Taehyung's POV
"My Taehyung..."
My breath hitch at the sound of her voice, her beautiful face looking sad yet her aura still stays as magical as I can remember.
It's been months and here she is, the person I fell in love with... the girl I gave my heart to... the person who unintentionally broke my heart... And the person I know I'll soon be begging on my knees until she takes me back... Here she is, standing in front of me, my knees all weak just the sound of her calling me hers.
Even after all of those months of not seeing her, my heart beats the same. Or perhaps, it beats a hundred times faster than the day I first saw her in their dressing room.
Never once did I felt any regret for accidentally taking her GUCCI. In fact, I was happy I was stupid enough to do that because I met the real her.
Not once did she pretended to be someone else. She showed me her real self, unfiltered and unbothered that I am a sunbae - her.
When she first kissed me at that time, my heart almost went out of my chest. I thought it will explode due to my overwhelming emotions.
She likes me and claimed me as hers. I was more than happy to give in. Coz yeah, anything is fine if it's her.
All those confessions, I turned them down. Even after my failed attempts at asking her to be officially mine, I waited, because I love her.
Kim Taehyung fucking loves the great Kim Jennie.
Even though she keeps on pouring her heart out about how pissed off she was whenever Jimin hurts her friend, I was okay with it. Because I know she's hurting. I know she's built her walls and I was barely even able to stand next to that wall.
But then it had gotten too much. She was too attached to the idea of her taking all the burden. She forgot about me.
She pushed me down on her priority.
I wasn't asking for too much. In fact, I was okay to be on the last. But can't she at least give me something I can hold on with?
Is giving me a "yes" that hard?
I knew we're almost exclusive. Heck, to me we are exclusive. But I need to hear it. I need assurance. That's all I was asking for.I'm hurting too and there's only so much I can take.
But seeing her like this, I wanted to take it back.
When I pushed her away from me, when I told her to come back when she's ready, I almost ran out and pull her back.
I was stupid and in love.
And then I allowed her to go to Australia without talking things out.
She was hurting, I knew that. And I was hurting too. Knowing that someone you love is hurting because of you is such a painful feeling.
I almost snapped. The pain was overwhelming, I almost snapped.
Normally, I don't drink even with my Hwarang hyungs but I guess the sad feelings keep on bothering me.
I said I was fine. And I wanted to kill myself for not putting an effort into talking with her.
So I drank.
I still remember how I was too stupid to get drunk that night. Now, I have put myself into bigger trouble.
I made her sad. I hurt her...
"No, I don't wanna go home..." I started whining and the two guys before me giggled, clearly, the alcohol is doing its job.
"You really are so cute," Seo Joon hyung's arms reached for my head and messed up my hair.
Both Hyungshik hyung and I visited Seo Joon hyung at his house. After Jimin declared to the world that he and Chaeyoung are married, he was sent to Australia to finally take care of his wife, and the remaining members will soon follow leaving me available right now to meet with my other hyungs.
We'll be going tomorrow so I only have tonight to be with my other hyungs since we'll be in Australia for two weeks. Plus, it's not like the three of us have a common schedule, to begin with.
"Oh, this isn't my phone. Yah, who's this?"
A loud hiccup escaped my lips when I saw my phone on Hyungshik hyung's hand.
It was a picture of Jennie. She was lying on her bed, covering her face, embarrassed about the fact that I caught her checking me out. She looked so adorable I had to take a photo.
And due to the overwhelming sadness, I changed my lock screen of her photo.
It wasn't obvious that it was her and besides, it's just for tonight. I knew how fast our fan's eyes are. If I don't change it, one wrong move and I'm killed for.
A wide smile spread across my face.
"Hyung, that's my phone!" I giggled as I try to grab my phone from him but he was quick to dodge.
"Wah, is this your girlfriend?!" he exclaimed, his eyes all wide, the same expression he uses on his dramas.
A painful feeling suddenly hi my chest.
"She isn't. She doesn't love me enough," I whispered before sitting back to the couch.
My lips felt bitter at the words coming out of my lips.
"What do you mean she doesn't love you enough? Everybody loves our Taehyeungie!" Seo Joon hyung exclaimed and I smiled sadly.
"I wish that's the case," my voice was a little shaky and it didn't get passed to my hyungs.
They adore me a lot, I know. And apart from my members, they are the next ones I consider my brothers.
"Taehyung, is there something bothering you?" Hyungshik hyung's tone immediately changing.
I knew for a fact that I am close to breaking down. All the pain that I felt, it was all enclosed inside my cheat I can feel it about to explode.
At that, tears started streaming down my face and we were all silent.
Being friends with them for a long time, I never once told them about my problems. but this one, I can't seem to hold myself together. It was too painful that even smiling seems so hard.
"If it hurts, speak up. We're here to listen. Don't keep it to yourself. You know we're here for you, right?" I heard Seo Joon hyung whispered until I felt him patting my back.
I break into fits of sobs, I can barely breathe.
"Is it really this painful? I mean, to love someone who can't love you the way you do?" I asked, my eyes bore every confusion I had in me, questions I wish Jennie would answer.
Hyungshik hyung looked at me in worry.
"My heart, it feels like it's gonna explode any moment. Every time I see her picture or hear her voice either, my heart would stop beating. I let her go but I am barely hanging in here. Why do I feel like dying when I was the one who gave her up?" I lost it - my composure.
My brows furrowed when I saw Hyungshik hyung giving me my phone.
"Huh?"
"Whatever you want to say, tell her. Let her know how you truly feel. Let her know that she's hurt you. Let her know that you're in pain. But don't beg for her to come back. The way I see it. You've done your part. You're hurting because you kept everything to yourself. You have feelings too. Just this once, just think about yourself too," he mumbled and I was lost for words.
As if I was hypnotized, I reached for my phone and started typing the words I wanted to tell her, the words I have been keeping to my own.
"I'd probably regret everything tomorrow but I need to tell these to you. For me. So I can make another step forward. I love you. I do. I miss you. I miss your smile. I miss my GUCCI. I miss everything that is you. But more than "our" everything, half of it was never about "us" but "them". And it killed me. Because for once, I wanted things to be about "us" too. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to let you stay. I'm sorry I was coward to let you go. And I'm more than sorry because I wasn't good enough to stay by your side. Again, I'm sorry. And I love you, my Nini. I hope you will always be happy..."
With a heavy heart, I hit the send button.
I didn't care about tomorrow. I didn't care how she will react once we see each other.
Of course, it's impossible to avoid her. After all, our members are married.
"Taehyung..." I was brought back to the present after I heard her call my name again.
The rest of the boys was out there, enjoying the place and checking how Chaeyoung and Jimin had been doing.
A forced smile escaped on my lips.
"How have you been?" I asked. No matter how painful half of our story has been, she will always be important to me. And up until now, I am still holding everything in, even though what I really want to do right now is to her back in my arms.
I'm saving myself.
She looked at me sadly, the words coming out of her lips shocking my whole system.
"Not so good. Because I don't have you," She looked at me intently and as if her initial words were not enough, she had to rock my world too.
"I'm sorry too but I'm not letting you go, Taehyung. I want my GUCCI back. If I need to court you, beg on my knees, I will if that means I can call you mine again,"
What the fuck?