I don't know since when...since what age I were.
But I think, he's my first memory. My first remembrance.
And he's everything for me.
Taehyung, the One I Love
"You're suck, always crying,"
It was the first interaction that Tzuyu remember about Taehyung, her first friend whom maybe already met with her ever since they were still in their mom's womb. Taehyung was a careless, cold, strong and very apathetic with any kind of feelings. Tzuyu's first memory, was when Taehyung approached her and gave a teddy bear to a crying Tzuyu. Taehyung gave her the plushie to Tzuyu with his still plain irritated face, told Tzuyu is suck with his unadorned language and clearly although they were still toddlers.
"Taehyung! Mom bought me new dress! Look this! Look! I'm pretty right?! I will be your princess!"Tzuyu ran across Taehyung's castle alike house. At the moment Taehyung wore his tie with his baby sitter's help when Tzuyu broke through inside his room, showing her new look with pretty laced white dress. Even though she was still 5 years old, but Taehyung had already have a taste and knew which one is pretty and which one is not. Taehyung was a conglomerate's son and well studied, moreover he often to meet Jimin his family relation's son whom Taehyung adored so much until he wanted to be like Jimin, become their perfect business kingdom's next leader.
"You...are stunning,"Taehyung's face blushed madly upon looking at Tzuyu who's busy spreading her smile and charm to Taehyung and the house's maids. Taehyung was always cold, careless, more mature and well managed but because of Tzuyu's cheerful fresh personality, Taehyung's heart melted until he never been careless to Tzuyu. To be exact, Taehyung only would be soften to Tzuyu, took care of her and treated her like his beloved lil sister.
"Let's go to Solbi's birthday party!"Tzuyu held Taehyung's hand and Taehyung only smiled shyly, made all maid and his baby sitter bursted into laugh upon seeing these kids' behavior.
"Gosh, Tzuyu is really cute. I think how nice it is if Madam and Sir set arranged marriage to them,"said a maid while cleaning the room.
"Madam and Mrs. Chou had already talked about this Minah, even before the children could talk. That they will set arranged marriage to Tzuyu and Taehyung one day,"Taehyung's baby sitter smiled while watching Taehyung and Tzuyu's cute interaction.
Exactly. Even after Tzuyu born, seeing the very beautiful baby made Taehyung's mom fell in love to Tzuyu and said that she wanted to set arranged marriage to them. Their mothers were friends ever since in college and they were really close and always bring their babies to play together. The cheerful Tzuyu and cold Taehyung whom finally melted because of Tzuyu's cheerfulness, they were a perfect couple. They thought it would going smoothly, the friendship and arranged marriage between these kids.
But after they entered elementary school, Tzuyu's world had changed. After work, Tzuyu's dad would be drunk and brought a woman. Tzuyu remembered exactly her mom's hysteric scream, crying out loud, throwing things to the woman until it ended with her dad's strong beat which made her mom fell down to the floor with bruised cheeks and bleeding nose. Tzuyu was still so young, she was still in second grade of elementary school but she already knew what's happening. Her heart was broken into pieces upon seeing the traumatic scene. Quickly, Tzuyu's personality had changed to be very fragile and gloomy.
"Tzu, don't be sad. I won't let you cry, just stay here with me,"
It was the first time Tzuyu and Taehyung created a strong bond. After hearing Taehyung's words who was hugging her back then, Tzuyu really gave all her faith to Taehyung. Her happiness. Her oase when things went worse. Taehyung was always there for her and always protected her. Even when Tzuyu could only hide inside her room, avoided her father who already started to beat and torment her, Taehyung immediately came to Tzuyu's house and took Tzuyu to his house. Back then Tzuyu's house condition was really chaotic, because Taehyung was a son of higher level family than Tzuyu's parents, his father only quiet and didn't move when Taehyung came with his bodyguards. Taehyung's mom and everyone in their circle already suggested Tzuyu's mother to get divorce and sue him to the law court because of the abuse but because a blind love, Tzuyu's mom was still holding on with her marriage.
"I hate dad! But I hate mom even more! Mom is dummy! Taehyung, why mom doesn't think of herself and me?!"Tzuyu ranted one day when things had never been better.
"Maybe because she loves your dad so much...,"Taehyung said, only could rubbed Tzuyu's back.
"It's so foolish! Mom doesn't love herself if she's like that! I don't want to be like mom! If I fell in love, I will choose the path which won't persecuted me!"
That was right. Tzuyu had never chose the path that make her persecuted until they were in middle school and Taehyung had changed, Tzuyu didn't think twice to stay and walked away from Taehyung. Even though her heart was broken, crumbled, her faith was ruined until she never trusted anyone else again. To protect herself to not get destroyed, Tzuyu built her heart as hard as a stone and crystallized her love to Taehyung. She didn't want to be like her mom –whom she thought really stupid- got destroyed and devastated all alone, really stupid and couldn't live without the bastard whom she ever called 'dad'.
Confidence crisis was Tzuyu's main problem.
Until now.
"Tzuyu, you life's light is comeback,"Momo pointed at the café entrance. Tzuyu who was busy making heart shape on her handmade cappuccino quickly averted her gaze to the entrance. Smile flashed on Tzuyu's pretty face when she saw her most awaited person entered the café.
"Sana-ya! Where have you been?"Momo asked, greeted her regular guest. Sana only gave her adorable smile which looked more adorable because Tzuyu knew, right now that girl is in her happiest time. All pair of eyes were looking at the side braided hair girl, she wore a brown long coat with short one-piece and boots up to her low knee. Their belle is back.
"Hi Tzuyu, hi Momo! Sorry I didn't come for a week. There's so much happened,"Sana smiled to Momo and sat at the usual seat. Tzuyu immediately finished her work then joined Sana and Momo. Smile couldn't be hid from this cold faced girl upon looking at Sana who's gotten fresher if she could tell.
"Did your lecturer scold you?"Tzuyu asked after she placed her butt on the couch in front of Sana.
"Hehehe. A bit, but they immediately ordered me to catch up with the lessons,"Sana laughed.
"Did you leave to another city Sana?"Momo asked being confused.
"You can tell like that,"Tzuyu said.
"Absolutely you can that's why they trust you. Your brain can easily eat those odd 5 cms books, if it was me, I would throw up,"Tzuyu spoke to Sana again. Momo laughed and Sana only formed a thin smile on her face. Then they were chatting about light topic until Momo must bid farewell because she has a work.
"So how's with Yoongi?"Tzuyu asked after Momo left.
"Tzuyu, I can't leave you. I won't leave to anywhere,"
"But Yoongi!"Tzuyu unconsciously slammed the table. Sana only gave a thin smile.
"We won't go to anywhere and will stay in here. Running away is not a good escape. I can't leave you, nor I can't being separated from Yoongi. No matter what, I will face that. No matter how cruel it will be, I won't let him go,"
Tzuyu could catch flashes from Sana's eyes. It was full of determination, high ego also powerful. Tzuyu could only sighed heavily upon seeing her bestfriend, she chuckled. Sana has already became a stronger person than she had ever expected. Really egoist but so tough. The gentle girl who always watched other's feelings first now already began to watch her own feelings, protect herself. If Tzuyu would die after this, she's sure that Sana could pass her hardships.
"I will wait for Jimin to comeback, then tell him clearly. That I want to live my life until the end with Yoongi,"
"Sana...,"Tzuyu was holding Sana's hands. There was big admiration inside Tzuyu's heart upon seeing how her bestfriend overcome her problem. It was not like there's no fear and sadness in Sana's self to let go of Jimin but she didn't hesitate to reach her happiness. Sana wasn't afraid to get her happiness. Different from Tzuyu who was still afraid, hesitate, pessimist to reach her happiness that already offered in front her eyes. Tzuyu just have to take it, just have to lend her hand to reach the happiness but she was too afraid. Tzuyu had no faith in herself, that she would really be happy then see Taehyung suffering in the end when she leave the world. She didn't believe, that her happiness would be eternal.
"I've never expected that everything would end like this,"Sana's gaze now looked sad. Tzuyu knew, it was really not easy for Sana. Sana clearly loves Jimin genuinely, it made Tzuyu couldn't blame her.
"But with Yoongi, I really don't feel less at all. I feel complete. I'm selfish right? I'm a mean girl, our school's girls were right back then. I'm selfish and cruel,"
Tzuyu heart crumbled when Sana wiped her tears, but she tried to smile strongly.
"Sana, what's so wrong for being a cruel and selfish person...if it was to get your own happiness?"Tzuyu squeezed Sana's hand. Sana smiled and nodded.
"I understand. There's someone who I can't forget as well. I can't forget his love...even though I know, who I love the most,"Tzuyu averted her gaze outside the window, looking at the blue sky. It was soothing. Tzuyu's heart was calm because she could recognize and understand her heart properly.
"Tzuyu, you must let Taehyung know your feeling. You deserve to be happy. Taehyung deserves that too. If you were me, even if tomorrow would be my last day with Yoongi, as long as I can love him properly...that's enough already,"
"Sana...this is not easy...,"Tzuyu almost whispered, but her voice sounded strident even though it muffled. Her head ducked, hiding the pain. Sana was right but she was not as brave as Sana.
"Leaving...is not an easy thing San...because I think about him, I won't him suffering if I left,"
Sana bit her lips pretty hard. Even she who heard this already so painful to her, how about Taehyung? Upon hearing that her bestfriend said if she left this world. FYI, Sana was her family's only child and Tzuyu was already like her own sibling, her soulmate, her other half as she named her on her phone. Realizing Tzuyu's real condition really made Sana's heart tightened. She didn't want to lose Tzuyu, she even didn't want Tzuyu to think that she will disappear.
"Then, what's the difference with now Tzuyu? Taehyung has already became like your shadow, he even lives in your house...,"
"He forced that,"
"And he always said he loves you right?"
Tzuyu heaved a breath. Sana was right.
"Actually I'm the one who's afraid...,"Tzuyu looked at Sana with painful stare.
"I'm the one who's afraid if I'm not ready to die because I'm happy with Taehyung,"
"Tzuyu...,"Sana rose up and hugged Tzuyu from her side.
"There's no one who is ready to die. No one who know when will we die. But to be happy, everyone have right to get that. Ah no, it's a must,"Sana whispered while hugging Tzuyu who could only swallow her tears upon hearing this milky white skinned girl.
*Save Me*
"There's no one who is ready to die. No one who know when will we die. But to be happy, everyone have right to get that,"
"Your condition is great Tzuyu. As long as you consume your pills regularly and able to keep yourself from the infections, everything will be alright. Nowadays the researchers are developing more sophisticated cure. Well, it's not promising to clear up the virus from patient's body but paramedics believe that this cure much more effective than ever,"doctor Tiffany said, she was Tzuyu's doctor ever since before.
Tzuyu has never been satisfied with explaination or empty hopes. Even though Tiffany told her that her condition is great and under control, she can live normally but Tzuyu has never felt happy and satisfied. The virus was like a sleeping bomb inside her body. If it was triggered by something, then everything will be disappear quickly, live span will be reduced.
"Tzuyu, you can also marry the guy who always accompany you here. You guys can get a baby from Caesarean Surgery. Then to avoid the transmission, you can change breast milk with formula milk,"Tiffany smiled gently and held Tzuyu's hand.
"You're still a beautiful youngster who deserves to have the happiness from marriage,"
"Wha-what are you talking about doc? Taehyung? That's no way doc!"Tzuyu quickly ward away the idea of getting married with Taehyung but her cheeks blushed.
"Why? You guys are perfect couple. I see he loves you so much. Both of you will get a perfect baby. Tzuyu, not because you're AIDS patient then you got pessimism, live goes on. Don' waste what you want to get in this world because a chance won't come for a second time. You already know that the woman has less chance to infect the man, there's many patient whom wife has AIDS but the husband is safe,"
***
"Why are you crying?"Taehyung stopped walking and turned around when he felt Tzuyu's foot steps stopped. The black long haired girl was only standing in her place, staring at Taehyung without meaningful expression.
The weather was so cold because it's autumn season and almost winter but Tzuyu only wore mini dress with Taehyung's long coat on her shoulder. Tzuyu's face which gave winter vibe looked so lonely even when Taehyung was beside her. There's sadness when he sees Tzuyu's face, overwhelming in Taehyung's chest. Every second, every time, every moment he spent with Tzuyu, everytime he look at Tzuyu's figure were treasures which secretly he saved on his mind.
Taehyung wanted to step forward and pulled the girl into his embrace but he knew Tzuyu won't like it.
"Taehyung-ah...just find another love,"
"It's useless,"Taehyung quickly cut Tzuyu's words. Tzuyu formed a thin smile.
"There's still so many beautiful girls outside...,"
"Do not teach me anything Tzuyu, I know myself the most!"
"...who's healthy and you can date,"
"I JUST WANT YOU!"
Tzuyu wanted to sit weakly. All of her strength felt like disappear and she really did. Taehyung was shocked when he saw Tzuyu dropped her body on the ground. Her face ducked down until Taehyung didn't know whether Tzuyu is crying or not.
"Do you remember...the anime we watched before I changed and drew a distance with you?"Taehyung asked, couldn't move from his position. He wanted to approach Tzuyu but he got so scared. He was afraid his heart will break.
"After we...did that for the first time...,"Taehyung recalled when they just became middle school student, because of their teenage curiousness which filled Taehyung's head, he invited Tzuyu to have sex. It was so silly, shameless but it tasted so sweet. They didn't know anything and was too young but Taehyung was really happy back then.
"Angel Beats. Even when the girl he loves can't walk, can only lay down on the bed and can't talk, but he still will fall in love with her repeatedly. Over and over again. He still will...marry her,"Taehyung continued.
"Tzuyu, doesn't mean that the girl is healthy, beautiful, sexy and can live normally I will choose her. But because I really love her. Because she's special, no matter how she is. In my eyes, she's special. Even in the crowd, the only one I see is her...Chou Tzuyu,"
Little did Taehyung know, when she dropped her body to the ground Tzuyu wasn't weak because her heart is broken. Taehyung had no idea when Tzuyu ducked her head down, was not because she cries. Tzuyu was smiling. She smiled with touching heart, happiness, little bit laughing at Taehyung's foolishness but she was happy, she was thankful.
Taehyung, you are really the most stubborn human I've ever met. Tzuyu mentally laughed.
"Taehyung-ah...come here,"Tzuyu whispered. Taehyung immediately approached Tzuyu and kneeling down in front of her, reached her level. When Tzuyu raised her head, Taehyung couldn't believe with what he feels right now.
"Tzuyu..,"
Tears were falling down to Taehyung's cheeks when the soft lips he missed so much kissed his lips gently. It felt so warm and gentle. But the most important thing was there's warm feeling which wrapping Taehyung's chest right now.
"I thought I can forgive you again Taehyung. I won't stop to hate you. But one thing you must know, ever since we were children until now, you're the most important person in my life,"Tzuyu said after she broke the kiss. Tzuyu wiped Taehyung's tears and pulled him into her embrace. Taehyung was still frozen like a stone.
"Taehyung, promise me. After this no matter what will happen in the future, I want you be able to pass your hardships. I want you to be stronger,"Tzuyu whispered in Taehyung's ear. Taehyung was still speechless, because he was sobbing like a baby.
*Save Me*
"Taehyung, do you think what we're doing is normal?"
"Tzuyu-ah, are you afraid? Don't worry, it will only hurt a bit. You want to do it with me right?"
"Yeah...if with Taehyung, I want,"
"Hnghhh...Taehyung...,"Tzuyu felt Taehyung chewed her lips, darted his tongue inside her wet cavern, tasted their taste. Taehyung's hand locked Tzuyu's movement, sheltering her body when both of Tzuyu's hand was hugging Taehyung's neck. He was already topless. Tzuyu could feel her bra got unhooked and at the moment their lips parted away. Taehyung averted his loving gaze from Tzuyu's eyes to her breast which Taehyung thought they were bigger than when she was in first grade of middle school.
She was way more beautiful than before.
"Tzuyu-ah, you're so pretty,"Taehyung pecked Tzuyu's forehead, trailed his lips down to her nose bridge, lips, chin, neck until the peck landed on her cleavage. Tzuyu moaned lowly when she felt her bare chest touched with Taehyung's soft lips. In a quick moment Tzuyu was sinking into the warmth and tenderness Taehyung gave. She was drunk in love which finally bursted out to the surface.
"Let me help you,"Tzuyu raised her upper body up to get the condom Taehyung held. With blushing face, she rolled down the condom through his cock. Taehyung moaned lowly when he felt his sensitive skin touched the girl he loves' skin. He pinned Tzuyu to the bed again and kissed her lips gently before positioning himself to engage with her genital.
"Can I put it in now?"Taehyung caressed Tzuyu's face. Tzuyu bit her lower lip. Actually she was scared a lot but she remembered doctor Tiffany's words that it's safe for both of them as long as they use condom and fortunately if the patient is girl then the transmission chance was lower as long as they didn't have sex too roughly which could cause the couple genital's bleeding by the rough friction. But still, the fear of she might infecting him was still scaring her.
"Don't afraid Babe, we need to trust this ok? Because I love you so much,"Taehyung smiled, reassuring her to soothe her down. He kissed her forehead which made her gave a small nod. He really was proud of her because she could break through her fear. Then he positioned his manhood in front of her entrance, slowly put his length in. Tzuyu moaned by the friction between the two genitals. She smiled with her teary face after Taehyung done penetrate his manhood completely inside her.
He was inside her again.
She reached Taehyung's neck and hugged him as he began to thrust his member back and forth inside her hole. With safety making love session, both of them were connected again after a long time without lessen a bit of the perfection in their love.
Time was running so fast. Like a dream.
Tzuyu stared at Taehyung's sleeping face while hugging her. In the colder weather, Tzuyu felt really warm in Taehyung's embrace. Even though it was tiring, but Tzuyu was so happy. Taehyung was beside her, next to her, hugging her without any fabric on their body. They were only covered with a warm white blanket. Maybe Taehyung who was already asleep didn't realize that Tzuyu was still looking at him and kissed his lips gently before finally she close her eyes in peace.
For now on...'it's okay'. 'Everything will be fine,' were filling Tzuyu's mind. Sana was right, everyone deserve to be happy. And Tzuyu want, once again even though it would be the last time she reach her happiness...
Taehyung was the one she loves.
I don't know since when...since what age I was.
But I think, he's my first memory. My first remembrance.
And he will be my last memory. My last remembrance.
The last person I will see when I close my eyes.