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Chapter 42
"You do not need me to give you these answers. You already know them, they will come as your memories do."
"I'm asking now. Just tell me North, please." His eyes flickered to mine, that defensive icy guard from before slowly slipping away. He let out a sigh before dragging a heavy hand through his dark hair.
"The red is the immortal power thrumming through me. It shows when I use it, when the eternal being in me rises. The black is the wolfs, and the blue is my always. I keep it for you. You preferred it the most of all the colors I had ever used."
I wouldn't let the flutter that one statement sent through my chest drop my harsh gaze. Just because I knew I could never truly and completely leave him, did not mean I was anywhere near done being furious with him.
"And the different bodies?" I edged away from the hand he raised into the air, his fingers reaching to brush against my cheek. They hesitated between us, that sad look crossing his bright eyes once again.
"My true form is hard to control in such a world as this. As I have said, it was not made for immortals, we do not belong here. The longer I used it the harder the madness reigned. Even now it is easier to be like this. This realm accepts me more." Those blue eyes dropped to my hands, the ones I was unconsciously curling and uncurling into fists as his fell back to his side.
"You can change whenever you want?"
His eyes flickered back to mine, the bright blue nearly reflecting off the darkness slowly falling around us. He gave me a slow nod.
"Do you remember everything now?" I asked softly as I turned my back to him to walk towards an icy vine wrapping around one of the thick stone pillars of the garden.
"Not everything." He had followed behind me, his voice coming from only a few feet away. I let my eyes trail the cracks in the ice freely. So broken, yet held together. "Much from the eternity before you are missing, but with each day more surfaces..." He paused then, his presence like a giant, warm beacon shining behind me. "All I needed was you. All I ever needed. You are my change in this world of consistency."
I did not answer him. I couldn't. Though his words ringed with truth, I did not want to hear endearing sentiments when my chest ached as it did. Then a thought entered my head, one that sent a shiver down my spine. "I can not die... Can I?" He stilled behind me, his breathing turning too low to hear.
"Yes, you can. But when a star dies, there is no moving on. This life is your afterlife. You just disappear."
Oh... That was a far more unpleasant reality than I would have thought. If I die—again—then that is it. No more Mountain, no more wolf-bornes, no more him.
"But you cannot grow old." He added softly, though my mind was still reeling from the completely-gone-thing. "You will not age, and I will never let you die." There was no mistaking the oath ringing through his words, that unyielding promise. It only made my heart even more confused.
There was silence between us for a while after that, my eyes glued to the ice, his glued to me. I did not know if Terif was still hanging around the entrance. It felt as if we had been talking for days, much less hours.
"Emrie, I-"
"It is getting late." I interrupted the minute that sad sigh passed his lips.
I needed to think, to sleep. My mind felt like it had been crammed to its full compacity and would explode at any second. I needed to be alone. His presence took up whatever little space I had left inside my head. I couldn't begin to decipher anything with him around.
"I would like to go to bed." I murmured and turned slowly around as I felt that stare burn holes into my shoulders. Our eyes met, and that unwavering stare started to begin, but I looked quickly away. I couldn't get lost in him. I refused to.
His hands fisted at his sides, a very inhuman growl rose to his throat, until he shook his head and let out a hard exhale. "If that is what you want." The words sounded like barrels of lead as they passed his lips, as if they were too heavy to flow easily.
"Aeyron has taken Terif's place a while ago, but he will escort you back to your room if you wish." His gaze flickered towards the night sky, his breath leaving in deep pulls. "I will leave you now."
He turned to leave, his eyes not once traveling back to mine. I couldn't help the jab of pain that shot through my chest. "North I..." He paused, his body turning just enough to acknowledge me, and waited.
I didn't know what to say, did not know why I called to him. Watching him walk away was harder than I could possibly imagine. Silence passed slowly between us before he turned away again.
"I prefer it when you call me Adie." His words were soft, but that undeniable emotion ringing there tore at my heart.
I watched as he walked out the back entrance of the garden, the one that lead to the grassy field on the side of the Mountain. My breath came out shakier than I thought. I was not sure how long I stood there staring after him, my heart in my throat, my body shaking. It couldn't have been more than a few minutes, though it felt like hours.
"Emrie? Are you alright?"
Hardly.
Aeyron was staring at me from the other side of the frozen fountain, his warm brown eyes swimming in concern. I tried to force a reassuring smile on lips, though I'm sure it came out more like a grimace,
"I'm fine, just weary and tired."
Those all-seeing eyes of his continued to study me as he walked slowly around the fountain, stepping over the light dusting of snow on the earthy floor. "Have you eaten recently?"
The smile that suddenly pulled at my lips was genuine, and I rolled my eyes. Of course, that would be the first conclusion he would jump to. "Yes, I am just tired." He stopped a few feet away, those dark yes not believing a word that slipped past my lips.
"Then I will walk you to your room... And have a maid bring you up some food." He didn't let me protest as his arm wrapped around mine and he began leading me towards the castle entrance of the garden. Further away from- from... Adranus.
If that was what I was to call him now.
"Do you remember now?" I asked softly after the silence surrounding us grew deafening. His dark gaze snapped to the side of my face, his arm stiffening around mine before he glanced away.
"Yes, but my time in existence is significantly far shorter than his. I do not have much to remember." He wanted me to forgive North completely. I could hear it in his voice, see it in the way his eyes pleaded at me. I looked away.
"You are all the original Generals." It wasn't a question, but he nodded his head anyway and continued to lead me across the castle.
"Yes, it is not hard to switch positions, to change names, to convince the people we live and die same as them. Even after we forgot why we could not age, it remained the same." The room I had been staying in came to view as he spoke, the bed calling softly to me was nearly as strong as my desire to listen to his words.
"Terif and I are the only two who switch between second and third command. It is as He wants. The others change positions amongst themselves."
"I know wolf-bornes have naturally longer life spans than other shifters. How long do you remain in one persona?" I asked softly once he pulled us to a stop outside my door. His free arm rose his shoulder in a shrug. He shot me a small smirk.
"Whenever we get bored, or when North demands it. Usually every hundred years or so. Terif and I are actually due to change soon." His gaze turned thoughtful, his head cocking to the side as he stared off in the distance. "I wonder what name I will use next. I rather liked Aeyron."
"Me too." I grumbled as he pushed open my door and gestured inside. "What was your original name?" My curiosity asked as I released his arm and walked into the spacious room. He shot me a wide, brilliant smile, one that made the heaviness in my heart ease.
"One too long and obnoxious to ever pronounce. Maybe I'll just go by Terif and force him to think of a new one." He was teasing, if that amusement in his eyes was anything to go by. The light chatter worked, and I could feel another smile grace my lips.
"Can you get him for me please? I want to talk with him before I go to sleep." I mumbled as I sank into the low arm chair beside the bed. The light in his eyes instantly disappeared.
"My lady..." He began softly, his arms crossing over his chest as he leaned heavily against the door. I could tell his next words were going to be a lecture, one I really wasn't looking forward towards. "It has not gone unnoticed, your dependency on him as of late, especially by the King. He understands why and is not intervening. But you must understand-"
"Understand what, Aeyron?" I snapped when he paused and gazed off into the barely lit room. Those dark eyes snapped back to mine and hardened.
"Terif has a direct piece of Adranus' soul inside him. You are pissed yet yearn for the King at the same time. You must understand the difference between relying on his General and wanting to be near that part of his soul."
I opened my mouth to make some snarky comment about how ridiculous that was, but snapped it shut instead. Is that why I have been unwilling to allow him to leave my side these past few days? Am I only trying to be near the part of Adie inside of him?
I reached up and ran my fingers gently over the bump of the ruby hidden beneath my dress. I had not taken it off, no matter how much I had wanted to toss the thing from the top of the Mountain.
It thrummed against my palm. It was a part of him, a part of me. I could never throw it away much less part with it. And whenever North wasn't around I did always feel better in Terif's presence...
"I will still get him for you, but just remember Emrie. Regardless of the soul inside of him, he is still Terif. His own being. Do not confuse him for North." He left with a small nod after that, without bothering to wait for my response.
I did not confuse Terif for North. I knew they were two completely different people. Just because I felt comforted in his presence did not mean I had forgotten who he was. He was Terif—Eirik. The original wolf-borne, and North's oldest friend.
I jumped from the chair and rushed to the still open door. "Aeyron wait!" I shouted at his quickly retreating back. He paused at the end of the hall and turned to raise a dark eyebrow at me.
"Don't... don't bother him. I'm sure he needs to rest just as I." The smile that lit his face honestly made my head spin. I eased back into my room and closed the door. I didn't deserve to be comforted anyway. If I was going to put Adranus through this torture it would be cruel of me to not endure the same.
I completely forgot that Aeyron was going to send a maid up with some food. I was too drained and tired. I shucked my heavy dress off and slipped into the large bed with just my shift.
All would be better after some sleep.
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True to his word, Adranus did give me time. Days and days of time. I had not seen him since the garden, nor heard his voice in any hall. It was the beginning of my stay here all over again, except it was I who demanded the distance this time. I was desperately starting to miss him.
It had been two weeks since he said he would leave me alone, and it only took the first two days for me to realize I never wanted to be parted from him again. I would continue to be angry at him, because of my own pride, but I was done forcing us apart.
I believed him, believed his story. I could not fault him for forgetting. This was not his world, it technically wasn't even mine. And he tried so ridiculously hard. I saw it in his eyes. The pain he faced for centuries, not only could he not find me, but he couldn't even hold onto his memories of me. Thinking of it now made me want to cry.
How much time we wasted because of that war, because of me. It was my fault I had been thrown from the skies. I knew that now, remembered it. He had told me to stay in his palace, to not leave regardless of the temptation of the outside until he came back.
I didn't listen to him. I had been so furious he had left, after I begged him not to. He did not listen to me, why should I have listened to him? And my idiotic anger hurt us tremendously. For nearly a millennium.
He fell for me, we could never go home because of me, I took that life from us—but he still loved me. Still gave me the space and time I needed despite being separated for a thousand years. He was still my Adie. And I was a pathetic girl whinnying over the fact that he forgot me.
I finally went looking for him when the second week ended. I waited around a few days to see if he would come looking for me, to demand my time was up and to get over myself, but he never did. I missed him so much it was starting to make me physically ill. But he was prideful too, and it didn't take too terribly long to realize he was waiting for me to go to him.
I was half-way to his wing of the castle when the large General suddenly stepped into my path, golden eyes blazing. I nearly shrieked and stumbled backward. I had not seen him that mad since the caves. "You have been avoiding me." Terif spoke on a dark growl, his brow furrowed in an angered mask.
I dropped my gaze to the ground and took a sudden extreme interest in my silk slippers peeking out beneath my dress. "I wanted to be alone for a while." I mumbled to the ground, too embarrassed to meet his eyes.
I had been avoiding him. Ever since Aeyron accused me of using him for Adie's soul, I had been far too ashamed to be around him. I didn't want to use him for that. I genuinely enjoyed his company. When he wasn't that raging volcano of ever changing emotions as he was now.
"You spent time with Aeyron."
"He brought food and forced me to eat it. I would not necessarily call that spending time with someone."
"Yes, but at least you did not completely turn down a different hall when you saw him coming."
Heat instantly crawled up my neck at the snarled statement. I had not known he saw me do that. "I thought you would be happy. I mean, all you have done since we met was complain that I annoy you-"
"That's horse shit and you know it."
I jumped at the vulgar words spewed from his lips, and my eyes snapped to his on their own accord. The gold there was bright, and more furious than I had imagined. He never cursed at me much less spoke informally in any way. It threw me completely off guard.
"I'm sorry, I did not realize it would bother you so much."
"Hm." His anger did not fade, and the bright glow of his eyes did not either. There was silence between us for a long while, a tense, uncomfortable silence. I was just about to side step him and completely forget about the encounter when he spoke again.
"I know Aeyron spoke to you. That pup doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut."
The embarrassment from before reared its ugly head and I played absently with the ends of my dark hair so he couldn't see the red creep up my cheeks. "He was only worried about you." I murmured down to my shoes that were oh-so-very interesting once again.
"I don't care. It's not his job."
He took a heavy step away, his body angling towards the large oak railing on the top of the staircase we stood by. I wrung my hands together uncertainly. "You knew?" I asked carefully as those gold eyes gazed down the marble staircase.
He scoffed and rolled his eyes before going back to gazing down the stairs. "Of course I knew—North knew. He told me to stay close to you if it was what you wanted, figured it would make you feel better."
Adranus knew I was trying to cling to the part of him inside Terif? For some reason that shot a surge of anger threw me, though it disappeared as quickly as it came. And here I was feeling ashamed of using him.
"Aeyron needs to learn to mind his own business."
"You think he would have learned that from you."
Terif scoffed and rolled his eyes again, his arms crossing haughtily over his chest as his hip rested against the railing. "His mother was in charge of that. I only cared about keeping him alive."
He didn't miss a beat, which honestly surprised me—although I shouldn't have let it. Figures Adranus would have told him I knew about the whole Terif-Aeyron father-son thing. Some sick part of me just wanted to see if it surprised him.
I had gotten too lost in my pouting to realize he had stepped away from the railing and began walking towards me until he was at my side. "Do not avoid me, Emrie. I find myself needing your company more than I would like." I stood in stunned silence as he bent down and pressed a small kiss to the top of my head—then walked away like nothing had ever happened.
I released the shocked breath I hadn't realized I was holding when I watched his large back turn down a different hall. These wolf-bornes were going to kill me.
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