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S H A H R O Z
He woke up, his left arm stretching and his right hand rubbing his eye as he yawned to let the sleep vanish and for him to start the day. Shaheer wasn't next to him and he didn't mind it. He turned over and grabbed his phone from the nightstand to check the time.
8:57 AM
He sighed. He woke up too early for a holiday so he decided to unlock and check his phone, but what caught his eye was the date.
15 Jun 2018
He immediately jumped out of bed and opened his drawer filled with the waterfall of papers he stuffs everytime he gets any. His hands made their way to a paper he had been searching for a while. He turned it around and looked at the back.
Shahroz Afshari
He opened the university website, copied the username and password from the paper and entered. He immediately tapped the results section and waited patiently for his final average to pop up. His eyes widened once it did.
24%
He couldn't believe his eyes. He reloaded the page and waited anxiously for the number to pop up again, but to his dismay, it was still the same.
He scrolled further to see what made him fail, if he had a chance to repeat the final year exam. He failed in almost all his modules and vivas throughout the year, so he had to repeat all of them.
He had to repeat all of fifth year again.
His hand slid down his face slowly as he thought of how much he messed up. Having to repeat a whole year wasn't easy, especially when repeating almost all courses.
He remembered when he was searching for his paper, he came across one which said Shaheer Afshari. Shahroz decided to check out his result.
He entered his brother's username and password and scrolled down the results section. He wasn't surprised by his final grade.
21%
He just closed his phone and decided to make breakfast, thinking maybe that could get his mind off of things - things that were negative in his life.
As he poured the pancake batter on the hotplate, he remembered how his parents texted them the other day to come stay at home for the rest of the holidays. Both of them were going to go back home today.
He sighed again for the millionth time.
They were going to find out about his results.
Damn it.
•••
Shaheer came back to the dorm from God-knows-where and they had left for their home. Shahroz was driving through the narrow routes when he voiced his question.
"Have you checked out your grade yet?" He asked an almost-sleepy Shaheer.
"Nope. What is it?"
"Twenty-one percent..." He trailed off, unsure of how to comment on that.
"Oh."
Shahroz mentally shook his head. His brother will never even bother to care for his grade. At least Shahroz felt some kind of disappointment but Shaheer on the other hand didn't give a damn.
They had reached their parents' house after four hours, Shahroz waking up Shaheer and hopping out of the car immediately.
They rang the bell and waited, faint footsteps being heard louder by the time the door opened and they were greeted by the face of their mother.
"Assalamu Alaiykum!" She hugged Shaheer, Shahroz passed the threshold awkwardly until his father approached them from his study.
"Assalamu Alaiykum Shahroz betay (child)." His father came and shook his hand firmly.
'Shake hands? What is this a business meeting? ' He thought as he replied with a 'Walaikum Assalam'
His mother was still showering kisses to Shaheer when she finally turned around, noticing Shahroz in their presence as well.
"Assalamu Alaiykum." She came over and patted his head, him replying to her greeting and briefly nodding.
After they had both changed and relaxed a bit, they made their way to the dining table for dinner. His mother especially made Shaheer's favourite food, Haleem.
They were all eating peacefully when his father brought up the subject at hand.
"You know we got a text from the university. They said the results are out. Did you both check them?" His father looked up from his food, pushing his glasses further by the bridge.
"Yeah."
"No.."
They both looked at each other then looked away, as if it was a sin for two brothers to glance at each other and initiate some sort of talk.
"Shaheer, what's your final average?" His mother addressed to him while picking up a fried onion and tossing it in her plate.
"Twenty-one percent.." He said with a hint of vulnerability to his voice. Both of his parents were quiet, an awkward silence descending upon them.
"And Shahroz, what's yours?" His father asked with an edge to his tone.
"Twenty-four percent.. " His voice came out quiet and wavy. His father slammed his spoon and fork on the table, taking aback everyone by surprise.
"Damn it Shahroz! Why do you always have to be the failure of this house?!" His father shouted, his eyes red due to lashing out at his son.
"Abba what did I do?!" Shahroz's voice rose too, his hands slammed on the table as he got up the same time his father did.
His mother had a sneer on her face, clearly agreeing with his father. Shaheer looked more confused than ever.
"You failed, son! You failed !" His father was blazing with anger and Shahroz backed away a little, but not too much to show that he was weak, even though he knew that he was.
"Abba Shaheer got less than me! He got a twenty-one while I got a twenty-four! Why aren't you saying anything to him!" He pointed at Shaheer who looked like a deer caught in headlights.
"That doesn't matter right now! Why did you fail?!" His father's slightly wrinkly finger pointed at Shahroz.
"You know what", Shahroz looked towards his mother then towards his father, "let's finally cut to the chase." He said. He was done with beating around the bush now.
His mother and father shared a look before Shahroz continued, "Why do you both favour Shaheer over me?"
There was an awkward silence, one where crickets could be heard chirping and their fast heartbeats as well. His mother decided to break this silence.
"WHAT? "
"You heard me", Shahroz crossed his arms and looked up at both of them, "I need to know, now." He was surprised by how brave he sounded.
"Shaheer ", his mother addressed his twin, "go up to your room. None of this concerns you." She said with authority and he nodded and left.
His parents sighed and both shared a look, clearly indicating each other that it's high time.
"Betay-"
"Don't call me that." Shahroz interrupted his father.
"Okay, Shahroz." His father took a deep breath and finally said the thing his parents dreaded telling him.
"We never wanted a second child."
The kitchen was quiet now, Shahroz's breathing rate increasing by a notch and his parents' expressions both showing guilt.
"What? " His voice cracked and was barely above a whisper.
They were still looking down at their food, not having the appetite to eat anymore. Shahroz gulped the lump forming in his throat.
"Is it because I was born after Shaheer? Is it because I was the second child?! The unwanted child?!" He asked, his voice seeping into the pits of agony.
His parents' eyes looked here and there, but they finally nodded, the last string of hope he had torn.
"Then why didn't you abort me?" He asked with the softest voice ever, his voice cracking at the end. He wanted to cry at the moment.
"Shahroz we couldn't. It's haram.." His mother stated, her voice wavering due to what's about to come.
He shook his head, his anger surfacing. How could his parents talk about haram when they never wanted one of their children? When they never loved a child? When they favoured one child over the other? When they were willing to kill him if it wasn't forbidden in his religion?
He stormed his way out of the kitchen, his parents following him with every step. He turned around, his mouth only uttering two words.
"Fuck you! " His tears got the best of him as he made his way to his car, not looking back, and slammed his door shut.
He needed to forget about everything for a while.
He needed a drink.
Shahroz drove in his tears above the speed limit to the nearest pub and got out. He shoved his ID card in the guard's face and pushed through the line to get a drink.
That night, he drank until he forgot about his miseries. He drank until he forgot about his parents. He drank until he forgot about his brother. He drank until he forgot about who he is - a complete and utter disappointment to everyone around him.
That night, he was smart enough to get a taxi instead of driving himself.
That night, he was smart enough to never give his parents a chance.
Ever.
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Hey there peeps! I was on the edge while writing this chapter. My heart is genuinely aching while writing about Shahroz ( aw baby ). Finally a chapter where Shaheer wasn't an ass. Anyways, take care and InshAllah Allah showers His blessings on you all!
-Sana