➸ six: do unto others what they do unto you
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There comes a time when we are perfectly happy with our life. When nothing can ever amount to how happy we are. But then again, nothing lasts forever. Not even when we try our level best to keep it. So, when that happiness is gone, we try to find things which brings back that happiness and we try to forget the things that made us lose them in the first place.
But as hard as we try to move forward and forget what made us lose our happiness, the past always comes back to bite us in the ass.
And when we think that we have finally moved on and forgotten all about our past, it shows itself when we least expect it.
And most of the time, those memories of our past brings back the pain we felt long ago, cutting through every part of our body, until we break down and we are back to square one again.
Until we are nothing but mere humans, ready to go through all the pain yet again.
Until we finally give up trying to find any more happiness.
∆
To be a bitch, you need to learn the art of glaring. And maybe even perfect it if you can. If you do that, people will eventually start to respect you. Maybe not in the "she is the most amazing person and I worship her as my idol" kind of way but it's a fact that even the tiniest bit of respect is better than none at all. If you glare at everyone who looks in your way, tries to talk to you and even bumps into you then it's only a matter of time until people start feeling differently about you. At least, for me it worked.
Next Monday when I went to school people were more civil with me, if that's what you can call it. When I was the old me, as I entered the school hallways I was pushed and shoved like I didn't even exist but that day as I entered the school the whole student body moved out of the way and made way for me. It felt almost surreal. Being treated like someone worth moving out of the way for was totally new for me.
The funny thing was that the only change in me was in my attitude and clothing. I mean, this isn't some Hollywood chick flick where a girl with a scrunchie gets a makeover and triumps in the end. There was no makeover involved, just confidence and attitude. And that alone seemed enough.
As I was closing my locker after getting my books for the class, I was greeted by Grace with a sadistic smile and two of her minions - whose names I wouldn't even bother to know - by her side. A lot had changed since last week in Grace, especially the way she dressed. For example, right now she was wearing a dress that left little for imagination and it sure as hell made even a bath towel look modest. "You may want to adjust your dress. Your monitor is showing."
I didn't stay long to hear what Grace had to say but apparently, I didn't have to because as soon as I left Grace started shouting profanities at me. One word, stood out from all the rest. "Bitch!"
She couldn't have been any more right.
∆
Daniel Baker was a good person and an even better friend. But he was too scared, and most of the time I didn't even know why or for what reason. It was clear that there was something that he was hiding from me. But there was something that I knew and maybe Daniel knew that too - sooner or later he was going to have to tell me his secret. Head on, guns blazing.
We all have our own fair share of secrets and we all have a past. A history. It's hard not to be haunted by our past because our past, our history is what shapes us. We can never run away from any of them but what we can do is remember that the most important history is the history we're making today.
For the past few days, I had been spending a lot of time with Daniel. We didn't talk most of the time, we just bickered like our life depended on it. Being with him, however, made me forget about what was actually going on in my mind. The thoughts of Ashton and how much I was still in love with him. He wasn't ignoring me but he wasn't particularly talking to me either. Our communication had cut down humongously and the only form of contact between us was a mere nod of the head or a small smile to acknowledge each other's presence.
I was okay with it, at least I tried to be. But everytime I saw him holding hands, kissing or even talking to Grace, it seemed as though my entire world was falling apart. Like there isn't any more reason to live. All I saw when that happened was a complete blur. A feeling of nostalgia smacked me straight into the face and for a moment or two or three, it seemed as though I had ceased to exist.
Daniel made me forget about that feeling of nostalgia and complete ecstasy and brought me back to reality. His presence alone made me feel safe, guarded and sometimes his presence was all I needed to comfort myself. No words needed.
No sparks required.
∆
I was so wrapped up in my own life that I had forgotten to spend as much time with the triplets, Logan, Norman and William, like I usually did. They were home schooled since middle school which made them envy me and me in turn envy them. It was almost comical how ironic the situation was. I would give up everything in my life, even my Chevy Diana - and that's saying something - for the sake of being home schooled while the triplets on the other hand, wanted to go to school with all the other students and "experience life" as they called it.
So to make up for the lost time between us, I stayed with them till dinner time after school. Carl and Paul were making dinner together and the four of us couldn't have been happier about that. When they were alone they were like Masterchef chef's but when they were together, they could win Masterchef World and come back home. Such were their cooking skills and I am not lying at all.
The triplets and me talked about every single thing possible. From school life to our personal lifes, every single fucking thing and by the time dinner was ready, we had grown a lot closer - if that was even possible.
Halfway through dinner, Paul spoke up in a gleeful way which meant that either he was going to buy a pet or he was going to announce something very exciting - like he was pregnant, but since he can't be, let's forget about that - so I wasn't surprised when he dropped the bomb that was being expected so eagerly from all four of us. But the destruction that bomb brought about wasn't to Hiroshima or Nagasaki. It was brought to me in the worst way possible by the words, " Jayne and Derek are coming home for two weeks."
I'm not saying that I was unhappy to hear about my siblings' soon-to-be-arrival. In fact, I wasn't even unhappy to begin with. I was actually nervous about Derek's arrival. If he stayed at home for two whole weeks then he would obviously, eventualky find out about Ashton and Grace from the secret spies he had all around the school. And I'm not even lying.
One time when I was in the sixth grade, a guy squirted ketchup all over my white dress and went around shouting that I had started PMS-ing. Derek was absent that day so I thought that he wouldn't have a single idea about that but the next day I came to know that the guy who had done that to me was beaten to a pulp by Derek Van Der Woodson. Since then, Derek has been my knight in shining armor even though I never asked him to.
But this time I didn't want him to beat Ashton to a pulp or even Grace for that matter. And that was the main reason why I didn't want Derek to come back home. "Holy sh-"
"Finish that sentence Caroline and you'll eat oatmeal for an entire week." Carl said in an authorative tone making me drop my sentence quickly.
"Holy Snitzel. Yeah, I meant holy snitzel."
The triplets and my two dads looked at me funnily probably wondering if snitzel was even a word.
It was a word. For me, at least.
∆
At some point in our life, we have to make a decision. Either to move on or to continue wallowing in self pity for ourselves. Even now, after all the things that I have been through and experienced in my life, I still believe that life is all about the choices we make. We get to choose whom we let into our life, we get to choose whom we trust. But we don't get to choose when it comes to the wrong people. Because sometimes, the people who don't deserve our trust are the ones whom we end up trusting. And in the end, they end up hurting us.
People say we should forgive and forget. We can't deny the fact that we've been hearing these words since our childhood days. It's good advice but it's not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When people betrays us, we want to take revenge. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Like they say, old scores are never settled without revenge and old wounds never really heal.
And the most we can hope for, is that one day we'll be lucky enough to forgive and if the moment allows itself, maybe lucky enough to even forget.