i just want calumcuddler and ketchup99 to read this story is that too much to ask
(yes, yes it is too much to ask, because they're fab and i'm really, really lame aha)
✿✿✿
I let out a sigh, throwing my head back so that it resting on the back of my chair. I brought my head back to its original position, running my hands through my hair. I sighed again, wiping my sweaty hands on my skinny jeans.
"Math was so much easier before letters were in it," I said to myself. "Algebra was already full of shit with the quadratic formula. Now calculus is only letters..."
I let my head hit the desk in front of me. I gasped at the sound of my head being hit against the desk—it was pretty loud, and I couldn't afford to wake anyone up at 2 am. I closed my textbook, put it and my notebook away so I didn't look suspicious, turned my lamp light off, and quickly jumped into bed. The only thing I could imagine if Liz or my dad walked into my room was either of them going, "Lucas, why the hell are you studying at two in the damn morning?!" If that does happen, and if they do ask that, I'm studying because I can't afford to be any more of a failure. I was glad it was only studying, too. Two AM is usually my time to cry, but after my talk with Calum, crying at two in the morning wasn't a part of my schedule anymore.
After a few minutes, I heard no noises. I threw the blanket off of my body, got out of bed, and slowly opened my bedroom door. My head squeezed through the door, and there were no lights on. There was no sign of either of my parents coming to check on me.
I closed my door and locked it, heading back to the position I was in a mere five minutes ago. This better pay off in my quiz tomorrow, otherwise I'm going to flip shit.
✘✘✘
"Okay, guys," Mrs. Armstrong announced to the class, "this is the last quiz of the semester!"
The class cheered. I stayed quiet as I always do. I couldn't help but turn my head towards Rylee, who just so happened to sit next to me. She was cheering as well. Rylee was whooping and clapping her hands, and it caused me to smile. Under her influence, I let out a little "Yay!"
Mrs. Armstrong passed out the quizzes, and I bit my lip as I got my copy. I would be lying if I said I didn't struggle at all, or if I said it was a breeze. I did get stuck on a couple of questions, no matter how hard I studied the night and morning before. Finishing after almost everyone else, I slowly got up from my chair, trying my best not to make noise. I couldn't make noise; that would make me the center of attention, and I couldn't afford that. I pulled down the sleeve of my Fall Out Boy sweatshirt (which, really, was the only sweatshirt I ever wore) over my right hand as I held my quiz in my left. I quietly put my desk on top of the others, flipping it over so no one could see my answers. I quickly pulled down the sleeve over my other hand, and my brought my hands to cover my mouth out of habit. I quickly dashed to my desk, putting my head down and hoping no one noticed me.
I averted my view towards Rylee, and she was doing her homework. I don't like to do my homework in class. Sometimes, if I have nothing better to do, I would do it. I like to do my homework at one AM—it saves me from...other stuff.
Looking at Rylee, I suddenly remembered I would lend her Paper Towns. I dug through my backpack, looking through the numerous amounts of books I read, and I finally pulled out the book with the giant pushpin on the cover. Silently, I put the book on the corner of the desk, and I quickly turned and started to read To Kill a Mockingbird.
"Thanks, Lucas," Rylee whispered.
"You're welcome, Kylee," I said with a small smile.
She glared at me, but she couldn't help but giggle slightly. "I really hope you don't start mistaking me for my sister, Luke."
"I could never be able to," I told her honestly. You'd think I know which twin I have a crush on.
She smiled at me, and I couldn't help but return it. Rylee's smile was one of the prettiest I had ever seen.
Soon enough, the bell rang, and I dashed out of the classroom, silently praying that I got a decent grade on my quiz. Before I could make it to my locker to get my lunch out of it, someone tugged my sweatshirt sleeve, and I turned around.
"Quick! Help me figure out a really clever gift to give to Mikey for Christmas!" Ashton said quickly.
I only stared at him in slight bewilderment. I wasn't used to people screaming in my face (Liz doesn't count—she never counts to me).
I shrugged. "Christmas sex?"
Ashton groaned frustratingly. "C'mon, Lucas, we already know that's going to happen!" I choked on my own saliva—sometimes Michael and Ashton don't understand that I don't need all the details in their sex life.
"I need a real, clever gift to give him! Luke, I've run out of ideas of gifts to give him!" Ashton let out an exasperated sigh. "This is the one and only problem for being friends—much less in a relationship—with someone for so long. I mean, Michael and I have been best friends since kindergarten; that means our families have been friends since we were five-years-old. We've given each other Christmas gifts since then! The one problem: You run out of really nice gifts to give them." His eyes widened. "That's almost like running out of ideas to show your love for them!" He grabbed my shoulders, and he shook me a little too roughly. "LUKE, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!"
"Okay," I said to Ashton, slightly dazed. "First of all, you're not running out of ways to show Michael you love him. Honestly, Ashton, Michael has all the love he could never need or want from you, and more. He really loves you, and you love him, so let's conclude that you're set for the 'loving' part."
Ashton nodded nervously. Anyone could tell that Ashton was nervous. His foot was quickly tapping against the floor, his glasses were fogging up, the bandana around his head was starting to collect sweat, and he was fiddling with his fingers. Something told me if Michael saw Ashton like this, he would take no hesitation to take his boyfriend in his arms and kiss him better. I've been spending way too much time with these guys. I don't even consider them my friends...
"So?" Ashton asked me desperately. "Any ideas?"
"Alright, guys, get out of the hall!" the janitor yelled at us. I rolled my eyes slightly, and Ashton and I started to make our way out. I had internally forced myself not to go to the bathroom and eat lunch there as I always do. I couldn't just ditch Ashton. I followed Ashton as he led to to where he and Michael eat in the school. It felt incredibly weird to see all the kids eating outside. I wasn't accustomed to it. Then again, I've never done it myself.
We sat down on the bench, and I looked around for a certain green-haired boy.
"He's setting up the stage for the drama performance tonight. He won't be coming anytime soon," Ashton told me, noticing how I was looking for Michael. I remembered that Michael's elective was drama, and I nodded.
"You've been in a relationship since seventh grade, right?" I asked. Ashton nodded.
I furrowed my eyebrows and narrowed my eyes, trying to think of something that has relevance to the number six.
"And you've been best friends since kindergarten?" I double-checked. Ashton nodded again.
I went back to my previous position, trying to think of something with relevance to the number twelve. They've been best friends for twelve years. They've been in a relationship for six years. Six is half of twelve...
"I've got nothing," I told him. Ashton sighed out a deep sigh. I wasn't sure what to do, so I awkwardly patted his back. "I'm sorry, Ashton. I'm not good with presents."
Ashton turned his head so that he was looking at me. His eyes were sad and desperate. "You mean you don't have any experience with gift-giving? At all?"
I shrugged. "My parents did all the gift-giving to our external family members. My name was sort of plastered on the 'From' section."
Ashton sighed again. The desperation and sadness was radiating off of him, and I could feel it coming towards me.
"Listen, Ashton," I said, grabbing his attention, "I know absolutely nothing of gift-giving, much less of being in a relationship as strong and loving as yours with Michael. But I think I have the slightest amount of knowledge to tell you to don't try so hard. If there were top ten ultimate facts that were implanted in your brain at birth, 'Michael loves Ashton to the end of the universe' would be the very first one. He loves me you, mate—hell, you loves you a fucking lot. You don't need to try so hard to please him. Michael loves you, and you don't need to do anything to keep it that way. Stop thinking of the most amazing thing you can give him. Christmas will come, Ashton, and you will have a gift to give to Michael that came from the heart, and he will love it so much that your Christmas sex will last all the way to New Year's. Don't try hard. You'll come up with something special, and Michael will love whatever it is."
Ashton smiled. "Thanks, Luke."
I returned the smile. "It's my pleasure."
✘✘✘
Soon enough, it was Friday the 14th, the last day of school. At least, for this year. We were going to go on holiday for three weeks, and go back to school in January to start second semester. I was glad that the year was ending. I got a 76 out of 100 on my quiz, which was far better than my average of 40 out of a hundred. It brought up my grade just enough for me to pass the class with a 60.5%, and I was bouncing off the walls. I still had a chance of graduating.
Ever since last Sunday, I've been talking to Calum every single day, and at almost every hour of the day. I always sent him messages before I went to school. We talked before homeroom, during homeroom, during nutrition, during lunch—I even risked it and messaged him during Miss Malone's class, because all we did the past week was watch movies as she graded quizzes. I've been talking to Calum nonstop, and I couldn't be any happier.
At the same time, though, I didn't let him distract me. I knew very well that I was going to have to work my ass off over the next three weeks, and not just because I was afraid of Liz yelling at me again. I had a science fair project to do, and I was going to stop at nothing to get it done perfectly. I had the perfect hypothesis, too! I managed to mix music into behavioral science, and honestly, I was pretty excited for this project. It was always in the back of my mind, however, that it would've been much easier if I had started in September when it was assigned, but I thought it was okay. Three weeks, in my opinion, was enough to complete a science project. I had everything I needed. I was prepared, and nothing could stop me now.
I lied down on the floor in the middle of the night, staring up at my ceiling fan. "Should I, or should I not?" I wondered aloud. "I don't like to run, much less any physical activity besides swimming. Then again, it would look really good on the final result... I don't know."
hiiiii :-)
wait no
i shouldn't have messaged you
you better be asleep, lucas!
haha i'm not asleep
wHAT'RE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?
*dances awkwardly*
luke no
stahp
*dances even more awkwardly*
NO
:----------------)
hey, i have to ask you a question.
about rylee?
no.
you're blushing.
...
no i'm not
yeS YOU ARE YOU LYING BASTARD
stahp
but seriously, i have to ask you an important question.
okay, what is it?
do you think i should test myself for my science fair project?
idk man. do what you want to do.
you were such a help, cal.
aren't i always? :-----------------)
okay, since i asked you the question, i should probably go to sleep now.
YES YOU SHOULD YOU NEED YOUR BEAUTY SLEEP
beauty sleep wtf
i don't need beauty sleep
if anyone needs beauty sleep, it's you, cal.
lol no
but you should still sleep
fine.
goodnight, cakeface xx
"Lucas?" someone asked.
SHIT!
"Lucas, what are you doing up?" The light turned on, she looked at me. "On the floor?" I really didn't want the light turned on at the moment. I liked the dark. I made peace with the dark. I was one with the dark. I didn't like that it was taken away from me.
"I was watching danisnotonfire vides on YouTube," I lied.
Liz shook her head tiredly. She was angry, I could tell, but she was too tired to take it out on me. Liz let out a distressed sigh, and she came towards me. She held out her hand, and I looked at it warily.
"Just so I'll be at peace that you're sleeping," Liz said. I looked at her hand, and back up at her.
"Well?" Liz said with a hint of anger in her voice. "Give me your iPod."
I reluctantly gave Liz my iPod, and she quickly snatched it out of my reach. She turned the light off and closed the door. After I saw the lights turn off in the living room, I got up and I locked the door, just so Liz couldn't come into my room again.
I lied in my bed for a while. I just stared at the ceiling. I looked at my desk. My old iPod Nano was connected to my iHome, and soft music was playing.
"If you were here beside me instead of in New York..."
"Oh, shit," I muttered to myself. "Nope, nope, nope, NOPE."
I turned to look at the dock again, and I could see the familiar eagle on the screen. I let out an exasperated sigh. I was too lazy to get up from bed and change the song. I could already hear the chorus playing, and I tensed.
"I miss it all, from the love to the lightning..."
I pulled my pillow from under my head, and I put on my face, trying to block out the music.
"And the lack of it snaps me in two."
I could already feel the tears streaming down my face. Snow Patrol was the only band that has songs that could make me cry. Well, them, and a few songs by Mayday Parade. But I've listened to Snow Patrol since I was a little kid, whereas I started listening to Mayday Parade only a few years ago. New York made me extremely emotional, even though I had no relation to the song. The words got to me, and I let the tears fall freely.
I wiped my tears and put the pillow back where it was before. I lied on my back again, staring into the white nothingness. I sighed deeply, letting the lyrics make their way to my head, breathing in the music.
I had just started to fall asleep when someone unlocked my door.
"Lucas?" Liz asked me.
"Mm?" I asked, feigning tiredness.
"Were you sleeping?" Liz asked softly.
She turned the lights on, and I closed my eyes tightly. I nodded slowly, answering her question.
"Can you come into the living room? Your father and I need to talk to you."
I got up from my bed, confused. Liz walked out of my room, and I followed her suit. My dad was sitting on the couch, saying absolutely nothing. He didn't even look up when I walked in. I was used to it, I suppose. My dad and I were alike, in that way. Everyone knew my mom, and my brothers. My dad and I were just there. We were attached to my mom and my siblings, but no one cared who we were.
I sat on the far edge of the couch, trying my hardest to sit far away from my parents. Liz sat down next to my father, and that's when I noticed it.
My dad was holding my iPod in my hands.
Not only that, but he was checking through it.
"Lucas, we need to talk," Liz said. My dad was still scrolling through my iPod.
"It's two in the morning," I said with a fake yawn.
"We feel like it's important," Liz replied.
I sat there awkwardly. My back was straight and my hands were knit together, resting on my lap. I looked at Liz and my father with no expression on my face. I don't know what happened. My father was still scrolling through my iPod, and Liz was watching him sadly. She looked at me, and I tried my best not to look into her glossy eyes.
"Lucas," Liz said softly.
"Yes?" I asked, yearning to get back to my room.
We sat for a moment. I wanted to ask if I could just go back to my room, but I didn't need Liz getting mad at me again. I eyed my father, who was still scrolling through my iPod. He didn't seem to be putting it down anytime soon. Liz was still silent, and I wanted to push her to just tell me whatever she wanted to tell me. It was funny to me, because people who knew my family thought my family was great. My family was anything but. In fact, I hated my family so much that I didn't even consider them my family. Yet, here I was, sitting with them on the couch like we do this all the time.
"Lucas, have you ever thought about committing suicide?"