What is normal? Thing is, Connie really didn't know anymore. Normal was no longer something that just happened. Normal life was a blessing, and it had been taken for granted for far too long.
In the week after the revelation, it had taken a while to get used to things. Jacob had been fined for perverting the course of justice, although he couldn't be imprisoned as he hadn't tampered with any evidence, or coerced officers in any way. Also, he hadn't been under oath when he objected in the court and made his confession, and so nothing could really be held against him for that. He was fined £2000, which was able to be paid off quite easily with Connie's input, and they had officially gotten themselves away from the case. Connie had been quiet in the days following, and Grace had hardly spoken either, but once the two of them began to speak to each other, conversation was slowly beginning to become easier.
Connie felt as though she'd been unable to cry these last few days. Her heart broke for Sam and she blamed herself for not being there for him, but Jacob kept reminding her that it wasn't her fault, and that there was probably nothing she could have done to change his mind.
"I just thought he was always so arrogant," Connie said one night, as she curled into Jacob on the couch. "I should have realised that it was a cry for help."
"Connie, nobody could have spotted that," he whispered, combing his hands softly through her hair.
"I just don't understand why," she replied. "He'd just got married, he had a job he enjoyed doing. Why did he want to take that all away?"
"You said he wasn't happy with Emma," Jacob reasoned. "He was struggling with married life, and you know the pressures of being a surgeon. It's one of the jobs with the highest suicide rates Con, maybe he's seen one too many people die in front of him."
"So have I," Connie whispered, the tear forming in her eye as she realised she was completely frozen in position. "I've seen Sam die right in front of me and I don't know if I'll ever see my job in the same way again."
"It's always harder when it's someone you know, but you're a brilliant doctor Con and Sam wouldn't want you to lose that."
"Doctors are supposed to make people better and I didn't even realise he was ill. What's the point Jacob?" Connie forced herself to look up to Jacob, her eyes empty as if she felt nothing in her heart. It was almost as if the happy feelings she felt at finally being with Jacob were completely cancelled out by her distraught at losing Sam, leaving her feeling nothing at all.
"Why am I here?"
"You're here because people need you here Connie," Jacob said softly, a little worried as he realised he'd never seen Connie quite like this before. "And I promise that it will take some time, but we will get past this together. So don't go blaming yourself. There's nothing you could have done and I can't bear to see you tearing yourself apart. You're a fantastic doctor and you were a good friend to Sam, and I love you too much to let you blame yourself for this."
No matter how sad she was or how traumatised she felt, Connie couldn't deny that the feeling of being able to be in Jacob's arms again was heavenly and that realisation was what caused the tears to begin slowly rolling down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry," she sobbed, but Jacob had no idea what she was apologising for as she curled herself into his body and buried her face into his chest.
"It's okay sweetheart, shh," he whispered as he rubbed her back softly with his fingertips. "It's okay."
"Don't leave me again," she whispered as she hugged him tighter, his characteristic smell invading her nose just like it always had before. That brought her great comfort as she felt herself calm down a little, allowing her eyes to slowly stop crying as she took a few deep breaths and regained her composure.
"I've hated these last few months without you," she admitted quietly.
"I've hated them too," he replied, comforting her as she became weary in his arms after recovering from the small cry she had had. "Come on baby, let's go to bed." Connie nodded and smiled as Jacob clasped her cheeks in his hands and kissed her lips firmly, not needed to deepen the embrace any further. The kiss assured Connie that she was able to get through this with him by her side, and so she didn't hesitate in taking his hand and walking up the stairs to bed together.
Their first night back together was everything they needed it to be. The way his arms came across her body as he hugged her from behind and his legs tucked up tightly beneath hers so that there wasn't an inch of her back that wasn't touching his chest made her swoon, and she was thankful now more than ever for the beautiful man that she'd been able to share her life with.
The day of the funeral was a week and a half after the police had found out what happened, and Connie had helped Emma to organise it according to what Sam would have wanted. The venue was at a church on top of a hill and it was very suave and modern - just like Sam himself. Connie was stood in front of the mirror looking at her outfit: a long black dress with a black cardigan over the top, her hair down and straightened. She was transfixed in that spot, and she hardly noticed Jacob come in behind her and place his hand on her shoulder.
"I need to let him go," Connie murmured.
"You're always going to love him in some way, Con. It's not that easy to get over someone you love," he rubbed her shoulder again and she turned around looking up to face him, before wrapping her arms around his neck.
"How do you understand this better than I do?" Connie chuckled, meaning it as a rhetorical question as she placed her head on his chest and swayed softly, inhaling the sweet smell of his aftershave.
"Man's been through it before, Con. Unprovoked gang attack, I lost someone I once loved without any warning. You don't realise how hard it is to properly get over an ex until they're no longer with us." Connie looked up at his face trying to read his expression, but finding nothing hidden in his eyes.
"Are you okay?" She asked sincerely, swaying with him gently.
"Yeah yeah, it was years ago Con," he smiled. "Just makes you realise how lucky we are to be here together." They stood together, hugging each other tightly for a little while longer, until Grace came in slowly. She was wearing a dress too and looked very formal and Connie smiled with pride as she saw her little girl.
"You ready princess?" Connie asked, pulling away from Jacob to hug her daughter instead.
"As ready as I can be. Let's get this over with, eh?" Connie smiled and took Grace by the hand, walking downstairs with her slowly. Emma had wanted both Connie and Grace to travel in the front car with her, but Connie had insisted that - so long as Grace was okay with it - she'd prefer to follow in the car behind. Emma arrived at Connie's house a couple of minutes later, and it looked like the poor woman had already been crying today. When the cars arrived, she got into the front one with Grace and Connie and Jacob got into the second. They were due to be picking up Sam's mother and sister too, and then everyone else would make their own way down.
It had been a beautiful service, and the gathering afterwards had been a great tribute to Sam. There were family members there that Connie hadn't seen for decades, and it was nice for her to be able to catch up with people who were all grieving the same loss. Some of the ED staff were there, as were some of the patients that Sam had treated over the years. One gave a brief speech, explaining how Sam was the reason that he was able to walk again, and it served to remind everyone how - though he could be a bastard sometimes - Sam valued patient care above anything else.
A little way into the evening, Connie had managed to slip away unnoticed with Jacob and the two had gone to visit the gravestone to pay their own personal tribute. Connie wanted to say some final words, but she felt so much better having his support with her. As Connie was careful to avoid the river of flowers that cascaded around the headstone, she crouched beside it and placed her hand on the top.
"Just wanted to say a few words," she whispered, holding back the tears. "Okay? Okay. Oh Sam..." Connie was at a complete loss for what to say and instead chose to just sit in front of him, listening to the sounds of the nature around her as she imagined that Sam might appreciate the place he'd been laid to rest.
"I should've realised that what you said to me that night in your apartment was a goodbye - I did think you were being unusually nice to me. But that was always the way our relationship worked, wasn't it? We always snapped at each other, spent far too much time arguing, but at the end of the day, that was just our way of getting along. I never once thought about how much I'd miss you. I expected you to be around and winding me up forever." She spoke to him for a little while, just chatting aimlessly as Jacob watched on fondly from the background. After about ten minutes Jacob stepped forwards, knowing that they couldn't be away long without Grace getting worried, and he placed his hand on her shoulder when she had begun to run out of things to say.
"Do you think it might be time to go?" He whispered and she nodded, her eyes filling with tears.
"I'll come to visit you soon, Sam," she promised. "And I promise, I'll look after Gracie." She was reminded of Jacob's hand on her shoulder, and corrected herself, snuggling into Jacob's chest. "We'll look after Gracie."
Connie stood up, inhaling deeply to will back the tears, and began to walk back across the flowers. She turned, expecting to see Jacob following her, but instead saw him with his hand on the stone and his head lowered in a position of respect.
"I'll take care of them both mate, I promise you." He stood up and patted the headstone, eventually making his way back to Connie. Together, they both glanced back, looking at the message engraved in the stone before walking away hand in hand.
Samuel Strachan.
22nd May 1977 - 17th September 2017 (Age 40)
A beloved father, husband, and a wonderful man who changed thousands of lives.
This is the final chapter so I hope you guys have enjoyed it! It's been a little different to what I usually write but I loved writing it and I might do something similar sometime in the future. Thanks for all your support with it!