Heyy guys :) Okay, let me start off by saying that I am so so sorry for not updating in a whole 6 months! :'( I'm a Senior in high school now and I'm really caught up in school, plus every time I would try and write this Chapter I would get major writers block, and just eventually gave up at the moment. But now I finally got it :) Annnndd I now present u with Chapter 39. I hope ya'll like it. Don't forget to comment and vote :) Thanks :)
Picture of Chasity's mother below
Chapter 39
Chasity's POV
Beep......Beep....Beep.....Beep....Beep
What the....what the hell is that beeping noise?
I slowly opened my eyes and walls immediately came to my view, white walls. I must be in a hospital... why am I not surprised.
I continued to look around the room slowly and when I spotted Yandy sitting in one of the chairs on the other side of the room, playing on her phone, I instantly let out a sigh in relief. Thank God I'm not in here alone.
" Yandy.. " I called as I sat up on the bed, pressing my back against the headboard. That one movement made my forehead start throbbing like crazy, and I cringed in pain as I placed my hand to my head. Damn, why does my head hurt so much?
" Yay! It's about time you woke up!! " Yandy screamed out before she jumped up from the chair quickly, but then instantly placed her hand to her swollen stomach as she closed her eyes.
She took a breath " Damn, I forgot I can't be getting up so quickly. Whew! Yup, now he's kicking me, that's just beautiful " she said before she began fanning herself with her hand.
I rolled my eyes " Yandy, what am I doing in the hospital? And where's Tyron?! " I asked annoyed. Yo I swear, this has got to be the third time this year of me being in the hospital for some reason. First time was because I fought that Tasha chick in the club and she bashed me upside the head with a bottle, second time was because I got beat up and shot by Tracy's psycho baby father, and now I'm in here again for some unknown reason. The IRS must be getting a kick outta this.
Yandy began slowly walking over to me, before taking a seat at the edge of the bed
" Tyron went home, the nurses wouldn't let him stay " she stated.
I raised an eyebrow " So how were you able to stay? " I asked curiously. Surly they wouldn't just send Tyron home and let Yandy stay. Tyron is my boyfriend after all, and usually boyfriends, fiances, or husbands can stay over a friend.
Yandy snorted " Them bastards tried to send me home too, but all I had to do was fake a contraction and BAM!! They're keeping me under labor watch and now we're hospital roomies " she squealed excitedly " And my nurse is so damn fine ugh you should see him Chasity! He's like a cross between Chris Brown and that sexy guy from The Game! Ugh! Man if I wasn't pregnant and in love with Trent, he could get it " she said as she grinned perverted. Wow.
I shook my head as I chuckled " That's good to know Yandy, but you still didn't tell me why I'm in here " I stated. I mean I literally can't remember anything.
The play-fullness instantly vanished from Yandy's face, and was soon replaced with sorrow. And that let me know right then and there the next thing that she's going to say out her mouth was either gonna make me angry, or make me freak out.
She placed her hand on top of mine " You don't remember? You had a panic attack in Tyron's car, you passed out a hit your head on the side of the door " she said softly. Huh?! A panic attack? What the hell could've happened to make me have a panic attack?
I placed my hand to my forehead as I took in everything Yandy said...a panic attack? I don't remember having a have a.....OH MY GOD, MY MOM!!
I felt my eyes widen " Yandy my mother! What happened to my mother?!! " I screamed out in concern. I remember Tyron driving me to her house and that's it!
Yandy sighed " Don't worry Chas, your mom's okay....kinda. Tyron told me that the doctors said that she tried to overdose off of some kind of depression pills, I forgot the name of them. Anyway, they tried to revive her, and I heard that some asshole of a paramedic stuck his fingers down her throat to try and make her throw up the pills, while she was unconscious. She almost choked to death on her own vomit " Yandy said while shaking her head. What?!
I narrowed my eyes " He made her throw up while she was unconscious? " I asked angrily. What the hell? Everybody knows that when somebody overdose on something your not suppose to make them throw up, they can easily choke. They're unconscious. And anybody in the medical field should know that....no, actually anyone with common sense should know that.
Yandy rolled her eyes " I know, just as dumb as Michael Jackson's doctor was. You know, they should put all the dumb doctors on a island somewhere and just let them all eat each other " she scoffed. Ain't that the truth.
I shook my head and sighed " Yandy, I don't wanna hear anymore, I might end up crying. Just...just tell me where my mother is now. Is she safe? " I asked. I can't handle hearing all that stuff that went on with the paramedics trying to save her, I might just have a panic attack again.
" She's down the hall, they got her on a suicidal watch though so I don't know if we'll be able to see her " Yandy stated. Wait, what?
My eyes widened " Wait, she's here? In the same hospital as me? Take me to her! " I exclaimed as I pulled the covers from off of my body before jumping out the bed eagerly. I have to see her to make sure she's okay.
" Hold your damn horses woman! I'm walking for two people here " Yandy stated as she slowly began walking with me out the room.
Oh God, what do I say to my mother when I see her? Do I ask is she okay? Do I apologize? Do I beg for her forgiveness? Do I try to start a new relationship with her....no, I don't think I'll be that lucky. I don't know how the conversation with me and my mom will go, but I guess I'll just have to wait till I see her.
Yandy led me all the way down the hall to the other side of the hospital, and as she was about to lead me to a room I assume is my mother's, a male nurse stepped in front of us blocking our path. And he looked anything but friendly.
" Why are you two over here? This is a private residence, I'll have to ask you to leave " he said in a strict tone.
I frowned deeply at the nurse as had a strong urge to tell him all the things he could shove up his private residence, but decided against it. Having an attitude will get me nowhere right now.
I bit my lip nervously " Sir look, that's my mother in there okay. I know she's on a suicidal watch and all but I just want to speak to her, or even just glance at her to make sure she's okay. 5 minutes at least, please " I begged while boring my gaze into his eyes.
He stared at me for a moment, looking like he was having an internal debate with himself. And after what seemed like forever, his face finally softened.
He sighed " I suppose, but only because your her daughter " he stated. Yes!
I grinned " Thank you sir, so much " I said gratefully.
He gave me a slight smile, before he turned to Yandy " Are you her daughter also or......wait a minute! Didn't I kick you out of here 4 hours ago?! " he asked angrily. Oh shit.
Yandy's eyes widened slightly " Uh..uh...um.... no habla English? " she said while giving a guilty smile.
The male nurse gasped " I did! And the last time you spoke French!! Get out of here, your not suppose to be here after visiting hours!! " he shouted.
Yandy narrowed her eyes " Look I know that, but my best friend needs me right now - "
" SECURITY!! " the man shouted, making me and Yandy exchanged nervous glances. Oh damn, Yandy's gonna get in so much trouble. I think it's against the law to still wander a hospital after being kicked out. You can get arrested.
Yandy looked around the halls nervously for a moment before she suddenly dropped to the floor, making me look at her like she's lost her mind.
" AAAAHHHHH!! THE BABY'S COMING, IT'S COMING!! MY VAGINA IS RIPPING APART!! " she shouted out to the top of her lungs, making me jump slightly at her sudden outburst. What the hell?!
Immediately about 7 nurses ran over to where we were at and another came over with a wheel chair, worried looks plastered on all their faces.
Yandy let out a fake cry " OOOOHH!! It hurts sooo bad!! It hurts my toochie flower!! THESE CRAMPS AIN'T LOYAL!! " she exclaimed in agony as a few nurses helped her onto the wheelchair.
The male nurse widened his eyes in shock " What?! She's lying!! She did a fake labour like 4 hours ago!! She's not suppose to be here!! " he shouted.
The nurses ignored him however and they all began to wheel Yandy down the hall, with Yandy screaming and hollering in fake agony. When the nurses weren't looking Yandy looked over her shoulder before sticking her tongue out at the male nurse, making me shake my head amused. I swear I love Yandy, only a true best friend would fake going into labor just to stay in a hospital with you so you can have some company. That's my sister right there.
My amusement instantly came to an end once I turned and faced my mother's room door, and I swear my palms started sweating instantly. I literally don't know how this is going to go, I'm honestly nervous. Not because I don't wanna see her, but more of because I'm ashamed to see her. I'm ashamed because of how selfish and self centered I had acted when she needed me, and I had no clue at all what was really going on with her. I mean my mom did do some messed up things to me don't get me wrong, but I never knew why. It wasn't because she hated me, but it was because her husband was dying and she didn't know what to do. So she turned into a heartless bitch, I guess to cover up the pain I don't know. But I'm about to get the full story right now.
I let out a deep sigh and swallowed the lump in my throat, before I grabbed the door handle and turned it.
I pushed the door open and when I stepped into the room, I instantly saw my mother. And let me tell you, the sight was enough to break me down.
Her usual caramel complexion is like a dull greyish brown, her light brown eyes look tired and drained, her hair looks like a birds nest, and she looks like she hasn't eaten in days. I must say, this is the worst she's ever looked. But she's still my mom, and I love her.
" Mommy " I said softly as I fully stepped into the room, closing the door behind me.
My mother's droopy eyes darted from the ceiling towards me, and shock filled her features. I guess she thinks I wouldn't come visit her
She sat up on the bed slightly, still looking at me like she's seen a ghost
" Chasity? " she asked, her voice sounding extremely horse.
I smiled slightly " Yeah, it's me ma " I stated, taking slow long steps towards her.
She continued to stare at me in shock, before slowly but surly...her eyes got hard with anger.
" Get out " she snapped, shooting daggers out her eyes at me.
I stopped dead in my tracks at her words...wait, did she just tell me to get out?
" Huh? " I asked dumb founded.
She glared at me " You heard me you little bitch, I said get out! I don't wanna see your face " she barked, waking her hand at me dismissively.
My heart shattered at her words, why does she do this shit to me all the time?! She just texted me talking about how much she loves me and now she's telling me to get out her face and she's calling me a bitch?! What the hell?!
I sighed " Mom- "
" The doctors told me that you were the one who called the ambulance to come to my house " she sneered " I was so close to death and finally being free and you snatched it right from me! You just want me to stay on this Earth miserable don't you?! " she screamed out in anger.
I took a step towards her " I didn't know you were miserable mom! You never talked to me about anything! If I knew what you were going through I would've stood by your side till the end and you know that!! " I exclaimed. If I had know my mother was depressed I would've never turned my back on her!
She rolled her eyes " Chasity stop acting so damn innocent, you knew exactly what I was going through. But you were so busy sniffing up Yandy and Willow's asses to pay any attention. Your so fucking heartless, just like your........just get out " she stated.
I shook my head fiercely " I'm not going anywhere mom, not till we get to the bottom of this " I stated sternly. We have to squash this once and for all. We're mother and daughter yet we treat each other like enemies, I'm just sick of it.
She narrowed her eyes at me " We don't need to get to the bottom of anything, now get out before I call security " she snapped.
Ugh!! Why is she constantly pushing me away?! Why can't she just talk to me?!
I sighed in exhaustion " Mom, I'm so sick of fighting with you. Just please stop pushing me away I wanna talk to you please " I pleaded
She gave me a icy glare " I don't wanna talk to you " she spat. Okay you know what, now I'm getting pissed.
" Why? " I asked as I took a step towards her.
She frowned at me " Chasity just leave- "
" NO! " I barked out at her angrily, making her jump slightly at my tone.
I took another step towards her " Why do you push me away? Why do you not like talking to me at all? What did I ever do to you, why do you hate me so much- "
" BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE HIM!! " she screamed out in anger, making me stop short. What?
I raised an eyebrow " Who? I look like who? " I asked stupefied.
I stared at my mother curiously as she stared at me like she just let out a secret.
" Who do I look like mom? " I asked again. Is she talking about my father? She hates me because I look like my father?
" Drop it Chasity " she said quickly, avoiding eye contact with me.
I shook my head " No mom, I'm sick of you keeping things from me. I'm 18 now, we're both adults so we need to settle this like adults. Enough with keeping secrets just be honest with me " I pleaded desperately. I deserve to know the truth.
My mother let out a deep sigh, before she just stared at me. And not just a normal stare, an extremely creepy stare that made me start fidgeting nervously.
Finally she let out a breath through her nose " You look like....Chris " she sated softly.
I cocked my head to the side " And Chris is..... " I trailed off, waiting for her to go more into detail.
She chewed on her bottom lip " He's.....he's your father " she said so low that I could almost barley hear her.
I stared at her like she was crazy " Excuse me? No my father is Robert " I said confidently. I don't know who this Chis mother fucker is but I defiantly know he isn't my daddy.
My mom closed her eyes as she shook her head " No Chasity...Robert is the father that you know. But your biological dad is Chris " she said softly.
I placed a hand to my head as I tried to process the words that just came out my mother's mouth. So the man I know, the man I looked up to...the man I put all my love and trust into for 18 years...isn't my father. And some random man that I don't even know is. I...I'm speechless, I don't even know what to say.
I opened my mouth to ask my mom how did this happen, but she immediately cut me off
" Chris was my mothers boyfriend " she stated " He was the best thing that had happened to me because my dad left when I was 5, and all I wanted was a father figure in my life. So my mother met Chris and he was the best step father in the world, he took me out for ice cream, took me to the park, to the movies...everything. And everything in life at that time just seemed perfect. I had my mom, the dad I always wanted, life was just like a fairy tale "
She then bit her lip and to my surprise, I saw tears come to her eyes " But then when I turned about 11....I noticed...I noticed he started looking at me funny. He was looking at me in a way that no grown man should ever look at a child. To make a long story short I lost my virginity...no actually, I got my virginity taken away from me at 12 years old by my mother's boyfriend, in a bathtub ".
She bored her eyes into mine " Do you know how it feels being a 12 year old girl, and having yourself being ripped open forcefully by a grown 33 year old man. It hurt! I was bleeding for over 2 hours and I couldn't walk straight for a whole 2 weeks. I felt so filthy and dirty, I remember after it happened I took over 4 showers that night to wash that filthy feeling away, but it stayed. That night when my mother came home from work I told her that her boyfriend raped me, and do you know what she did? She slapped me so hard that I flew into my dresser, and she told me to never tell anyone, not even my grandma. She didn't care Chasity, my own mother didn't care that her boyfriend raped her 12 year old daughter....she loved that man more than she could ever love me. And that hurt to know ".
" Over the years every single night when my mom left for work, Chris raped me. It was kind of like a routine that I had gotten used to... go to school, come home, do homework, get raped, take a shower, go to sleep. When I turned 13 I started high school, I was a freshman and I was kind of a loner and I had no friends. And one day I was walking the halls with my binders and notebooks in my hands, and I bumped into the Captain of the Basketball team...your father Robert. We became friends for a while, but I didn't wanna get too close with him in case he found out about Chris hurting me. I felt like if he found out...he would think of me as a filthy whore and wouldn't wanna talk to me. I couldn't have that happen because he was my one and only friend ".
She swiped away a couple of tears that fell " A couple years went by and...one day I noticed I was feeling nauseous every single morning, I had this nasty craving of pickles dipped in chocolate, and I noticed I was gaining a lil bit of weight. I didn't know I was pregnant because I was still getting my period and my stomach never grew Chasity. My entire pregnancy all I had was a small pudge which I thought was just from me eating a lot. Plus my mom never talked to me about pregnancy and we didn't have those advanced sex-ed classes that you kids have now a days. So I was 15 years old, a junior in high school, and I was walking around with a baby in me for 9 whole months and didn't even know it ".
" Okay I'm dragging this....to make a long story short, my water broke while I was in class, a ambulance came to get me...I gave birth and Robert was by my side the entire time. After I gave birth I broke down and told your father everything, about Chris raping me and everything. And....and I remember he looked me dead in my eyes and he said ' Don't worry about anything..from this day forward I got you..nobody will ever hurt you again '. And that's exactly what happened, I moved into his parent's house, he got a job, and he took care of me ".
By the end of my mother's story, I was in tears. This is all just too much for me to take right now, way too much. My mom was raped, my dad isn't actually my dad, but the man who raped her is. I just feel so bad for her.
I wiped my tears with the back of my hand " Mom " I said in a shakey tone " You still never told me why you hate me so much " I whispered.
My mother looked into my eyes, and for once I didn't see hardness or anger. I saw sorrow and pain.
She sighed as a couple tears dropped " Chasity...I don't hate you sweetie. I could never hate you...I hate him. And...when I look into your eyes, I can't help but see him. Those light brown pretty eyes that you have are the same ones he has. Those eyes have haunted me in my dreams for the past 33 years, all I see is his evil gaze piercing into my soul as he raped me when I was a little girl. I guess....with him I couldn't fight back, I was a kid and he was a grown man so I was defenseless. So I did to you what I couldn't do to him. When I hit you I thought I was hitting him, when I screamed at you I thought I was screaming at him...and it felt good. Because I felt like I was getting my revenge but...all I was really doing was hurting my child. And I'm so sorry for that Princess, and if you could ever ever find it in your heart one day to forgive me for all the hell I put you through, I would really appreciate it " she cried out.
Little does she know, I already forgive her. I love my mother and I always loved her, I just wanted answers and the truth. And she gave it to me, and with that I'm happy.
I sniffed " Mom I forgive you...everything I felt about you is out the window. For years all I wanted to know why were you so unhappy with me. I just wanted to know how you was feeling but you never opened up to me- "
" I was scared Chasity! " she cried out " I didn't know how to tell you! "
I shook my head " None of that matters anymore, what matters is that you told me the truth tonight. And now I understand, and because I understand, I forgive you. And I love you mommy, from the bottom of my heart " I said softly.
A waterfall of tears fell down her cheeks as she stared at me with love and adoration, and that look right there made my heart throb.
" Can..can I hug you " she asked as she hesitantly raised her arms. The question shocked me, but I was more than willing.
" Please " I said as I quickly raced to her bed and fell into her opened arms.
As she wrapped her arms around my body, I couldn't help but sob into her chest heavily. This is all I ever wanted, I just wanted my mom to love me back. But turns out she never stopped loving me, she was just angry but I'm fine with that. As long as we can rebuild our relationship from this day forward what she did to me in the past doesn't even concern me anymore.
After we hugged for what seemed like forever, finally we pulled away. I curled up in her lap and laid my head on her chest as I felt her run her fingers through my hair. This moment right here, I dreamed about for years.
" So " my mother said after a moment of silence " Where do we go from here? " she asked.
" Rehab " I stated as I twirled her wedding ring around her finger. I don't mean to thicken the moment but...that alcohol and drug problem my mom has needs to be dealt with.
She chuckled slightly " Defiantly...and maybe I could go back to school. And get another job " she suggested.
A smiled went across my face and I looked up at her " That sounds really nice " I said. She's really taking this seriously.
We sat in silence for a little while more, before I felt something wet drop on my forehead.
I looked back up at my mom and saw tears streaming down her face. Why is she crying again? I already said that I forgive her.
" Mom why are you crying? " I asked curiously.
She sniffed " It just bothers me that we're having this moment now when we should've been doing this for years. I wasted so much time being angry that I lost important moments with you. I'm just mad at myself " she whispered.
I reached up and wiped her tears with my finger " Mom it's okay, let's just focuse on now okay? " I suggested. I don't want no negativity to ruin this moment.
She shook her head " I know I should Chasity, but I just can't. I just.....I just wish I could start over you know. Give the love that I didn't give to you, give the attention that I could'nt give to you. Start over just to make things right. But I know I can't " she stated.
As she said those words I couldn't help but feel bad for my mom. She wants to start over because she regrets what she's done to me, so she wants to start over with another child so she can feel better. But she knows that she can't.......or can she.
I stared at my mom as she continued to cry, and a crazy idea popped in my head. Crazy as hell, but it just might be good for everyone's needs. Me and Tyron will be free..and my mom will get to start over. Damn this idea sounds crazy even me thinking about it, but it just might be the best thing.
" Mom..I think I have a way for you to start over " I stated to her.
She looked down at me and rolled her eyes " Chasity please don't be ridiculous " she said while shaking her head at me.
I sat up in her lap " No, I'm not being ridiculous. Seriously mom! " I exclaimed. Now I'm getting a little excited.
She stared into my eyes for a moment doubtfully, before she finally sighed and rolled her eyes
" Okay Chasity, what's the way? " she asked with an eyebrow raised.
I grinned from ear to ear as I stared at my mother excitedly
" Kayla " was all I said.
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Yay!! I'm so excited! Lol. Do ya'll think that Chasity is making the right decision? Or do you think that she should still keep Kayla and find another family? Let me know :) Okay guys,I'll update another Chapter soon and I hope it won't take a whole other 6 months to do so lol. But until then please please comment and vote :) Love u guys <3
* Aliyah *