The sound of the waves pushed every thought out of my head. I focused on the continuous swish and slurp of water as we sat on the grass.
"I hate my mum sometimes." His sudden comment elicited an involuntary jolt of my arms. They gripped my legs, as I sat on the grass, holding them up and containing my posture, as well as my feelings.
"Why?"
He didn't look at me, his eyes were fixed on the sea. "When you shouted about hating Tony, it was close to home, too close."
I knew he had no idea who Tony was...yet. So I could only assume it was because of the word hate. I didn't have to wait for his explanation.
"My mum and Ron had built up the hotel, they bought it years ago, a joint venture, although I think Ron put in more than her. Still, it was theirs, equally." He rubbed his temples, his hand spanned across his forehead as he rubbed like he could remove the memories. "When Ron died, Mark wanted the hotel, he didn't want to share with me." He shrugged. "Mum wasn't interested in it and Mark saw an opportunity to buy her out. She'd been trying to get rid of the place anyway, she wanted to retire. Mark buying her share was perfect as far as she was concerned." Dillon sighed and shook his head. "She never felt like she owned it once Ron died. They had a joint will stating should one die the estate was split three ways, not automatically handed to the remaining spouse." He tugged grass from its roots at the side of his feet and chucked it into the wind. "Who knows how long ago they drew up the will, maybe one or the other was scared that should something happen to them, their child would miss out." He snorted with dark humour. "Joke was on me though, seeing as she sold her share and made Mark the owner of two thirds, sticking me in a tight spot." I watched Dillon as he worked his jaw. His teeth grinding with his thoughts. "Mark told me I had to pay my share toward maintenance and stuff, but I had nothing to contribute. He wanted to sell my dad's house, as it was part of the estate, it was the only thing, apart from my car, that belonged to my dad. My fucking mother was willing to hand it over to him." He scrubbed his hand down his face and shook out whatever was eating him. "I told him he could have the hotel and I'd keep the house and the car. The only clause was that I could stay at the hotel for free, whenever I needed to." He turned to face me as he offered a small smile. "My dad's house is old, it needs work to bring it up to a liveable state." His voice lightened as he chuckled again and this time it was honest, pure. "The fuck of it was, my mate Fat Boy, one of those bikers from before, he's a lawyer, he took on the will, looked it over, got a couple of people interested in buying my share of the hotel, I was offered a small fortune, enough to live out the rest of my days easy. But I didn't want to be underhanded, so I told Mark." Dillon grinned and his face lit up with it. "He didn't have the funds to buy my share, so we agreed on me being a silent part owner. He pays me the equivalent of a monthly wage and I live there while I work on my dad's house. But the house and the car, they were legally transferred into my name. I still have enough to live my days out easy, and I didn't shit on Ron's legacy, cause as much as that little shit is a jumped up prick, his dad wasn't and I actually respected that man." A muscle in his cheek jumped and we both fell silent.
I wasn't sure what needed to be said, if anything. There was a time when I would fill the uncomfortable silences, unsure of myself and others. They haven't concerned me lately, sometimes silence brings its own answers.
I looked over at his taught face, all the muscles seemed to move at once. I let my gaze drop down to my hands, they were fists clenched in my lap now. I had known this guy for only hours, I knew little about him, yet I felt like I knew everything that was important.
"My dad was my dad, but he also wasn't." I vomited the sentence, then looked back over to Dillon, this time it was for reassurance. He watched me intently, the nod he offered was slight, but enough of an encouragement for me to continue.
"When I was fifteen we moved back to Australia from the UK. I didn't know why and at the time I was seriously pissed. I didn't want to move, not at that age with all my teenage angst and the fact that I had a boyfriend, who was dreamy." I batted my eyelashes at him on the last word.
He chuckled and his chin dimple popped out.
"Not long after moving back, they dropped the bomb. Mum was a cheater." My shoulders slumped, like they always did when I thought about what she'd done. I felt his hand settle between my shoulder blades and I leached his warmth as I tried to convince myself that it gave me strength. "She had cheated on my wonderfully loving, caring and trusting father, it was only the once, years ago when she went back to the UK apparently, and I was the result." His hand convulsed, but he quickly gathered himself and started stroking up and down my back, soothing me.
"Dad forgave her, because that's the kind of man he was." The air shuddered through my chest as I fought with an overload of emotion. "Sorry." I told him. "I haven't spoken about this for a while."
"Ani, it's okay, we can leave it there for now, if you want?"
I shook my head and then nodded. It seemed even my body didn't know what to do.
"No, it's probably good for me to air some stuff." I bit down on my lower lip and twisted one hand in the other. "I don't know why I feel so comfortable around you." I told him honestly. His hand moved from my back and spread across my shoulder as he pulled me into his chest, into his space, his safety. He was protecting me, giving me strength. "We moved back to Australia because they felt it was time to tell me the truth, mum said my biological dad had asked to see me, so they came back here, nothing better than being half a world away from him, right?" I stood abruptly, forcing Dillon away. My body moved without my input, I edged to the cliff top and seconds later he was standing behind me. He made no movement, but I felt him there like an invisible force attached us. "They didn't need to tell me. Sure, some people might want to know the truth, but they knew me." I said and slapped my hand to my chest. "They knew I wasn't one of those people. I was blissfully unaware, emphasis on the blissful part. They could have told him no, he had no rights to me, not as far as my birth certificate states anyway." I sunk back down to the grass and he followed suit. "They did it to unburden themselves. That's all it was."
"Ani." Dillon's voice carried on the breeze but I chose to ignore him.
"I went off the rails for a bit, shit, I was completely out of control. Earlier, when I said I was a rebel? That was a joke, only it wasn't...I was a total bitch." I hung my head in shame.
"It's okay," he whispered, interrupting my purge.
I breathed out a slow sigh. I hadn't realised how much I needed to get of my chest, but I also hadn't realised when I needed to stop, to take a step back, take a breather...apparently Dillon had. As I stood and he captured my hand in his own, I was amazed, that once again this man seemed to know me, without really knowing me, and it felt like this was what fate had always planned, like he was always meant to fill the missing pieces in me. I looked down at our fingers, entwined together as he held me tight.
Like this was always inevitable.
"When I was five, my dad used to bring me up here." He told me as his hand squeezed mine. "Maybe he brought me when I was younger." He shrugged. "But I remember being five, walking along here with him." His gaze moved across the cliff then back to me. "I was always scared of the height. My mum told me that I could stay at home, let dad go on his walks alone. That it wasn't fair to ask me to go when I was so nervous. Even at that young age though, I knew I wanted to be with my father." He stopped and turned, staring toward the sea. "The time we spent together made me love the outdoors. He took me surfing, hiking, mountain biking, we even used to ride dirt bikes, although he was careful with those." He looked to my face again, a sparkle flickered in his eyes. "I was a pretty weedy kid, you could break me just by nudging me back then." I laughed but looked him over. The muscles he carried well, along with his height, said a different story. I thought of all the potential girlfriends that would never know he turned into this.
I moved into him and placed my hand on his stomach. "You could still use some muscle, I'm pretty sure one strenuous Yoga session, and you might break."
His eyes widened before he threw his head back and laughed, full bellied, deep, low and raw, he was potent, at least when it came to turning me into mush. I observed him, my hand moved and for a second I was going to touch his throat, quickly I dropped it, with a thud against my side. Dillon picked up my abandoned hand and held it to his lips. He kissed each of my knuckles and then leaned forward and pulled me into his chest, the palm of his hand warmed my back. His mouth touched mine and moved, slowly at first, caressing my lips. His jaw scraped my neck, the bristles on his chin no doubt creating an angry red pattern on my throat, as he nibbled and licked his way down, then back up, to just below my ear. "You smell like..."
His words penetrated and I pulled away. "Like what? I smell like what."
His eyes focused on mine, shredding me, infiltrating the defences I always thought I had.
"Peace...you smell like peace." His face softened and he briefly closed his eyes.
I had no words to answer him with, so I bit down on the emotion buzzing in my heart. The truth was that he made me feel that way too, and it was scary. I felt like I'd spent a solid six months with him, yet it was just short of nine hours.
He shook his head, as if to brush away his comment, but I had already tucked it in my heart.
"I spent most of my weekends with my dad, honestly, sometimes it was like my parents were separated and I had weekends with dad. He used to ask mum to come on the walks, or to join us down the beach while we surfed, but she always declined." He lifted up one shoulder and quickly let it drop. "It just made dad and me closer." There was a smile on his face, but it was small and sad, he noticed my stare burning into him and cut our visual link as he once again focused on the sea. "I remember once I asked him why he continued to bring me up here, so close to the edge, when he knew I was afraid. He said, I would always fear things, but I needed to realise that most fears won't go away. I mustn't let them impact my life or I could lose myself to them." Dillon grabbed my hand again and tugged me so I fell into his chest once again. He gave me a single soft kiss pressing his lips to mine, then quickly he pulled me up and slowly we walked along the cliff edge. "He was wise and always had an answer for any question I had. He told me that some of life's most beautiful things are the scariest places to be. Look at this view." He said gesturing to the sea. "It's stunning and scary, it can be both, but I wasn't going to let my fear control me, I didn't want to miss out on this, so I didn't." He stopped in thought. "He said the scariest place to be..." He stopped walking lost in thought for a moment." "It's somewhere that I've never been and have wondered over the years if I'd ever be able to find it." Abruptly he stopped talking.
I pulled on his arm. "Where?" I asked.
He spun around until we were almost nose to nose. "It's not a place physically, it's more than that."
"What do you mean?" I almost hummed the words out, his proximity affected me so much.
"The scariest, but most beautiful place to be....is in love."
I sucked in a breath, Dillon said nothing else but he held my eyes. I wasn't stupid enough to think he loved me, or I loved him...it had been hours, I wasn't a moron. But I knew...knew, that I could love this man. And I think, by the look in his eyes, he could love me too.
We continued our walk, along the amazing cliffs, both quiet. We exchanged a few words here and there, but it was obvious that we were in our own headspace. Something had started between us, I felt like this could go somewhere, be something, and for the first time in so long, I was excited at the prospect of the future.