"You shine in the dead of the night
And I was the first to fall."
Lex
"I can't cook something Mexican with an empty fridge," I exclaimed as I opened the silver box the boys called fridge.
"We mostly order in," Ashton said. "It is easier and we almost never get something dirty."
"You need homemade food," I said inspecting their cabinets next. "You know, the one that is cook with love and not for money."
Calum chuckled. "We can order in, after all, you are the guest." I turned to him and raised an eyebrow. "We can order sushi."
I quickly declined their offer. "No," I said. "Lucas here, already spent tons of money on me, and I can't pay it without sacrificing my college food, the least I can do is cook for you, but you don't have any food."
"Which means, Lucas here is spending more money," Michael suggested as he jumped to sit on the kitchen counter. Ashton smacked him in the back of the head and I chuckled, sitting by his side.
"No, that's not the point. I'll buy it and I'll tell Ramona to give me extra shifts. No biggie, I'll give myself a budget of twenty dollars," I said smiling, trying to pretend I was fine when I was not, but I didn't want them to spend so much money on me. We had just met.
After a long discussion, it was agreed that I was going to cook, or better said, I forced them to accept that I was going to cook because they had no other choice. I changed into my only change of clean clothes and then they gave me the directions to the super market because I was going alone, since they insisted that they were really tired and needed a bath, and I wasn't in any position to argue.
My way to the market was peaceful, just me, myself and I humming All Time Low songs, or better say, humming 'Everything is fine' because it was my summer jam. It was all calm and tranquil until two teenage girls walked up to me.
They asked me if I knew a guy named Luke Hemmings, and it was surely a famous person if they were asking, but the only Luke I knew was not famous, and I realized, I didn't even knew his last name.
"I'm sorry, I don't," I said as I walked off.
"I was sure it was her," I heard one of them say before I was out of ear distance.
The incident got me thinking that whenever I was in public with Luke he was always awkward, and I acted a little nervous from when we were indoors, but it could be social anxiety for all I knew. I decided on asking him later about it, until a larger group of girls came to me to ask me the same thing, I denied it and walked faster to the market. The whole thing was creeping me out.
Third time was outside the super market, a group of about five girls asked the question, and kept insisting I looked like the girl in the picture, but I didn't know of what picture they were talking about. In fact, my Instagram profile was private, so only my friends and acquaintances had access to my pictures.
After the third question, my anxiety had triggered and I had to run inside the store and lock myself in a bathroom. I was working up in dialing Juliet's phone for her to give some telephone therapy, until her name and face appeared across my screen. I didn't pick up. For some reason, seeing her calling me made my will to speak disappear.
I recollected myself with a couple of deep breaths. I probably had a doppelganger and that was why people kept coming up to me, thinking I was her. If I knew a famous person, I was totally sure I would be able to recognize them, I was not an idiot.
With a face free of tears and a controlled breathing, I walked out of the stall and eventually out of the bathroom. I quickly made my way through the super market, collecting the items I needed for my cooking and making sure they were under my twenty dollar budget, which they were.
I paid and jogged back towards the house, not wanting to be stopped again, but thinking about it, it was a funny story to tell the boys.
Ashton opened up the door immediately after I knocked on it. A smile plastered on his face, he pulled me in with a swift move and pushed me towards the kitchen. The boys were laying on the ground, moaning dramatically as they hold on to their stomachs, pretending they were dying of hunger.
"Food, is here. But you need to give me at least two hours, since I'm doing this alone," I said placing the grocery bags on the counter.
They all jumped to their feet and spoke in unison. "I can help."
I nodded, smiling. "Fine."
I instructed them in everything they did to help me. Chopping the mushrooms and the chili, the tomatoes and the basil, and how to cook or not cook all of the ingredients. Well, mostly that was my job. Their job was the cut the bread in slices and heat those slices in the oven.
With their help, that sometimes did not help me, it took us about an hour to have everything ready for dinner. I also made some sangria wine, I didn't bother to buy the alcoholic beverage needed to make it because I noticed the cabinet the boys had. The sangria wine was only for them, I was going to drink the orange juice I had bought.
"It looks good," Luke said, taking a look at the final product laying on the table. He leaned in and hovered about it for a second. "And it smells good."
"Obviously," I acknowledged. "I cooked it."
"We helped," Michael piped it.
"Sure," I said, my voice full of sarcasm. "Now, let's sit down and it. I have a funny story to tell you guys."
The first five minutes were spent in utter silence, since were all too focused on eating because we were starving, but once our stomach noises calmed down, I began telling them the story. I didn't mention the part where I had an anxiety attack in a bathroom stall, I just mentioned that I hid inside a bathroom stall. The boys were laughing, but I felt it was more out of obligation, and I thought that maybe my story wasn't so funny after all.
"I guess, I have to find out who this doppelganger is," I said. "Maybe, I can get her to attend my 8 a.m. classes."
"So, do you know who Luke Hemmings is?" Ashton asked.
"No," I said confused. "The name rings something, but I'm not quite sure. I guess Juliet mentioned it sometimes, but I play deaf when she starts fangirling."
"What is your friend's favorite band?" Calum asked cautiously.
"Five hours of summer, I think," I said scratching my head.
Luke corrected me. "Seconds."
I pointed at him. "Right, you told me at the cab. God, I don't even know how I manage to keep my scholarship."
I stuffed some more mushrooms into my mouth, and chewed as I watched the four boys exchange quick glances, but I gave no importance and I kept eating as the boys talked about school anecdotes. Except Luke. He was quiet. Luke was always quiet, watching and analyzing every single detail, but he was doing that. He was just staring at me. I smiled, but with puffy cheeks because of the food, and I knew I looked like a chipmunk. Luke laughed.
I was to take a sip of my orange juice when Michael finally noticed I wasn't drinking sangria and asked me why, I told him I didn't drink and he reminded me that everyone there had seen me do four tequila shots.
"That was an exception, I needed to forget my bad night. Plus, alcohol is bad for your kidneys," I said.
Ashton was already up and getting a wine cup. He came back and served some sangria in it. "Wine is good for your heart and it helps to reduce stress and anxiety."
Nothing can reduce my anxiety. "I don't know guys," I said but it made so sound so serious and boring. "I feel like you are peer pressuring me." I laughed.
"One cup," Calum said taking the cup from Ashton and handing it to me. "One sip, if you don't like you don't have to listen to us ever again."
With undecidedness I took with both my hands and took the cup to my nose. "It has a strong smell," I pointed out. "But I guess one sip doesn't hurt anybody."
Luke leaned next to me and whispered into my ear. "You really don't have to do. It is kind of stupid." I gave him a weak smile as I repeated that it was okay.
I had always been one who played it safe, most of the time. My riskiest move ever was to apply to Caltech and then moving to California, and let's say that only affected my professional and academic life. I was still so young, twenty-one, and I had never kissed a boy, been on a date or partied all night long; and I really wanted to live a little, my present was always all about my future, but never about living the moment.
I took in a deep breath and I lowered the cup to my lips. The glass was cold, and so was the drink. The red liquid touched my lips but I hadn't taste it yet. I raised the cup and little bit more, and took one, then two sips of the sangria. It was actually really good.
I finally lowered the cup to the table and I crossed my hands in front of me.
"So..?" Michael asked leaning over the table.
"I think I'll drink more of it," I said trying to keep a serious composure.
Luke
After dinner the boys headed up to their rooms claiming they were really tired, but I knew they wanted to give us some alone time so we could hit it off, after all, I had a month to do it before we headed back to tour and she had to head back to college.
I knew she enjoyed spending time outside, so we headed out once again and laid next to each other, but in different chairs. We mostly kept quiet, we just star gazed. The day had gone so fast, with the swimming, the snacking and the chatting. The guys liked her and they kept warning me about no ruining it with my lies, and with lies they meant not telling her who I was.
I wanted to see how it went before telling her who I was. What if she stayed because of my fame? I knew she didn't know who I was because of the way she told us the story about the girls coming up to her, she seemed freaked out for real. I wanted to get her to know me more before telling her anything. I wanted her to know the Luke Hemmings I was when I was not on the public eye.
The night was beautiful. The stars shined so bright and we could hear the waves crashing against the shore like a melody. A small smile was plastered on her face, and she closed her eyes every time she heard a wave crash against the shore. It was almost midnight and I was not tired, not even a little bit.
"I don't think I can get back home," she said, eyes still staring at the sky. "And I don't think I can stop loving this."
"You can spend the night here," I said turning on my side to face her.
She did the same and soon we were staring at each other. "I was kind of hoping you said that. After all, you already spent the night at mine."
"Plus, I don't think the boys will mind," I told her, "if you cook some breakfast for them."
I liked her. I liked her. I liked her. I liked her. I wanted to kiss her but we had just met, so I was hardly controlling myself. I almost had a boner when I saw her in her bikini earlier. I was having a lot of self-control.
She extended her hands towards me and I knew she wanted me to grab it, so I did, and our fingers intertwined like old roots in a vast field. It wasn't like those time she would grab my hand and pull along with her towards some small adventure. It was different, this was just for the feeling of holding each other and sharing a moment of time and space.
"I'm glad I went to the bar," she whispered. "I am glad I got the courage thanks to those tequila shots."
"I'm glad your Oreos caught my eye," I whispered back.
She giggled and her eyes lit up. "Seriously?' It was my Oreos that caught your eye?"
I nodded with embarrassment. At first it wasn't her the one who had caught me, it was her Oreos because I was hungry and I was craving for something sweet, and when I heard the plastic of the cookies my ears perked up and turned towards the sound; first I saw the packaging and then I saw her.
"Glad I bought them, then." She smiled and then squeezed my hand.
"Let me take you out on a date," I pleaded out of nowhere.
Smiling, she shook her head. "I don't want to rush things. I don't want to ruin anything we have right now?"
"What do we have right now?" I asked confused, nervous, intrigued.
"Us."
Soon it was three a.m. We spent the hour talking, still in different chairs, the only contact we had was holding hands and locking eyes. She told me more about her family, the books she loved and the music she lived more, and I did the same. But I loved it when she talked about her classes and the things she learned about the experiences she had working in labs with her friends; her eyes sparked when she explained to me sometimes she had learned and how it change her view of life. And then she talked about poetry, and the spark remained still bright and beautiful.
"Poetry using biologic science metaphors is my favorite thing. It fills me with pleasure. I love writing those."
"Tell me some," I said encouraging her. "Why don't you recite some poetry?"
Her eyes averted away, towards our joined hands, as she laughed nervously. "Because I'm shy."
"You can show me your stretch marks, but you can't recite me some poetry?" I asked her, making her look at me.
"Poetry is something different. It is like showing myself naked before you. Poetry is so deep, that reciting you something would be like showing you every scar and telling you every story behind it. I don't think I can open myself completely to somebody," she said as she stopped looking at me to direct her eyes to the sky. "What about you and your music?"
I guesses she was right, but I was a worldwide musician, and the only pain I showed the world was heartbreak and nothing else, because I couldn't open myself completely to a group of strangers. "I guess I just sing heart break."
Insisting on me to sing something for her, I got up to get my guitar and brought it outside as fast as I could. She was already sitting down, knees to her chest, a smile from eye to eye covering her face. I sat at the end of the beach chair and placed the guitar in the right position. The smile never faded away from her, she was light, pure star light, yet she was burning out and I could see it when the tears threaten to leave her eyes, or when her smile quivered. I didn't want her to go all supernova and I felt like it was my job to save her.
I sang to her one of my favorite songs I had ever written, something not even the boys had ever heard, but she made me feel so comfortable, and that nothing I said or did was wrong, she encouraged me to be myself, and to be the Luke I aspired to be.
I had only played the song completely once, but I knew the chords and lyrics by heart. It was messy, of course, but I felt like it was beautiful. Lex thought so too, because she closed her eyes and hummed the chorus the second time I sang it, messing it up, of course. She also moved swiftly side to side with every chord I played.
When the song was done she spoke.
"That was beautiful, Luke."
I placed the guitar in the chair next to us. "No one had ever heard that song. You are the first person that hears it."
Her mouth made an 'o' shape. "I'm sorry you feel that way," she said with a low voice.
"When you are on the road, it is easy to feel lonely, even when you are with your best friends, and I guess that's because you need to find a home."