Edited Monday 25th May 2020.
Newcomer Sophia was, by all accounts, perfectly ordinary to the unassuming eye. Unfortunately I was not psychologically fit to be anything but assuming. There was nothing to be considered sinister in her well meaning smiles or polite conversation but everything to be cautious of in her cold, indigo-eyes. I was convinced, watching her seamlessly integrate with Jude, Mandy and Beth before the close of registration that I would be outnumbered in my unpopular and unfounded opinion.
So, it came as a shock that by lunchtime Mandy had already composed a case against the unsuspecting Sophia, currently stuck in the cafeteria queue.
"If it wasn't for witnessing it first hand, I wouldn't have believed it," Mandy began as she unpacked her lunch of cheese and chutney sandwiches. "Ms. Bremner said she should consider emphasising the focal point of her composition with red, highlighting outline but Sophie wouldn't touch the pen she was offered. It was like she thought the ink was contaminated" Mandy whispered, peering over her shoulder to check Sophia was still out of earshot.
"It's not strange to have an irrational phobia if that's what this is about. My brother refuses to use sponges, he doesn't like the feel of them," Jude said biting into an apple. "Or more likely, her picture looked fine as it was and Ms. Bremner was talking nonsense. How Ms. B qualified as an art teacher I do not know." Beth didn't care much for what Jude had to say, not when she was so disgusted by the spectacle of her talking with her mouthful.
"What animal raised you?" Beth muttered. Jude ignored her, taking another bite before finishing her previous one.
"I'd agree with you Jude, if Sophia hadn't made a scene in R.M.E. She argued with Mr. Bain, shouting that religious studies was a waste of time and then stormed out all because she was asked to write on the board in a red pen and offered no alternative."
"Well, it could be something in the ink." Jude argued, artfully managing to keep all apple flesh and juices in her mouth.
"That's what I thought even if it was already a stretch," Mandy snapped, throwing down her sandwich. "Until in biology she refused to dissect the pig's heart because she didn't want to chance getting the blood on her hands. That's three out of the four classes we've had that she's made a fuss with no logical explanation," Mandy pressed. "I'm beginning to think she got kicked out of her last school. It would make sense considering the weird timing of her transfer, don't you think?"
I wasn't about to argue. Mandy might not have the same grievances as I did but that didn't mean her misgivings couldn't work in my favour. Sophia was more than the character she was playing and I was glad to have company in the camp that thought so.
"Give her a break Mandy it's her first day in a new school in less than ideal circumstances. Besides we all know I let Thomas do all the dirty work for me in biology so who would I be to judge?" Beth protested, spooning the last drops of her yoghurt into her mouth.
"That's not all the dirty work you let Thomas do for you," Jude leered, her eyes widening innocently as she reached into her backpack for another snack. Beth kicked her sharply under the table. Jude winced. But no more could be said on that matter as Sophia was on her way over.
"Play nice," Beth hissed, staring pointedly at Mandy but also at Jude and I for effect. Sophia placed herself between Mandy and I. On her lunch tray she had chips, a leafy salad and a bottle of water. She, oblivious to our reservations, smiled and picked up a chip.
"Sure you don't want any tomato sauce on those?" Jude said, preemptively chucking over a untouched sachet from my tray. Sophia scrunched her nose up and looked at the condiment packet nervously.
"I don't like tomato sauce actually."
"Of course you don't," Mandy murmured, receiving a silencing kick below the table from Beth.
"So Sophia, how are you finding your first day?" asked Beth, folding her hands neatly on the table. "It must be strange, having to transfer schools at this point in the year."
Sophia nodded, nibbling the naked chip.
"Yes, I suppose it is." Sophia did not elaborate further on the matter of her peculiar circumstances. Instead, she offered an unforeseen insight that we all, for our own reasons, would have liked to have been privy to earlier. "I imagine Kieran will find it far stranger when he arrives, that is if he decided to show up at all."
Between the four of us, only Beth could fashion something of sense to say in response to the revelation.
"And Kieran would be?"
"My twin brother." Sophia inspected each of our reactions in turn before revealing a facetious grin. For me, her grin grew wider still. "Perhaps I should have mentioned that."
I did not like where this was going.
Beth nestled her chin into the crux of her palms and managed to fashion herself an expression that was neither fury nor fascination. Her poker face was a brilliant illusion and nothing more.
"Not at all. We're just surprised." Beth looked at Mandy and Jude; her original informants. "To tell you the truth Sophia, there were rumours about the imminent arrival of a new kid. There were no rumours to suggest there would be more than one." Beth tilted her head and fixed Sophia with an icy, blue stare. "Odd that he should pick post-lunch to present himself."
Sophia did not shrink under Beth's scrutiny but instead helped herself to another chip.
"Kieran has been instrumental in helping our family make the move up here. He takes an active role in our father's work. Once he's satisfied the transition has gone smoothly, he'll no doubt make an appearance." Sophia informed us, twisting another chip between her slender, pale fingers.
"He sounds like he has better things to do than bore himself with high school," I said. Sophia suppressed a laugh and placed the chip she had been teasing back onto her plate.
"On the contrary, my brother hasn't looked forward to anything more in a long, long time." Sophia and I tested one another with unyielding resolve. She caved first, retrieving her discarded chip and swallowing it whole.
"Well I for one can't wait to meet him," said Beth. I rolled my eyes. Sophia raised a brow and smirked.
"Yes, many people would say they are dying to meet him."
The way Sophia regarded me then was so sickening, so obviously challenging and I had a sinking feeling I knew exactly why and there was nothing I could do about it now.
Lunch time became a faced paced, tabletop game of twenty questions. Sophia proved herself a promising politician, answering every one of Beth's inquiries without giving away anything of note about her twin brother.
The main takeaways from the interrogation that Beth proceeded to reiterate more than once on the short journey from the canteen to our fifth period history class were as followed; Kieran Arden identified as a heterosexual male, was single and was taller than 5ft 6". My main takeaway was that I was more than likely about to come face to face with a boy I'd all but decided I had imagined.
Beth and I went our separate ways as we entered Mr. Gregory's classroom. I took my seat and retrieved my notes from the previous lesson. After my one to one with Gregory the fortnight before, I was sincerely trying to be a respectful pupil. It was a good job I hadn't made any unrealistic promises to Mr. Gregory because I was about to be given reason to do anything but behave.
I froze, binder of notes in hand.
He was here once again. I could smell him. It was Indigo Boy, just I had predicted after my morning of indigo-eyed encounters . I placed my history folder on my desk and braced my palms against its front, anchoring myself against the rush of my fight or flight instincts.
I wondered if the acquaintance of Indigo Boy and I had been inevitable from the moment we'd first set eyes on each other. I had and was still fooling myself into thinking Indigo Boy's objective at Drummond High was something grander than to vex me. Sophia had done nothing to disprove this theory.
I tapped my fingers against the plastic folder in front of me and waited.
He knocked on the classroom door, visible to all human eyes. Mr. Gregory paused in bringing up a recycled powerpoint to investigate the strange boy knocking politely on his classroom door. I kept my head down, opening my folder to give my hands a purpose that wasn't shaking. A moment later Mr. Gregory promptly guided the very boy he'd denied had been sitting in the very chair he was about to ask him to take.
"Class, this is Kieran Arden, a transfer from...where was it you said?"
"Hanley Castle Grammar School in Warwickshire," the indigo-eyed boy said, chuckling easily at the room of blank expressions. "It's an hour south of Birmingham but a lightyear away from the Brummie dialect." I did not participate in the giggles that followed or the hushed digs at the expense of the new arrival's accent; an English accent was an English accent, it didn't matter where down south it was from.
"Excellent, good, yes well I expect each and every one of you to make Kieran feel welcome," Mr. Gregory said. At that moment Indigo Boy – Kieran - flashed a devilish grin in my direction. I gripped my blazer sleeves uneasily and forced my eyes down to the blank, lined page in front of me.
This was not good.
"Now Kieran, you can take that chair at the back next to Thomas, that's a lad." I was alone in cursing the irony. Mr. Gregory gave Kieran a push of encouragement and the indigo-eyed boy resumed the position he'd taken up only a few weeks before. "Right then, with that...Operation Mongoose. Those of you intrigued by sabotage and espionage are in for a treat."
I glowered at Kieran Arden, if that was in fact his name. Was this cool creature on a mission of espionage or to sabotage my attempts to lead a normal life? Kieran smiled, almost bashfully at my survey of him. From his familiar, battered satchel he pulled a yellow legal pad and a fountain pen and then settled himself in as if his place here was the most natural thing in the world.
Beth had turned to assess my reaction. My best friend was predictably impressed by the presentation of the mysterious newcomer. Perhaps my indigo-eyed friend had finally measured up to Beth's ridiculous criteria for a potential partner and that was his true destiny.
"I would," she mouthed.
"I wouldn't," I mouthed back, burying my head in the crook of my arm and gave undue diligence to my notes. It was going to be a long hour but at least the now visible teenage boy could pose no immediate threat. I picked up my pen, blocking out Indigo Boy's clear inspection of me and instead giving Mr. Gregory the focused and driven student he expected of me.
I'd anticipated feeling the chilling touch of his stare throughout the lesson but today, the indigo-eyed boy left me untouched. I wondered, mid-way through copying down the obscene number that represented a covert operations budget, if Indigo boy's strength lay in his invisibility. Both his scent and the intensity of his stare had been dulled. Maybe this development was actually a win for me.
Regardless of my positive hypothesis, in the final seconds of class, I chose to ready myself. I wasn't prepared for conflict in the middle of the corridors, especially with someone as auspicious as the new kid. As Mr. Gregory was breaking down how best to answer a homework question the buzzer sounded. Leaving Beth behind, I ran from the room.
I didn't even make it the short distance to the brown, brick stairwell.
"May I escort you to English?" he asked. His civility was disarming and I was furious. I gripped tightly to the worn leather of my satchel strap and tried not to let myself become a spectacle. All eyes may as well have been on him, indigo-eyes a new, mysterious face and I the unexpected choice of his attention. People would ask, who was I that I should be the one to be the sole object of the new guys focus. I would answer, someone disgustingly unlucky and unfavoured by the fates that had brought us together.
"I'd rather you did as I asked before and leave me alone," I said. Kieran's wintery smell, though diluted by the eclectic fragrance of teenage armpit, still managed to cloak me in a nostalgic veil of Christmas memories. I couldn't let myself play into his hands.
I hurried down the steps, aware there was nowhere to go that he couldn't quickly follow.
"Do you treat all new kids this way?" he teased. "Or am I the exception?" I wasn't amused or bewitched by his attempt to be charming. We were past charming. This was personal and, when I thought about it, verging on creepy.
"It all depends on how you define "new kid" seeing as we've met before," I retorted. I weaved around a crowd of ogling girls, hoping to waylay him at the foot of the stairs as the gaggle divided us. My detour didn't faze him as he returned swiftly to my side, waving at the girls as he passed.
"I get the impression I'm annoying you Evans, aren't I?" he teased. I clenched my jaw and scowled.
"You think?" I stopped dead in the middle of the corridor, raising my hand to stop him from coming closer. "I do not know you or what you want or why you are here," I spat. "And I don't think I want to know. You don't know me but ask anyone. I do not need once invisible, indigo-eyed stalkers making my life any more difficult." As if to test me and my resolve, Indigo Boy pressed his chest into my hand. A cruel and unexpected icy jolt ricoheted up my hand, much to his surprise and mine. I recoiled sharply, drawing my hand close in shock.
"Please just leave me alone." Indigo Boy's smile vanished and the mischievous spark in his eyes had disappeared. Kieran made no reply and so I ran from him.
Kieran was serendipitously placed as far from me in English class as he possibly could have been, despite their being a perfectly empty seat behind me. We did not take to catching on another's eye again.
When Beth arrived, she did so wearing a sulk that meant I would not be quickly forgiven for leaving her behind in history to play escort to the eligible newcomer. Though a wildy unpleasant affair, I would suffer a Bethany Phillips tantrum over my current predicament any day. I massaged my frostbitten hand, stretching and contracting my fingers.
What was Indigo Boy to have the powers he had? I was past thinking it was a trick of my own mind, the ache in my hand as palpable as the creature himself. No mythological beast or comic book hero that I knew of came close to explaining what it was I was dealing with.
Kieran did not draw attention to himself during our sixth period English class and he did not pursue me after it. In fact, he departed as soon as the bell rang and without any of the fanfare of his arrival. Beth, on the other hand, made up for the lack of theatricality to the end of our school day.
"Sorry isn't going to cut it, is it?" I said, drawing up to Beth's shoulder as she huffily packed her bag. She forced her notes and pencil case into her bag with unnecessary ferocity.
"You left me for the new kid." she sniffed. I shoved her playfully.
"As if you wouldn't have done the same," I countered, tucking in Beth's chair with no expectation of gratitude but a chance to abate her temper. "And at least I'm apologising, even when I'm not entirely to blame." Beth pushed past me and out of the classroom, her bag swinging aggressively as though intentionally to stop me from getting too close. "The new guy cornered me and I told him I'd rather he didn't in future."
"God, what is it about you that boys find so irresistible," she snapped. I knew better than to think she was being unkind before she even had to excuse herself. "I mean obviously I get it, your you Chris, but it doesn't mean I don't find it infuriating, especially when you do have your pick of the bunch and don't like any of them." Beth stared at me as if for the first time seeing me clearly. "You do like boys right? You know I am all for it if you don't and Lord knows it would help me make sense of your complete and utter indifference to men."
Truthfully, I hadn't given my sexuality much thought. I hadn't had the headspace. I had given the bearer of alien red and indigo eyes all of the energy I could have otherwise devoted to such things, so what did that say about me?
"I don't know Beth. I'd like to say I have myself all figured out and tied up in a neat little bow for you but I don't." I crossed my arms and played with the folds of fabric in my right sleeve. Beth eyed me thoughtfully.
"I'm not asking for you to have it all figured out Chris. It isn't like I do, you know that." Beth bit her glossed lip and sighed. "I just don't want you to let an opportunity pass you by because you think you're unworthy of it."
"You know this is all extremely rich coming from you?" I replied. "I don't have enough fingers to count how many times you've rejected an offer from a guy and we aren't even seventeen yet." I shook my head and regarded Beth earnestly. "Why does any of this even matter Beth? I honestly don't understand your obsession with us having to have love lives before we've even had lives ourselves."
Beth's dramatic tantrum had turned into a serious offence, her face more grave than the sky that greeted us as we emerged from the school building.
"The two things are mutually exclusive Chris," she returned. "But forgive me for trying to make sure my best friend has a fighting chance at either one." I stopped short, stung and surprised at the ferocity of Beth's conviction.
Beth was always quick to a theatrical tantrum but not so quick to sincerely scold me. I had spent more time being absent minded in Beth's company than not of late and so it was no shock that I couldn't comprehend the true root of her grievance. I was sorry for that. Not wanting to anger her further, I didn't run to catch up, but instead took my time to join her, Mandy, Jude and Sophia just beyond the school gates.
When I did arrive, the topic of conversation did nothing to lighten my mood.
"He needed to go ahead and help their dad out with some final moving logistics or something, otherwise he would have hung around longer," Mandy was explaining to an altogether, remarkably neutral-faced Beth.
"He seemed nice," Jude said with a shrug.
"I don't think all of us would agree," Beth argued, giving me a short sideward glance. I couldn't decide if throwing me under the bus was Beth being truly malicious. Regardless, it felt that way. I chose to ignore her and instead stare intently at my shoes, arms still crossed defensively around me.
"So you've met Kieran already?" Mandy questioned, pulling on a pink raincoat in anticipation of the inevitable rain. Sophia watched me curiously from the shadows of her overly-eager, cream umbrella. Somehow in the afternoon gloom her indigo-eyes appeared brighter and, in this moment, hungrier.
"He was in both of our classes this afternoon," Beth started, gesturing at me. "He even cornered Chris and escorted her to our English class. Turns out she wasn't escorted willingly." I scowled, stepping closely enough to Beth that only she could hear me.
"Do you have to be so arsey about it?" I muttered. If Beth was trying to teach me a lesson here, it was going way over my head and pissing me off.
"You don't like Kieran?" Sophia said, appearing weirdly pleased with my verdict. I didn't know what her problem was but I, for sure, couldn't think of what I had done to cause it. However, I was proving to be an expert at aggravating people for one afternoon, Sophia was just another casualty to add to the pile.
"He hasn't given me any reason to like him yet," I disputed, making sure Sophia couldn't mistake the intended implication. "We've only just met."
"But surely he hasn't given you any reason not to like him," Mandy replied, completely oblivious and necessarily so.
"He doesn't need one," Beth murmured. "Chris is capable enough of coming up with one all on her own."
If this was what jealousy looked like on Beth, it wasn't particularly pretty. Still, it didn't matter where her cruelty came from, the effect was the same and the laughs she earned were satisfying enough to sate her. Maybe, if this had been about any other boy then I might have been able to laugh at my own expense. But Indigo Boy and I had a short but intense history that clouded my judgement and robbed me of my ability to recognise the funny side of Beth's quip.
I walked away to the sound of apologies and excuses.
Instead of heading directly for the bus stop, I circled the playing fields and jumped the stone wall into Mansfield Place churchyard. Beyond a copse of trees there was a small, secluded garden where I could take a moment to compose myself and wait for the next bus to roll into Bellevue Place that wouldn't have my friends on it.
Taking to the sole bench in the shadow of the church wall, I peered up at the sky and it watched as it darkened. I shrugged into my blazer wanting desperately to disappear completely. What had this day of indigo-eyed mysteries been and why had it been mine? Why could I not serve an ordinary sentence of life without the storybook complications of the paranormal? I sized up the stone facade of the building beside me and wondered what its' God might have in store.
"Penny for your thoughts princess?," a voice inquired. A figure materialised from the shelter of the trees with a misplaced confidence in their swagger. Aware I was in a trap of my own making, I rose from the wooden bench and tentatively backed away. There was no one here except him and I, no witness to whatever deed was to be done.
"Don't be like that Christine, we're finally alone." He gestured to the seclusion of the garden as if in greeting. "A sanctuary all of our own."
I spirraled, putting the bench between us and speculated my potential escape routes. No matter the option I chose I would eventually play into his faster and stronger hands. Still, I faked him out and started for the stairway in the trees that would take me back to street level. But as I had predicted, I didn't even break the tree-line before I was grabbed and swung into the stone of the church wall. I struggled against his grip but his hand was firm on my collar. I lunged to slap him, my fingers cracking as they came into contact with his skin. He didn't even flinch but I recoiled both in pain and alarm. There was a hellfire heat in my hand that the intensity of my slap could not justify. The wintery touch of Indigo Boy not an hour before was all but forgotten.
"Come now Christine, play nice." My chin was suddenly between his fingers and I had no choice but to look into his startling blue eyes.
"Take your hands off me Devon." He grimaced, forcing himself closer. I could make out the pattern in the brickwork, feel its hardened chill as Devon took my smarting hand and drew it above my head. My other hand pressed firmly into his chest in a feeble attempt to keep him away.
"Just let yourself go Christine. Give in to me," Devon whispered.
His lips came to my own so quickly I hadn't the chance to cry. My mouth, already bruised from the unwanted touch of another was punished further by Devon's insistent kiss. I didn't stop struggling against his restraints and he pressed me as far as I could go into the church wall. I had experienced trauma in my life before but this anguish was new and ugly and made me sick to my stomach.
The beginnings of rain mingled with the tears that soon tracked my face. Devon, broke from the kiss and forced us to both look up into the gloomy sky-scape. Devon must have recognised some misguided hope crossed my face as he seized my chin so we were eye to eye.
"Not a chance princess, I wouldn't care if it were thunderstorms."
I didn't want to beg but I didn't want this.
"Please Devon, let me go," I sobbed, trembling despite all of my ambitions to be brave. I tried to squirm from his feverish grip but it was unshakable. "I don't want this."
"Shh he soothed." Bringing his face close once more. "Give in Christine and all will be well." I couldn't help the pathetic whimper that escaped me. I felt my fight falter as I reluctantly conceded I wasn't strong enough. A grave numbness I had only once before resigned myself to, overcame me.
Faster than blinking, as though reliving a memory, I was back at the mercy of a red-eyed demon who had convinced me of many things and robbed me of many others. In my numbness, I became a vessel for whatever my captor deemed me fit for. The red-eyed boy had made me a vessel for his loneliness, fear and despair. This blue eyed boy was making me a vessel for his passion and indulgence.
In the end, I would be left empty.
Through glazed eyes, I anticipated Devon's touch and the desperation of his kiss.
But neither came.
There was a rush of wind, shaking the trees from the spindling branches to the tips of their roots. Devon was forced from me, across the garden and into the wooden bench. There was a nasty crack as his skull met the splintering wood but no blood was spilt.
Dazed, Devon surveyed the garden in alarm. His eyes wide. For a moment, I could have sworn they flashed scarlet.
I cowered back for a second, panting furiously before sense ordered me to stop wasting time and move.
Get out. Forget what you think you might have seen, what forces are at play and go.
I took to my heels, heading for the same stairway in the trees. But faster than blinking his hands were on me. I swung, my fist colliding with his nose.
Still no reaction and still no blood.
Devon flung me down onto the bench, my back and head jarring on impact. I wailed. I felt the strike of his hand on my face like a brand fresh from the fire. Devon smirked, pinning my arms along the struts of wood as I surrendered to the cruel and burning pain of his assault. Devon straddled me. There was nowhere to run and no telling what he would do now there was rage in him.
"Please," I choked. Devon ignored me, continuing his sinful subjugation. I could not ignore the pain no matter how hard I willed the numbness to return.
A second gust of wind came that forced Devon backwards. He was not so disarmed this time, stumbling but not falling. Wrath contorted his handsome face.
I tried to get up and flee but a cord of pain split my head and blurred my vision. My whole body felt paralysed. I stared up through tear filled eyes at the wash of black and gray and white above. I blinked away rain and tears, my tender fingers gently reaching to brush them away. My thoughts were hazy as I waited for Devon to continue, despite the celestial forces at play, to be done with me.
There was peace to be found in the fall of rain, the lazy roll of the storm cloud and the breeze that chased them. I measured my laboured breaths, counted the seconds in and out.
If only my amnesia could rob me of this too. Amnesia had blinded me to trauma before and I hoped it would be kind enough to do it again.
I felt dizzy, sick, sore and alone.
"Christine?" The stormy sky framed a new face, not that of Devon and his savagery but one that appeared far kinder. "Are you OK? Can you stand?" I blinked and, failing to suppress a sob, shook my head. "May I?" I nodded. I couldn't look him in the eye.
Kieran bowed low to guide me to my feet. These were different hands that reached out to hold me than the ones that had stopped me in the corridor; though they were cold they were gentle and unsure. Truthfully I didn't want to be touched but I had little choice if I wanted to get away - this was a necessary evil. Kieran gathered me into his arms and his embrace of wintery scent.
"Give yourself a minute. See if you can balance yourself." I closed my eyes, attempting to steady myself though my vision waned and stomach heaved. Being touched was the last thing I wanted but that didn't mean I couldn't be grateful for it.
"I'm fine," I lied. Kieran didn't let go. He shepherded me towards the stairway in the trees and in doing so exposed me to the sight of Devon. He was crouched on the ground, his nose finally flowing with blood from a blow I did not deliver. Kieran's grip tightened on my waist as he regarded the boy at his feet and at his mercy.
"Touch her again and I'll make you unrecognisable." There was tension and electricity in the air I couldn't help but cower from. My own fragility was suffocating. "Do you understand me?" Kieran seethed.
Devon offered no word or gesture of concession.
Leaving Devon to lick his wounds, Kieran guided me away. His arms remained steadfast as I stumbled over my own feet.
At the bottom of the stone staircase, we stood awkwardly together. Kieran kept his arm around me as we composed ourselves in the shelter of the trees. I could see Kieran considering carrying me up the stairs but think better of it. Instead gave me time to find my own feet, secure some semblance of strength and muster my own voice in the silence.
I licked my bruised lips.
"Th-Thank you," I managed. "I-I would have been worse off if you hadn't come and...intervened."
I couldn't stop shaking and not as a result of Kieran's unnatural chill. He cleared his throat, never quite engaging me with the full extent of his indigo-eyed stare.
"It was a fortunate incident. I was exploring to blow off some steam. It was only by chance I came across you." He used his free hand to scratch at the scruff of his neck. "I was fascinated by the church and jumped the wall to get a better look and here you were."
I might not have known this indigo-eyed boy well but even when slightly concussed with blurred vision, I could see through his lie. After all, he'd told my friends he had had urgent family business to attend to and, like most everything else to do with this strange boy, I refused to believe his finding me a coincidence. For now, I didn't have the energy to argue and believed the debt I owed far greater than the price of a lie from a boy who remained a stranger. I did not wish to make Indigo Boy's business my business.
"Well I'm grateful. Truly." It may have been my concussion impressing on my better judgement but I couldn't mistake the small part of me that enjoyed Kieran's hand on my waist or the considerate way he looked at me. The idea of an unwarranted touch was sickening but for now there was solace in the gentle support of Kieran's cooler than winter hands. I had to remind myself that the mysterious boy might not have been a danger to me but that didn't mean I was not suspicious of his intentions. Again, now was not the time to question but to get home and not let Devon or his designs foil me.
Eventually, my balance returned enough for me to reach out for the stone stairway railing and I began the short assent. Though Kieran let me go, his hand instinctively came to my lower back. Perhaps on any other day, such a casual but caring touch would have made me blush. Today, Kieran was the only thing that kept me from falling and nothing more.
"I know you've asked me to stay away from you," Kieran began, close enough I could feel his breath on my neck. "And I will respect those wishes if that's what you truly want from me." He paused and I felt hesitation in his palm at my back, as though he might take it away. I gripped the railing tighter. "But can you trust me enough to allow me to take you home?"
I considered my throbbing head, unsettled vision and the likelihood of being sick on the disorientated bus journey home. I considered my inability to hold myself upright and my head high. I considered that no matter the amount of resolve I mustered I couldn't stop shaking or seeing the determination in Devon's eyes behind every blink. I considered the harsh reality of what it would feel like to be left alone with myself.
"I would like that," I replied quietly and intentionally indifferently.
Looking back, as indifferent as the confession may have sounded, I believe that that first admission that I needed Kieran was what changed everything. Everything that was going to happen to me was because I let myself believe in Kieran; believe that for all his arrogance he wasn't a villain.
We carried on to the gate at the top of the stairs in silence, Kieran holding onto me that little bit tighter and me, not having the sense to deny him.
If you are reading this, hello and thank you for doing so. This is just a temporary author's note to say that if you continue on to chapter 6, there will a blip in continuity. In editing, the end of this chapter changed and no longer connects to the beginning of the next. I am currently editing the next chapter and so this inconsistency will be corrected shortly! Please feel free to read on if you wish or wait until the all clear that the continuity is fixed! Otherwise, please let me know your reviews so far in the comments or drop me a message to say hi - in these strange and isolating times it's lovely to be connected!
Much love,
Bekah