"I am fine why wouldn't I be?" I ask while twisting my hair with my finger.
"You seem...off" Ryder says over the phone.
"Off? No why would I be?" I ask while staring at my arm which I cut myself with.
He sighs before speaking again.
"How are things you know with your brother and that dickhead" He says making me stop breathing for a second.
"Still haven't heard from them, don't worry I am planning revenge" I say before a smug look appears on my face.
"Just don't do anything stupid okay? I don't want you to be in danger" he says making me smile slightly.
He cares, well for now.
"I have to go, I will talk to you later" I say.
"Fine, I love-" he says before I hang up on him.
No, no he can't say those words to me, not now.
I sigh before running a hand through my hair, I had been sitting in the darkness for two days and I think it's time to get out of my bedroom.
I haven't slept, eaten, showered, looked at myself or gone to work for the past two days, I just can't get over the sadness and anger I feel over Jacob and my father.
I take a deep breath before getting out of my messy bed and walking into the ensuite bathroom.
I look at myself and look away, I look horrible, my hair is a mess, my makeup is everywhere and I smell horrible.
I step into the shower after removing my makeup and doing my usual routine.
I wash my hair and body properly before standing in the shower and thinking about everything for a while before stepping out.
I dry my body and hair before applying my moisturiser and deodorant, I go into my closet and throw on grey sweats with a matching grey hoddie.
I tie my hair half up and hair down before putting on my slippers and then cleaning my room.
Once everything is done I open my door to let some light in, I sigh when Mia has left me a note saying she has gone on a work function for the day.
I read through the note before throwing it out, I go through the fridge before checking the clock.
Since it was around lunch time I make myself pasta before eating it and drinking a lot of water.
I grab an apple before eating it and sitting down on the couch, I grab my phone out before checking all of my missed calls and texts.
20 missed calls from Ryder.
10 missed calls from Mia
5 missed calls from Cindy.
And a bunch of other texts from them.
I call Cindy and let her know I am just feeling sick and I will be back tomorrow, I then text Mia and tell her I am up and feeling a little better before flicking my phone off since I have already spoken to Ryder today.
I huddle on the couch with a blanket while getting lost in my thoughts.
I can't believe Jacob is dead, I can't believe my father got away, I can't believe I didn't kill him before my father could kill Jacob.
This is all my fault, if I didn't leave the hell hole, Jacob and I could've ran away together and killed my father for good.
But no, I went on this spiral ride of love, murder and guilt.
Sometimes I just want to die but I can't let my father win, I have to watch him and make him go through the same pain and suffering as I what I did.
I will not rest until that is done, I will not rest until he is dead, killed by me.
I sit up before thoughts whirled through my mind.
I had to kill my father, but how? How would I catch him?
And then an idea pops in my head and I smirk, this has to work.
I decided to forward through with this plan when Ryder comes back, I will let myself go through the pain of betraying him before taking all of my anger out on my father.
I am no longer going to be scared, I need to brave and also make sure he rots in hell.
I track down my father's location before awaiting for the plan to take place, just a few days and justice will be served once and for all.
***
"Hey Addison, how are you feeling?" Mia asks me before sitting down on the edge of my bed.
"Fine" I shrug before she hugs me.
I hug her back before I pull away and smile at her, she smiles back at me before I hear a voice.
"Mia what are you-?" Dan comes in my room before death glaring me.
I roll my eyes before tapping Mia's arm, she looks away from me and looks at Dan.
"I will be there in a second" Mia says before waving bye to me.
I wave back to her before the door closes.
I try and get some sleep before I hear Mia and Dan leave, I get a message from Ryder.
Hey.
Hey? He has never sent that before, I reply the same before my phone buzzes again.
I am coming back to the office tonight, something happened.
Fuck, maybe it has nothing to do with me?
Someone stole money can you believe that?
And that's when I want to kill myself, when Ryder finds out...he will never want to see me again.
I reply with a simple reply before flicking my phone and crying in my bed.
I have made a lot mistakes in my life, but this one is the worst.
I can't believe I actually took the money and It was all for nothing, Jacob got killed anyway and my father took money for no reason.
I felt guilty for everything, I felt like everything was my fault and it hurt the most because I knew it was all of my fault.
I have never stuffed up more in my whole life, this wrecks everything.
Ryder is going to be pissed, hurt and betrayed, I know he will so I better get the pain over with now.
I grab my phone before taking a deep breath, I have to do this it's one thing less to stress over.
I find Ryder's contact before texting him.
I can't do this anymore, I am breaking up with you.
My eyes water as I send it, once it sends I block his number and throw my phone on the floor.
I hold my legs to my chest before crying and thinking about everything.
I threw away the only love I ever had.
Question of the day:
What do you think of Addison's decision?
What do you think Ryder's reaction will be when he finds out everything?