A late evening was marvellous even though I decided that I didn't like February at all. I would say that it was mostly because I was in a wait state for spring hoping that when it finally came I would stop being an unlucky writer as well as a hopeless fool. Then maybe, I would write a bestseller and resist Alex.
But that were only dreams. For the beautiful today, I got a freezing winter weather and an invitation to Matt's birthday which was, unfortunately, just an excuse to see someone else. It's funny how cynically it sounded but there was no way to avoid the truth.
I felt excited somehow. After our little conversation with Alex near the bar, I was in a positive mood like he was the one who could actually cheer me up not making an effort, just being himself. Thinking about him in a good way was dangerous of me. However, I didn't have any expectations. I just wanted to see him and it seemed like a satisfaction. The only thing was that everything that came to Alex was never enough and I was, as usual, just lying to myself.
Since I've entered Matt's house, I've been convincing myself that I shouldn't look for Alex in the crowd. But it was really hard to do. This party was an exact opposite of the Jule's one. The music was loud and I assumed that was a mix of different styles. Every song was from a new genre and I couldn't catch anything familiar for me. The house was almost dark illuminated by neon lights and there were a bunch of people around. If you asked me, I would consider it as a classical party where nobody cared about nothing and that was the main thing. The attributes of it were an alcohol to drink, dances to dance and talks to forget but I couldn't complain. All of it was just a background for something bigger and I let myself join it as if it was something inherent for me. It clearly wasn't, though.
'Lili, I'll go greet my friends at the front door. You'll be OK?' I heard Matt saying with an attractive open smile as we were standing in the middle of the party chatting. Everything seemed to be normal but I was a little nervous. The lights were dim so I couldn't see everything properly. Or should I say, everybody?
'Yeah, of course. I'll have fun by myself' I smiled back to him with a reassuring expression on my face. Honestly, I didn't want to be alone at a party where I knew nobody but it was Matt's party and I didn't want to be selfish.
Matt nodded with a pleased look and went away leaving me bored. Even though I wanted him to stay with me and continue our talk, I had to admit that it was more like a torture because I couldn't ask Matt about Alex.
Oh, life would be easier, if we just asked each other everything directly.
'Lili, is that you? I am so glad to see you again!' suddenly I heard someone speaking behind my back and I turned around only to see Jule's bright eyes and a friendly smile. I laughed at his attempts to hug me as tightly as he could.
'Yeah, I am here. What's new? How is your recent work?' I asked with a genuine interest which obviously flattered my silver-haired friend.
'Wonderful. Recently I've been really inspired by Van Gogh's work which adds some post-impressionistic overtones to my paintings and that's what I am glad about' Jule's eyes were sparkling with a mention of his work which really impressed me. I've never seen people so in love with what they do.
'Great' I stated smiling brightly at him. This man had a very interesting personality which let him be one of the best interlocutors that I've ever had. 'Then you should also discover more about Monet's paintings. The impressionists are my favourite'
'No doubts' he answered nodding at me simply. 'But how about you? I've heard you had some problems' he furrowed his brow in concern looking at me.
'Yeah...' I opened my mouth to explain everything but the words stuck in my throat when unintentionally my glance travelled behind Jule's shoulder and found the only one reason that I was nervous today. And the name of the reason was nothing else but "Alex".
I spotted him when I wasn't ready at all and the image of him made me completely numb. Alex was not far away from me sitting on the couch near the stairs but it felt like kilometres between us and today it wasn't just because of my hesitations and his lack of interest. Today his button-up shirt was white and the whiskey in his glass was probably good but the main thing that left a mark on me was one simple thing: he wasn't alone.
Right, there was a woman. The woman that made me feel unexpectedly bad. You know, they say that there is always someone else. Well, today it wasn't just a saying.
She was undoubtedly good looking in a simple ebony dress with straps and high classic heels with her red curly hair in a Bob hairstyle. Even though it was dark, I could see her rosy lips and blue sparkling eyes which gave me a sick feeling when Alex put his arm around her waist to tug her closer to his body.
They were talking quietly all by themselves like there was nobody around and I was just standing next to Jules with words in my throat unable to move. Wow, what a cliché scene. Why was that so bitter?
'They are good together, aren't they?' Jules said with a small smile following my gaze and his voice sounded like he was under the water. Or maybe, I was.
'They are' I answered with no emotion telling the truth. I saw Alex giving the redhead nymph his best inviting look and an open smile. The genuine expression on his face made me swallow my unsaid words and feel something similar to irritation inside. That feeling saturated me with its wrong essence and I couldn't get rid of it. Was it a real jealousy that I experienced?
'Who is she?' I've finally managed to ask Jules not even bothering to look at him. Nothing existed. Only me and two of them in a room where was no place for my emotions.
'It's Janet' my artist-friend told me with a satisfied grin. Oh, well, even Jules liked her with Alex. With a thought of it, I felt so pitiful that I wanted to escape, forget Alex, Matt, Jules and the evening in the bar when he tasted my name on his lips, when I let myself a single thought of him. And I hated myself that I was so affected by the image of him and Janet because I had no right to even stare. I was convincing myself that Alex and I were just strangers but my heart was beating treacherously fast.
That what happens when for a moment you let yourself a weakness to succumb to someone's charms. Of course, he had someone. He was a handsome man and she was a beautiful woman. Wasn't it an explanation for everything?
'Excuse me for a moment' I told Jules with a heavy breath watching Alex playing with the red hair of his companion. I couldn't see his eyes and I had no idea what I would have done if I met his glance so I had to go, just leave. 'I'll go and find the bathroom'
Jules raised his dusty eyebrows surprised with a sudden change of my behaviour and wanted to answer something but I couldn't wait anymore. I escaped.
I was going from the room to the room through the crowds of people with a one simple urge to find a lonely place. Yes, I was affected and I didn't want to find out what I felt or how people called it. I just wanted to let my head rest without that annoying obsessive thoughts.
So, after some unsuccessful attempts, I've finally managed to find an empty room and closed the door behind me turning on the light. A sigh of relief escaped my mouth and I closed my eyes for a second to feel the void inside me and the room. It was quiet there comparing to the rest of the house and the music sounded distant. I didn't want to think at all.
With an effort, I opened my eyes to observe the room. It was small and painted in pastel colours. There was a single slightly open window with no curtains that let the cool air wandering in the room making me shiver. The furniture was simple: two identical peachy armchairs in the middle and a small round table between them. In the corner of the room was a bookcase filled with vinyl records and the vinyl player on the floor near it. A room for music, I would say. Matt obviously loved it.
I let myself choose one of the records and put it on the player. In a moment the sounds of far 50s filled the air. That was all I needed so I sat in one of the armchairs and looked through the window at the night lonely street.
The whole situation seemed a little funny for me now. God, I was at Matt's birthday party sitting in the empty room listening to Billy Fury's record and because of what? Because I felt jealous looking at the man who I barely knew with a gorgeous woman? That was a joke, wasn't it?
I sighed angry at myself for all of the stupid actions. It would be much easier If I could control my emotions. However, it seemed impossible with everything that was connected to Alex.
Suddenly I heard the door closed loudly missing the moment when it was opened. I didn't even turn my head when I heard a painfully familiar smooth voice behind me. 'You are so classic with all of that old music stuff, aren't you?'
I hesitated for a second if I wanted to look at him but of course, he didn't leave me a choice so when I faced Alex he got his space eyes on me. Why did he appear every time when I wanted to be left alone?
'What are you doing here?' I asked in a harsher tone than I expected. Everything inside of me wanted him to go away and stay at the same time.
'That's not the best way to say "Hello"' Alex answered lazily sitting in the armchair next to me with a grin plastered on his face. The atmosphere became heavy around us and I wondered if something was wrong with the atmosphere of the room or an entire planet. It'd better be the second.
'I didn't think you needed my "Hello"' I said scathingly noticing that two buttons of his classic white shirt were unbuttoned and it felt like the most natural detail in the room. Did she do it?
'Well, I might have expected it but you were so affected with the image of me with another woman that you stormed out of the room in the blink of an eye' a satisfied smirk shaped his lips and the room suddenly felt too small for two of us. So, he saw me staring? No, no, no.
'I just couldn't handle the happiness inside of me for you two' my voice was sharp and confident but I couldn't get rid of the nervousness in my chest. Well, he knew it. I bet that Alex probably knew all the components of my nervousness 'cause he was the one to create it. 'Who is she, anyway? Your girlfriend or something?' I asked with a fake disbelief. Of course, Jules made it clear who she was with a single mention of her name but I just wanted to hear it from him. I wanted to act like I didn't care. Please, say that I truly didn't.
'"Something"?' he smiled slyly making a fool of me.
'I don't know. A girl for a night or an acquaintance. It's hard to get it with all of that mysterious personality of a heartbreaker that you have' I answered with vivid colours of annoyance in my tone.
'Well, then yeah, she is my girlfriend' Alex stated looking directly in my eyes not losing a smirk. Why was it so funny for him and why did I suddenly feel a need for a drink? A glass of brandy would be OK if you asked.
'So, everything is that serious?' I didn't know why I was asking him all of that useless and stupid questions when I saw everything with my own eyes. Maybe, I just wanted to avoid the thought that what he said actually hurt me.
'Oh, serious. I hate that word' he snorted like a child who didn't like a soup for a dinner. 'But I have to admit that she is definitely my best lover' I felt an unpleasant feeling in my stomach with that words. 'She is smart enough and not too funny. Good taste and a huge love to the sunrises. Theodore Dreiser books and a cigarette with tea for an evening. Also, she is obviously beautiful. This time it will be kind of difficult to end everything' he looked away with a thoughtful expression on his face. I could see the hesitation on his cheeks.
'What do you mean when you say "end everything"?' I looked at him curiously.
'End the relationship, dear. Don't be a child' he muttered with a little tiredness in his tone. His glance was cocky, though.
'If she is so good, then why do you have to end the relationship?' I couldn't understand him at all. It felt like something unreal with a sound of record playing and pastel colours of the walls which seemed to be ready to absorb me anytime.
'Because everything ends sooner or later' Alex closed his eyes sinking in a peachy armchair with both of his marble hands on the armrests. 'She is going to ask me to stay. Firstly, it's for a night, than for a week, later she will suggest living together, get married and have two wonderful children' he raised his arm in a dramatic way with a fake smile on his face. 'She'd like to have a big house and the garden in the countryside. Work in the office and fancy dinners with neighbours on Saturdays. And I am not that type of man, Lili' he pronounced it in the most serious way that I've ever heard from him and overtones in his voice gave me an understanding that something important was happening between us in this small room. 'I never stay' the expressive words of his hit the walls in a form of echo and crumbled at our feet.
There was a moment of silence when we were looking at each other and it felt like there was nothing outside this room. No house, no party, no Janet or Matt. We were just toys in someone's cardboard house with no roof but with pure emotions. I wondered why he told me this.
'But how can you talk about dumping her when she is just behind the wall?' I broke the silence not being able to handle the tension in the air.
'Oh, please, don't act moralistic' he snorted cynically.
'No, I mean only a half an hour ago you looked so happy together sitting on the couch, exchanging teasing glances and so on' I mumbled trying not to show him the unpleasant effect that the image of him and Janet had on me.
'Wow' a laugh of his danced inside the room and left through the open window. Suddenly, all of his seriousness disappeared. 'Is that a jealousy in your voice that I hear?' Alex observed me from the head to my toes with a smug grin. His eyes were giggling and there was no doubt that he was enjoying it as much as I didn't.
'Maybe, it's just something that you want to hear' I answered sarcastically getting up for my spot and my glance travelled to the window just in case to escape his dark eyes. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go but the conversation made it impossible to stay. The room already felt like our own environment.
'Yeah, let's pretend that you don't want to feel what it's like to be on her spot' Alex chuckled mockingly. I heard him standing up too, coming closer to me which sent millions of goosebumps down my spine. Whatever was happening had to stop. We had to stop.
'But what if I don't?' I turned my head to him which was obviously a mistake. We were too close to each other to let our eyes met. It could literally cause an explosion.
'You know, last time when we checked if you were right, you failed' Alex stated teasingly with his intense glance on me. 'I bet that this time won't be different' he said quietly, almost in a whisper.
He made a loud step to me and I felt his hot breath near my face. The music suddenly stopped playing and I heard a heavy silence between us which was mind-blowing me every second that he was standing next to me.
His shirt was too white, his jeans were too denim, his expression was too attracting. The armchairs were too peachy and the window was too lonely for this too small room. Everything could be expressed as "too" and it was destroying me inside because I felt a desire to be even closer to him and see the real depth of his pupils. I should have slapped myself in the face.
I felt a move of his after a moment as he leaned to me and I saw how he took a look at my plum lips with a deceptive smirk. My heart stopped with a record some time ago and I was unable to breathe. Was he trying to kiss me?
As an answer to my question, Alex made one more move so our lips could almost touch. I parted mine unintentionally with no thoughts in my hopeless mind to let him make the last step...
But all I heard was a loud laugh of his filling the room.
'What are you doing, Lili? When my girlfriend is just behind the wall?' Alex shook his head in a fake disapproval using my line against me and making me the biggest fool on the entire planet. Of course, he wasn't going to kiss me. It felt bitter that I was so naive. 'Shame on you' he chuckled with a jeer and I felt really bad. What I wanted to do a minute ago was unfair to his girlfriend.
'Then why are you here? I didn't ask you to follow me.'
'And I didn't' he smiled at me casually. 'I am here because your behaviour amuses me'
'Oh, perfect. So you are having fun' I pronounced every word as venomously as I could. We had to stop being in the same room 'cause I felt pitiful and angry and, for God's sake, we weren't even friends to talk on typical topics.
There was a feeling that we were a little more than nobody to each other when he was so close to me a minute ago but if it was just an illusion? A mirage on a hot desert day? Anyway, it didn't matter any more.
'I am' Alex's eyes sparkled for a moment looking at me with a deceiving move of his lips. Why was he so cruel to do all of this to me? 'Also...' he wanted to add something but suddenly we heard a sound of the opened door and our glances travelled to it to see Janet standing at the threshold.
'Alex, I was looking for you' she said in a calm tone. Her rosy lips formed a small smile looking at Alex and I saw her blue eyes flashed.
'Hey' Alex muttered in a quiet voice coming closer to her and putting an arm around her bare shoulders. 'We were discussing with Lili here how it's to be on someone else's spot' he returned his glance to me with a mock. It was too hard performance for me while Alex seemed to be more than OK.
'Oh, nice to meet you, Lili' Janet answered carelessly giving me a friendly look and I felt a headache. That was too much for one party.
'Yeah, me too' I mumbled. I bet she thought that I was a creep.
'But I think we should go already, right?' she looked at Alex expectedly.
'Yes' he nodded smiling at her and I felt how my headache became a migraine. 'I think we should leave Lili all by herself. Looks like today she is not in the mood' Alex's smirk was unbelievingly smug. Just like him.
'Happy that you are unlike me' I said giving Alex the best fake smile that I could act and noticing the incomprehensible expression on Janet's face. Alex didn't look away from my honey eyes remaining calm with a usual dare in his glance and I was glad that even though she was in the same room with us, this was only our unspoken moment.
'Goodbye, Lili' Janet told me exiting the room and I exhaled deeply feeling a sudden freedom of her presence.
'Good night' Alex said in the quiet voice closing the door slowly and I felt a little disappointed of his last phrase when all of a sudden he opened the door once more giving me a playful look. 'Oh, and don't be afraid of the truth' he smiled cockily and I shrugged with no words before he could go away - that was the last pearl note of our song called "Matt's birthday party" which I was grateful for.
In that moment I knew only one thing: I've never seen the Universe aside from Earth so sometimes I hesitated if it was that dangerous and beautiful as it's written in books but there was an actual open space in his eyes and that was something I truly believed in. So foolishly but believed.
The last note is always the most important so whatever he told or did earlier, whatever I felt and said remained only in that small room absorbed by thirsty for talks wallpaper walls and nobody, except us two, knew about it.
Hey, guys! A new chapter! A little plot twist for you. What do you think about Alex's girlfriend? I hope that you liked it. Let me know what you think. I tried my best. Thank you for all of your support:3 Love😊