C H A P T E R N I N E T E E N:
When Louis wakes up in the morning, part of him hopes Harry will still be sleeping right beside him, but he's not. All that's there is a note on the pillow Harry used the night before.
Louis,
Thank your mum for me for allowing me to spend the night. And I also want to thank you for not thinking twice when I acted all crazy. Maybe we can meet in the bathroom during study hall?
Love,
Harry.
Louis sighs as he reads it over a second time. Johanna calls him from downstairs in the kitchen, so gets up so he can throw on a pair of shorts and a tank top and go get his breakfast. He's too tired and too worn out to really care about how he looks.
“Isn't prom next week?” Johanna asks as she places a bowl of cereal down in front of him.
Louis sighs. “Yup.”
“Aren't you excited?” she presses.
“I guess so,” he shrugs.
“I'm going with Chloe-Grace, Elaina, and Lizzie,” Zinnia says to deflect the attention off of Louis. He gives her a greatful smile.
“That's nice, love,” Johanna smiles. “Wait a moment. Harry slept over, didn't he?”
“He must have left before we all woke up. He left me a note. He wants me to thank you, by the way,” Louis explains.
She nods and turns back to the stove to get eggs cooking for the rest of her children. Zinnia holds her hand out and Louis places the note Harry left in her hand. He knows her well enough.
“You're explaining on the way to school,” she declares. “But the real matter is if you're going to meet him in that bathroom.”
He rolls his eyes. “Of course I am. Who do you think I am?”
They're whispering, but they know Johanna is listening in. She isn't very subtle. Louis hates how nosy she is.
“We'll talk later,” Zinnia mouths. Louis nods.
“You should probably get going,” Johanna says.
“Yeah,” Louis agrees. He shovels the last of his cereal in his mouth and stands from the table. Johanna sighs, but puts his bowl in the sink for him and he grabs his bag and starts for the door.
“I don't want any surprise guests staying the night today, Lou,” she warns sternly. “I know you weren't expecting last night, but if you want to make plans, call me. Okay?”
“Yep,” he nods. “Bye, mum. Love you.”
Johanna dries her hands on a towel and goes over to kiss him on the cheek and give Zinnia a hug.
“I love you both,” she says. “Have a great day.”
“You too, Jay,” Zinnia shoots her a smile and swings her backpack over her shoulder. She starts to become demanding once they're a few strides from the house. “So, explain last night to me. Why the hell was Harry crying that hard?”
Louis sighs. “It's not really my place, Zinns.”
“Bullshit,” she rolls her eyes. “Come on, you know that I won't tell anyone. Besides, what if you need a shoulder to lean on?”
He glares at her. “Harry cut himself,” he puts it bluntly. “I guess he freaked out about it and came over.”
“I don't understand,” Zinnia looks confused.
“He cut himself for the first time, didn't like the feeling and got scared, so he came over,” Louis says slowly.
She starts to smile. “You know what this means, right?”
“Can you stop fucking around?” Louis snaps.
“Fine,” Zinnia huffs. “You're his comfort zone. Even when he doesn't want to trust you, he feels safe with you. He needs you, Louis.”
“Need isn't good for relationships,” he frowns. “It shouldn't be about that. We shouldn't be together just because we need each someone, we should be together because we love each other.”
“I never thought you were together because you need someone,” Zinnia assures him. “I was just saying. He loves you, Lou. Why else do you think he would've picked you to be his go-to?”
Louis shrugs, but he has to bite his lip to hold in a smile. “I never thought of it that way.”
“Because you're stupid,” she fires lightly. “And this is me being a bitch, but you're clueless to the fact that Harry wants you to keep trying to get him. He wants to feel like he's worth it. Maybe you should tell him that.”
“How the hell are you so good at reading people's feelings?” Louis asks with a laugh.
“Women's intuition?” Zinnia purses her lips and shrugs. “I don't know, really. I just feel like Harry and I are a lot alike, so I'm going based on how I would feel if I were in his situation.”
“Thanks, Zinn,” Louis gives her a smile. “I'll see you in French.”
“Yep,” Zinnia grins back and heads off to her homeroom.
Study hall is right before lunch, so it's not a wonder why Harry picked it. Louis' morining seems to creep by until he can leave the library and sneak into the bathroom to meet Harry, who left a few minutes before Louis with a nervous expression.
“Hey,” Louis greets, sitting down on the floor across from him. He doesn't know exactly when this became their meeting spot, but he likes that he and Harry have a semi-private spot that can make their own in a twisted way.
“You came,” Harry sounds relieved, and his expression is one of joy that he's trying to conceal.
“Harry,” Louis reaches out to place a hand on his knee, “you asked, I'm here. I'd never not be here.”
Harry smiles and his cheeks heat up with a pale pink colour. “Yeah.”
“What did you want to talk about?” Louis asks, trying to encourage him.
“Us,” Harry says with a nervous laugh. “I mean, if that's okay with you.”
“Babe, anything you need will always be okay with me,” Louis soothes him. “It's just me, rememeber? You don't have to be so nervous. Relax, okay?”
Harry exhales slowly. “Okay. Yeah.”
Louis rubs a circle onto his knee. “Good. Now, where do you want to start.”
“Um,” Harry's lips start to quiver. He's been even more sensitive than usual than usual lately. “Just, um.”
“Hey, hey,” Louis reaches out to grab Harry's hands, giving them a gentle, reassuring squeeze and doesn't let go. “Relax. Just relax.”
“Sorry,” Harry's laugh is full of air and empty.
Louis brings his left hand up to his lips and kisses the pad of every finger. “Don't be,” he says. “Do you want to talk now?”
Harry nods. “Yeah.”
“Where do you want to start?” Louis questions.
What Harry says surprises him. His tears don't.
“Dalton...” Harry stops to wipe his eyes. “Him and another one of my foster brothers, Asher... This morning.... Both of them at the same time, Louis,” he finally manages to get out.
Louis mouth opens. “What? Harry...”
“I know,” a small cry comes from Harry's throat. “I'm sorry, I can't stop crying.”
“Come here,” Louis instructs him softly. Harry shakes his head. Louis opens his arms for him. “Harry, come here.”
He wraps Harry up in his arms, holding him tightly as Harry sits in his lap and clings to him. Louis rocks him gently, rubbing a hand up and down his back.
“It's okay,” he murmurs.
“Is it really?” Harry demands, tone harsh. “I've been living with this for almost two years, I can't do it anymore.”
Louis slides his hand up from Harry's back to cup the back of his head and rubs the nape of his neck.
“It's only five more weeks,” Louis attempts, “then you're free and you can live life the way you want and go to any university you want.”
“Am I really free?” Harry asks next. “I'm still a murderer. That title will be on my head for life.”
Louis wants to disagree, to tell him things will be fine, but he's not sure of it himself. He can't lie, Harry has been branded a killer and that won't ever go away.
“I know,” Louis says instead. “I wish I could take that away for you, but I can't. As much as I want to, I can't change the past.”
“If that were possible, I would have changed it along time ago,” Harry remarks with a huff.
“I know,” Louis repeats. “Look, Harry, I want things too, but we can't always get what we want.”
“I miss you, Lou,” Harry whispers, looking up to meet Louis' eyes. “I want to hate you for what you did to me, but I can't. I need to face things and realize I want you. So bad. I love you, you know.”
Louis smiles. “I know. Does this mean you forgive me?”
“I don't know,” Harry sighs.
“Harry, you're so worth it. So fucking worth it,” Louis tells him. “I know it's unhealty, but I need you. I love you right back, and I'll do absolutely anything for you. Please, baby, I'm begging you for one more chance. I won't blow it like I did last time. I can't promise that I won't make mistakes, but they won't be anything close to before.”
“Lou—” Harry's cut off.
“Say yes or no, I don't want anything else,” Louis instructs.
“Yes,” Harry answers. “Yes. Yes. Now kiss me.”
Louis cups his cheek and tilts his head up to press their lips together.
A/N: I know that this is a shit way to end this chapter, but I've been working on this for two days so I wanted to get it posted. I don't know, I just wasn't happy with it yesterday, so I deleted it and re-wrote it today. I had to get the emotions right, so I feel like this is better than the other version of chapter nineteen. I didn't give much warning last book, so I'll tell you that the next chapter is the last one before the epilogue. Uh, yeah. So. WWA Tour Concert Film?! I've already started begging my mom xD. I downloaded the 5SOS album today. My favourite songs are Don't Stop, Everything I Didn't Say, Beside You, Long Way Home, Amnesia, and Voodoo Doll. In case you were wondering, haha. If any of you downloaded it, maybe comment your favourite songs? Favourite 5SOS member, perhaps? Both? Mine is Luke. OKAY, SO LARRY IS BACK TOGETHER. WHAT DID I TELL YOU? Alright, I think I'm going to post the last chapter and epilogue either tonight or within the next day or two. I just have to get them written, hah. I think I'm going to start chapter twenty now, so keep your eyes pealed! Peace out, I'm going to now end this long-ass author's note. xx