Jessica's POV
The last few weeks have been a bit of a roller coaster. When I first got the call that Brian had been injured, I was obviously concerned for his well-being. Since then, my main priority has been making sure he gets better. But underneath that, there was some anger towards the producers for creating something like this and putting Brian in a situation where he would get hurt. And maybe calling Brian's mother went a little too far, but I felt like I needed to protect him. I still had that underlying fear that something else would go wrong, either with Brian or with one of the other guys. The other guys were like brothers to me, and I didn't want any of them to get hurt like Brian did. I knew that it would be very difficult for me to watch this episode.
With everything going on, I was super emotional during this time. I had been constantly worrying about Brian, and trying to protect him. It was only a few months ago that he was forced to retire from the fire department, and I knew that was weighing heavily on him. Now, he felt extremely disappointed in himself by not being able to compete at Nitro Circus. Maybe I was acting overly protective by telling him that he shouldn't go through with the obstacle course, but it was only because I care about him. And I thought that his recent struggles were clouding his judgment.
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Brian and I drove to the Prudential Center together. I would be there to support him, even though he wasn't competing. Despite my protests about this whole event, there was nothing I could do to stop it. So, I just accepted it and hoped that nothing else would go wrong.
When we arrived at the venue, we were greeted by the other Jokers and some of the producers. I saw Simmy briefly but didn't have much of an interaction with him other than a basic hello. I was still angry at him for putting this whole thing together. But I knew that this wasn't the time or place to voice my concerns. I just tried to avoid Simmy, so that I wouldn't get into a confrontation with him.
Bessy was there as well, supporting her husband. I was glad to see her, because she was always such a lovely person to be around. But we hadn't seen each other much since Brian and I started dating, and I was looking forward to talking with her. We both related to each other, because of our significant others. I knew that we could vent to each other because nobody else understood what it was like to be with a Joker.
"How are you feeling, Brian?" Bessy asked him.
"I'm feeling a lot better since I had my nurse to take care of me," Brian smiled at me.
After chatting with the guys for a bit, the producers called the guys away, so they could go over some things before the show started. Brian kissed me goodbye before going off to work.
"You'll be alright?" he asked me.
"I'll be fine. I have Bessy. Go do what you have to do," I told him. It's not like I expected him to be with me the whole time. I knew he had work to do.
"I'll see you later, babe. Love you," he said, leaning in to kiss me on the cheek.
"Love you too," I told him, returning the kiss.
"So, tell me. How's Brian REALLY feeling?" Bessy asked me, once Brian left. I guess even she could tell that Brian was hiding how he felt.
"Ehhh...He's trying to act tough, but I know he's in pain. But it seems like he's gotten a lot better," I told her.
"And what about you? How are YOU feeling?" she asked me.
"Oh me? I'm okay, just a little tired," I told her.
"As your friend, I have to be honest with you. You don't look good. I'm worried about you. You need to take care of yourself too," Bessy told me.
After Bessy mentioned it, I realized that I was feeling a little out of it for the past few weeks. But I simply attributed it to everything that had been going on with Brian. I have been too focused on him to even worry about myself. Brian had been through a lot recently, and I was right there, by his side when he needed me.
"I've just been so focused on Brian lately. But really, I'm fine. There's nothing to worry about," I tried to tell her. But she didn't seem convinced.
"Okay, if you insist. But just know that if you ever need to talk to anyone, I'm here," Bessy promised me.
"Thanks, I really appreciate that," I told her.
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Once the show was about to start, one of the producers brought Bessy and me into a room, where we could watch the whole thing. Neither of us were really looking forward to watching the show, especially the portion with the obstacle course. After what happened to Brian, Bessy was rightfully concerned about her husband's safety. But we sat there watching, in support of our men, hoping that everything would be fine.
When the four guys went out there, they had to explain to the crowd, and the viewers, why Brian wouldn't be competing. They explained how Brian had gotten injured during the practice, and that the doctors wouldn't let him compete. However, they got Joey Fatone to be Brian's substitute, like they had done in a previous challenge. I was glad that Brian would still get an opportunity to make money for his charity, without having to put his own body at risk.
After they explained the situation, they were playing clips of the guys during their practice. I knew it was coming, but I didn't want to watch. I was well aware that an ATV flipped over onto Brian and caused his injury. But I had never seen the video until that moment. There was something about watching it on video that was too disturbing, and it caused such a visceral reaction. I watched the ATV crush his ribs, and I knew how much pain he was in. I got so upset watching it, that I was physically sick. I ran over to a nearby trash can and threw up. I figured it was from all the stress, along with the fact that I was barely eating or sleeping. The video had triggered me. Bessy looked very concerned.
"Are you alright?" Bessy asked me. She came over to me and started rubbing my back.
"I'll be fine. It's probably just the lack of sleep and food," I told her.
She handed me a bottle of water, which I gladly accepted. I took a sip of water, and took a deep breath, trying to regain my composure.
"It's okay, Jess. I know that was hard to watch, but Brian's okay now," Bessy said, trying to comfort me.
"I just hate watching that video," I told her.
"See, Jess, this is what I'm talking about. Clearly, you're not okay. You need to start taking care of yourself," Bessy insisted.
"I know, you're right. I will," I promised her.
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After they played the challenges, like a regular episode, it was time for the guys to start the obstacle course. Joe went first, dressed in his Captain Fatbelly costume. He quickly ran out of breath, but the other guys were still cheering him on. Although this was supposed to be a competition, all the guys were rooting for each other, mainly because this was all for charity. Joe was competing for Daniel's Music Foundation, a charity he and Bessy have proudly supported for years. Joe ran into an issue when his motorcycle wouldn't start. This wasted valuable time, so Joe gave up and ran for that portion.
"We need to take time off," we heard Brian say, repeatedly.
"It's not his fault the thing didn't start," Bessy said.
"You're right, it's not fair," I agreed. But I wasn't really surprised, it seemed as though this entire episode wasn't fair. Maybe it was cursed.
Then we watched Joe get towards the end of the course. One of the last obstacles was to run through one of three doors. But only one door was open, so if the Joker picked incorrectly, they'd basically be running into a wall. Unfortunately, Joe's first two choices were incorrect, so he slammed into two walls. When he slammed into the second wall, he didn't get up immediately.
"Time out," we heard Joe say, as he laid on the ground.
"He wouldn't stop unless he was really hurt," Bessy said, looking concerned for her husband's well-being.
They stopped the clock, tending to Joe while the show went to commercial. When the show came back on the air, Joe had gotten up, and he wanted to finish the rest of the course. But he was sweating profusely and still looked disoriented. We worried that running into two walls could've given him a concussion.
"Is he okay?" we kept asking, but nobody would give us a full answer.
Unfortunately, due to the motorcycle not starting, and Joe needing to take a break, they had to disqualify him. I found this completely unfair because it meant that Joe had just gone through all that for nothing. I didn't think it was fair that Joe was being penalized for things that were out of his control. But I was too drained to even argue about Nitro Circus anymore. I was so done with the whole thing. I just wanted it to be over.
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Joey Fatone ran the obstacle course, and did pretty well, considering he didn't have as much practice as the other guys. Although Brian wasn't supposed to compete, he ran alongside Joey the entire time. Brian was trying to act strong, but it was easy to tell that he was hurting. He was clutching his side as he ran up and down the course. It was so painful to watch, I had to look away.
"I hate this fucking show," I told Bessy, out of frustration.
"I know, me too. But it's almost over," she assured me.
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The fans voted on who they wanted to see get punished, and they chose Sal. The punishment was that he had to go up in a harness and fly high above the crowd. This was terrifying for Sal since he's afraid of heights. To be honest, I suspected that the "voting" part of this punishment was probably rigged. They had this punishment already prepared, but it wouldn't have really worked if any of the other Jokers were "voted" as the loser. Joe and Brian weren't afraid of heights and Murr had already gotten punished earlier from losing the episode.
We watched as the producers attached a terrified Sal to a harness in preparation for this punishment. Bessy and I found it alarming that they sent Sal up there without a helmet. Was nobody else concerned about the guys' safety? You would think TruTV would be more cautious about protecting the stars of their most successful show.
"Is this even safe? Shouldn't they at least give him a helmet?" Bessy asked.
"Don't worry, he'll be fine. The harness is safe," one of the producers told us.
"Oh sure, I bet that's what they told Owen Hart," I said sarcastically.
"Who's that?" Bessy asked.
"Owen was this wrestler in the 90s. He was making this grand entrance and his harness released too early. He crashed into the ring and he died," I explained to Bessy, who was unfamiliar with wrestling.
Although Bessy had never heard of Owen Hart, I know Sal has. I wondered if that was going through his head as he went up on the harness, looking absolutely terrified. I didn't actually think Sal would die. I wasn't that dramatic. But I did think that they could've taken more preventative measures to make sure that Sal didn't get hurt. I thought that they should've at least given him a helmet to prevent him from possibly breaking his neck, or getting a concussion.
Sal was clearly petrified when he was brought into the air. He was screaming, cursing, and genuinely looked like he was about to cry. I guess this kind of fear is supposed to be entertaining, but I personally didn't find it funny. I was too concerned about Sal's safety to be laughing at the situation. Sal looked relieved when he was brought back down to the ground. But then Brian had to break the news to Sal that he was going up a second time. Sal had a look of panic, and Brian's attempts at comforting him weren't helping. Sal went back up again, but this time we couldn't hear him because the producers had cut his mic. They were trying to avoid having to pay more fines for Sal's cursing. But the second time Sal went up, they decided to slam him into a giant "cake" since his birthday was in just a few days. When he got slammed into the "birthday cake" it looked like his neck had snapped back, and he really could've hurt himself.
"For fuck's sake," I muttered. Was it the goal of the network to get every Joker hurt at this show? What a disaster...I I I
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If it wasn't bad enough watching Brian get hurt, we had to sit through Joe getting a concussion, and Sal getting whiplash from being slammed into his "birthday cake." Luckily, Murray managed to get out of this thing relatively unscathed. He completed the obstacle course in the fastest time, winning $100,000 for his charity, Make A Wish Foundation.
By the end of this whole thing, I was convinced that it was the worst thing the guys have ever produced, either together or individually. I would rather watch Murray's movie Damned than be forced to sit through Nitro Circus again.
"Was it really that bad?" Brian asked me on the way home.
"Let's just say, I'm glad it's over," I told him.
"Me too. I just want to go home with you," he said, as he smiled back at me.
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The morning after Nitro Circus, I woke up tightly held in Brian's arms. As much as I loved being comfort by his tight grip, I was able to break free without disturbing his sleep. I wanted to surprise him with breakfast, knowing that he had been through a lot in the past few days. He came out of his room and into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and looking slightly groggy.
"I'm sorry, babe. Did I wake you?" I asked him.
"No, that's okay. I smelled bacon," he smiled.
"I would've brought you breakfast in bed," I told him.
"You're the best," he said, giving me a gentle, loving kiss on the cheek.
"How are you feeling?" I asked.
"I think I'm all healed up now, thanks to you," Brian told me.
"Then I guess you don't need me to be your nurse anymore," I joked with him.
"I always need you, Jess. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to be feeling better. But I loved having you here all the time," Brian told me. He came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, and pulling me close.
"Well, I'm glad you're feeling better. But I had to go home sometime, right?" I said.
"You don't HAVE to..." He suggested.
"What do you mean, Brian?"
"Move in with me," he stated, without hesitation.
"Really? Are you sure about that?" I asked him.
Hearing this after about three months of dating came was initially a shock, coming from Brian Quinn, the man who hated commitment. But then again, I shouldn't have been completely surprised, considering that we were already discussing marriage and kids. But I still wanted him to be happy. I wanted this relationship to move at a pace that we were both comfortable with. I knew that he had commitment issues, based on his past, so I never wanted to push him into anything. And I didn't want him to agree to things because he thought it would make me happy. I felt like I had already been enough of a pushy girlfriend lately.
"I love being around you, and I hate when I'm on tour away from you. I just want to be around you as much as possible," he told me.
"But you always used to tell me how you loved having time to yourself," I reminded him. I just wanted to make sure this is what he really wanted. He liked having his time podcasting, or playing video games by himself. And I didn't mind that. I accepted that sometimes he just wanted to be alone. We didn't need to be together 24/7. It was okay with me that we had our separate space sometimes.
"I used to say that. I used to think that I could never be with the same woman all my life. I used to wonder why anyone would agree to be with one person for the rest of their life. But now I wonder how I can ever wake up next to anyone else but you," he said, pouring his heart out to me. I was so touched that he expressed his feelings this way. He made me feel so loved and appreciated.
"I hate waking up without you. I want to wake up every morning wrapped in your arms. I can't imagine being with anyone else but you," I told him. I felt the same way.
"So... Is that a yes?" he asked, hesitantly.
"Yes, of course, Brian. I would love to move in with you," I told him.
I jumped into his arms, giving him a big hug and kiss. He looked so happy. And that's all I ever wanted, was to make him happy. Just like that, we made another major step forward in our relationship. Everything seemed to be moving so quickly once we started dating. Brian and I had gone from being friends for almost five years, to living together and talking about marriage after only 3 months of dating. Even though I spent a lot of time at Brian's house, moving in together still felt like a huge step in our relationship.
But despite being around each other so much, there was still something he didn't know. And it was something I wouldn't be able to keep from him for much longer.
A/N: Sorry for another delay with this chapter! I had a lot going on recently, and I was also sick for a few days. But I should be back on track now. Thanks to everyone who's read and commented so far! I really appreciate all the feedback.