I speed up to exit the building, needing some fresh air. My head is starting to hurt. I can't believe I was the one who had to be gifted with this spectacular information. My whole life sucks. I never know what I need to know and somehow always uncover the things I was never supposed to find out.
"Wait, Laura. ", Ross grabs my wrist and turns me around once we're on the outside. My eyes are wide with just confirmed disappointment in the world. In someone I thought was the closest thing to a friend I'd say. "Why are you saying that?"
"Why?", I shake my head. "You're gonna tell me it's not true? Aren't you disappointed in him?"
"I'm more surprised than disappointed. To me, it was a shock that Lydia would be with Ethan. Like how? And only a few days after we broke up. "
"So you only had your ego hurt? You don't think the right thing to do is break in and curse him out for the sake of justice?", I bluntly say. Our eyes are burning into one another.
Ross sighs. "Look. He's a grown-up guy. I have nothing to be depressed about. I feel sorry for Lexi but who Ethan fucks is not my problem. "
"Yeah. I forgot it's normal for you men to draw someone in and be half-assed about the relationship. "
"It's not like that. ", Ross shakes his head. "Not with everyone, at least. "
"Not with everyone? You cheated on someone too. I always wanted to ask. How does it feel? ", my voice is now harsh just like my words.
Ross is taken back. "I haven't slept with anyone while I was with Lydia. "
"We kissed. Just because you didn't sleep with someone else doesn't mean you ain't a cheater. Even a thought of being with someone other than the person who's with you is a small cheat. That's what comes from not being honest with your feelings and being commited to your mind. It all slaps you in the face later. ", I say.
"So you are honest with yourself all the time?", he glares at me. "That's why you find it fun to insult me right now. You said so. "
"This isn't the least bit fun, Ross. For Christ's sake. I'm trying to prevent bad things from happening to us. You heard them yourself. I know human beings have their own instincts but since we created this illusion called feelings all we could do is respect them. If a person knows they can't commit to someone, the least they could do is not be with anyone. That way they'll be neutral and no one will be hurt. "
"What does that have to do with anything? We are talking about Ethan and Lexi here. "
"It does have to do with our situation. If you were ready to cheat on Lydia, how can I tell if you won't cheat on me too?", I finally let the words out of my brain cages.
Ross' face turns into a big frown. "That's because I like you. I couldn't control myself that night. You know I felt nothing for Lydia for a few months already. "
"Yet you fucked her and led her on. That's what I'm talking about. You should've come clear with yourself a long time before you let yourself cheat. Am I right?"
Ross keeps quiet, just staring at me speechless. I kind of feel guilty but I needed to get it off my chest. These thoughts have been bringing me down ever since the night we kissed on that terrace.
My eyes finally give his heart mercy as they soften. Hands attach themselves to the warm jacket on his sides. "It's alright. I understand your situation. I just wish you wouldn't let yourself drop to Ethan's level. Whatever you have on your mind, let me know the second it appears. Please don't ever pretend or lie to me. If you ever like someone else... just let me know. I'll be sad but I'll bear it. But lying, I can't accept being lied to. I cannot accept living through the same hell as my mother. "
Ross' arms surprise me as they pull me in a tight, delicious embrace. I am held pressed against my favorite heartbeat when the soothing voice of his speaks.
"You fool . ", Ross whispers. "I have told you many times when we were small, and I am telling you now. You won't end up like your mother. You will be happy because you are stronger than living a dysfunctional life underneath the shadow of a barbaric man, like your father. People are messed up. Not everyone is as honest as you are. They fall into traps of routine and habit, thinking they couldn't find a better life somewhere else. You are not like that. It's true that many people are looking to use others for their own needs, but on the other hand, you shouldn't doubt everyone either, as there are many that can truly care as well. Just let it be. You'll never know. Besides, apart from that, how can anyone get enough of you? You are just full of surprises, like a cup with the most delicious drink that has no bottom to it. "
I pull my head from his chest but stay in his arms. Our gazes cross.
"What if I suddenly become boring? Like right now. I've just decided that I'll be boring. I'm boring. Do you wanna leave me?", my expression falls into an emotionless one, my eyes half open, just to show him how boring I suddenly became in my thoughts.
Ross presses his lips in a tight line, smile creeping in. Suddenly, he can't keep it in anymore and explodes in laughter.
"You are an idiot. ", he surprises me by leaning down and kissing me on the cheek.
"What does that mean?", I stare at him.
Ross keeps smiling at me in the way that makes my stomach turn upside down.
"Just that. "
Sigh escapes my mouth, I pucker up my lips from too much thinking about this whole situation. Mind goes back to Ethan and Lydia and Lexi.
"Will you talk to Ethan or?", I search for Ross' eyes.
The glow in them is dull as he looks across my shoulder, thinking.
"Yeah. Maybe it was a misunderstanding. I'll ask him about this tonight. Will you tell Lexi?"
Dark aura comes back to me and chin lowers. "I don't think it's my place to tell her. "
"I think it is. How can you even keep it to yourself? ", he asks me as we now walk down the familiar concreted path.
"I don't know. I'm just thinking..the truth will come out eventually. Why do I have to be the one that delivers it?", I question while staring at the almost naked tree, freed of most of its leafs.
Ross notices me staring at it and does the same. The sky above New York is gray and heavy, making me feel gloomy on the inside. My head is in chaos more than usual.
My nerves somehow calm and fall at peace while nature guides me through it. I still don't know and I'm still not sure but I just feel better when this tree is rubbing its serenity off on me.
Feelings just coexist with humans, they aren't us. We are not our feelings, we are much more than that. I remind myself once again so I wouldn't act on my anger and disappointment right away. That's what kind of effect this tree has on me in this moment. It just radiates with wisdom.
"You see it too, don't you?", Ross speaks and I turn my head to look at him. His eyes are closed but his face is relaxed and smiley.
"You were just speaking about being honest with yourself but you don't know how to be honest with others. You think this tree doesn't love its leafs when they rot so it just lets them fall down? Wrong. It loves them that much that it lets them go because the tree doesn't know of selfishness or overthinking. The tree lives in this very moment. It knows that it would just overweight its branches if it doesn't make space for the next generation. It knows that the wind is harsh and it will only mercilessly rip a leaf apart. It is hard, but it just lets go. That way, it's easier for both, the leaf and the tree. Same like you need to let go of the dark past, or say the upsetting truth to your friend. Because you'll have more regret not saying things, rather than saying them. "
My pupils are wide. I can't even explain how much adoration I feel towards him. He's so brilliant at speaking about life through metaphors about nature. Stop it Laura. Stop. No more falling for his charms. The deeper the fall, the harder it is to crawl back up.
Ross' face is everything I'm focused on as the truth comes to me.
"You are probably right. I will try. Thank you. ", I show a a bit of emotion. He opens his eyes and sees it.
"Anytime. "
We continue walking in silence towards the bakery we planned on visiting. I just snuggle into my coat because the wind really is strong. Small raindrops fall from time to time but it never turns into pouring rain. Ross and I then arrive at our wanted destination. I order almost half of the pastry there because my stomach just feels so empty.
"Mmh. ", I moan as I take a bite of my mini pizzas. "This is so good. "
The Blondie chuckles and starts chewing on his sandwich. I stare at it in a questioning way.
"Why do you think they call it a sand-wich? It's like, sand and witch. You're eating a witch made of sand. "
Ross looks at me. "Your mind is just so weird. "
I shrug. "Duh. "
We notice a familiar pair of eyes looking at us across the street. I raise my hand and wave.
"Hi Anna!", I yell, making a few people turn and look at me.
Her red coat makes contrast with the gray sky and the buildings which lets me spot her. She returns my gesture and crosses the street, walking up to us.
"Hey guys. "
"Yo Banana. ", Ross greets her as he finishes the half of his meal.
Anna glares at him. "I hope you choke on that, Lynch. "
He laughs at her and I look her in the eyes.
"What are you doing here? Weren't you in the dorm room?", I ask.
"Nah. I left two hours after you. I haven't seen Jasper in a few days so I was just dying to have a date with him. He dropped me off a second ago."
"Why didn't he stop by to say hi?"
"He was in a rush. His big sis just moved into this quart and is planning on starting the next semester on our college. ", Anna lets us know. Ross and I stare at her curiously.
"Why doesn't she go to his college?", Ross asks.
"She says she wants to study here. I think she's looking for something exactly at this college. I don't know. She's a weird girl. "
"How old is she? ", I wonder.
"She's two years older than us. ", my roommate explains.
"Oh. Well good luck to her. How about we go back to our room?", I ask her and she nods.
"Yeah, I just need to buy something to eat. I'm starving. "
"Everyone is starving today. ", I wave her off as she enters the bakery.
Ross turns to me and gives me a pleading look. "Take me with you, please. I have nowhere to-"
The beeping of his phone interrupts him. Ross rolls his eyes and pulls it out of his pocket. He answers the call and I continue chewing my food, uninterested.
"What's up Colton?", he speaks.
I don't hear Colton's voice when I assume he's speaking. Ross must have readjusted the volume. Colton always speaks loudly.
"Alright. Okay. Calm down, idiot. I'm coming. ", Ross tells his best friend and I raise a brow when he hangs up. "Looks like I have somewhere to go after all. "
"Where to?"
"Colton and Kate's. Colton says he has something important he wants to talk about with me. "
"Oh. Okay. Let me know how it went. ", I drag him away from the bakery entrance so Anna doesn't spot us and give him a kiss on the lips. He draws me back to him when I intend to pull away and kisses me again for a few seconds.
"I missed that. ", he admits. "That mini pizza is stealing you away. "
"You'll get it later. ", I wink. "I have to go. I'll talk to Lexi later. "
"Let me know how it went too. ", he plants a peck on my cheek, making it heat up immediately.
"Sure. Say hi to the idiot and his wife for me. Bye!", I pull away from his embrace and he walks the other direction from mine.
Anna exits the bakery in the same moment and suspiciously looks at me.
"You two seem too close. You definitely left the 'one guy per night' club. "
I appear distraught but don't say anything, careful not to give any information of our relationship.
This will be an interesting day. Too interesting for my taste.
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There you got a little longer chap than usual! I'm going on my vacation this evening so I can't say I'll write regularly for a few days!
Leave me a vote and a comment anyway. 17+
Love you people