C H A P T E R S E V E N T E E N:
“SATs are today!” Zinnia cheers, pounding on Louis' door as hard as she can.
He pulls a shirt over his head, plain black despite the weather, and shouts back, “I know. I think I'm going to fail.”
“You will not,” Zinnia disagrees. “I'm going down for breakfast. Be ready in five, orders from your mum.”
Louis nods to himself and goes on a search for a pair of drawstring shorts. Life goes on. He could fail final SATs, and though they have nothing to do with college, life will go on. He's barely breathing, but he's living, and Zinnia's making it a little easier for him to shoulder some of the weight.
Unlike every morning before this last week and a bit, Louis is not in the mood to slide down the banister. Some could say it's because he doesn't want to be chewed out by his mum, but he knows it's because he's feeling too low for any sort of fun.
Johanna gives him a hug and tells him she loves him, but Louis is too tired and not in the mood to say it back. Of course, this just makes his mum hug him tighter and even go the extra mile to kiss his forehead and both of his cheeks. He appreachiates it, but he still wishes he could trade Johanna's kisses in for Harry's. Then he'll be okay.
“Here,” Zinnia passes Louis a chocolate protein shake, and he starts to hurt all over again. This is the kind Harry would have the morning after a sleepover. Louis knows Zinnia didn't mean anything by it, just that this is the only kind left in the cabinet and he has to eat something, but he can't stop the ache spreading across his chest.
“Thanks,” Louis mutters, but he doesn't take it. Instead, he stares at the cap and hopes Zinnia will put it away. She doesn't.
She rips the tape off the cap, unscrews it, and hands it to him. “You need to put something in yourn stomache,” she chastises.
Louis frowns, but takes a sip to shut her up. Zinnia smiles proudly and Johanna stares for a few moments before she goes upstairs to get ready for work. Louis pouts as he downs the shake.
He doesn't mean to be all sad and distant, but he isn't sure what else he's supposed to do. Louis fell into a routine with Harry over the coarse of six months, and now he really doesn't know what to do with himself.
When he looks at Zinnia, Louis sees a beautiful girl who looks tired from dealing with so much stress. But, Louis knows she can hold her own. He just wishes he could say the same thing about himself.
“You're sad,” he notes.
Zinnia chuckles darkly. “No kidding.”
It dawns on Louis all at once that's he's been a bad friend these past eleven days, and even long before he and Harry broke up. He hasn't been there for her. He's turned into the kind of shitty friend he swore he'd never be.
“I'm sorry,” Louis says.
Zinnia looks up. “What for?”
“It's been all about me lately,” he elaborates. “I feel bad, because you're hurting, too, and I haven't been there for you.”
She smiles sadly. “You haven't, but I understand. You're crazy about Harry and you forgot there's other people in this world besides him. It doesn't make it okay, but I get it.”
“Still sorry,” Louis repeats. “Do you want to talk now?”
Zinnia looks at the clock. They have twenty minutes before they have to leave for school. She nods.
“Yeah,” she says. “Everyone around me is so sad. Like, things aren't working out for them, and it makes me worry that something is going to go wrong for me as well. I don't want to see you mope everyday because you want Harry back. I don't want to see Harry angry about how you betrayed him and because he wants you, too. I don't want to see Lottie inch closer to her breaking point and I'm sick of seeing Gwenyth scared to be around her best friend because she doesn't know how to act around her. You're mum looks so much older now... Lou, I'm breaking, too. I work so hard to keep everyone put together, to be the one that makes sure all the pieces are glued in place, but I can't do it anymore.”
Louis' mouth drops open. He can't think of anything decent to say then, “Is it getting bad again?”
“Yeah,” Zinnia nods, dropping her head down. “Cody... I can't stop thinking about what happened. I know therapy stopped a long time ago and that they said I'm better now, but I have my moments. Sometimes I get sick of being the strong one.”
She sniffles a little bit, and Louis stands up from where he's sitting and goes to hug her. Zinnia's not perfect, and he forgets that sometimes. She breaks down, she has her battles. As he strokes a hand down her back, Louis struggle to push all his hurt away and focus on hers. You need to be a friend, he thinks to himself.
“Don't be,” he tries to soothe. “I have you if you need to cry.”
Zinnia laughs weakly and leans her cheek against his shoulder. Feelings are tough. She's still the same girl who pushed him off his scooter when he was nine and laughed the whole time she cleaned his leg. She's just older. Even while Louis was crying his head off Zinnia managed to make him smile, even if it was just a small one. She's always been the best and nothing can ever change that, not even Harry Styles.
“I missed you,” Zinnia murmurs to Louis, and he feels the breath knock out of his lungs. She's sensitve, too, just like him. She's not immune to pain, even if she likes to make it seem that way. Louis feels like he should know these things after fifteen years, but he's so stupid sometimes. He wished he payed attention to all those time where Zinnia did her best not to cry. Maybe he would have realized pain is a weakness to her long before now.
“I'll be a better friend from now on,” Louis promises her.
Zinnia smiles weakly. “I think this is how Liam, Zayn, and Niall felt when you blew them off.”
“Let's not talk about that,” Louis clenches his eyes shut. “We should get going.”
“Yeah,” Zinnia nods and stands up, holding her hand out for Louis to take. He ignores it,but pulls her in until she's flush to his side. Her smile grows as she picks up her bag, Louis doing the same, and rests her head on his shoulder. This is how it should be.
“You're my Zinns, remember?” he whispers to her. “Even if it doesn't seem like it because of Harry, but you are one of the most important people to me.”
She bumps their hips together. “I know. Same to you. Now, let's stop moping, I'm sick of it.”
“With SATs today I'm going to be in a bad mood,” Louis says. “These ones don't count, I don't see why we have to do them.”
“Just go with the flow,” Zinnia makes a snake motion with her hand and arm for good measure.
“Oh, shut up,” he rolls his eyes. “This is coming from the same girl who would throw a fit if one of her crayons wasn't in the correct order.”
She huffs. “Says the boy who couldn't ride a scooter.”
“You pushed me!” he exclaims.
Zinnia's smile is wide and her eyes are sparkling. “No, I did no such thing. But that somersault was pretty awesome.”
“Whatever you say, Zinn,” Louis indulges her. “Whatever you say.”
A/N: My mom left me home alone today, so I blared One Direction through my speakers so loud that my house shook. All the windows were open, too. This guy who delivers the paper on our street who's, like, nineteen, was walking by and was like, "Ew, One Direction, turn it off." Wanna know what I did? I FUCKING TURNED THAT SHIT UP AND DANCED AROUND WHILE SINGING UNTIL MY MOM CAME HOME. Best day of my life, haha. But I literally have the whole rest of Slayed planned out. Do you hear my sobs? My cousin's bridal shower is tomorrow and my aunt is making it a pool party, but I don't want to go because I FUCKING WOKE UP IN MY OWN BLOOD THIS MORNING. Yes, I mean my period. Life sucks sometimes. So yeah, what I'm saying is that I probably won't update tomorrow unless it's at two in the morning. I have really bad cramps, though. Like, I can't focus on anything. I need a nap. I'll update Sunday or Monday, or whenever I'm feeling better. Dedicated to meghan2018 because she always leaves such lovely comments and I really appreciate them. Have a great day, loves!