AKA a crackfic, you're welcome. BTW this one is hella explicit.
~
There was loud chatter amongst the gigantic crowd in front of you. The microphone stood in front of you as you were above all of the characters, side, supporting, and main.
"Excuse me..." You said. No one paid mind. You let out a sigh.
"HEYYYYYY!!!!!! LISTEN THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKSTICKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Your voice echoed through the speakers in a roar before the feedback. Everyone quieted down.
"THANK YOU FOR FINALLY SHUTTING YOUR ASSES UP!" You sighed.
"We're going to take this time to thank the readers for the wonderful on-going series that was started three *or so*, years ago!!" Everyone cheered in reply.
"Everyone, main characters in particular, please come up to the stage!" You clapped (that ass back) as the Naruto and Boruto cast made their way to the wooden stage.
"Man... why do we have to do this..." Shikadai groaned.
"Lighten up, Shikadai! Y/n just wants to make the readers feel special, and wanted!" Boruto replied.
"Right, right!" You exclaimed, bounding over to them with the mic in your hand.
"Thank you so much for the support!" You exclaimed towards the camera.
"Yeah, yeah! We really appreciate it!" Sakura added, leaning down to your height.
"Hm? Why are you thanking them?" Mitsuki asked. Everyone turned to look at him.
"This book has approximately 100k reads less than the first book." He stated, looking at you with blank eyes.
"THAT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!" You exclaimed, squeezing his head tightly between your hands.
"Besides, compared to the first, second, and third book, this book is subpar." You said with a smile.
"ARE YOU CALLING US SUBPAR?!?" Boruto exclaimed, an irk mark on his head.
"SHUT UP AND WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SPEAK YOU CUNTFACE!!!!!!"
"Anyways, as a small celebration for this Reader Appreciation chapter, Ruby has made the decision to dedicate this chapter to an AU!" You said cheerfully. Cheers erupted from the crowd.
"Oh! An AU? What is it?" Naruto asked, seemingly excited about it.
"Ehhh... I actually don't know."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN!?!?"
Your head turned over towards the shadows where the emo figured stood.
"Hey, Emo-chan, what's the AU?" A stereotypical evil laugh echoed through the amphitheater.
"What's the AU, my dear character?" Ruby asked, stepping out into the light, but she immediately began to burn.
"HSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! HEY!!!!!! SUN!!! YEAH YOU!!!! FUCK YOU, SUN! *SCREEEEEEECH* I'LL FUCKIN' FIGHT YOU!!!!!!!!!" Everyone sweat dropped.
"R-Ruby-chan..." You said awkwardly.
"Can you please introduce the AU?"
"Of course." Her composure appeared right away.
"It's a Band AU."
"A band AU?" Sarada repeated, tilting her head.
"OOH! That's so cool! I hope I get the lead singer!" Boruto exclaimed.
"Playing bass doesn't sound too bad." Iwabe added.
"Ooh! All of the boys fanboying over me..." ChoCho said dreamily.
"Come on! Let's start!" You exclaimed, doing a fist pump.
🌈*Magical whoosh*🌪
There were three, well known, globally adored bands. Konoha Eleven, New Generation, and Y/n and The Band. Yeah, her narcissism kind of took over at that moment. There was a World Band Championship that the three bands were going to compete in. Let's focus on Y/n and The Band, shall we? So, there were four members. Azula is the backup vocalist, Cerberus is the bass player, Loki is the drummer, and you are the lead vocalist. Of course, the band was on a small break due to... unforeseen circumstances.
"So there I was, regaining consciousness, police all over the place, Y/n's covered in blood with a glock 43 in her hands, a kid's screaming, the neighbor's having a seizure, and I still have half a pie left." Loki told his two band members. Cerberus was wiping down his guitar and Azula was filing her long nails. Suddenly, the door slammed open.
"WHAT'S UP SLUTS, GUESS WHO JUST GOT OUTTA PRISON!?!?!?"
Cerberus and Azula looked at each other.
"Sluts?"
"Prison?"
"Y/n!?"
"YEAAHHHH WHATSUP BITCHES!!" You exclaimed, sliding into the room on your knees.
"Wow... I can't believe they let you out early. Considering you burned down that retirement home." Azula said, resuming back to filing her nails.
"I know right! It feels like forever since you drowned Aimi in the school's bathroom, then trying to massacre an entire orphanage!" Loki exclaimed, running up to you and giving you a hug.
"Aimi was a trick ass hoe bitch and those kids were gonna die anyways. Besides, I got out on good behavior. HAH! Believe that!" You replied, getting up off the floor. Cerberus stared at you for a few seconds.
"You broke out, didn't you?"
"WHO THE FUCK TOLD YOU THAT!?"
"Besides your criminal record..." He interrupted.
"The World Band Championship is coming soon. We're going against the Konoha Eleven and New Generation. We need to pull our weight." He said, standing up from the bean bag chair.
"We should sing something slow, for once. People like that shit." Azula suggested.
"That's some pussy ass shit, Azula." You said.
"We should do some heavy death metal." Cerberus spoke up.
"I say we should go back to 2003 Evanescence goth rock." You chimed in.
"What is wrong with you guys?" Loki asked.
"You guys are so morbid." All three of you turned to look at the fourth member.
"Looking at you is like looking at the sun. So fucking bright that it makes me squint disdainfully at you." Cerberus said, rolling his eyes. Loki deflated at this. There was a sudden knock at the door before it slowly slid open.
"Oh? Looks like I found some small fry." The door fully opened.
"Shizuma." Cerberus said, a scowl etched onto his face.
"Yo, It's been a while. Two years." Shizuma said. Cerberus walked in front of you all.
"What do you want, Shizuma?" He asked, keeping you blocked behind him.
"I just wanted to check up after this time." Shizuma shrugged.
"So nothing important then. Leave." Cerberus ordered, his expression turning dark.
"I have an idea." You whispered into his ear.
"We're not killing him."
"... well then I have nothing."
"I heard you were a part of a band. From the way people were talking about it, I thought it was special. Turns out it's nothing but losers." Shizuma turned around, giving all of you a toothy smile.
"Good luck at the Championship." He began to walk away.
"Y/n, he just called you a loser." Loki said, looking at you.
"Ay, yo homeboy look like shark week, I ain't dealing with that." You replied, turning and sitting on the table.
"So what are we going to do for the Championship?" Loki asked once things have settled down. You smirked.
"I have an idea."
"We're not singing about maiming people, Y/n."
"Not that! I already served my time... shit, the police are here, get down!!"
~
You and the rest of the band were backstage, ready to be called on. The others were going over the lyrics again.
"Uh, Y/n?" Loki called. You looked up at him from the book you were reading.
"What, Loki? You interrupted my Fifty Shades of Grey book binge." You sighed, closing the book.
"A-are you sure these lyrics are... age appropriate?" He asked, his face dyed a crimson red.
"Listen, Loki darling." You began, swiveling around to face him.
"People of all ages tolerate the same things differently. If they can't handle this, they can't handle life."
"HUMP ME, FUCK ME, DADDY BETTER MAKE ME CHOKE. YOU BETTER HUMP ME, FUCK ME, MY TUNNEL LOVES A DEEP THROAT!"
"LICK, LICK, LICK, LICK... I WANNA EAT YO DICK. BUT I CAN'T FUCK UP MY NAILS, SO IMMA PICK IT UP WITH CHOPSTICKS!"
In the end, you came in last, then disqualified, SWAT showed up, a shootout followed, and everything blew up from malfunctions, so, who ended up winning in the end? Not those wannabe bitches, that's for damn sure.
~
O_O
O_O
O_O
"Ruby... chan?" Naruto asked nervously.
"I uh... what... exactly... goes through your head on a daily?" Ruby looked straight at the camera as it zoomed in like she was on The Office.
"Trying not to cry myself to sleep at night knowing I'll never be significant enough to be remembered when I die."
"THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT!!!"
Ja ne!
{Ruby Red}