still weighed on his mind, he figured after Harry's party, he could head to St Mungo's and start discussing the steps he needed to take. After all, he couldn't keep waking Harry and Renata in the middle of the night and if he was lashing out, such as smacking Renata away, he couldn't have that either or someone was bound to get hurt.
After taking the sleeping-draught, James didn't end up going back to the bedroom, instead, he fell asleep on the sofa and remained there until the next morning.
The next morning, he awoke to the pleasant smells of something delicious baking, bringing him to stir and cover his eyes as he didn't expect to be greeted by the sunlight. He sat up and looked over the back of the sofa to see Renata and Harry in the kitchen. Harry was sitting on the counter, seemingly covered in flour with a bright grin on his face as Renata was also covered in flour, bringing James to smile as he came to rest his chin on the back of the sofa and watched the two interact. Harry was quietly singing the Italian alphabet, stopping a couple of times and looked at Renata, who helped him fill in the letter he was missing to keep him going.
But it seemed he grew bored of the alphabet and started counting, this time in English and Renata was able to help him there too. He would get especially excited when he said "three" because Renata would clap her hands and call out "Happy Birthday" to him. He could have watched the two all day but eventually, James cleared his throat and made his way over to where they were.
With a sleepy grin, he placed his chin on Renata's shoulder causing her to jump as she didn't even hear him approach.
"I didn't even know you were awake, how long have you been up?" she questioned him.
"Long enough to witness you two being adorable, and what's with the flour? Are you two pretending to be ghosts?"
"Well, I thought about it and while it would be nice to go buy Harry a cake, I thought it would be a lot nicer to actually make him one. So that's what we've been doing since he woke up and we might have gotten a little carried away with the flour earlier. Did you sleep well after taking your sleeping draught?"
"Yeah, I got a bit of stiff neck from the sofa-"
She turned to him suddenly, leaning her lower back against the counter and folding her arms to give him a look. "I really wish you would have just remained in your bed. Harry and I could have gone back to our separate rooms for the night and allowed you to sleep if you weren't comfortable sharing the bed-"
James quickly gave a shake of his head, really wanting no reminder of the events of the night before, he didn't want to think about the nightmare at all.
"It's alright, I just wanted you two comfortable, especially Harry because....IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY!"
Scooping his son off the counter and into his arms, James was greeted with the sound of laughter that made his heart swell as Harry looked especially happy to see him, rather than cowering away from him as he did the night before. And to allow James to join in on all the fun, he took his flour-covered hand and rubbed it all into his father's hair.
"Match!" Harry said, bringing Renata to laugh from where she was standing. She told the two to start getting ready because soon enough people were going to start arriving and they all didn't want to be caught standing around in their pyjamas.
James actually didn't know who to expect besides Remus, Sirius, Adelmo, the Weasley family, and the Longbottoms for company but that was a big enough crowd just in itself. The Weasley family was going to make up half of the party number alone.
But as if Renata could see into the future as soon as the three of them were all dressed and ready, there was the first knock at the door.
As Renata and Harry were outside, playing with balloons, James answered it, to find that the Weasley family was the first of the arrivals. Just before the door was fully opened, all the Weasley boys piled in and raced towards the back, nearly knocking him over, with the exception of Percy, who took his time walking in with his parents and Ginny.
It seemed Percy was left with the responsibility of carrying the gift inside as he handed it over to James and quietly made his way to the back where the others had disappeared off to in order to greet Harry and Renata. Molly greeted James with a kiss on the cheek as Ginny greeted him with some form of babble that James didn't quite pick up on. And Arthur greeted him with a firm handshake at first before pulling him into a hug.
From that point on, it seemed the door was never fully closed over before someone else arrived, such as Remus or Augusta and Neville showing up as promised. The last of the expected group was Sirius and Adelmo and to James' delight, they arrived together. However, before James could congratulate them on actually becoming an official couple, Adelmo pulled him off to the side to speak.
"I don't mean to bother you with any sort of problems, especially on your son's birthday," Adelmo began, " but it concerns Renata..."
"What's wrong?" James asked as his brows furrowed together, looking over his shoulder to the garden where Renata was talking to Augusta.
"Yesterday, she showed up at my flat," Adelmo told him, " she seemed a bit spooked about something. Asked me if I ever had my nose broken before, but none of it made sense really. I tried to get her to explain but she was really all over the place. I was just wondering if something happened that caused her to act that way-"
"It's probably my fault," James replied in a whisper, " it was a misunderstanding with Neville and his grandmother. She was really upset about it, enough that she left, but I don't know about the broken nose bit. It seemed odd really, but she made no mention of it when she came back here. I apologised to her and everything was fine afterwards. She hasn't brought anything up this morning either..."
Pressing his lips together for a moment in thought, Adelmo looked over in the same direction where James had spotted Renata earlier. She appeared fine, a smile on her face as Harry was nearly attached to her leg looking at all the presents that everyone had brought for him. He was pointing at a few that he obviously wanted to open first when he was given the opportunity.
"We can talk to her later about it," James offered, " after the party and see what she has to say."
"No," Adelmo shook his head, " I rather not. I rather she enjoys the entire day even after the party is over. She's been looking forward to it for a while, she kept asking if I would be in attendance, so I know a lot of effort has been put into making the day perfect for Harry."
The party mostly considered of the children running around, the older boys running the majority of the games that were to be played. However, Harry usually ended up doing his own thing with Neville and Ron, while the adults spent time watching them and talking to one another. Yet, no matter what game Harry was playing with Neville and Ron, or the older boys, his eyes kept trailing back to his gifts that he so desperately wanted to open.
Renata let out a chuckle as she leaned into James' shoulder as they were sitting in the garden. "I don't think Harry will be able to restrain himself much longer, " she said, " he's been so patient, but he really wants to open up a gift. Do you think both birthday boys can open at least one each, just to satisfy them?"
James glanced over and saw Harry leading the way, tiptoeing to where the presents were stacked and trying to lift one up to see if he could figure out what it was, while Neville and Ron kept as look-outs. He couldn't help but laugh either and soon enough all the adults looked over to where they were looking and joined in as well.
"I don't see that as a problem," James said, " one gift should hold them over for a little bit, what do you say, Augusta? Can they open one each now?"
Augusta had been quiet for a great deal of the party, mainly observing Neville playing as it had been a bittersweet day the day before with taking Nevill to St Mungo's to see Alice and Frank on his birthday. Of course, Alice and Frank had not acknowledged him and Neville didn't have any sort of fun, especially compared to the amount of fun he was having at the party. As much as she wanted Alice and Frank to be included in Neville's happiness, she was thankful to see Neville laughing and running around.
James's question pulled her out of her daze, bringing her to look over and nod her head. Pushing himself up, James made his way over to where the boys were so he could help them pick out the first gift they wanted to open.
Harry went for the largest one in his pile, while Neville went for the one with the brightest gift wrap. Everyone gathered around them to see what would be uncovered as the two tore into the wrapping paper, making quite the mess, but they were definitely enjoying themselves. Ron stood between the two of them, looking back and forth until Harry pulled him down and offered for him to help.
"Surprisingly, they both chose the gifts I bought for them," James said with a proud smile, leaving Renata to give him a light whack on the chest before Neville opened up his first. Inside, appeared to be a potted mushroom of sorts, bringing everyone to look confused, except for Neville, who looked delighted.
"Horklump!" Neville screeched, clapping his hands to the side of his face before looking up at his grandmother. "Horklump!"
"Goodness," James muttered to Renata, " I didn't even have to tell him what it was! He already knew it!"
"You got the boy mushrooms?" Sirius looked over at him with a bewildered face.
"Well, they're special mushrooms," James said with a slight shrug, only Remus and Sirius both gave him a look because that didn't make it sound any better. "I didn't mean it like that!"
"You know those things reproduce like mad, right?" Remus pointed out, now having James and Sirius make faces at him. "You two would know that if you paid attention in Herbology!"
But even if the adults were questioning, Neville's gift, it didn't really matter what they thought because Neville absolutely loved it. He picked up the pot with the little pink mushroom that was in the centre and made his way over to the hosepipe to immediately start watering, which left Augusta to run after him to monitor.
It was just in time too as Harry managed to open up his box finally with Ron's help and the two started pulling out all the contents inside. Harry let out a happy cry as he pulled out all sorts of toys that he could use at the beach, which made him think that they were probably going to the beach soon. He pulled out pastel coloured shovelling tools for the sand, a pail, and all sorts of other things he had no idea what they were, but he knew he was going to like them.
Looking up, Harry offered a toothy grin in James' and Renata's direction as he held up the toys in his hands, in pure triumph. James made his way over to kiss the top of his son's head, knowing that it was only one of the gifts he had gotten for Harry, but it was probably going to be one of his favourites. And it held true because Harry wanted to share in the experience of holding all the toys as he grabbed the shovel and made his way over to where Renata was standing in her original spot.
"Mummy! Look, beach!"
Renata had hardly noticed the atmosphere of the party grow silent as she was too busy giving Harry her attention as he brought over the toys for her to look at. But when she finally did notice, due to the sudden onset of awkwardness she felt, she looked up to see that everyone was looking at her or at James.
"What did he say?" James whispered as he took a step forward, no sign of a smile on his face at all.
Harry didn't notice his father's sudden change in demeanour, but he did note that Renata wasn't paying attention to him as he kept trying to show her the present.
"Mummy, look!"
James found himself in a troubling position as the nightmare from the night before seemed to be presenting itself as he could hear the sound of Lily's betrayed voice, accusing him of replacing her. Of course, he felt guilty that she wasn't there to bring in Harry's birthday, but he could only hear Lily yelling at him whenever Harry called Renata "Mummy" in front of everyone.
Suddenly, the shovel was snatched out of his hand, causing Harry to jump and his bottom lip started to tremble as Renata looked startled as well.
"James, please, he doesn't-"
"Harry, that is not your mother!" James told him in a scolding tone cutting Renata off harshly. "Do you hear me, that is not your mother! She will never be your mother! That is Renata! Lily is your mother, Lily is your-"
"JAMES POTTER!" Molly yelled out, bringing him to snap out of the state he was in. The voice in his ears vanished right away and he was brought back down to the scene where Harry was in tears and the whole party around him had fallen silent. He didn't know what came over him as even Sirius and Remus looked to be in a state of shock at his actions.
"Harry, I'm sorry," he said quickly, reaching for Harry, but his son screamed at the top of his lungs and ran away from him to head inside. James could feel himself shaking as he had no idea what he had done in such a short amount of time, but as he turned to face Renata, he could see that she was desperately trying to fight back the tears that threatened to stream down her face.
"Ren-"
Before he could say anything to her, with a solemn expression, Renata pushed herself up and awkwardly made her way away from the group. Molly and Remus tried to reach out and stop her as she passed them, but she moved her arms to avoid being kept in the same place.
"I need to leave!" she told them, trying to get them to understand that she didn't want to just stand there until they worked it out, she just wanted to get away from James for the time being. "Let me go!"
Meanwhile, Sirius was holding Adelmo back, who wanted nothing more to attack James for the way he acted.
Molly and Augusta decided to make their way inside to comfort Harry and Renata, leaving James outside with everyone else, who continued to stare him down. He had no idea what to say or what to do because he didn't even know what had come over him at the time. He could only bring himself to repeat one thing over and over.
"I'm sorry."