"𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑖𝑠 𝑏𝑟𝑜𝑘𝑒𝑛 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝑡𝑟𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑓𝑖𝑔𝘩𝑡 𝑡𝘩𝑖𝑠, 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑎𝑟𝑚𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑤𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑦 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝑡𝑟𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑡𝘩𝑖𝑠. 𝑖'𝑙𝑙 𝑏𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝘩𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑏𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑠𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔, 𝑤𝑒'𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑖𝑔𝘩𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑔𝘩𝑡 𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑡𝑜 𝑤𝘩𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔."
｡･ﾟﾟ･ ･ﾟﾟ･｡
y/n's pov from this point on
everything happened within seconds, sitting alone in a hospital lobby not knowing if this would be the last time I would ever see eren again, not knowing if I'd ever get to say another word to him ever again. I couldn't live with the idea of things turning out that way, all I wanted was to walk in that room and see him well but all I saw was a lifeless body on the floor hanging by a single thread.
I didn't have time to think about jean's feelings or Sasha or suko's, I was here with him and I cared about knowing that the boy who was once my brown-haired devil would come back even if it wasn't going to be with me.
I admit it me and eren I had our problems, sometimes I felt so little with him and other times my heart swelled. I missed that day at the dock where I saw him smile for the first time, I missed when I got to see the funny and relaxed side of him, I missed that day where it wasn't just sex; it was passion. eren was far from being a good man but even though I told myself he had no good in him I knew he did but he just refused to show it.
I couldn't have expected this to happen and I didn't want it to either, "hi are you Ms. l/n?" I heard a nurse call out for me.
I quickly got up walking towards the front desk, "yes I am is he okay?"
her head hung low, "unfortunately he's still not responding, we were able to get the pills pumped out of his stomach but he's still out of it. we're unable to reach his family, are you willing to watch over him and receive updates as we try to reach his family?"
"of course, please take my info is it okay if I stay the night?" I asked panicked.
"yes I'll escort you in now." the nurse guided me to room 138, the door opened and I felt my body just go completely weak. eren was hooked up to machines I didn't know the name of and with tubes sticking into his mouth, his hair was spread across the pillow and the artificial hospital lighting reflected off of his skin.
the nurse soon walked out closing the door behind me, I sat at the seat next to his side and picked up his hand in mine; for hands, I used to adore touching mine they were cold and limp. god, I didn't want to believe this was reality right now.
"you've always been so stupid, and taking risks you didn't have to." I began to cry in between my words.
"I hate you so much for what you did to me, I wish things went on a different way but no matter what has happened I never wanted this. I just wanted you to get better you know? I never wanted you to go away not like this, I would do anything to go back and change every single thing since the day we met."
"I just wanted you to be better that was all. I did care for you and clearly, even though I don't want to accept it I still do, eren please if you hear me somewhere in there know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving even though at the time it was right for my sake. know that I'm sorry you felt so fucking alone or useless or whatever it is you were thinking."
I was interrupted with jean standing in the doorway and staring down at me, "if I was an asshole I would be furious seeing you hold his hand and say you still care for him, but you've been through something traumatic tonight and eren has too. I'll do whatever it is you need me to do, if you want me to go I will. if you want me to stay and be there for you I will. just tell me."
jean looked like he had been crying and spiraling out into a state of panic just as I was, jean was more than I deserved but despite my mistakes and my lack of feeling change towards eren he still loved me.
I let go of eren's hand running into jean and sobbing into his chest, he didn't need to speak because the warmth of his arms around my shaking body was enough.
"jean I didn't want him to get like this. I didn't want things to turn out this way it's so fucked up," I mumbled into his shirt.
one of his hands rested on the top of my head as I felt his lips peck softly at my forehead, "none of us really knew what eren was feeling or had going on, it's not your fault."
I wanted to believe him.
but I knew exactly what eren was going through, his family didn't even care to show up, he didn't come from a home that exactly shaped him to be a stable young man, and all he knew was hurting others and being seen as less than or as a fuck up.
eren knew what he did and was doing was horrible, but just as he told me he was looking for someone to stay with for just a moment because he never knew what it was like to have a permanent body next to his.
"I wanna believe that jean but I can't."
"even if you wanted to help there was only so much you could have offered eren, he has to want to get better himself."
"his parents didn't even show up jean. it was only me. I found him. I stood by his side. he has absolutely nobody."
I knew I was hurting jean, I knew that he had to have felt so invisible when I was around eren and I was ashamed to admit that's truly how it was.
eren was not right for me and I knew this, I was always getting hurt somehow with him around but I couldn't rid myself of him no matter how hard I tried.
jean stayed silent for a moment and sighed, "I know you still love him don't you?"
"jean."
"Just don't tell me that you love him more than me please?"
my heart tugged at the please and seeing jean's eyes begin to water, "please don't make me answer that."
"I'm begging you to just please tell me that you don't love him in the same way you love me, that's all I need to hear." his tone was desperate, I was hurting.
I loved jean and I love that he loved me in the way I had always wanted but when eren was good and when he was open I forgot all the times my heart took a jab from him. the way I loved the both of them were different and I felt horrible admitting that.
"I love you jean I do, but eren he needs someone and I have to be here. I can't just forget about him." I parted from his chest watching his own tears stain his shirt.
"I'll leave you be. please just know that I'll love you still no matter what it is you feel for him," he spoke turning around nearly sobbing.
"jean-,"
"he turned his head back and gave a sad smile, "it's okay really. do what it is you feel you need do to free yourself."
"do what you feel you need to do to free yourself."
I was sad hearing jean speak that way, but tonight I couldn't bear to think of anything other than where we were now. college drama, boyfriend drama, friend drama was useless and irrelevant.
eren was on the bridge of life and death and I'm praying he chooses life.
(i listened to smother by daughter for this and was in shambles)
"𝑖'𝑚 𝑎 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑙𝑖𝑠𝘩, 𝑓𝑟𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑙𝑒 𝑠𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑒. 𝑖 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑡𝘩𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑡𝘩𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑒, 𝑖 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝘩𝑖𝑚 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝑒'𝑟𝑒 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑟𝑖𝑔𝘩𝑡. 𝑖𝑛 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑑𝑎𝑟𝑘𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑖 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑒𝑒𝑡 𝑚𝑦 𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑠."
I woke up feeling stiff as my head was resting by his bedside, I couldn't leave and didn't want to, what if he woke up and I was gone? he would be alone and I didn't want to be away and not see the sight of him being okay.
"Ms. L/N may I have a word?" the same nurse from last night called out for me.
I pulled myself up from the side of the bed catching a quick glimpse of the boy who was still unresponsive before I made my way out the door walking side by side with the nurse, "we still have not been able to reach the family, do you know of any other emergency contacts?"
I was seething, how could the jaegers not turn up when their son was in this condition? why was it only me putting in the effort?
"I can reach out to his other brother but he's located all the way in rose, it may be a couple of days before he can come."
the nurse smiled slightly, "it's better than nothing right if you don't mind please pass on his contact info and we'll try and get him out here."
I agreed and passed on Zeke's phone number and headed back into the room, I pulled my phone back looking at my call logs and texts. they were insanely filled with people wondering how eren was and what happened, the only thing I could think was if you wanna know so bad then come fucking see him.
I scrolled through my contacts and hovered over jean's, I wanted and needed to hear his voice but after last night I didn't feel I deserved to. jean needed someone who could give him everything he needed and more not someone like me who couldn't even figure out what it was they were feeling and would run at the chance to disappear if they could.
to my surprise, the door was opened and the faces of Mr and Mrs. jaeger were seen in the doorframe. I was angry at the two, "y/n I didn't expect to see you." Carla spoke lowly.
"Yeah, I didn't expect to see you either. seems like the both of you could have cared less to pick up the phone," I spoke looking between the two, I wanted to be respectful but I just couldn't.
"with all due respect we're his parents, please do not be disrespectful," Grisha replied.
I scoffed, with all due respect?
I got up and stood in front of the pair, "with all due DISRESPECT Mr. jaeger, I found your son out cold on the floor of a fucking dirty frat house with nobody looking for him except for me. I slept here all night traumatized and praying he would wake up or anything while the both of you weren't answering calls and didn't even bother to check on where your son was. so please don't lecture me about disrespect sir."
I could see Mr. jaeger clenching his fists hard and if he went any harder he just might pierce through his skin, "you know absolutely nothing about my son or anything he's dealt with."
"Really I don't? what I do know is your son hates you with every being in his body and you have turned him into you, what he needed was for someone to love him and show him how to love. not someone who only wanted to show him how to hurt himself and others. he is in a hospital bed on oxygen and you're here caring more on being prideful and giving the false appearance of being a good father."
"y/n..." Carla pleaded.
"you both failed him and now he's paying the ultimate price for it."
we all turned around quickly as we heard gurgling coming from the bed, eren?
the trio ran over to the bed seeing eren's eyes flutter up attempting to focus on anything and they focused on me, "y/n..." he mumbled attempting to get my name out.
"NURSE PLEASE COME NOW!" Grisha yelled I knew it.
I knew that this wouldn't be the last time you and I would meet.
eren.
I knew that you would stay just for a little longer.
please don't go away from me, not now, not ever.
(AN: this chapter literally stung and the MF song choice was pure PAIIIIIN! MY GIRLIE Y/N TOLD THE JAEGERSSSS OFF AS SHE SHOULD! I know u guys maybe a Lil upset over what she said and did to jean but we all know I don't roll with the happily ever after shit 😫 love yall 4ever)