A half an hour later
"That guy is still in the hallway. I can see the light coming from his lamp. ", Anna says.
We hear light snores coming from her bed and look that way only to find Ethan asleep on it. I roll my eyes.
"Can't take a little bit of alcohol. ", I mutter and lean back on Laura's pillow.
She looks at me horrified. "Who let you lay on my bed? Stupidity is contagious. "
I push her gently. "Then lie on the floor, Ms Smarty. "
"I am not saying I'm smart. I'm just saying you're stupid. "
"By saying I'm stupid, you give yourself the right to judge my intelect, which instantly means you find yourself on a higher level, egocentric smarty pants. ", I comment and Laura pushes me. I squeak and slip from her bed, falling on the floor.
"Shut up. "
"I need a cigarette. ", I groan and Laura throws hers on me.
"Thanks, smarty. ", I pull out one and grab the lighter from her nightstand.
"Ross, you smoke?", Anna turns to me surprised and sits on her bed beside Ethan's feet.
"Sometimes. Only when I feel like it. ", I shrug.
Watching as the fire slowly creates ash of the previous paper in a thin circle and the lit up sparkles forming around it calms my senses. I close my eyes, feeling sore from drinking tonight, and breathe in the catastrophic nicotine. It's catastrophic as it is calming, the great mixture of disaster and complete serenity. It's the burn that brings peace, an utterly weird feeling.
"What makes tonight so special?", Anna always asks the questions that demand an answer which somehow define who I am. She always does it in front of Laura, Anna the prying, smooth talker.
"I don't know. I like you people. I like that this dorm room has a small terrace. I like the atmosphere and the night is fresh. ", I say, opening the glass door to the terrace.
Cool air hits me and sways my hair within its rhytm. I push my jeans down my legs to reveal black boxers and the two girls gasp.
"He's a sex crazed maniac. God save us. Run for your pussies. ", Anna teases and I roll my eyes and fold my pants on a small chair before going out where I prevously intended to go.
The sky is clear and shining down on me, making me smile. I love the sky. It's my one true love and that's the way it's always been. There's something about it that triggers this unexplainable kind of emotion in me while watching it. It's like I feel at home, at peace, it's like I am one with the space, sinking deep into its silence.
It's mysterious and it frightens me but at the same time, intrigues. It holds back all its emotions, all of its knowledge, and it posseses fucking a lot of it. It's not the information type of knowledge but the deep tranquility and calmness, true inteligence. It speaks nothing yet it sees everything. The past, the present and the future are all underneath its strong gaze. It's an all seeing eye.
The smoke of my cigarette travels up high and disappears into the night as I think of nothing. I feel at peace. My mind is at the right place and I've never felt this way. I don't know what's with this new feeling but it's like the click in my mind, saying from now on, I've taken the path I should be walking on.
Is it because of this city? Maybe it's the college?
No.
It's the people. They push me forward.
I feel the connection with this small crew. Some of them I've known for a long time and others I've met about three months ago but no matter how long I know either one of them, I feel the connection. It's all I needed to get over the turbulent past I never again want to think about.
I shiver, half of my cigarette has turned to ashes. Warmth takes over me from behind and my eyes fall to the small blanket thrown around my shoulders. Smile creeps up to my lips.
I turn around to find no one on the terrace, but Laura's red shorts and old baggy yellow shirt disappearing from my sight as she quickly goes back to her bed. Quiet chuckle leaves my mouth.
She tried so hard for me not to see it was her.
But..
I see her.
She cannot be unseen.
Minute later, someone's presence takes over me and I feel a person on my right. Laura's messy hair comes to my sight and she pushes her own blanker up to her chin as she stands next to me on the small terrace. Laura lights up one of her own cigarettes and says nothing to me, just staring into the night.
Her face is bright emotioned even while in the dark. She radiates happiness. So do I.
"I see you. ", she says quietly when I quickly turn my head back to watching the city lights and the stars all at once.
I see you.
I like that sentence. It's from one of my favorite movies. Avatar.
The more I watch her, the more Laura seems comparable to the sky. She's almost the same. Shines unnoticed, doesn't demand attention but naturally attracts it, quiet, intriguing, sometimes frightening, mysterious, emotionally closed, inteligent, sees and notices everything. She sees me.
At this very moment, Laura causes the same feeling within me that I always get from my beloved sky. I secure the blanket around me and make sure that I stop shaking. My heart is freaking me out by its speed of beating and I am hit on the face with the unavoidable realization.
I am attracted to her. The history we created together has come back to haunt me.
I have expectations from her. I wanna be by her side. I want her to keep on causing this feeling in me for a long time. She's different and I am attracted to her energy like I've never been to anyone's. The childlike crush is returning, yet it doesn't feel nowhere the same as before, due to its new intensity. She's a woman now.
I got caught up.
I just bought a ticket to disaster. I'm sorry, Laur.
"I see you back. ", I say quietly.
Laura smiles. "Have you watched Avatar? That's the sentence from it and I love that movie. "
I am in shock that she thought of the same thing.
"I love it, it's one of my top movies. ", I admit and our eyes smile at each other for our similarty.
Laura laughs and breathes in the smoke of the cigarette. "This is fun. "
"What is fun, freezing out here in the cold?", I joke.
Laura looks away and I can tell she didn't mean to openly just admit that. She's comfortable hiding her emotions and thoughts but as I said, life is not about being comfortable so I hope she lets them go.
"Tell me. ", I push.
Her eyes are back on mines as she shivers in the coldness of the almost rising sun. The sky blackness faded a little. If she wants to say something, she must do it quick. Night is for revealing our true selves.
"I like spending time with you. ", she presses her lips in a thin line.
"Even though stupidity is contageous?", I joke a little and she hits me in the chest.
I pull her in.
"Yeah. Well, I am too smart to be contaminated, so it's okay. ", she winks and I roll my eyes.
Laura gasps when I pull her to my chest and lean my back on the fence. I am still tipsy and my head is spinning so I can barely stand but I manage. Both our cigarettes fall over the fence.
"Ross! Are you trying to kill me? Oh my god I didn't know you are that offended, I'm sorry I said you're stupid. Please don't kill me. ", she covers her eyes and I laugh and wrap her up in my blanket.
Laura imediately stops joking, laughing, making any sound or any expression at all. She just stares at my chest, surprised, not being able to look up at me. That disappoints me because at this moment, I wish to kiss her badly. It comes to me just like that but I hold myself back for our sake.
I am still happy she's close and I squeeze her back.
"I could never even dream of meeting you again and becoming friends with you. I appreciate you, Laura. ", I tell her and she leans her face in my chest, surprising me.
"I haven't done anything good for you. I've been a bitch for a long time. ", she admits.
I shake my head. "You got better. Though, you were never a bad person from the start, only closed off for other people. I've noticed you started opening up to people around you, don't think that I haven't. You are a lot more sincere with your friends. "
"That's because of you. You've always been too nice. "
"I didn't do anything. It's you who changed a little. Be proud. ", I smile.
The sky has lit up now.
"I am."
That's the way we welcome the hopeful sunrise, tightly held in each other's embrace.
I like it too much. I just know I am gonna keep coming here for more sunrises like this.
Bet on that.
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
One more because you are such good people supporting me! I hope you liked the Raura momentsss!
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